The Loudinator

I imagine a loudinator would look like this.

I need one.

To all of my Facebook family and friends (and their friends and their friends) who dislike Obama and anything to do with his presidency...

I like you...

BUT,

The sheer amount of hateful - fearmongering - homophobic - closet racist - tea bagger-loving - gun toting  - closed-minded - staunch conservative - liberal-hating - BS that has permeated my Facebook feed lately has left me in, well... a 'bit' of a mood.  Your hate is evil.  Mulitply that by the same mindset as half of the nation and now you have your answer as to why this country can't seem to right itself.

You hate Obama.  I get that.  But can you people understand that he IS the president of the United States and that that title MEANS something?  Your utter lack of respect for the office and for the court just leaves me (almost) speechless.  The contempt with which the conservatives of this nation regard this president (and his party) is without precedent.  Unbelievable.

I like Obama.  A lot.  I think he has great ideas, for the most part.  I don't agree with the way he would like to address our nation's educational woes (Universal Preschool and the acheivement gap), but the way he holds all of the people in our nation in such high esteem is a lesson to everyone else.

Spend a few minutes thinking back to the way the right-wing conservatives have mistreated those who are unlike them: the immigrants (legal/unlegal), homosexuals, women who exercise their right to choose, people of color, the community organizers of the world and those who's religious views are more moderate or diverse.

Think of the hate that has spewed forth from such unworthy individuals as Rush Limbaugh, Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum and the entire FOX news network.  Just listen to them for five minutes and you would think that an outright war was going on - with target practice graphics and all.  Shame on them, and shame on you for giving them an audience and repeating their hateful rhetoric.

I just want to stand on a mountain top, with my loudinator, and scream to the world:

DAMMIT PEOPLE!  GIVE OBAMA A FIGHTING CHANCE TO LEAD THIS NATION FOR ONCE!  HE (WE ALL!) COULD HAVE ACHEIVED SOME REALLY GREAT THINGS THESE PAST FOUR YEARS BUT ALL YOU (THE CONSERVATIVES OF THE NATION) COULD DO WAS SNUFF OUT EACH AND EVERY SPARK OF HOPE FOR CHANGE WITH YOUR ANGRY RHETORIC AND REFUSAL TO COMPROMISE.  THAT WAS YOUR ONLY CONTRIBUTION TO THIS GREAT NATION.  YOU DESPISE THE PRESIDENT SO MUCH THAT INSTEAD OF ACTING ON BEHALF OF THE NATION'S CITIZENS TO STEER OUR COUNTRY TOWARDS BETTER ECONOMIC AND WORLD POLICY, YOU JUST CONCENTRATED ON DEBILITATING THE GOVERNMENT EVEN FURTHER.

OUR NATION'S PLIGHT IS ALL YOUR F^*#ING FAULT!

I think I have had all of the Obama-bashing I can take.  I am sure there are conservatives out there who think I am just as guilty of conservative-bashing.  I am a moderate.  I share some policy views from both sides of the aisle. I will point out wrong when I see it.  Fast and Furious was wrong and I am disappointed that the president evoked privledge over it.  That is not transparency to me.  See?  I don't think the president and his cabinet are infallible.  But I do think he deserves a chance to actually lead this nation as we elected him to do.  I know that the individuals who really need to read this won't, or they are unfriending me as fast as they can.  On the upside, my Facebook feed will be a much more enjoyable experience.  On the downside chance meetings at the park and Christmas dinner might be uncomfortable.

This is going to be a long election season.

One last bit - kudos to Chris (you know who you are) Your pizza comment made my day.  I honestly don't know which way you lean politically- and its your amibiguity that makes me smile.

Pop!

That was my head exploding in the heat yesterday.

"The 'Stuff' in the Stuffing" Therapy Session 3: Filters and the Art of Listening

Filters

Do you have someone in your life where, no matter how you phrase it or explain it, they will always hear 'B', when you've said 'A'?  Perhaps you have a filter too?  A friend might be mentioning how she bought a new sundress because she lost a few pounds, but all you hear is, "You could have a new sundress too, if you would lose some weight!".   Your mom comes over to visit and says, "Wow, the kids have sure been having fun around here!", and all you hear is, "When are you going to clean this place up?".

