The mess in my mind

Anxiety Brain

Welcome to my world.   Anxiety is horrendous.  It manifests itself in so many different ways.  It's not always the pacing the floor, wringing your hands type of thing (although I have been known to do that whenever the disaster involves red Kool-aid, Sharpie pens or pointy objects), it's more like living under the constant threat that you are forgetting something, late for something, failing at something, under-qualified for something, and so on....

I don't know exactly how I got here, but I think it has something to do with attaining/giving birth to four children in very short order, followed by deciding that homeschooling was a fun and fabulous thing to do, followed by thoroughly sucking at most of what I put my hand too.  Also, being over-scheduled, out-manned and unprepared most likely played a role as well.

I used to be really good at handling stress and keeping my shit together.  I was a non-traditional student (read: OLD) working three jobs AND maintaining a 4.0 GPA.  I cranked out papers, paid the bills on time and found time to craft, garden, hike, learned how to build stuff (power tools!!) and took a trip every now and then. I was on it!!

What the hell happened?

I have been spending hours on Pinterest, working hard to find ways to pull me out of this endless loop.  After wasting the last couple of years of not doing much that was productive, there is a lot that has stacked up, waiting to be dealt with.  Literally...stacked.  If you walked through the door right now, you'd think you walked into an episode of Hoarders.   I've bought bins, made countless chore charts, shuffled around paper piles, bought self-help books, read blogs, spent time on Facebook, took long naps, ate loads of chocolate.... none of it solved the problem and got to the core of the matter that I was clearly over-whelmed and totally unmotivated to do anything about it.

Fly Lady?  (check)(got irritated with the constant sales pitch)

KonMari? (check)(I haven't moved beyond the first chapter.  Do you know how many clothing items 6 people own???  And what is it with all that folding business??  Clothing is not origami friendly)

GTD?  (check)(I am not that OCD)

Home Routines (check - and actually quite successful, when I remember to actually do it, and if there isn't anything more interesting to do, like surf the Internet, or nap)

So here is my latest attempt at reining in the chaos.  It of course involves lots of sticky notes.  Sticky notes are awesome.  It is visual.  If I can't see it, I don't think about it.  (the exception of course being the clothing, legos, wrappers, mail, dirty forks, spoons bowls and cups, dog hair and shoes that I see. every. damn. day.)

This chart is a mish-mash of Kanban and Alejandra (I so totally envy her colored binder collection) and it sits in full view of my desk.  When I am able to tear my eyes away from Facebook and actually look at it, I can see all the things that swirl around in my brain in a format that lets me know - "Here is what you deemed important enough to write down on a sticky note, so get your ass out of that chair and do something!!"  The list of goals I want to meet (above the sticky notes) addresses all the things that nudge at me and give me anxiety. Things like: I don't read enough to the kids...everybody gets to bed very late...the kids need to learn how to pick-up after themselves....my knee is still very weak and in constant pain...I can't ever find the paper item I need without digging through 4 different stacks of paper, 90% of which is junk mail anyway...  You get the picture.  I copied the idea for this from an Alejandra TV video.  The sticky notes below are little steps I can take to get items checked off the list above, thus lessening my anxiety about not getting anything done.  I have spent the past couple years ground to a halt, totally stuck on which 'thing' to tackle first.  So I tackled none of it.  Now I have choices that I can act on, with minimal fuss or preparation, that will move a goal along to eventual completion.  I can drive to the store to get the paint that I need to finish the painting job that was started 18 months ago.  I can sit at the computer and pull together a reusable menu of family favorites.  I can assign kid w/parent cooking nights, which will teach them an important life skill.  I can create a standard shopping list tied to a week's particular menu, saving me tons of time.  I can get the kids in a routine by teaching one skill at a time: clearing dirty dishes, loading the dishwasher, putting away clean dishes, and wiping the table.  All of which they suck at except for Jordan, who can load a dishwasher like a boss.

Little steps are what I can handle at the present moment.  A single counter space.  A single goal (put away this basket of laundry).  A single errand, phone call or email that I have avoided.

yep.

The New School Room

The school room is finally finished and ready for sharing!

After negotiating with Dean for some more space, we decided to clear the front room to make a dedicated room for homeschool. (Surprisingly, even after 7 years of homeschooling, we never had a dedicated space to work in. We would either cram around a desk in the office, or the kitchen table, or spread out in the living room... it was never ideal.) Our supplies and books were never all together in the same place. The piano got moved to the living room (sorta sad about that because now that room looks and feels cramped), and Dean and Jordan's maker space was taken down and may be set up again in the basement. It was a problem anyway because the little boys would not leave the tools alone. With the room clear, in the two weeks before my knee surgery I painted the walls like a mad woman, completed an art project, we made a trip to Ikea and we hung up new window treatments. I am so excited with the results!! I have dreamed of this room for years...

