This post could go in a thousand and one different directions, so I hope I don't confuse the masses. (Okay, more like the 3 or 4 people who read it because it's their family obligation.... ;)
First, let me preface this by saying that I have all kinds of people in my life who I care about and are important to me. Liberals, free-thinkers, conservatives, a couple of pagans, dog AND cat owners, carnivores, omnivores, vegans, chocoholics and maybe a couple of Twilight fans. As long as they are with Team Jacob, we're good. I love you all. I love that you embrace the theology that you aspire to, and that your faith - whether in God, Mother Earth or the sciences or a combination of them, sustains you. Please remember that this missive is not about you or a judgement of you*. It is about me and my 'faith' journey.
*I may judge you harshly, though, if you think Glenn Beck is intellectually enlightened, or if you actually believe the Earth is only 10,000 yrs. old.
For many years the coming of spring has been a rough time for me, emotionally. I've made it abundantly clear that I am no fan of late winter/early spring. This year is different though. I credit my change of heart to my magical little blue pill that I take every morning - Zoloft. It is a wonderful thing. I know that it is making a huge difference in me because I feel different, this spring. I think I might actually be feeling hopeful anticipation for the first time in many, many years. I didn't even feel this 'good' eight years ago at this time, when I met Dean and we began dating and ended up marrying 5 months later. (Don't take it personally, honey!) There was just a deep well of sadness and self-doubt that I had to work through in combination with a wicked annual case of SAD. Self-doubt still plagues me to this day, though. I missed a week of meds in mid February, and it was markedly noticeable. Pictures and stories of friends having fun with other friends were flooding my social media, and it totally effected me. Feelings of exclusion consumed me rather than gladness that my friends were happy. I'm good now, for the most part.
So, this year, with good feelings in abundance, I am ready to make a change. (I credit my homeschooling friend Dalliss for planting this seed, many years ago.) I am ready to change how we celebrate a holiday and formulate a new family tradition instead. Not earth-shattering news to be sure, but it involves a lot more than deciding what decorations we put out and whether to cook ham or turkey. It involves a deeper connection to who we really are and what we truly want to celebrate and how we want to celebrate.
See, the problem is that I (we) really don't want to celebrate traditional Easter anymore. To be sure, I love chicks and bunnies and chocolate and hunting for pastel colored eggs... I just don't like anything...else about the 'holdiay'. I have felt a growing disconnection from organized religion for quite some time, so going through the motions of the Lenten Season seems borderline ridiculous for me, personally. I have never felt anything positive about the dark and depressing acts surrounding Jesus's crucifixion (or the act, itself). It scared me as a child, and I don't feel compelled to expose my own children to any of that at all - the crucifixion, the tomb, the resurrection - and to actually celebrate it. I know, I know, it more about the spiritual connection to the sacrifice, the hope, the promise, the rebirth. It also comes down to belief. I just don't believe any more - in any of it. I just...don't. I'm not sure if I ever did. I can't pretend to be what I am not. I can't pretend for my children, my family or anyone else.
I've felt like this for a number of years. We stopped going to Easter services a couple of years ago, but why did we continue to celebrate that day? What are we actually celebrating as a family? The word 'Easter' is historically related to 'Eostre', a Saxon dawn-goddess who compelled hares to bound forward, carrying the sunlight of a new day, and 'Ostara' the Germanic fertility Goddess associated with human and crop fertility. Well, I'm not actually interested in celebrating either of those Goddesses. We have had enough fertility in these parts, thank-you-very-much. Then we have the ancient Mayans who gathered at El Castillo (Chichen Itza) to watch the sun serpent descend down the northern staircase of the pyramid as the sun travels across the sky. I've been there and hiked up those very stairs. I'm willing to celebrate the incredible creativity that the astronomers and mathematicians of that era used to create such an amazing spectacle. Then we have Hilaria, the ancient Roman celebration of Cybele and her lover, Attis. Attis was born of a human woman (a virgin, no less) and a God. He was sacrificed on Black Friday, crucified on a pine tree - his holy blood spilled to redeem mankind, and resurrected three days later. Sound sorta familiar? The Roman cult of Cybele, centered on what is now Vatican Hill, came into existence in about 200 BCE. And this is just one of several man-god/sacrifice/resurrection stories that were in existance - long before Christianity took hold. As I've said, I'm not into celebrating crucifixion or resurrection - the original or the Christian copy-cat. So what's left to celebrate?
Well, today is Spring Equinox. The days to come will bring increasing light and warmth. That is something worth celebrating! (just not the summer heat that comes after that). The bird song, the blooms and buds, the newborn animals... the fact that life is stirring after a long, cold winter is reason enough to celebrate. And that is what I want to celebrate. I want to celebrate that joy in renewal. It is a renewal of life and spirit. It is deeply personal, afterall, because my own spirit has finally reached a state of renewal and joy.
So, years ago, when my friend Dalliss related to her own family's version of Easter, my ears perked up. They did baskets - but on the first day of spring, not Easter. It was the spring bunny that came - not the Easter bunny. And now, so it is with us. Early this morning the spring bunny left lots of goodies in the baskets that were left out last night in the hope of a visit. We will dye eggs today and go out for some outdoors time to look for signs of spring.
In my quest for information about the Spring Equinox and various celebrations tied to this day, I did find a celebration that I could relate to. The Iranian people, specifically, along with several eastern European and central Asian countries, celebrate the Spring Equinox with the secular holiday of Navroz (of which there are about twenty different spellings...). Navroz is a modern-day relic of the religion of Ancient Persia; Zoroastrianism, and the holiday has survived for over 4000 years. "No Ruz" translated means 'New Day'. Here is a great post about one family's Navroz celebration. There are definitely some elements in there that speak volumes to me. I will think about expanding this day a little for us, next year.
Thanks for reading. And in the meantime....
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