Filters can be so frustrating because they totally skew the message you want to convey.  It is even more difficult when the conversation is not in person.  It is difficult to clarify your point, and you are not sure what filters you are up against.

I know I have a lot of filters...

1. Weight

2. The house is a mess

3. I am always late and forgetting something

4. I feel frumpy

5. I am a SAHM and do not earn a paycheck

That last one is especially painful.  My husband will occasionally make a remark about something to do with bringing home a paycheck - and is totally innocent in doing so - and all I will hear is that I don't contribute.  That is me feeding a negative message to myself - because of the non wage-earner status I have placed on myself.

Art of Listening

A few months ago the leadership disagreement led me to request a mediation meeting with the council.  Two women from the council sat down with us and allowed us to discuss one side and then the other - all within the respectful guidelines of a productive meeting.  Sounds good in theory, but I came away from that meeting thinking, "Why do I feel like nobody is really listening?".   All these months later, I still feel that way.  So what makes for good listening?

I don't equate good listening with getting my way.  This isn't about winning/losing an argument.  The act of letting each side be heard is only the beginning.  Being allowed to present evidence, clarify feelings, and motives should promote better understanding between the two sides.  Unless, in fact, there are insurmountable filters involved.  It helps to have your point repeated back to you, and vice versa - and above all - EMPATHY.  An empathetic listener can sooth ruffled feathers like nobody's business.

I use the technique all of the time with my kids.  "I know you want your brother's train - it's a lot of fun, isn't it?  But your brother is using it - how about the green train instead?"  I owe my thanks to Dr. Laura Markham over at Aha! Parenting for teaching me this skill.  I wish I could remember that it would work just as well on an adult.  Adults are faced with harsh disagreements all the time, and would probably LOVE to feel like someone actually listened to their problems and empathized with them once in awhile.  What a different place this world would be!

Cooking up a mental vacation...

http://www.5dollardinners.com/

For years I have been stressing over the menu planning/grocery shopping issue and struggling each and every week to come up with something.  The result is a late Sunday-night shopping trip to get us through just a couple of days, followed by rather expensive eating out the rest of the time.  It has become a vicious/expensive cycle.  We need to keep to our grocery budget - and reduce it if we can.

Today I came across the $5 Dinners website, and it is like the heavens opened up and the angels sang...  Not only does this awesome lady post recipe after frugal recipe, she creates a weekly menu AND has a handy-dandy shopping list creator - for each and every menu.  Just click the items you actually need and print.  The archive goes back for ages, and it is all for free.

I am taking a well-deserved break from the menu-planning department!  And go figure, I found the site through a recipe link from a 'Camping with Kids' Pinterest Board, linked from the Handbook of Nature Study site.  Some days I really love where a rabbit hole leads to... 

"The 'Stuff' in the Stuffing" Therapy Session 2: The Victim Mentality and Control

The stuffing's coming out...

 

There are people in this world that will always hold on to a victim's mentality as a way to explain away their failures, or to gain sympathy in a play for greater control.  'Victims' are quick to blame others when things go wrong.  I confess that I have difficulty getting along with the 'victims' in this world.  I am very much of the mindset that you don't let life 'happen' to you, and you don't wait around for others to fix it for you.  If you do, then your unhappiness is your own fault.  It only takes a few minutes of conversation for me to figure out if I am dealing with a victim, and then I spend the rest of the time trying to figure out how to distance myself.