Here is the before. This was a golden yellow paint. I loved this color... In the mornings, when the sunrise would light up this side of the house, it would just glow - not in an irritating way..more like a soft glow, like warm baked bread. I remember picking out this paint. I was newly single, and picking out some chairs at LazyBoy. This yellow was used in the showroom in a little family room setting, and I just knew I had to have it. I got the paint (Benjamin Moore), and painted some rooms this color, and chose a softer yellow for other walls. Over the years, it got a bit dingy. Well, a lot dingy. I had also unfortunately used a flat paint, so I couldn't scrub pencil, marker, greasy hand prints or anything else off of it. By painting day, I was overjoyed to see it go. I was also excited that the very ugly brass light fixture that illuminated *nothing* was on its way out the door as well.

Here is the after...

I have True Confessions of a Homeschooler to thank for the inspiration for the desk. Had our bank account been able to take the full hit, we would have done the four separate drawer units as well, but....in using it for the past few weeks as it is right now, I like the airiness of it just being the table, alone. We made the trip to Ikea in late July, making a day of it. We purchased the following items:

2 Linnmon table tops, in white, with soft green trim around the edges
8 Adils table legs, in silver
3 Jules Jr chairs, two in white, one in pink ;)
1 Vilgot Swivel chair, in black, for Jordan
1 KNAPPA pendant lamp, 2 spotlights and the Sanda track

I love the black chair as it is super-comfy. I am buying another one for me, in fact, tomorrow, as we will be driving right by Ikea on our way to a school picnic. The one in the pic is Jordan's, the other three are for the little kids. The table tops are terrific. In the past few weeks they have been subjected to pencil, crayon, acrylic paint, ModPodge, Elmer's Glue and cat puke. It all cleaned up beautifully. Mr. Clean's Magic Eraser is your best friend.

We love the new light. I affectionately call it the Giant Cauliflower. It took some considerable dexterity to put it together, but it puts out a ton of soft light on the work surface below. Here is a pic I took at night... The light looks like it is glaringly bright, but that is just the way the picture turned out - but look at how well it illuminates the entire table! The table measures 5' x 5', so it is a pretty big surface.

This is my pride and joy. I first encountered an alphabet wall very similar to this in our pediatrician's office about three years ago.  Ever since I saw it, I wanted to make one for our home, but there was never the appropriate wall space for it. It does take a serious amount of wall space. When this room came to fruition, I thought it would be the perfect place for it. Most of the letters came from Hobby Lobby, the rest from Michael's, and the plate from Target. It took about three solid days of shopping, designing, painting and so forth to finish it. Some letters were as-is, but most of them were embellished in some way. It was hard to get a good shot of the wall from straight-on because of Giant Cauliflower, but here it is. I think my favorite is the letter "B". It is a fancy box from Michael's that is in the shape of a Book, with Butterflies on it. I painted a wooden letter B, in Black, and glued it on. :)

Alphabet Wall Art

This bookcase was built many years ago, and had been banished to the garage a couple years back. I painted it with a fresh coat of white paint, and it lives to see another day! The math manipulatives, which have  lived forever in two large wicker baskets, are now properly sorted and easy to find in their new containers, from the Container Store. LOVE that place, and they were a nice price, too! The shelf next to it holds three stacks of Calvert teaching manuals, one for each kiddo. The other four shelves hold each kid's pile of school stuff.

And that's it! School is in session, and so far, so good. We had a lot of discussion about personal work habits before pulling this room together. Having one giant table won't work for everybody, as some kids need their space. We addressed the needs and concerns for each kiddo.  No, we don't all sit around this table and slog away in our work for hours and hours until it's done. I think over the past week we maybe spent a grand total of 1 hour all sitting at the same space.  During the day the kids come and go as they rotate turns working with me, and it's nice to have such a large table surface to push some work to the side, and pull another pile closer and spread out. Calvert is especially manual-heavy, so I may be managing four different books at one time - plus the kid's stuff!

Many, many thanks to my husband for putting the tables and chairs together and installing the new lights.  The kids helped with the chairs, each getting a turn putting their own chair together.  I feel very, very fortunate to have this space for us to work in. :)

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April afterthoughts...

