Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... It is a gray, drizzly kind of day, and I love it.  We haven't had many of these this spring, so I am more than happy to curl up with a hot cup of coffee and a book.  Call me crazy, but we didn't get nearly enough snowy days this winter.

I am thinking... Oh my goodness.  If I had a penny for every deep thought that I've had over the past couple of months I would be a rich woman.  I didn't express those thoughts here, though, because they were more fragmented than ever, and they came and went like the tide.  I've been experimenting with finding the right dose of Prozac that could keep me functional, not TOO 'flat', yet safely on this side of the depression abyss, and other additional measures as well .  I think I've found the right Rx (for me): 30 mg/day of Prozac, B-12, 2-3 daily walks, plenty of sunshine, very little social media (Facebook *maybe* once a week) and very little exposure to the news (akin to living under a rock).  The Prozac was hard to figure out, initially, but I knew I was on the right track when the panic attacks stopped, the racing heart stopped and I could successfully fend off a downward spiral when exposed to something negative.  Anything used to trigger it: a potentially negative personal comment, a sad news story, a bill, an email that required action from me, a Facebook post of friends having fun with other friends (a huge cue for immediate "exclusion" feelings and subsequent pity-party).  I've found that (for the most-part) I have this almost tangible sensation of potential triggers just rolling off my back now, but I still do everything I can to limit my exposure to them in the first place.

As for the functional bit, I'm 'here' and mostly present, but I am still struggling with a very potent don't-give-a-shit attitude.  Kid's behind in their lessons?  so what?  Dirty dishes, dirty laundry, dirty house?  Yep.  And?  Unopened mail...about two month's worth.  And your point is??  If there is any drawback to the meds, it's this.  I just. don't. give. a. rat's. ass..  I'll get it done.  When I get it done.  Don't make me work on your imaginary deadline.

Depression is a nasty business.  What am I so depressed about?  That is a hard question to answer when I have to really struggle to think about when was it that I last felt really good about how my life was going.  I think that the last time I felt the most 'together' and happy was the time period while I was getting my college degree in 2000-2003.  My personal life wasn't all roses as I struggled with huge surges of good and bad feelings as my then live-in boyfriend of 8 years had yet to propose to me, but my school life was awesome.  It is hard to put into words, but the 'feeling' of it coincides with a popular concept: flow.  When you engage in your work, when you live it, breathe it, don't notice the time pass, forget to eat and your brain is constantly churning with ideas, you are in flow.  I was in flow the entire time I was in school.  My classes, my writing, my projects, my lessons.  All flow.  It was the most incredible experience.  I graduated magna cum laude, and yes, I worked very hard to earn that, but it didn't feel like work, you know?  And then it ended.  The flow ended.  My boyfriend proposed (under duress), we graduated, we got jobs, we moved and bought a bigger house, we got married in April 2004 and he left me three weeks later, then I found out he had been having an affair for the entire year prior, my teaching job was good but the principle was horrible....  The flow was gone, my self-esteem was completely shot, and it all went to hell.

BUT, the last ten years have been very, very good to me.  I met Dean in 2005, we got married five months later and became an instant family with his son Jordan, then had three more kids of our own.  We are happy - very happy.  Our relationship has always been healthy and loving and the kids are smart, funny, silly and obnoxious.  I get the immense joy of staying home and homeschooling.  I mean that - it brings me immense joy.  At first I had to work through feelings of loss and inequality when I lost my job and became a non-wage earner for the first time ever, but Dean has been unbelievably supportive.  I've grown into my role and I relish it.

Despite how good these years have been, I've never found my emotional footing again...and I'm still not there yet. I think that is where the depression comes from.  I mean, how could it not?  Picture ten years ago - and I am absolutely emotionally crushed.  I don't know what I did wrong the first time around with marriage, and then I am extremely lucky to find Dean and fall in love again.  And I am afraid, every day, of screwing up and losing it all over again.  The fear is always there.  And then I added more to the pile.  Motherhood.  Homeschooling.  I always worry that I am not good enough.  I think that years and years of feeling that way have taken their toll.  The panic attacks started.  The thoughts that I just wanted to run away.  Or end my life.  That is where I drew the line.  Never were the feelings strong enough to act on them, but the fact that they were there meant it was time to get help.

These past few months have been much better.  Like I said, the panic attacks have ended.  Thoughts of suicide have ended.  I don't go into tail-spins anymore.  My PMS isn't absolute hell anymore.  But, I don't like the 'flatness', I experience.  I am slow to act from an emotional state.  A child crying?  It takes me longer to muster an appropriate response.  I recently had a falling out with my mom, due to my behavior.  It has been resolved, but I am still slow to recover lost ground with her.

My thoughts about depression have run deep and wide over the past few months, but I didn't feel like sharing them, and I didn't think anyone would care to read them.  Life is better.  I look forward to the day when I feel absolute joy again, without any heaviness in my heart.

And, it is a joy to report that for the first time in the past 11 years, April has been a totally different experience for me.  This year spring meant something entirely different.  I have let go of April and what it used to mean - and that is a huge step in the right direction.

I am thankful... for my husband.  I am so glad that even though he went through absolute hell in his first marriage, that he can be a rock for me and let me work through what I needed to work through.  He has always been there with words of love, encouragement and wisdom.  We are approaching our ten year wedding anniversary, and it feels like a real mile-stone for me in so many ways.  As the barriers and walls around my vulnerabilities fall away, I feel like my connection to him has deepened, immensely.  Our meeting and courtship may have been short and unconventional, but we've made it work all this time and formed a relationship that can only be described as a true, united partnership firmly grounded in love and equality.  I thank the Universe every day that Dean is in my life.