Control is an elusive thing for those that think that life is unfair, because they so often let others call the shots in the first place.  But if given the opportunity to be in charge in some small degree, it is especially important to predefine with that type of person where the control lies and define roles.  In my case the problems arose immediately and then from there it was a constant tug of war.  I never agreed that my control was up for the taking in the first place, but as the rope was yanked and pulled harder and harder, I let go because the stress was too much and it was clearly not worth it.  In letting go, I think I also made it clear that the control issue does not lie with me. I have spent hours over the past year wondering whether or not I am indeed the one with the problem. I care deeply about the trust that had been implied when I took a leadership position. With that trust came the promise that I would keep things safe, organized, fun and educational for the girls and communicate effectively with the parents. When I saw a breakdown of that trust because of the actions of another, I stepped in and did my best to rectify the situation. Is that controlling? Even when it was my job in the first place?

Shared leadership among women can be so contentious, yet it can also be very supportive and affirming.  I've been a part of many teams over the years, and the ones that get the nod are those that take the pains to line out the role of each member and stick with the plan - with no one individual demanding more or doing less that the rest.

If I am to take anything away from this, it is that it is imperative to know who you are working worth.  Really know them.  And to never take organization and planning for granted - it is best to be clear from the beginning who does what - and to write it down.

"The 'Stuff' in the Stuffing" Therapy Session 1: Introduction

All this week I am going to write a series of posts that are centered around all of the tough emotional things that I have been stuffing down over the past year.  I've been stuffing because there really was no way to release it - and I'll explain why.  And why here, on my blog?  I've found that writing is the best form of therapy for me.  I also know that some of the best ideas on handling interpersonal relationships has come from other blogs - reading about how other moms handled issues with their kids, husbands, family members and other moms.  So, I thought I would bring my troubles to the table and that hopefully someone out there understands what I have been through and what I am struggling with.

I would have said a lot of this a long time ago, if it weren't for the fact that the individual who was the primary catalyst for all of this strife makes it a point to read my blog every day - sometimes to the point where it feels like she is stalking me.  Comments are sometimes submitted just minutes after I post.  She has also cut and pasted some of my work on to her blog - right down to the formatting.  (Didn't think I would notice?  Basic blog etiquette - don't copy unless you have permission and link back to the source.  Also, I included an extra daybook question of my own in that list that Simple Woman doesn't have.  That same question is on your list...) 

I have curtailed my thoughts and censored my feelings because I had no other choice - I still had to maintain a civil working relationship with her.  The end of our active season of scouting came with the last day of camp this past Friday, and I could finally stop having to pretend that I could tolerate this horribly dysfunctional situation.  I got home and there was the email from her - chock full of each and every element of my frustration over this past year.  I felt the seams rip.  My stuffing was coming out sideways!  I am done.  Finito.

I will now have my say.

Girl Scout Day Camp: Day 5

I had intended to write about our last day at camp this past Friday evening, but I was unbelievably worn out - I felt like I had just completed the longest race of my life.  And then I made the mistake of opening my email first, before writing, and read a nasty-tempered girl scout-related email. I felt it was unsafe to even entertain the thought of writing a blog post at that point- I might loose all self-control and well.. it wouldn't be pretty.  And that just about sums up what this first year of scouts has been like for me in the first place:  an entire year of stuffing it down.

Our last day was hot, dry and very windy.  We took down our pop-up shade covers, cleaned up our site and madly tried to finish up the projects that we had planned to do with the kids.  I sent Jordan to the daily opening ceremony to take pictures.

Rylan and her unit got to model some vintage Brownie uniforms at the opening.

And then I took the rest...

We had some fun with shaving cream.  Owen loved, loved, loved playing in it.  For those teachers out there, this is an excellent way to clean desks at the end of the year.  It cleans off the pencil grime, and it smells nice!

I figured Colin would be totally into it, but this is as far as he got.  He is a funny kid - he doesn't like having messy hands.  His face and clothing however, are a completely different matter.

We hid plastic gold coins in the shaving cream.  When each kid found one, they turned it in for a prize.  The coins were so huge, there was no real challenge here...

These three went a little crazy with the cream...

Then I sent Owen (covered in cream) to chase down his older brother and hug him.  That's Jordan running away in the blue...

Later I heard a lot of yelling and whooping - turned around and Jordan had caught his first-ever fish!