I just had the most amazing month of April in...well...let's just say, a decade. It has taken me a long, long, time to make my peace with April, since the month is crazy violent (every effn' YEAR!) and also marks some pretty unhappy anniversaries in my own life. I made up my mind months ago that this year was going to be different. I was not going to wallow in self-pity and I was only going to keep the barest minimum of the news on my radar. I was going to stay busy and actively work on making some changes within myself and within our family dynamic. I was also going to go med free (no antidepressant) and see how it felt.

Colin started the month off with a bang by breaking his leg. Diversion tactic! Good one, bud... you got my back! ;)

All these years, as tons of good things have come my way - a marriage, three babies, the new lifestyle of homeschooling, friends and so forth... it's been good - but it's been too much change all at once. I have been fighting for breath, operating in survival mode for years, and it has taken its mental and physical toll. I spent a good amount of last year taking care of some of the physical things. But the mental part - whoa that is tough. I created a life over the past several years that keeps me very busy. Busy means less time for emotional investment or risk of getting hurt. I'm involved. I'm connected. Just...not with my kids or friends, and not on the level with Dean that I long to be. I'm too involved in a couple of groups that no longer make sense in my life. They, at one time, served the purpose of making me feel like I was contributing..like I mattered.. that I was needed. At the time that was important to me, because for whatever reason, a divorce and job loss erased those feelings for me, and I struggled like hell to gain them back. I needed a group of adults to tell me - yes, you matter, we need you here, your input is important, we like you... But when it comes down to it, it does me no lasting good to have validation come from the outside - it needs to come from the inside. In the search for that outside validation, a lot of hurt has come my way. I depended on friends to give that secure feeling of 'belonging', but the whole friendship 'thing' has been fraught with difficulty. I have my own issue with an unwillingness to put forth a lot of effort because I am so scared of rejection, and so, after all these years...friends have paired off, formed their own groups and do their own things, and my only connection seems to be very superficial at this point. A lot of intense, sad feelings here that, for the meantime, need to stay stuffed down and out of the way. Ouch...right? Okay - this is not the tone this missive was supposed to take - this month was a month of triumph for me!

So, I recently decided that it was time to get rid of what wasn't working, wasting my time, bringing me down, giving my anxiety, stressing me out, and taking time from my family. That meant just about everything. I stepped down from our homeschool board - my term ends this month. I stepped down from girl scouts. We end our 'year' this month. It is all part of a master plan I am calling, "Reclaiming Your Life. Transitioning from Survival Mode to Thrive Mode", and I am feeling pretty darn empowered right now.

Quitting scouts and the board was hard, but I feel like I absolutely suck in any type of leadership position because I consistently attack my duties with my type-A intensity, and I take criticism too personally. I may be organized and all that, but when I completely lose my shit whenever someone attacks me for doing my job or for the way I am doing it, I feel like my time and effort were totally disrespected. I don't like how it feels to be depended on and judged by other adults. (children are another matter). There is this disconnect that happens - the parents no longer see you as a person. You are now this entity that must answer emails asap, fix the mistakes that the parents made in paperwork, run the errands for supplies and whatnot, help somebody catch up when they miss a meeting, do the training, do the scheduling, plan the meetings, field trips... I feel like I cease to be a person who has feelings and a life of my own. It is even worse when the parents are also your friends. That makes this disconnect even more bizarre and unsettling. I have spent a lot of time this past month reflecting on this very subject. I know that my decision has already made one mom a little angry. She is a friend, yet I get the impression that my quitting has let her down in a big way. "If you quit, then who will lead? SusieQ really loves scouts!" You know? Not once, in three years, did a mom step forward with the offer to share the load. It had to be asked for, and it was given with considerable reluctance. It is my profound wish, that as parents, we recognize that our time is equally valuable among all of us, and that in making an entity like scouting or a large homeschool support group be a successful and rewarding experience, parents need to work in partnership rather than an 'us vs. them' thing.

I read a book this past month that really lined it all out for me what I needed to do. Say Goodbye to Survival Mode, by Crystal Paine was an eye-opener. I filled up entire pages in a notebook of the things that weren't working, the direction in which my goals have shifted, where I need growth and change, and then pick just a few of them to begin working on. If you overwhelm yourself, it won't happen, you'll fail, and then you are in a worse spot than where you started from. The biggest message in the book is how to break it all down into something that is manageable, so that one elusive day - you own your time, instead of being a slave to it. I took this information and blended it with what Alejandra presents on quarterly goals on her website/YouTube channel. Alejandra is my new hero. I may not be as much of a perfectionist as she is (and perfectionism is not a bad thing - we Type A's understand each other's needs, whether it be color-coding, sorting or alphabetizing), but what she says makes absolute sense. I set about creating my own chart - (below). The heart of the message is zeroing in on a particular goal, and then break it down further - into smaller steps, and create a timeline for yourself in which you want this to happen. And then keep the goal sheet where you can see it - EVERY DAY. Remind yourself of what you want happening in your life. Rinse and repeat.