From the Learning Rooms... I still have a like/hate relationship with Calvert.  Note I did not say 'love'.  Goodness this year has been a struggle.  We have gone through tears, gnashing of teeth and more pencils than I can count.  It has been a good experience and the kids have learned a lot, but I am not sure to what expense yet, and I am not sure it has been worth it.  I have renewed our enrollment for next year, but I am still on the fence if we will for sure continue with it or not.

In the kitchen... Pumpkin bread this morning.  A cold, rainy morning calls for pumpkin bread.

I am wearing... pj's and a sweater.

I am creating... Lots of projects on hold until we are finished with Calvert, so nothing really to report.

I am going... to take Jordan out shortly to purchase a birthday present for a friend, and then deliver him to the party.

I am wondering... Why dogs must circle three times before lying down.

I am reading... "Manage Your Day-to-Day: Build Your Routine, Find Your Focus & Sharpen Your Creative Mind",  published by 99U/Behance, edited by Jocelyn K. Glei.    It is a compendium of different authors all giving advice about working through distractions, getting into a routine and creating healthy habits with email, social media and making time for creative/productive work a priority.  One of the best passages I've come across is this, in regards to why email is so addictive: 

"I think that e-mail and social networks are a great example of random reinforcement.  Usually, when we pull the lever to check our e-mail, it's not that interesting.  But, from time to time, it's exciting.  And that excitement, which happens at random intervals, keeps us coming back to check our e-mail all the time." - Dan Ariely

That is soooo Facebook.  Most of the time it is ads, political or social rants, or brag/selfie fests.  (kid-bragging is okay in my book, as long as it isn't excessive).  Only every once in awhile is it a truly funny story or captivating thought, or a good way to keep tabs on what relatives and friends are doing.  I have unfollowed a slew of 'friends' in the past few weeks, just so that I could curtail what I saw in my feed, and so I could increase the odds of seeing something good or worthwhile when I pulled the lever, so to speak. :)

In the garden... Just bought a lot of veggie plants yesterday.  Sixteen tomatoes, 4 peppers and 4 jalapenos.  It is too rainy to work in the garden today, but over the week I am sure there will be some sunny days to get them in, and put up wall-o-waters to keep them safe from frost until mid-May.

I am hoping... My motivation is pretty high today (hence the blog post ;), so I hope to get at least one mail pile sorted and dealt with, and a lesson or two finished with each kid.

I am looking forward to... a family bike ride with the scout troop tomorrow night to Dairy Queen, and then next weekend is the first family fun run for the upcoming season of Healthy Kids Fun Runs.  I think I can slow jog for most of it.

I am learning... About a new presentation program that is similar to Power Point, called Prezi.  Rylan has a presentation to give in her online class in a couple of weeks.  Her presentation will be on artistic styles, and she will show some of her completed projects.

I am hearing... Coldplay's Ghost Stories.  It is my go-to background writing music.

Around the house...  Colin is using a pool floatie as a hula hoop (he must have retrieved it from the garage), Owen is building with Legos, Jordan is pulling together his scout uniform for an event later today, Dean is doing the same, and Colin is now stealing the rest of my coffee.  :/

I am pondering... the advantages of writing out your feelings, vs. holding them, processing them, and then letting them go.  Both seem advantageous.

One of my favorite things... A rainy day.

A few plans for the rest of the week... The bike ride, the fun run and of course a bunch of schoolwork.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

Have I mentioned how much I love the rain?

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Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... Beautiful sunshine for now, but it will be a hot one today...

I am thinking... oh my head is full this week... I am thinking about my upcoming ACL surgery and I still can't decide if I want a donor tendon or do a patellar graft.  I am thinking about how the craziness of house repair will most likely start while I am recovering next month (joy).  I am thinking about house repair.  The insurance adjuster totalled our roof, gutters, shutters, screens, some of the windows, some of the trim work, the paint, and maybe the garage door?  Luckily the contractor we will be working with can do all of the work, but it will be a headache to coordinate it all, get the new stuff picked out, get approval from the HOA and so on and so on...  I feel an urgency to get it all done NOW, before our contractor gets booked elsewhere, and we will still be waiting as the snow falls.  Our car is scheduled to get it's body repair work done - in NOVEMBER.  It will be in the shop for 16 days!  I have never made claims before, so this is all new to me and I am just astounded at the damage estimates.  Dean, the OK native, seems nonplussed by it all.  As I walk around the neighborhood, I see more and more roofer signs every day in various yards.  This is going to be one very noisy neighborhood for the next several months.  That really bums me out because I love to have the windows open in the fall, but it will be impossible to get any schoolwork done, listening to hammering all day.  

I am thankful... That Jordan's cell phone was found.  He lost it as he was packing up at scout camp this past Saturday.  The phone wasn't even supposed to BE AT CAMP.  This is also his third phone, so he got lectured inside and out by both of us.  To top it all off, he got home on Saturday, and was leaving in less than 24 hours to fly to OK to stay for the next month.  Not an ideal situation.   Jordan called both boys he was tenting with and asked them to search through their stuff - and they did - to the extent that any 13/14 year old boy knows how to search.  It was finally found it a couple days later (AFTER Jordan had flown back to OK and AFTER Dean had driven 2+ hours back to camp to search the tent site) in, of all places, a baseball gear bag of one of the boys.  He found it while at practice.  I can imagine that his stuff in his room must be in layers, and the camping gear was thrown on top of the baseball gear and the phone slipped out of wherever it was in the camping stuff and fell into the baseball stuff.  Dean had noticed at camp that Jordan and his tent mates had the messiest tent of everybody - so it is no surprise it got lost.

I am thankful that Jordan earned his Life scout rank while at camp.  His three merit badges that he earned while there which helped him over the hurdle.  I had no idea he was on the verge of that.  A long while ago I made the conscious decision to detach myself from his scout activities and badges and so forth.  It is his journey, his work that will get him where he wants to be, and he is in charge of getting there, at his pace.