We broke a pinata.  This one is an owl, made out of a paper bag and covered with strips of tissue paper, notched with scissors to resemble feathers.  The top is stapled and reinforced with duct tape.  It lasted through one round..

Near the end of the day, the entire camp gathered to do SWAPS, songs and skits.  This cupcake SWAP was Rylan's favorite.

Oh look!  It 's the crazy patch lady!!!  And look at that - she's already attached the birthday cake patch for Summer Day Camp!  (I wish you could see the back of the bag.  It's a work of art...)

This is the 100th year of Girl Scouts - so the theme for this year's camp was "Birthday Party".

The end of the day... happy to be here, but happy to be done.

I have to say that the day camp was one very well organized entity.  We were want for nothing.  I was immediately reimbursed for the items that I purchased for our mini-campers.  They provided cold drinks for the adult volunteers, and there was always someone stopping by to see if we needed anything.  The oldest scouts: the PA's, were mostly awesome.  A couple just dragged around and did nothing while they were doing their shift at the mini camp, but otherwise the girls were fun and played with the kids.  I knew we were not the only ones suffering in the heat... several of those poor girls had soccer games and the like after a long, hot day at camp.  They had my utmost sympathy.  It was all I could do to drag myself and the kids home, shower them off and put them to bed.  It took a tremendous amount of brain effort to remember to unpack the cooler and load more water bottles in the freezer for the next day.  I only forgot once...

We were one of the last of the campers to leave, since we had to wait for everyone else to pick up their kids and the play equipment that they donated for the week.  Our camp was situated alongside a dirt road, and the dust was horrendous as each exiting car passed by- typically at a high rate of speed - which is inexcusable to me when the drivers could plainly see that there were small children playing not twenty feet from the road.  And then there were the arrive-late-leave-earlies.  I have never felt comfortable being one of the first to leave - I am typically the last, as I make the rounds to see if anyone else needs help.  I am thankful that there were at least a few others like that - stopping by to see if we or anybody else needed help.  We need more people like that in this world!!

We have a few mementos from camp.  Rylan has a bag full of SWAPS to pin to her Daisy vest, and several pictures that one of her Unit leaders (the Blue Belles) posted to Shutterfly - (almost 500!)  Rylan swears she caught a fish, but there is no picture of it, which makes me sad.  That was one of the hard things about camp - I only caught a glimpse of her every-so-often as she came and went with her unit. So I selected about 15 pictures or so and ordered prints.  I'll make her a photo album that she can have to remember camp and all of the new friends she made.  Owen and Colin have albums of their own, made by one of the other mini camp leaders.  Each photo is glued to cardstock and then she wrote a caption on it.  Each photo was placed in a Ziploc sandwich bag, along with a sprinkle of confetti and then closed.  All of the bags were then put in a stack, stapled along the seal strip, and then duct tape was used for the binding.  Such a neat project idea!

Colin also came home with a rather unexpected memento: Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease.

I've spent the last 24 hours freaking out that he had the chicken pox.  Which would be just the type of irony in my life that would push me over the edge at this particular moment.  Alas, it was not.  Thank goodness.  Just a viral rash that will go away in about 7 days.  Totally contagious, yet totally harmless.  This is one of those things that can spread through a daycare in a single day.  So, the only possible way he got it is that one of the other mini-campers brought it, and he caught it.  He seemed to be attracted to anything remotely like juice, so if a half-finished, unattended Capri sun could be found, Colin was drinking it before you could even vocalize the word 'No!".

So camp is over, and, just like childbirth, I'll forget how truly stressful it all was and gladly volunteer to do it all over again next year.

Girl Scout Day Camp: Day Four

Almost there...  I am enjoying camp, but I still have to say that the grueling schedule is killing me.  Not the schedule at camp itself (our little group of 2-5 yr olds don't really have a schedule), but the prep and the clean up.  I am up at 5:30, and I still arrive 20 min. later than I should.  I have to water the garden, fill up about 10 water jugs plus the the 5 gallon water cooler (water for the wading pools), make lunches, pack backpacks, make sure all four kids have changes of clothes, waterbottles, hats, water shoes, lunches, snacks, and so on and so forth.  Forget trying to pack some of it the night before.  I am not coherent at this point (it's 11:18 pm), so I don't want to try and pack up a backpack.  I'm liable to forget something.  (btw - how's my grammar and spelling?  I'm barely able to proofread any of these posts.  I hope they make sense.  Am I rambling?)