So I've got my goals set, and now I am in major purge mode. My next book that I am currently working on is Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life, by Julie Morgenstern. She presents a slightly altered approach by really analyzing the array of 'stuff' in your life - material things, your schedule, your habits. Every one of these areas could use pruning, but where do you start? I already dove headlong into pruning my schedule before I even cracked this book, but now I see how I can improve upon the work I've already done. It does require a lot of reflection. Take for instance, your schedule. When you look at it, you need to really pick it apart and rank the meaningfulness of each and every thing you do. Obviously the stuff that ends up at the bottom of the list - the stuff you really resent having to do (no - going to the dentist does not apply here...) is an obvious starting point. The board meeting that you attend once a month that really does not inspire you, the weekly bowling night with buddies that you've grown apart from.. you need to separate the obligation you feel from the activity and look at it from a whole new perspective. If you dropped this activity and reclaimed that time, what could you do with it? (Hint: look at your goal sheet with a new eye) Give yourself a focal point, a direction you want to head, and shed the things in your life that are contrary to that goal and preventing you from getting there.

Heavy, heavy stuff - but so rewarding!!!!

So that is what I spent my April doing. I want to slow down and enjoy this wonderful life I have - the card deck has dealt me some whoppers over the years, but I have survived. And now I want to thrive.

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Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

 

 

Outside my window... Frost on the grass and a clear blue sky. It will be a sunny day.

I am thinking... About our upcoming trip to OKC for Thanksgiving, about the logistics of the very busy weekend that we leave... and it makes my head hurt.

I am thankful... For the fact that maybe, *just* maybe, we might all finally be getting over our colds. I think three weeks is sufficient penance for whatever it is we did to offend the Gods of cleanliness and sterility.

From the Learning Rooms... Last week Rylan and I finished reading Charlotte's Web - our first novel we've completed together. No - Rylan didn't read to me, but we read and discussed as we moved along. She's not quite at the reading level yet where she could tackle something like that, but she just may be ready for something like Magic Treehouse... I got the Charlotte's Web movie at the library last week and told her we could watch it as soon as we finished. We got to the end of the book (Rylan's reaction to the passing of Charlotte was rather blasé - not sure why...) but Rylan was reduced to tears when the stupid library DVD would. not. play. Luckily I could pull it up on Netflix, and so we watched it as a family on Sunday night. I was very impressed with the movie (the one with Dakota Fanning...) - one of the best movie adaptations ever! I stressed to Rylan the importance of reading the story BEFORE you watch the movie, because a lot of the thoughts and feelings that the author is expressing is lost when it is adapted for the screen. It was very satisfying to hear Rylan name each character as they initially appeared in the movie, and recall what their character traits were. "See that rat, Owen? That's Templeton, and he is very selfish...".

I'm working on number recognition with Owen, and the other day I gave him a set of cards, numbered 1-20 to place in order. He worked off of a number grid that was printed on another card and matched pattern and placement to get the job done. He is very, very particular about how he goes about this. I am confident that he recognizes #s 1-5, and #8 because he looks like a snowman. It is a work in progress. Very sloooow progress.

Dean stayed home on Monday so that he could attend a memorial service that afternoon. I had him work on Jordan's physics lesson with him while I did math with Rylan and Owen. I like when I have the opportunity to get Dean in on the lessons. He is more aware of what we do, and Jordan is more aware of teaching differences. There is dad's over-the-top-way-too-technical explanation, and my let's-consult-Google-because-I-have-no-idea explanation. :)


In the kitchen... we have been surviving on minimal cooking at home, and a lot, A LOT, of takeout. As my energy returns I am in better shape to get to the store and do some cooking. Pushing a grocery cart and carrying groceries is still a painful activity for me (because of the BR), so that plays a huge part in it. Last night I made PW's sour cream beef noodle bake, and it was meh... :/ I'd add more sour cream. I also added green beans and used leftover spaghetti sauce instead of tomato sauce. It still needs more 'oomph'.

I am wearing... comfy pjs. As soon as I finish this I'll change into walking gear and get outside.