I am also very, very thankful for insurance.  State Farm really came through with fair and accurate assessments of the damage.  I wish it hadn't taken so long, but I know now that it took time to get adjusters here from out of state, given the scope of the damage across the area.

From the Learning Rooms... I got a call from our principal at Calvert yesterday, and she went over the assessment tests and discussed placement with me.  It all went as I expected - Owen in K, Rylan in 2nd, and Jordan in 8th.  Jordan's math skills are coming in at a solid 7th.  I guess I was expecting that too, it's just hard to hear, and it's a huge hit on my personal pride - because it's my fault.  We have been too busy and too distracted these past couple of years and have fallen behind, and it is precisely why I have cleared the decks in our schedule, so to speak, for this coming year, and beyond.  The boy can run circles around me doing math in his head, but when it comes to the easy stuff - the stuff that always trips you up on a test, he stumbles every time.  I was hard-pressed NOT to look over his answers before I packaged everything up and sent it off last month.  We are ready for pre-algebra, and that is where she assured me he would start.  They use Singapore at Calvert.  I'm not a fan of Singapore, but I suppose it's not fair that I say that because we've never done it before, but in looking it over, it seems, well...a bit boring and very linear?  We love using MEP, and I think MEP does a fantastic job of stretching the concept all around in different ways to drive home how to approach an equation.   I refuse to drop MEP once we start Calvert.  It will be a supplement - I just can't let it go.  Anyway, the curriculum should be arriving just about the beginning of August.  That will give me the time I need to plug away at our schedule, and do a soft start with all of them.  It will be most brutal on Jordan, who will have done next to nothing all summer, with the exception of Minecraft. (the bane of my existance).

In the kitchen... I am making rhubarb crisp this morning for breakfast.  I wound up with a ton of rhubarb when the hail destroyed my plant.  I was able to salvage quite a bit, and the plant is already making a nice comeback.

I am wearing... pjs.

I am creating... A calendar and chore chart for the kids.  I am annoyed by them asking all the time what we are doing and when, so I got a large white board calendar and color-coded dry erase markers to fill it in each month.  The smaller-sized kitchen calendar is too pretty to muck it all up with scribbles all over the place.  Plus, I want the kids to begin the habit of adding their own stuff.   For the chore chart, I am going with a piece of sheet metal in a frame, magnetic chore cards and lots of tape, so we'll see what I come up with.  Pinterest has been a great inspiration.  I promise I will post when it is done.

I am going... Physical Therapy this afternoon for me, and Rylan to the orthodontist after that.  She may be getting her lower braces on today.

I am wondering... How to manage the stress... I can only walk so far for so long.  I miss running.

I am reading... Still working on The Happiness Project, and then I picked up three new reads from the library: Firefly Lane and Fly Away, both by Kristin Hannah, and Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives, by Richard Swenson.  I've seen that title referred to in the past couple of books I've read, so I am taking a look.  Dean also ordered a book from Amazon for me - Smart but Scattered Teens, by Guare, Dawson and Guare.  Jordan is really struggling with executive function, and I need this to help me ease up on him and get off his back.  His behavior has improved tons in past few years, but it still comes down to being able to focus - and as you can imagine, schoolwork, being able to finish a task and remembering to do things are the biggest issues.  I suppose it is timely because I also discussed this very issue with his psychiatrist at our last check-up.  I wanted some advice, routines, resources..whatever,  to help Jordan get some self-management skills in place.  First, he scoffed and said that even his patients in their early 20's still struggle with that.   And then you know what he recommended??  A sticker/reward chart.  Again.  Three years later, we are having THE SAME EFF'ING CONVERSATION.  I need this book, and we need a new doc.

In the garden... Nine, rather beaten-up tomato plants that have about a 50/50 chance of making it, chives that won't quit, and a really plucky rhubarb.  And a nice selection of weeds.  Still.  I know...

I am hoping... For patience.

I am looking forward to... therapy today (ready for some new exercises) and a summer movie tomorrow with the kids, followed by swimming.

I am learning... just for kicks, I looked up how to check your Google history to look up things I've been searching for.  And here is what I've found.  I spend waaaaay to much time on the computer.  I need to set a timer for myself!

I am hearing... Coldplay's Ghost Stories (I LOVE THIS ALBUM!), and the kids playing in the garage.  So far this morning Owen has shot himself in the eye with bug spray and had a shoving match with Colin.  I don't know why they like playing in the garage.  All they do is ride their bikes in circles, search for spiders and get into stuff they shouldn't.  

Around the house... lots of dust bunnies because Abby is shedding.  I will be contacting the contractor today to set up a time to look over shingle samples.  We aren't changing the color, but I suppose we need to pick something.  I really hope the HOA moves quickly on this.  I imagine their office is flooded with requests already.

I am pondering... how this will all come together, and when, and how much it will set us back, financially (the house, surgery, school)

One of my favorite things... Ice cold McAlister's Sweet Tea on a hot day

A few plans for the rest of the week... violin lesson, movie, swimming, a Luau party at our church and Rylan begins girl scout summer day camp next week.  I need to get her water shoes for the canoeing portion.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing... 

Two things: First is Jordan's first GoPro YouTube video that he edited and set to music.  He must have figured it out how to do it all on his own - now he needs to teach me!  He just uploaded it this week, within hours of arriving in OK, and after conferring with Dean over the phone about the finer details of music credit and so forth.  This is Dean and I on the Mind Eraser (if you have vertigo issues - DON'T WATCH), in May.  We got the front seat, and Dean is wearing the GoPro.  I loved the ride, but screamed the whole way - thank goodness there is awesome music for you to listen to instead.

And here is a picture Colin took of Rylan walking by the pool at swimming lessons last week:

I love the splash and the reflection...

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Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... A slightly overcast, cool morning. Lovely!