We get to camp at 8:30 (I'm really supposed to be there just after 8), and then leave at 3:45ish.  The actual camp runs from 9-3 each day.  We have to wait around until the last child is picked up (all of the kids are camp volunteers' kids), and then we can go.  It is an all-out fight to keep Colin awake on the ride home.  Poor kid, he is accustomed to napping from 1-4 pm.  By 3:45, after a long, hot day of play in the sun, he is delirious.  We are all so filthy that we shower off the second we get home (Colin, Owen and I get priority) and then I get the boys to bed.  They nap until they get up - 8 - 8:30.  Rylan attempts to stay awake, but she invariably falls asleep in weird positions on the couch.  I nap too.  When we do get up, we are tired, irritable, and hungry.  We are literally dragging at this point.  The kids fall back asleep at 10:30pm, and I fight to stay awake that last hour - shuffling the camp clothes into the dryer, placing waterbottles in the freezer, and making sure I've got lunch stuff semi-ready.  That is about all I can handle.  And then of course do a blog update.  Which is what I am supposed to be doing right now.

Owen is so happy to have his big brother Jordan back from OKC.  Jordan canoed in the morning, and then fished the rest of the day.  He came very close to catching a very large bass.  I was with him and we both saw the fish.  He casted and the fish ate the bait in just a few seconds' time.  Then he promptly broke the fishing line.  Smart fish.  No wonder he is so big - he's been evading capture for years!

The only glimpse of Rylan I had all day...

Last day... I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I am so tired, I am so tired, I am so tired...

To 'Butch' & 'Tina'...

Orin & Betty, 1939

Happy 70th Anniversary Grandma & Grandpa

I miss you both so much

"The best parts of marriage have been companionship and raising our children.  We worked together to fulfill our dreams of home, work, church and country.  I say country because after all, Orin gave four years of his life to Uncle Sam.  The worst part was in the beginning, when it seemed we never had enough money to meet our expenses.  Thankfully, we never suffered from hunger and were never homeless.  We had fifty-five years together, and we were happy"

- Betty Finn

Girl Scout Day Camp: Day Three

I left my house grumbling again this morning - camp starts at 9 a.m., and when I went out at 8 a.m. to load up the car, the smoke was so bad I could barely breathe.  Which means it must feel ten times worse for Owen, our asthma child.  Even though camp was on a delay schedule on Monday, a day that wasn't too bad, both Tuesday and today the air was so thick with smoke from the fire that visibility was at a quarter of a mile.  We had no business being outside today... and I feel like I have no choice in the matter - my child should stay home, but since I am a volunteer I am expected to be there.  Where is the common sense?

Here we are, just after 10 a.m., working on a craft project....

See how hazy it is?  What the hell are we breathing?  And we're basing this decision on a 'sniff' test?  I just have to rant a little about this... I understand the pressure to continue on with camp, BUT, I seriously question the priorities here..

Oh well, on with the day.  The high today was about 94F.  It was hot and miserable, with a breeze every once in awhile.  Rylan had a busy day - canoeing, swimming, a cookout and smores.  And a lot of singing and skit practice.

Rylan is the far background, second girl to the left of the lady in pink.

Ten seconds ago she was doing a little dance/skit/thing... I couldn't walk over fast enough!

Our little kids were wading in the water today and playing with mud.  And making swaps with messy glitter and glue.  Fun stuff.  Later we kept filling the wading pools to keep them cooled off.