I am creating... I'm making a mental packing list for OKC, and among the items is my yarn and circular knitting needles. It's been a couple of years since I knitted last, so it is time to learn to how to cast on again and do the basic knitting stitch. I am in need of a hat for running, as well as maybe a neck (cowel?) type thing, and a ear warmer/headband. Then I can pick and choose based on the weather of the day... I have no idea how to make a hat, but there is always Google and YouTube to show the way! This will be a good way to pass the time on our trip.

I am going... We have a girl scout outing this afternoon - a fire station visit to go hand-in-hand with our current badge - First Aid. Rylan has ballet later this afternoon and Jordan has Lego robotics.

I am wondering...How the kids manage to use 20 different cups in one day... sigh.

I am reading... currently I've been reading different articles about the Common Core. I've been holding this issue at arm's length, thinking that it wouldn't have much effect on us since we homeschool. Now I am not so sure, so I have been cramming on the issue. My gut reaction is 'This is bad. Very, very bad.' Many thanks to various friends for posting different editorials/videos about the issue. Any kind of blanket education policy is bad policy!!

In the garden... dead plants that really, really need to be removed. Anyone?

I am hoping... My gosh the destruction in the Philippines is just heartbreaking. I hope that relief comes soon for the people who are desperate for food and water.

I am looking forward to... the weekend. Not much is going on other than Saturday morning when Dean and Jordan complete Scouting for Food, but I am looking forward to the quiet before the crazy-assed stress of the following week - a busy week and packing for OKC.

I am learning... about Common Core, force, how to convert an Ikea table into a sewing table with a dropped machine placement, and this Ikea-inspired family locker unit! I wish we had a mud room - it is actually very high on my must-have list for whenever we make the move to a bigger house. God help our family budget if I ever set foot in the Ikea that is in Denver... one of these days...one of these days.

I am hearing... Ylvis - The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?). This is the kid's new favorite, and it is an absolute joy to sing and go a little crazy!

Around the house... Last weekend Dean finished tearing out the tile around the fireplace, and we went to the tile store to pick out new tile. I am also looking forward to this weekend because I hope we can finish up this stage of the project - especially since part of the wall is exposed to the studs. I am thankful that the weather is mild right now - otherwise this room would get very chilly!

I am pondering... paint colors for the downstairs. The time to choose is now!

One of my favorite things... changing the looks of things. This part of the house is looking so different, yet in a good way! I can't wait to post pictures when we get it all cleaned up.

A few plans for the rest of the week... Just activities and such. I also need to get the tires checked, oil changed and windshield replaced before we leave.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

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Visual chaos: Organizing Board Games

I'm not playin'

 

Don't even think that this is a nice little piece that is about to preach the merits of a well-organized games closet and a 'how-to' bit that will only further demonstrate my OCD tendencies. This is about preserving what little sanity I have left when it comes to dealing with the chaos underfoot in this household. It's also about survival. Because I'm going to strangle the next little urchin who comes along, drags out a game, and scatters the pieces to the wind.

 

If it's been awhile since you've had little people running around, let me refresh your memory. They get into things. Lots of things. They open drawers and clear out the contents. They open boxes and dump out the contents. If the boxes are hard to open, they just tear them open, because they are on a mission. TO DUMP OUT THE CONTENTS.

 

Colin is a master at dumping out the contents. For the past 18 months, he has, on a daily basis, dumped out the contents of at least 10 - 15 different board games - in addition to everything else he does... These are games that have lots of little pieces, like RushHour, Tipover, Blokus, Dominoes, Scramble and BoobyTrap. It didn't matter if I shoved them to the back of the shelf or moved them out of reach - he would grab a chair to find them. Some days I just didn't feel like fighting the fight. Those were the days that the various game elements would migrate to every. damn. room. in. the. house. Imagine fighting this fight every day. Every day. You begin to feel that there is no hope. The mess, the broken and missing pieces... Now add this on top of the normal (and excessive) toy, laundry, and paperwork clutter. It is just too much.

 

My first attempt at containing the mess was to clear out the lower half of the upstairs linen closet and store the games there, where they would be out of sight. It is one of those closets that goes a ways beyond the width of the door, so there was room to tuck plenty of games in. This closet is located in the main hallway, and you have to walk past it all the time to get to the W&D and the kids' rooms. So Mr. Dump Out the Contents would consistently open the closet doors, drag game after game off of a shelf, and dump out the contents right there. Right where you have a 3 ft wide hallway to walk through and right in front of our bedroom door. Most of the time I would employ the 'sweep it all aside with the foot' technique, until I could take the time to put it all away. Sometimes I would forget it was there, and at 2 a.m., when a young child was calling out for me, I would have the pleasure of stepping on something like this:

 

 

 

Now that's a sure fire way to wake your ass up in the middle of the night...