I am thinking... About the dual weddings in our family yesterday. I attended my cousin's wedding with the three little kids yesterday afternoon. It was held at a country farm that has a wedding venue. The kids played on tractors, went on a hayride and played in a huge fort with their cousins and second cousins. A very nice afternoon/evening. Meanwhile, Dean drove to OKC on Friday, and attended his niece's wedding yesterday as well. It was also a country-themed wedding! Jordan was brought by his mom to the wedding, and both Dean and Jordan will be making the drive home on Monday. It was nice to spend some time visiting with family, and I even got up and danced the Hokey Pokey - which was the perfect song for my present condition. I've settled on a surgeon for ACL replacement, and lo and behold - come to find out he has also operated on my aunt, uncle and grandmother..multiple times!

I am thankful... That Shannon and Jamie, and Christie and Marcus each found the partner they were looking for. I am also thankful for my three nephews, who kept constant tabs on my kids and kept them out of trouble yesterday (with one minor exception when Colin almost made it up and over the fence into the goat pen before my brother spotted the little stinker...)

From the Learning Rooms... We are doing just a little bit here and there everyday since we are on summer schedule. I attended a parent orientation meeting for incoming Calvert parents last week. I met the principal and she seems like a very astute educator - I like her immensely. We looked at the online portal for parents, and the other one for students, and then at all of the extra features - like access to Discovery Education and Brain Pop (wahoo!). I submitted the placement tests for Jordan, Rylan and Owen last month, so I expect to hear any day now what level they will work at for math and reading. I can't wait to start - sometime in mid to late August.

In the kitchen... Well, we are getting by on frozen Eggo waffles and oatmeal packets this morning, so I would say the situation is pretty dire. We need to go grocery shopping badly - and that is my least favorite activity at the present moment. :(

I am wearing... pjs and a knee brace.

I am creating... A dress for Rylan! I saw a pattern for a pillowcase dress and I had to try it. It is downright shameful that I have sewed nothing for my kids save for a couple of Halloween costumes. Almost criminal...

I am going... shopping of course - but only because I have to. Otherwise I want to partake in a full day of going absolutely nowhere.

I am wondering... If the baby turtles will like frozen bloodworms. We're about to find out.

I am reading... The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin. (thanks Michelle!). The perfect book for a person who is feeling stuck. Now - sound the trumpets - I finally finished Drums of Autumn, by Diana Gabaldon. The first 1/3 of the book was a real slog for me (obviously because it took me several months), but once I got past that, I was putting in a few hours every day since it was so hard to put down. Loved it. I am afraid to pick up the next one in the Outlander series just yet, I want to whittle away at the pile of books that is on my bedside table. I read Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet, by Jamie Ford last week and I really liked it. It was a rough transition to go from 1770's North Carolina to 1940's Chinatown in Seattle and Japanese internment camp, but that actually helped pull me away from Jamie and Claire. I loved the story and the way the author bounced back and forth from past to present. It's horrible what both the Chinese and Japanese Americans went through, yet several families just met it with quiet acceptance because of the realities of being a nation at war. The descriptions of the occasion when the Japanese families were rounded up and put on trains sounded so alarmingly like the Jewish experience in Poland and Germany...so wrong in so many ways. The book presented the story without judgement of the actions of the United States Government -yet you could read past that and still get a real sense of the injustice of it all.

In the garden... Several tomato plants that need to go into the ground to-day!

I am hoping... this coolish weather holds for the entire day

I am looking forward to... tomorrow night when Dean and Jordan get home and to the week we have Jordan with us before they traipse off to summer camp.

I am learning... I wish I could say I'm learning to take it easy - but I'm not.

I am hearing... Shawn the Sheep Season 4, the kids making 'sandwiches' out of each other with the couch cushions, and the panicked announcement that there is a wasp on the living room window. 'Scuse me a sec...

Around the house... a recently-deceased wasp, a fruitless search for Rylan's pink swim goggles, and a dog water dish that just got dumped over. (great - clean floors, check!)

I am pondering... how much time I want to devote to sewing today (yay!) vs. bills and balancing accounts. (boo!)

One of my favorite things... a wedding... :)

A few plans for the rest of the week... Jordan has an orthodontist appointment this week. We are now 18 months over the original treatment time estimate, and I have yet to meet his orthodontist. I'm raisin' a little hell this week, I think. I see the physical therapist this week, and I will be making the appointment to see the surgeon. Colin and Owen will be starting their second session of swimming lessons this week. Rylan was signed up, but there are not enough kids to make the class a 'go'. We're both pretty bummed. She just got bumped up to Level 5, and was really excited. I think we may do a few private lessons in the meantime - I hate for the good momentum to stop. Owen's lessons went great last week - he has moved up to Level 3. Colin refused to get in the pool twice last week - once because we were seeing a summer movie afterwards, and he was afraid he would miss it if he did his lesson, and the other because I brought the 'wrong' swimsuit. %*#^%*&!

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

The cat has taken a recent interest in the comfy dog bed, and Abby isn't quite sure what to do about it...

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Simple Women's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... A beautiful sunny morning.  It is supposed to go into the 80's today.  We have had unsettled/rainy weather for the past several days.  I like days like that so I will miss them.  I am not a fan of hot weather.

I am thinking... about the week ahead.  A lot of loose ends need to be tied up.  We need to wrap up Jordan's school work for the *year* by the end of this week.  His subscription to his science class (Plato) ends in August, but beyond the end of this week he will only be around here for a couple days here and there until mid-August, and so we have the entire second semester of lessons and activites for both Chemistry and Physical Science to cram in this week.  yay......

I am thankful... For the beautiful bright greens of the leaves that seem to glow as they filter the sun from above.  I am also thankful for all the yardwork that my husband and kids did over the weekend - the yard looks nice and ready for a week of play in the sunshine.

