The ubiquitous photo of Rylan, with brand new backpack and lunchbox will not exist.
Neither will the photo of her hugging her teacher.
No back-to-school night art projects to see.
No tales of her playground escapades, or new friends.
I am feeling little panicky twinges of doubt that I just blew Rylan's whole schooling experience.
And then it passes.
And then it happens again. And again. And again.
Norman Rockwell... go home!! Get out of my brain!
Rylan is doing just fine with her schoolwork - so I don't know why I am panicking. It is the plethora of back-to-school commercials, blog posts, and shopping deals that is really affecting me. Any parent of a five year old must feel blind slided by this every year. I am just one of many who feels the fear, I suppose.
I know that I am not ruining her future. I won't be so bold as to say I am making it better than it ever could possibly be... I am just making it 'different'. There is no one correct way to educate your child. A homeschooling friend shared a gem with me a while back... that when she is feeling overwhelmed, stressed and doubtful, she reminds herself that she alone taught her kids to read, and that was her proudest achievement - it opened the world for her children. I think of that every day - as Rylan is in the very process of learning to read. It is a wonderful feeling to know that your children are learning - and you were the catalyst. I guess I just worry about all of the other stuff.
It is so hard to keep the social agenda of the rest of the world at bay. It would seem that the commercial world can not wait!!! for children to grow up. There are certain channels that are banned in our house. Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network... and I would LOVE to add ABC Family (there is absolutely nothing 'family' about that channel) to that list but unfortunately we watch the occasional show... It is not because we are trying to be a puritanical-type family (we're not), it is just that the commercials (and shows) are just so over-the-top with buy!buy!buy! and pushing the envelope with age-appropriateness that we just don't want to subject the kids to that. Don't even get me started with channels showing horror film trailers during Prime Time. We hardly ever watch T.V. live anymore - just for that reason. We DVR everything and blow past the commercials.
I don't want Rylan to start feeling like she is missing out on something down the road... It is her burgeoning socialite'ness' that has me worried. What if the activities that she is involved in is not enough? I imagine her sitting at her group table, as she would be if she were starting Kindergarten in a public school next week. I can guarantee you that she would hear no less than thirty times a day "Rylan, please stop talking to your neighbor". Or "Rylan, please don't talk while I am talking" Or "Rylan, please don't ask questions about 'x'. Right now we are talking about 'y'." I can also imagine her sitting there, on the first day, taking in what all of the other girls are wearing. There would be envy. Especially if something sparkly was involved. I most certainly want to avoid that constant state of comparing aspect of school. I hated that the most during my own school years. Thirteen solid years of living in a constant state of inadequacy. It takes its toll, no?
