 |
| Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and more Secure Kids by Kim John Payne, M.Ed. |
I have just finished reading Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne, M.Ed. It has been a long, long time since a book has given me such excellent food for thought...and I highly, highly recommend that every parent read it and reflect on their own relationships with their kids, their stuff, their activities and so forth... The author has an excellent website and blog. Here is a link for blog posts dedicated to the subject of scheduling, and how to simplify the process.
Scheduling has been on my mind lately, as you will notice from the Crazy Busy posting a few days ago. I read through the whole scheduling chapter in Simplicity Parenting, TWICE, yesterday, because I needed to know how to get off the CraZy Train. Do I just jump? Hang on the back and drag my feet for awhile? Toss my luggage off, a few pieces at a time? None of those sound appetizing...yet jumping provides the quickest, surest exit.
There were several important aspects to consider with scheduling, and one that I didn't really consider deeply until this book, was the point of taking a child's temperament in hand when devising a schedule that works for everybody. Some children can do okay with really active days, others need a calm day beforehand, or afterwards or both. Some children can handle only one thing per day or per week. It just gets more complicated when you have multiple children and multiple temperaments.
The massive physical exodus from front yards and local parks have left children no place to congregate other than gymnastics class on Wednesday afternoons at 4pm., Library Story Time on Tuesday mornings at 10:30 am., Little League on Friday afternoons at 5pm, and Scout meetings on Monday evenings at 7pm., and about 50 billion different combinations of like activities. The more, the better, for socialization and future preparedness, right?
One thing that the author touched on (and looks like has been expanded on in another book), is youth sports. Kids begin classes, leagues, clinics, whathaveyou at increasingly young ages. Because of this, kids typically peak out on interest at about age 11. Beyond that age, the rate of dropping chosen sport increases with age. By the age of 17, 90% of youth have quit. At the age when they should be getting really REALLY good - maybe parlaying their skill into a college scholarship, they are quitting. They have suffered repetitive stress injuries, they are burnt out and the fun is gone.
This is a bitter pill to swallow. Rylan began karate when she was 4 1/2. I confess that I was sitting there, right along with all of the other parents, gushing at how cute she looked in her little white gi, and feeling proud that our daughter yelled the loudest. Honestly. What 4 1/2 yr. old needs to know karate? Oh yes - they learn discipline. They learn patience. They learn a physical skill that will serve them well. I've heard it, I've believed it, and it sounds great...on the surface. But. There are better places and more meaningful ways that a child can learn discipline and patience. I don't think a 4 1/2 yr. old is really into thinking about the most effective way to disable a grown person. There is huge discrepancy between a balance of emotional/physical maturity when karate would serve a person well, and when kids are actually allowed onto a mat and invited to start 'training'. Don't get me wrong, there are all sorts of merits that I can attribute to karate, and it would be a great place for a teen to spend their time and energy in a positive and productive manner. But I don't think it serves a younger child as well. In the 2 1/2 years that Rylan has been doing karate, all I can say is that, yes, it boosted her self-confidence. To the tune of $1,800 and 320 hours of time spent in that pursuit. And that's just Rylan. I need to hang on to my lunch, so I don't think I will run Jordan's numbers... :(
The same net results could be said about soccer, baseball, peewee football, gymnastics... Doctors are reporting repetitive stress injuries in young players that were unheard of a decade ago. Kids (and parents) push it to the extreme. It is a society thing. A parent living-out their-dream-through-their-children thing. It is pressure to succeed. Be the best, get the edge. It leads to year-round practice and competition. Summer and weekend clinics. The kids never. get. a. break., and what do they really get out of it in the end? They learn to be a team player?? By their rules or someone else's? By engaging in play with other children they could get the same results, in a much more meaningful way. They devise the game, they negotiate the rules, and adjust as they go. And play is free! (minus the snacks and occasional Band-Aid)
So I am taking all of this in, and churning it around in my head. I am good with letting karate go. Totally good with that. It frees the kids to have more uninterrupted time to do something they feel really passionate about, to explore a new interest, or to do absolutely nothing and revel in that freedom from constant go-go-go.
I am not sure how to reconcile with dance. I love dance, and I love that Rylan loves dance. This coming year may test her devotion to it. She wants jazz. And tumbling. I am pushing for ballet. And I am sad that she doesn't want to include tap. I love tap. I know that I am projecting my passions on her, but I also know that of all of the forms of dance, ballet is the foundation and it will serve her well - and she needs to understand that. So, if she and I both get our way, we are now looking at three separate classes. I don't believe in age limits when it comes to dance. This is where I diverge from the advice Dr. Payne espouses of avoiding the young age at which a child engages in a specific sport. I think that it is perfectly acceptable for a four year old to do a once-a-week ballet class. (or tap, tumbling, gymnastics, etc...) Admit it, there is nothing cuter that a little girl in a tutu!
But how much is too much? I am very afraid that three dance classes is too much for our seven yr. old. (PLUS girl scouts AND violin...) That is three roundtrips to Loveland. That is three hours (plus drive time) that I have to somehow occupy the time with one teenager and two precocious little boys. That is three different outfits that I need to keep track of, washed and ready to go. And what IF Jordan decides that he doesn't really want to quit karate?? That's five classes a week, right there, plus regular gi washing for a stinky teenage boy. And then there is Owen, who is campaigning hard for gymnastics. That would mean another round trip to Loveland. That is now NINE trips in one week's time. I've not only NOT left the CraZy Train, I've just dumped a shit ton of coal into the fire box and slammed the door!!!!
Maybe I need to reread this chapter for a third time, because I obviously haven't got the message about how to simplify our schedule. I think there was a specific word that he used.... hmm. What was it???
Oh yeah...... "No."
