This is/was the weekend for our homeschooling Girl Scout troop's family campout. I lasted approximately 20 hours. There was no major kerfuffle and I managed to avoid committing any felonies...but I very easily could have. When you are sleep deprived and noised out, committing any variety of felonies sounds like a pretty good way to spend your time, actually.
This is 'The Lodge', where we stayed, on Magic Sky Ranch, a Girl Scout property located a few miles east of Red Feather. This is my favorite region in all of Colorado, so I was actually very happy to spend some time here. I avoided packing up for the trip until about an hour before we were supposed to leave. And I let the little boys take an extra-long nap as another avoidance measure.
Why the reluctance?
1. It was just me, Rylan, and the two little boys, Owen and Colin, joining the rest of the troop and their parents/families on this venture. I don't like doing overnights - or any potentially high-risk (little boys getting lost in the woods?) activity without Dean (and Jordan) around for help.
2. I don't like lots of noise or lots of people for an extended period of time. (yes, coming from a mom of four). At home I can safely escape to another portion of the house when the kids go savage. Not so easy to do in a group setting.
3. I don't like being around groups of older girls (say age 8 and up). I know that sounds crazy coming from someone who was stupid enough to volunteer for a Daisy scout leader position. Ages 5-6 are one thing. Girls older than 8 is a completely different ball game. They are loud (think screaming), catty, bossy, picky and overly concerned about the color of their nail polish. Just because I was this age once, doesn't mean I have to be okay with it.
4. This family camping trip meant that I would have to spend some time around other family groups that I have avoided ever since I first met them, years ago.
5. This trip meant family-style cooking. This means coming to consensus with vegans, vegetarians, gluten allergies, dairy allergies, and about a hundred other allergies and aversions thrown in the mix. I just wanted to whip out a Twinkie and mash it into my mouth after cooking three different meals together with these people. They did nothing to indicate judgement or otherwise, but it is just tear-your-hair-out kind of frustrating to have to negotiate four different types of pancake batter.
I agreed to do this campout for Rylan's sake. This poor little girl, who has so few playdates and even fewer friends, needed to be with other girls. This picture makes me happy and sad at the same time. The big girls were kind to the little ones, and partnered with them when playing games. Then, at the flick of a switch, things would change. Rylan was the last girl to arrive (due to her mother's, ahem.. tardiness). She wanted to sleep in the loft room where ALL of the other girls were sleeping, but they told her there was 'no more room'. The older girls were painting nails, yet told the little girls they would have to pay to have theirs done. Sending the little girls to bogus hiding spots when playing hide-and-seek. Mixing ages is a warm and cozy idea in theory, but, as far as girls are concerned, I rarely see it happen successfully in practice. Which frustrates me even further, when mixed ages is the cornerstone to homeschooling! I don't like the girl Rylan becomes when she is around older girls. Within just an hour's time she becomes sassy, haughty, and completely annoyed with me. She is only five!!! I am really, really struggling with how to best serve Rylan's social needs. I need to keep encouraging those friendships that foster mutual respect and fun. I will just have to really work at arranging playdates on a more continual basis.
Our trip up to camp was uneventful. I kept repeating to myself "Have fun, no matter what". We arrived. There was one room left in the lodge, and that was set aside for us. It had an adjoining wall to the great room, where everyone could gather on couches and play games and so forth. That's trouble. Directly above us? The loft where all of the girls had set up to sleep. Even more trouble. After a dinner that just confirmed again and again for me WHY I hate group cooking, it was time to get to bed.
