Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Lowering my expectations



I am not perfect.

 Our homeschooling group has a once-a-month meeting to discuss a couple of business items and then the rest of the time is open discussion.  There is usually a lot of coffee-drinking and knitting going on.  In order to give the open discussion time a sense of purpose/direction, we began the 'school' year with the thought that we would assign a topic of discussion for each meeting.  Last month was my turn (the first of these 'topic' meetings), and I chose 'Organization' - a topic near and dear to my heart.

I am not perfect.

I am not even close to being organized...but my closet is.  Two out of eight file drawers are.  My canned goods are.  And so are the band aids.  It ends about there.   Fly Lady is helping me each and every day to get the CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) under control.  She is also helping me keep my perfectionistic tendencies under control as well.  Dave Ramsey is helping me keep the financial stuff organized.  The past couple of months have seen a great deal of change around here - and most of it has been inside my head.

I am not perfect.

I went to this meeting to present the topic of Organization as it pertains to homeschooling.  Which means it also includes cleaning/shopping/cooking/list-making/planning/acquisition of materials and so forth.  I have struggled for four solid years now to find what works for me.  Which is ridiculous because our family is not static.  Kids grow and their needs change.  What worked six months (heck, six weeks) ago will not work now.  All I yearn for is the peace of mind that I am not letting any kid fall through the cracks academically, that the vermin are kept at bay with a semi-clean home, and that we have more to eat than just dried-out baby carrots and moldy cheese in the fridge.

I am not perfect.

I have spent the last four years making lists, charts, spreadsheets...  I love doing that.  Executing the ideas is a totally different topic for discussion.  But at least I look organized - on paper.  I have modified these lists over the years... and kept all of the old files as I made new ones, so I can look back and see how the modifications have grown - there is knowledge there - it helps me see what direction I am taking - and what I am striving for as an educator.  The number and complexity of details grow as well - and you can easily tell the difference between planning when you have two kids versus four.

I am not perfect.

I brought a copy of everything with me because, surely, at least one would resonate with someone at the meeting, and give them an idea or two for their situation.  I passed the copies around the meeting table and the papers went through about 20 different pairs of hands. 

Lists such as:

* annual goals
* short term/long term goals (as you define)
* lesson plans for the term
* materials needs (library books, household goods for science experiments, art supplies)
* curriculum on hand - what you will need in the future and when (think workbooks) - and so you don't buy something for the next kid in line when you already have it
* time-keeping records (not completely necessary in our state - I do it just for me)
* menu planning
* shopping lists
* packing lists
* cleaning schedule
* daily schedule
* record-keeping for ideas/websites/field trips/stores
* expenditures (which is a crime that they are NOT tax-deductible)

I am not perfect.

Twenty years ago I was in a car accident and received a closed-head injury.  It changed my life.  It meant the rigor of college had to wait another decade.  I have no short-term memory.  I have to write everything down.  I have to have reminders.  The busier I am, the more stressed I am, the more likely I will forget something or get totally side-tracked.  These lists aren't to make me look like Martha Stewart Does Homeschool.  They are to keep me sane.  I didn't make them for an audience to say, "See what a perfect homeschooling mom I am??"  I made them FOR ME.

I am not perfect.

As I was busy talking, explaining, telling stories and passing yet another list around... I could feel what some of the people were thinking.  Their eyes were glazed over.  Passing glances said it all.  I had crossed over the line into crazy-list-lady-ville and now the reputation has stuck.  I am keeping my head low.  I don't want to share with just anyone anymore - especially people I don't know.  I am not even crazy about sharing it here - BUT - 'here', on the world-wide-web, is where I got most of my ideas in the first place - from other homeschool moms that were desperate for organization themselves.

I am not perfect.

But that does not mean I will lower my standards.

(Even when it comes to homemade birthday cakes or Halloween costumes)