An interesting mental worm hole happened this past week, and I'm not sure where it has left me...
It all started with watching the video that the students of Lakewood High School put together for the lip dub video contest for Katy Perry's Roar. I've been going on and on about this video to anyone who will listen to me. I am just blown away by this video. First of all, this school has a huge...HUGE student population - 2,000 - and 98% of the students and staff participated in the production/execution of the video. That is just astounding to me. It was the coming together of all of the different student groups that really touches me... over 80 different clubs are represented, and it wasn't just the 'cool kids' that got to be in it - at the expense of the tech-savvy kids that usually put these types of things together.
One of the lasting scars of my public school experience was the rampant exclusionary culture of my junior high and high school. I may have been comfortably ensconced in the band program, made some terrific life-long friends and felt at home there, but there was no crossing the lines. Not that I wanted to run with the cool kids...but there was always the feeling deep within me that somehow things had gone askew. Some of the most popular girls in my graduating class had been my playmates in the early days of elementary school. It was strange to me that as the years went by, and the differing tastes, talents and looks dictated the paths we followed, that not even a smile could be exchanged in the hallways by our senior year. We had grown up together.. lived in the same neighborhood.. swam on the same swim team.. the play dates, birthday sleepovers.. I of course no longer feel that way now, but back then, in my teenage years, the feeling of being 'less than' was always present.
I think that it is this negative personal experience (not to mention high-stakes testing) that has turned me so against sending my own kids into that public arena of endless posturing and competition. But that video did call back a feeling that had sustained me during that time in my life. The feeling that I was a part of something bigger. When I marched on the field, volunteered at the hospital, shelved books in the library, ran notes for the front office... I was a part of a bigger entity. I wore my crimson and gold with pride, cheered on the football team and tried to impress the teachers...at least in the classes that I was interested in. It meant something to be a part.. you were, or course, one of many, but you belonged, none the less.
Later this past week, on Saturday night, I had the pleasure of watching my nephew Connor march with his high school band in the state marching band competition. He is a senior this year (so hard to believe...), and this was the FIRST time I had seen him march. (I'm such a pathetic aunt...) The competition was for 4A and 5A schools that had made the finals in the competition. Connor is a part of a band that places somewhere in the top 3 every year - they are that good. There were 8 bands in the finals for each division, so we got to watch 16 different bands perform. Each school put on such an impressive show. Each was unique, but what remained the same was the fierce dedication you could see in each young person's face as they marched about the field with their instruments or flags. They were all a part of something bigger... much bigger. They executed flawless routines with incredible artistic expression and skill - and all as one entity. They are all so young, yet so talented!! It did bring back some good memories for me, and sort or washed away some of the icky feelings that surfaced earlier in the week.
It also brought about that ridiculous circular argument I have in my head when I all of a sudden question whether homeschooling will continue to be the right thing for us. I don't want to rob our kids of that wonderful feeling of being part of something bigger - that experience of being part of a team - whether it be sports, music or science Olympiad. Dean and I both enjoyed that in our respective high school experiences. I guess it all comes down to whether or not we can cultivate an interest in the first place, and then see about making it a reality. For now, Jordan is satisfied in his first-ever team competition experience is with his homeschool Lego NXT team that is preparing to compete next month. I don't quite see the level of passion or team spirit that I had hoped for, but it is early days. The interest is there.. and we may pursue getting him a berth on a high school robotics team next year. In Rylan's case, her current element is dance, and being a part of a dance performance is being a part of something bigger.
I don't know if writing this all out makes me feel any better... it isn't often that a day goes by where I don't question our decisions and think, "Am I being selfish and ruining them?", followed by a strong urge to count my lucky stars that we have our wonderful homeschooling life. Some days it takes tremendous fortitude to walk this path...and stay there.