** ADULTS ARE SUPPOSED TO KNOW BETTER **
After getting Rylan settled in upstairs with the girls (who were told to MAKE room), I gave Owen some time on the nebulizer while I chased down Colin about twenty times to change his diaper and get him into pj's. It's now 9:30pm. The other adults have sent the girls to bed, and have now convened in the great room - just on the other side of my wall. Most of the adults are there, save one who went to bed with her little one. The adults want to talk and laugh and swap stories. And so they do so... for the next three hours. Every time I would finally begin to fall asleep, a loud peal of laughter would wake me, Owen and Colin up again. Now, lets add in TWO solid hours of pounding above your head on top of the noise coming from the great room. Ten or so pairs of feet, alternately pounding with a few squeals of laughter and some screaming to spice it up. So, we've got pounding over our heads, and several adults talking, laughing and having a good ol' time in the room next to us. Both of those groups shush each other multiple times. Owen pleaded with me to make the grown-ups stop talking. To make the girls stop jumping. I pleaded with myself to not commit a felony - there would be too many witnesses. Finally, close to 1 am, it gets quiet. But not inside my head. Because, now, by this point, I am calculating how difficult it might be to pack up my children and belongings at that very moment. Or else do the unthinkable and actually pinch my baby so that his crying can now keep the whole lodge awake for awhile as a form of payback. It's horrible the things you contemplate at 1 a.m. when you are absolutely exhausted and as mad as ever.
So here was my conundrum:
1. These adults all knew that I was just mere feet away, with small children, trying to get them (and myself) to sleep. Yet, they all talked and laughed for hours anyway.
2. The next morning, after multiple parents commented that Owen was really out of sorts, none of them made the brilliant connection that it was their fault (and the girls') to begin with.
3. None of them apologized for the noise.
4. I want to be a part of things, yet I am an introvert at heart. But a small part of me wished that I could have been included - but not at the expense of my children. It's just the feeling of being left out that gets to me.
5. I don't like having zero control over my surroundings when it comes to my kids and their welfare.
6. There weren't any scout activites that I had really planned on for the Daisies - all save practice making a fire. We are under a fire ban in these parts due to high fire danger because it has been so dry, so we couldn't do that. And I was not hiking with my little guys, so I kind of felt useless. This trip was geared more towards the Juniors and Brownies anyway.
And here was my solution:
1. Leave. The next morning (Sat) we struggled through breakfast and tye-dyeing t-shirts. The only pleasant thing was a mid-morning walk with my boys while the girls all played games. After hashing out lunch and ice cream sundaes for dessert, the girls go hiking and I try to put down the boys for a nap. Rylan stayed behind to play Barbies with another little girl. The boys won't go to sleep. I try for thirty minutes, but to no avail. By this time they have reached a manic state of tiredness - they run around and pull things from shelves and tear their hair out. (Oh, wait.. that's me). I've come to the conclusion that I can't bear another night of noise, or the disapproving looks from parents because my boys are being so naughty. The answer is a mad dash to the car with our things and make a break for it. So I did. Thank you, Lanna, for helping me gather our stuff!
2. I will not be talked into a group camping trip ever again - unless it is with my family only. If they stay up late talking near our tent, I will disown them.
3. I will bitch and bitch about the whole incident in my blog. (Done!)
4. I have come to the conclusion that, despite my longing for my daughter to be included in some type of group, Girl Scouts is not the answer. We are done with that. I will have to think of something else. There will be more on this to come...
**THINGS I DID ENJOY ABOUT THE TRIP**
1. Having some time with the group. I know this sounds contrary to all that I have just said - but I don't dislike everybody.. It is nice to have camaraderie and know the people you are with. I like spending time with other families that we don't get to see that often. It will be especially hard next year, when a couple of the girls move on to public school - I will miss them and their parents very much. It was especially nice to have time with friend Lanna, who understands exactly how I feel.
2. Being outdoors. With all the episodes of being sick in our household this winter and spring, being outside has not been happening as of late. I love this part of Colorado (where the camp is located), and it was so nice to get out and smell the fresh air. I could hear the shrieks of falcons as they circled near our camp. I could smell the pines. I could hear a creek running and splashing along the way. Owen found a favorite stick and kept it by his side. Colin wanted to hold my hand as we walked around the grounds. I got to take a lot of pictures...
I can't bring myself to say - "Oh, I am SO glad that we went on this trip!!", but I am grateful that I could finally come to some conclusions with some internal emotional battles that have been raging inside my heart for months now - and be at total peace with my decisions.
Ahhh... clarity. Isn't that what mountain air is good for anyway?