At the end of the day I had to pour a gallon of water on each kid to rinse them off before they could get in the car.  We were off to the airport to pick up Jordan - he will join us tomorrow.  On the way to the airport I caught a couple pictures of the fire.  It is directly west of us about four miles (as the crow flies).  A little too close for comfort.  I am longing for the day that I can throw the windows open again - and not smell like a campfire.  But, in retrospect, at least we still have a home.  Over 130 and counting no longer have a home... and the fire just continues to grow.  All afternoon I watched as the south-western edge just continue to flare up.  We are waiting with baited breath about the northern edge of the fire - it is dangerously close to Jordan's boy scout camp, and to Glacier View Meadows and Red Feather - some of the prettiest country in the world.  I will die of heartbreak if the fire rampages in that direction.



Girl Scout Day Camp: Day 2

Despite the many, many years I spent as a nanny, and the time I spent as a lead teacher at a day care, and then the four years I spent teaching in the public school classroom, I've come to the unfortunate conclusion that I just don't like the awesome responsibility of taking care of other people's children.  I never felt this way before I had kids - back then I felt like I could take on anything.  But ever since I became a mother and understood what the full scope of taking care of child 24/7 is truly like, I just don't like the pressure that is put upon my shoulders.  I have an incredible amount of reluctance in allowing anyone other than family watch my kids - and even then it is only for a short time.  The exception is my friend Norma, who is like a second mom to my kids - and I trust her implicitly.  So, I (feeding off of my own perceptions) feel like other parents are just as reluctant to leave their kids as I am.

I love the area that this camp is in, but the spot where our little minicamp is situated is just multiple accidents waiting to happen.  We are sandwiched between water (a murky pond) and the main entry/exit road.  I am mentally fried from counting eleven heads all day, making sure that no child ambled onto the road, or into the water.  They are all sweet, sweet kids.... I am just...fried.

Our group, plus some older scout helpers

On a walk around the ponds...

Colin found a rock...

Touching a fish that one of the older boys caught...

On our way to lunch, I caught sight of Rylan and her unit playing a parachute game.

Our turn for a hot dog lunch at the main pavillion.

View from the main pavillion.

It was a nice day today, but the air quality was terrible.  Tomorrow it is supposed to hit 92F.  Uugh.

Girl Scout Day Camp Day One

I am beyond exhausted, so I'll keep this short.  Today was the kick-off for hell week around here.  The kids and I head out every day - all day for Girl Scout camp.  Rylan spends the day with her 'unit', and I stay with the two younger ones at the 'mini-camp' - the place for all of the younger boys and girls of full-time camp volunteers.  When Jordan flies home on Wednesday, he will join us for the last two days - spending his time with the older boys - fishing and so forth.

Today was most likely the nicest day of the week - the temp only got up to about 76F.  For the next four days it will get progressively hotter - high 80's, low 90's.  This camp is a very nice recreation area, but in the particular spot where we are situated at there are very few trees.  It will be a test of endurance to see this thing through.  We also had a late start to the day because of the air-quality from the the smoke from the High Park fire, 15 miles away.  The winds had shifted last night and the area filled with smoke.  The winds shifted away and the air was 'relatively' clear by mid-morning, when the camp opened up.

So - just a few pics from the day....

We are ready to go on a short walk around the ponds with the Master Naturalists who have come out for the afternoon to guide each group.  The older boys camp is situated right next to ours - that's them fishing along the bank of the pond.

Look closely and you will see that Colin is checking out a dragonfly hanging on a stem of grass.

The Master Naturalist is having the kids feel a cattail.

Milkweed in bloom.

Another dragonfly!

One of the things I love about our city is our Master Naturalist program.  These knowledgeable volunteers will guide you on a variety of excursions to check out plants, wildlife, insects and more.  All for free.

Our view of the High Park fire as it advanced down the ridge towards the north inlet of Horsetooth Reservoir.  I cannot express how sad this whole event makes me.  This advance pictured here is in the neighborhood of where a fellow homeschooling family lives.   So sad to see one of my most favorite places on Earth go up in flames.  This is also the reason I am so tired - it is hard to tear away from the news coverage and Facebook updates about the fire.