From the Learning Rooms... Lots and lots of science (yay), our last homeschool PE class is on Wednesday, and the End of Year Picnic & Field Day is on Thursday.  Plus all of the regular stuff in-between everything else..

In the kitchen... A mess.  Last night I made cupcakes for Rylan's make-up birthday dinner w/ family.  Chocolate with vanilla icing and strawberries.

I am wearing... Knit skirt and shirt.  My favorite kind of stuff to wear during the day.  I need a ton more skirts.  And shorts.  Can you believe I have NO shorts anymore?  The last pair I had wore out last summer, and I never replaced them.

I am creating... This week - nothing - there is no time... :(

I am going... today I am going to the store because we have nothing to eat for the week.  Today is also our usual Park Day, but I am thinking we will skip it for today.  We have so much to get done, and Jordan's schoolwork for this week is the priority.  Late this afternoon I am picking up my race packet for the 5K I am running walking in, then Rylan, with hair and makeup done, has formal pictures for her tumbling class.  All of the costumes for the Spring Recital came in last week, so this present week they are taking pictures of every class.  Rylan will have formal pictures for her other two classes tomorrow.  This evening was supposed to be a Mom's Night Out, but everybody is cancelling.  I am feeling a bit let down - I had been looking forward to catching up with friends I have not seen in awhile.  There is this tough dichotomy we all struggle with, finding that elusive balance between family obligations and the obligation to yourself to take care of you - how do you prioritize this?  Thinking back to this blog post, it is a lot of mental food for thought.

I am wondering... About the two turtles I special-ordered for Rylan yesterday.  They are to arrive on June 10th.  It occurred to me, 0.9827349872 seconds after clicking the 'confirm order' button, that I have no idea if I will be getting two males, two females, or one of each??  This might be a good thing to know...

I am reading... Still finishing Parenting Beyond Belief, which is due back to the library tomorrow and I've already renewed it once.

In the garden... A very enthusiastic rhubarb plant that is going just a bit crazy...I need to make something with it this week - Rylan has been requesting a rhubarb crisp.  We can have some for Tuesday Teatime!

I am hoping... That we get through this week in one piece, yet enjoy it, since Jordan will be leaving for most of the summer at the week's end.

I am looking forward to... Sunday evening.  It is this huge mental thing for me just to get through this week, to see several obligations through to their end and then I can relax.

I am learning... About Southern Painted Turtles, acrylic adhesives, heat lamps and salmonella.  I am also learning about France, as I trace my mom's journey along the Rhone river, where she is currently traveling aboard a river-cruise ship for a week.  She toured about Lyon over the weekend, visiting a market and winery.  So jealous...  (Glad you are having fun, mom!!!! :)

I am hearing... Rylan making hot chocolate, Owen cracking a hard-boiled egg, the hum of the fish tank and birdies.

Around the house... Jordan and Colin are sleeping in (it is currently 8:46 a.m.).  Today we begin combing through Jordan's packing list for SeaBase and combating the laundry pile(s).

I am pondering... turtle diets... it's a bit complicated!

One of my favorite things... early mornings - the birds and the quiet - with hot coffee.  happy sigh.

A few plans for the rest of the week... makeup, fussy hair and pictures for today and tomorrow.  Tomorrow night we have our last homeschool board meeting for the year, and this is also my last official duty.  I am stepping away from the board and my duties that lie therein.  It is a good feeling.  The board is such a nice group of ladies - I'll probably still attend meetings next year, just for the camaraderie.  We have the end-of-year picnic on Thursday - we are bringing water balloons.  The weather looks like it will stay 85F and sunny through Thursday, so that will be perfect.  The last time it got cold, and water balloons were not all that fun.  I think the kids threw them at trees instead...lol.  Friday will be a frenzied packing day for Jordan.  He leaves for SeaBase at the crack of dawn on Sunday morning.  Saturday is the day that I run (ahem) a 5K, and Rylan does a Kids' fun run.  Neither of us kept up with our training schedule this month because we both got sick.  We will be walking this week and maybe run a few short bits so that we can both run at least a little bit.  Rylan has a total of nine fun runs throughout this summer, so pretty soon she will be able to run the whole mile.  Before I got sick I was averaging 3 miles a day, walking a mile - mile and a half, and running the other bit.  I'll have to start at "0" again... :/

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing... 

Beaujolais Region, France
Please insert me here...with a glass of something cold and fruity...
(photo courtesy of my mom..of whom I did not ask permission, but I am sure she wouldn't mind)
(Well...pretty sure...)

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Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... It is a bit overcast and cloudy right now, at 8 a.m., but the day is supposed to be warm and sunny.

I am thinking... About skiing with Rylan tomorrow.  I need to figure out what we are wearing and I am thinking about the drive.  The news channel just showed the traffic on I-70 this morning, and it was horrible.  It won't be as bad tomorrow morning, but the drive home will be!

I am thankful... That earlier this week, when we went to McAlister's Deli for dinner, six year old Owen was happy to play along when I pointed to different letters around us and asked him, "What's this?"  Owen dislikes playing any sort of answer-call letter games.  He dislikes letters, period.  :/

From the Learning Rooms... I heard back from Colorado Calvert Online Academy this week - they received our applications and all three older kids are registered for the fall! (happy dance)  I feel such an immeasurable sense of relief.  We hit the books this week with a renewed sense of purpose, and it felt very good.  I looked into duoLingo this week, and brushed up on my rusty Spanish by completing the intro round of lessons.  It is not as entry-level as I had hoped - more adult-friendly then kid-friendly, but it is very thorough by requiring an equal amount of reading/writing/speaking in both English and the chosen language of study.  I think Jordan will benefit from it.  One drawback to Calvert is that it does not offer any type of foreign language, so I think this will be a good stand-in.

In the kitchen...Nothing but an empty cup of coffee...be right back!

I am wearing... The Saturday requisite of pj's and robe.  No socks.  And my freezing toes could really use a pair.  Be right back!

I am creating... Still trying to come up with a solution to coming up with a weekly menu.  I hate menu planning.  I hate shopping.  What might help me is a list of recipes to choose from.  So I am making a master list of about 20-30 favorite recipes for each of several different categories: chicken, beef, pork, fish, meatless, pasta, Sides, Salads, and breakfasts.  Each list is divided into three columns: the recipe name, where I can find it (book, file, iPad...), and the ingredients it calls for - apart from staple items.  That way, when I sit down to menu plan and write the shopping list, I am sitting down with 9 sheets of paper - not piles of cooking magazines, cookbooks or endlessly scrolling through Flipboard or my Facebook wall.  Last Sunday I worked on 'Sides', and it took me all day!  I now have a nice list of about 35 recipes to start with though!  That will probably evolve into my longest list, since it includes subcategories like rice, pasta (ex. orzo), grains (ex. couscous), legumes, and by vegetable.  Some of the recipes are on simple end, like 'Steamed carrots".  No recipe needed, of course, and all I need on my shopping list is a 1 lb. bag of carrots.  I am making sure that I have a good variety of recipe complexity  - including lots of slow cooker meals to help this homeschooling mom deal with Arsenic Hour.  This is going to take a long time to finish and fine-tune, but I hope that it is done by the end of April.  I am soooo tired of frozen fish sticks.

I am going... Well, if all goes well, Rylan and I are heading to Copper Mountain tomorrow.  We'll head over to the ski shop later this afternoon and get our skis, boots and poles.  Dean and Jordan went skiing in December, and Dean got a free lift ticket from Copper after enduring over an hour of being stranded on a broken ski lift.  He has been after me ever since to make use of this ticket.  I am not the biggest fan of Spring skiing since the snow can be sloppy, but the base is phenomenal with all the snow that we have had, and it is still cold enough up in the high country that it isn't all slushy like it usually gets in late March/ early April.  So we are going!  This will be Rylan's third time on skis, but she hasn't been since the season before last, so I don't know how she will do.  I am honestly not looking forward to it.  I am hurting all over since I just started back up with running this week (horrible timing), in my hips especially.  My shoulder is still not 100%, and I am not 100% from the BR surgery either.  I am terrified of falling, being in such tender shape right now.  I am a pretty decent skier so I don't usually fall, but with Rylan in the mix, she will undoubtedly cross my path and I will have to ditch to avoid her.  Hope for the best!

I am wondering...Hmmm.. nothing?

I am reading... In the non-fiction arena, I am reading Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Religion, edited by Dale McGowan.  It has been on my reading list for some time.  I didn't realize it was actually a collection of essays and such by a variety of authors, but I am enjoying it for the most part.  There are a couple of pieces so far that have made me cringe because of rather bold word choice, but other than that, I find it rather rewarding to read words on a page that echo my exact thoughts - it is comforting to finally hear other people who feel much the same as I do.  I don't discuss religion much with others, so at times it can feel like you are the only one who feels a certain way.

In regards to fiction, I am still slogging through Diana Gabaldon's Drums of Autumn.  It is almost punishing at this point.  I. just. want. to. finish. it. and move onto something 'funner'.

In the garden... Last week I picked my first tiny crop of butter lettuce and baby spinach, and it is just about time for picking again.  My 'crop' is planted in a single seed-starting flat, and sits in my large west-facing window.  We planted several weeks ago, and they are growing fast!  I will wait to transplant them outside for a couple more weeks.  We are also maybe just a couple weeks away from picking some fresh green beans.  The kids picked some dried-up bean pods that had poked through our fence from the neighbor's garden, so we planted them (indoors) in January to see what would grow.  Low and behold, the plants have climbed up a trio of 6 ft. bamboo poles and back again, flowered profusely and now numerous tiny green beans are growing.  It has been fun to watch it grow a few inches every day!

I am hoping... I don't hurt myself tomorrow..

I am looking forward to... Some mommy/daughter time!

I am learning... or 'relearning' Spanish verb conjugations.  uugh.

I am hearing...Owen singing along with a Backyardigans song on TV, Colin playing with toys upstairs and the washer entering the spin cycle.

Around the house... Today is 'get every-last-bit-of-laundry-done' day.  And 'find Colin's lost tennis shoe' day.

I am pondering... Not much, at the moment.

One of my favorite things... Vanilla yogurt, granola, sliced bananas and juicy blueberries.

A few plans for the rest of the week...Ortho appts for Rylan and Jordan.  Rylan is just finishing up 18 straight days of cranking her new expander, so now they will measure and determine the date the braces will go on.  Maybe Jordan will hear when his braces will finally come off.  Which is 9 months overdue, at this point.  We also have our homeschool science fair next weekend, so this coming week will be spent working on our projects.  Jordan will be presenting his work he is doing on his quadcopter, and Rylan is experimenting with making butter.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

Denver Zoo, 2-27-14

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2013 In Review

Here is a link to the awesome list of questions that inspired this post.

1.      What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?

* Knitting.  I've knitted three scarves in the past, but this time around I am knitting a hat.  So far I have learned how to purl, knit in the round and cable.  The hat isn't completed yet, but I am getting close.
* I danced on stage with my husband in the Nutcracker.  We were part of the party scene.  I have never danced in a performance before, other than in dance recitals when I was a kid.  It was the highlight of my year.  :)
*Visited my dad's childhood home.  My dad's first few years were spent in Crawford, Nebraska.  We had a family weekend over Labor Day where we all gathered at Fort Robinson, NE, which is just a couple miles away from Crawford.
*Saw the peloton of pro bicyclists go by as they raced into our city in the second-to-last stage of the USA Pro Challenge this past August.  That was very cool!

 

2.      Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year?
I never did officially write anything down, but here is what I was thinking as the new year (2013)rolled in...
* I needed to take care of my shoulder.  The pain was increasing and affecting my daily life in every way.  I began physical therapy in early March, and progressed through the hoops of nerve study, MRI, surgery in May, and then more physical therapy.  By August I was officially pain free.
* I wanted a breast reduction.  It was something that I have wanted to do for years.  This year I got serious.  It was part of the reason why I was having issues with my shoulder, anyway.  I'd done years of chiropractic, massage, physical therapy, pain meds...  Nothing was going to ease the discomfort of carrying those things around but to surgically reduce their size.  I fought the insurance company for three months before I finally got it approved.  Surgery was in October, and I have to say this is the single-most BEST thing I have ever done for myself.  I am still very emotional about it - I am so incredibly happy with the results and the way I physically feel, now.
* Lose some weight.  This went hand-in-hand with the other two.  I will continue to have issues with joint and back pain until I get the weight off.  I lost 20 pounds between July and October.  Despite curtailing my exercise while I recovered from the breast reduction and all the culinary goodies that come with the holidays, I have maintained that loss so far.  Very proud of that.  :)

For next year...
* lose another 20 lbs
* save up enough $$ to take a family vacation next New Years to see my nephew march in the Rose Parade and go to Disneyland.
* spend more time with my extended family
* grow more than just weeds and basil in my garden
* actually DO those annual 694 hours of instruction time per child that I promise the state I will do.
* read 10 books.  I have no problem with reading or even the desire to read.  It's more about taking the time to actually do so.

3.      Did anyone close to you give birth?
My niece by marriage gave birth to a baby girl, EmmaRae, on July 31st.  I got to see and hold her for the first time during our Thanksgiving visit.  Such a sweet, beautiful baby girl.  How I miss holding babies and smelling their scent and listening to their sounds.  Sad sigh.

4.      Did anyone close to you die?
My uncle Buzz passed away in early December, shortly before 2013 began.  It has been a long year of 'firsts' where we did things as a family that were marked by his absence.  I visited his grave for the first time yesterday, as Rylan and I were driving to Boulder on an errand.  It was a spur of the moment decision.  We had not been invited to the burial, but my mom had shared with me whereabouts in the small cemetery his grave was located, so with just a few minutes' searching we found it.  There were three different Christmas arrangements there, by his headstone.  He is missed a great deal.
In February my great-aunt Bernice passed away.  She had been suffering for several years with Alzheimer's.  She was a grand lady that loved to collect antiques.  I remember going to her house, just down the street from my grandma's, to have tea, and then take a tour of her latest finds.  She walked everywhere and was busy, busy, busy.  She reminded me so much of my grandpa Orin (her older brother).  She had a sharp mind and wit.. it was so sad when the signs of Alzheimer's began to take hold.

5.      What countries did you visit?
Maybe I should change this to say 'counties' so that I can actually write something here.

6.      What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
A more peaceful household.  Some days the chaos of the kids is just overwhelming.

7.      What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 22nd: shoulder surgery
Oct 10th: breast reduction surgery
Dec 31st: running the Resolution Run 5K - a goal of mine since July

8.      What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Losing the weight and regaining control of my health.  Wow.  Hard to put in to words how big this was.

9.      What was your biggest failure?
Getting control of the finances, record-keeping, bill paying... I have a continual pile of receipts that just will. never. end.
 

10.   Did you suffer illness or injury?
I got the flu in March, which really sucked, but otherwise it was a very fortunate year.

11.   What was the best thing you bought?
Hmmm. My Fitbit!  That little device was a catalyst for a lot of beneficial changes.

But honorable mention goes to the Keurig.  :)

12.   What was the best thing you received?
A beautiful red mug with white and gold snowflakes from my husband.  A total just-because surprise and very touching.  :)
 

13.   Where did most of your money go?
Projects around the house.  We replaced the old mish-mash of laminate and carpeting on the main floor with some beautiful Pergo flooring, along with new tile around the fireplace and paint for the walls.  The rest of it went towards running gear, tools and curriculum.

14.   What did you get really excited about?
My surgery.  It changed everything.

15.   What song will always remind you of 2013?
Blurred Lines.  I know, I know.  Quit yer bitching.  I loved that song.  It began my walking playlist for months.  I think too much has been read into the lyrics.  It has a great beat!  Nuff' said.

16.   Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? B) thinner or fatter? C) richer or poorer?
a) happier - much happier!     b) thinner - yay!    c) I wouldn't say 'richer' per se, but we have improved the quality of some things in our life.

17.    What do you wish you’d done more of?
Schoolwork.  Travel.  Camping.  Nature Study.

18.   What do you wish you’d done less of?
Fretting about things I had no control over.

19   How did you spend Christmas?
We stayed at home this year.  We visited Santa a couple days before, shopped for gifts at the last minute...  We went to services on Christmas Eve with my dad and brother and nephews, and then they all came over after for a spaghetti dinner.  My nephews were sweet in saying that they loved the food and just hanging out with all of us together.  After they left we bundled up and headed out to look at Christmas lights.  We had a nice Christmas morning opening gifts, ate chocolate waffles for breakfast, and a turkey dinner at my mom's that afternoon.  We did puzzles, movies, popcorn, hot cocoa and left overs for the remainder of the day.

20.   What was your favorite TV program?
The Middle and The Biggest Loser.

21.   What were your favorite books of the year?
Hyperbole and a Half: unfortunate situations, flawed coping mechanisms, mayhem, and other things that happened, by Allie Brosh. 

Absolutely hilarious and way too close to home, all at the same time.

22.   What was your favorite music from this year?
Everything on my walking/running playlist

23.   What were your favorite films of the year?
Hunger Games: Catching Fire and Frozen.

24.   What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 42.  We spent the day hiking and then a nice dinner at my mom's.

25.   What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
It has been such an amazing year of transformation, I really can't think of what to say here.  Maybe if there was less arguing amongst the kids. 

26.   What political issue stirred you the most?
I am deeply concerned about what Common Core is doing to our nation's teachers and children, and what the Koch Brothers are up to.  The implications are scary, and the thought of politicians and businessmen driving our nation's education policy and instruction just completely pisses me off.

27.   What kept you sane?
Exercise.

28.   Who did you meet this year?
I met... some new doctors and nurses -all great at what they do!
 

29.   Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.

Your mental and physical health is the only thing that you have direct control over.  Do it.  Today.

30.  Best song lyric for the year?

"I went from zero, to my own hero"
-"Roar" by Katy Perry
 

Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

 

 

Outside my window... It is overcast and the current temp is 59F.  Love it!  I've got every window open so I can air out the house.  It looks like we are going to have cooler temps for awhile - so unusual for Colorado this time of year.  I hate the heat, so I am loving this!  What I am not loving, however, is the humidity.  That is also unusual for Colorado.

I am thinking... about my husband Dean and oldest son Jordan, who are backpacking with 15 or so other scouts and adult leaders in the Mt. Holy Cross Wilderness this weekend.  I got a text from Dean yesterday that said, "Hello from 13,856 feet!".  The group was climbing Mt. Holy Cross (a 14'ner).  I was expecting that because you can always get a signal from a mountain peak.  What I was not expecting was a text at 6 a.m. this morning asking for the weather forecast for the day since they had been rained on since 3 a.m. and were holed up in their tents - they are to hike 6.5 miles today.  I looked it up and texted him back, but I haven't heard back from him.  I am amazed he got a signal at all...  Hope it isn't too miserable up there.  Backpacking in solid rain is nooo fun.  It's been 20+ years for me, but you don't forget!  ;)

I am thankful... as I said, for this cool weather, and for a nice relaxing week last week.  We celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary on Wednesday, on Thursday a few of Rylan's fellow daisy scouts joined up for an outing up the Big Thompson Canyon at Vienstenz-Smith Park (such a pretty place), and then on Friday, after seeing the scouts off, I took the little kids to the zoo, along with my two nephews (13 and 11).  We had such a fun day - I liked getting to spend some time with them - such great boys!  Yesterday the kids and I went to a retirement party for our dentist.  I know that sounds weird, but this guy - Dr. Obermann, is such. a. great. guy.  After 30 years of practice and local philanthropy, he has amassed a huge following of children who don't really mind when he pokes in their mouth, because his great personality makes up for it.  He was my pediatric dentist too, long, long ago.  ;)  He held a huge carnival/picnic in the park yesterday, complete with bouncy houses, trampolines (the kind where you wear a harness), food, sno-cones, face painting and local youth bands played up on a stage.  We said our goodbyes and then met the new dentist that will be taking over.  His name is Dr. Owen, and my Owen was very happy to meet another 'Owen'.  It doesn't happen that often.  We rounded out the day with a bbq at my friend Kierra's house, who lives just down the street from me.  This has become an annual event (this was our third time), and their bbq sauce and ribs are out of this world!  I can't wait until next year! (And the peach sangria was amazing!!!)  The kids had tons of fun battling it out with foam weaponry of all sorts with the other kids who were there.  Despite that, I am NOT going to get them any for home.  They hit each other enough already...


From the Learning Rooms... Our official school year ends this coming week, and the next year technically starts Aug 1st.  This coming week is also our 'off week' (last week of the month).  I am pretty much set with curriculum and stuff, I just need to finalize my plans to use PLATO Science for Jordan and get him a subscription through the Homeschool Buyer's Co-op.  It will take some advanced planning on my part - I need to figure out what time slot of the day will work best (we won't go for 24 hr. access)  and how many modules we think he can do this year.


In the kitchen...  Out. of. food.  Need to shop today. 


I am wearing... t-shirt and robe.


I am creating... a music playlist for when I am out walking.  Still tinkering with it a bit.  I love love love Spotify. 

I am going... for a long walk as soon as the kids wake up and then we will go shopping.  Love a lazy day!


I am wondering... whether to have granola with blueberries or oatmeal with strawberries.  Yep.  Deep thoughts going on around here..

I am reading... I picked up Drums of Autumn again from Gabaldon's Outlander series last weekend,  and made it another 8 pages or so.  I don't know why I can't get absorbed into another novel... I need a good summer read!


In the garden...  Ginormous turnips!  I tried making turnip fries earlier this week, and they were bitter.  :(  A friend says to let them stay in the garden until after a hard freeze.  The freeze will boost the sugar content.  I will read up on that.  I just hope they aren't bitter because they got too big.  They totally got away from me - much like a zucchini.


I am hoping... This weather does truly last all week like the forecast says it will.


I am looking forward to... the end of swim lessons!  They will end on Friday of this coming week.  I am pleased with how much Rylan and Owen have progressed, but I will be so glad to get our mornings back - just in time for school to start.


I am learning...  about turnips, proper things to eat before walking/running, Brownie bridging ceremonies and how to create a workable playlist ranked by bpm.  (beats per minute)


I am hearing... a crow, the fish tank gurgling, the fridge humming, another crow answering and my chair squeaking as I fidget.


Around the house... We will be ready to paint the house at the end of next month, so we need to finalize our color choices and submit them to the HOA for approval.  We will also be replacing the front door and side lights and maybe even the outdoor lighting, and they will also need to be approved.  sigh.

I am pondering... strawberries vs. blueberries again.  (I'm hungry)


One of my favorite things...  Cool mornings.  I can't wait for fall!


A few plans for the rest of the week... Rylan's last violin lesson is tomorrow, then we take August off.  Swim lessons every morning.  Rylan has tumbling tomorrow and Jordan has scouts.  And that is it!!!  The week is full of opportunity...


Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

 

Colin, Rylan and Owen enjoying sno-cones yesterday.



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