 

So in November, when we moved the dining table out of the kitchen and actually had a designated dining room again, I moved the games onto a book shelf in there, thinking that we could start up Family Game Night again. Nice idea, but a very, very stupid move. Because now ALL of the games were accessible! Oh the joy! The timers! The card decks! The letter tiles! Woohoo!

 

I reached my limit last week when I took down the Christmas tree and found a treasure trove of game pieces under the tree skirt and tucked in the lower branches of the tree. I Googled up a boat load of storage pictures, ideas and suggestions. I wanted to keep the games in close proximity to the table, but if that little boy dumped out the contents ONE MORE TIME!... So they had to be out of sight in some way, but the budget was not going to allow for the purchase of anything - every potential storage container would have to be something we already owned. The most reasonable way to deal with it was to reduce the amount of 'stuff' that needed to be stored in the first place.

 

 

 

 

It took a couple of hours of all-out searching to get as many game pieces as I could find back in their boxes. I had to bribe Jordan to keep Colin occupied in the basement so he wouldn't undo everything. And then I spent the most cathartic hour..ditching the boxes, game by game. Yes. I threw away the boxes. (My brother is dying a thousand deaths right now...). I read it in multiple places, all over the advice columns of the internets (sic), that getting rid of the packaging was the best thing you could do to reduce clutter. Some of the best ideas came from homeschooling families that RV full-time - now they are the storage solution masters. There is NO reason to keep the packaging - the game boxes come in every shape and size (mostly B.I.G.), they can be a nightmare to try and keep stacked neatly, and they don't last. So, with a Sharpie, empty containers and a box of Ziplocs by my side, I went to town...

The outgoing pile of paper goods to be recycled, and non-recyclable plastic (boooo!).

 

So where'd all the games go? Well, I moved the old bookcase out, because I wanted it upstairs in our bedroom. I moved in the shoe cubby thingy from the front hallway (just a couple of feet away) and stood it up vertically. Only the kids keep their shoes here, with each kid having their own bin. (So those are the four bottom bins). The top four shelves were now going to be repurposed to hold the games. Before this, they were just getting filled with toys and dirty socks. This is configuration is MUCH better, and it is one less piece of furniture in a high-traffic area.

 

So here is about 80% of the games. Ziploc bags hold most of it, and plastic Gerber baby food containers (I saved a jillion of them, and they are an awesome size for smallish things) hold things like dice, gems and playing pieces. It is also nice that most game boards now fold down into fourths, instead of just in half.

 

The rest of it went into the Hall Closet of Doom, which is just adjacent to the dining room. There was just enough space to jam the rest of the stuff (including the games that I couldn't stand to 'debox')' and the over-sized things like the Blokus game boards and so forth. And, most importantly, the most problematic games that Colin liked to get into the most.

 

This is the lower half of that closet. Last year I moved all of my cookbooks out of the kitchen because I needed upper cabinet space to move the arts and crafts supplies into because, you guessed it, Colin kept getting into them. So this was my solution for that. The white drawer bins hold a couple more of the over-sized game things.

 

One last thing - thanks to a tip on Pinterest, this is what you can do with all of those game instructions. Grab a bunch of page protectors (I had a ton left over from my college days) and stick a set of game instructions in each one, and file them away in a binder. So now the games binder resides on one of the cookbook shelves as well. And no, it is not categorized in any way, shape, or form. What do you think I am? Anal?



So, did it work? Has Colin left things alone? Yes, with the exception of one item - the Bananagrams letter tiles. They are (were) in a small wicker basket (see the bookcase picture) that holds our most-often used games. I think I found them all... I guess I had better go check the floor vents.

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Demolition

I don't know exactly how old my house is. I am uncertain how many previous owners have lived here. But what I do know is that they had incredibly bad taste and did a sloppy job in any renovation work that they did.

 

Case in point: the main floor 1/2 bath (otherwise known as the guest bathroom)

 

I have never liked this room. In years' past some evil decorator had their way with this house and practically bathed this house in mauve. I hate mauve. You can take your mauve and ship it back to the southwest that existed two decades ago. This bathroom is painted in a light shade of mauve. It is a shade that just makes the walls look dirty to me. And they also used a super high gloss. It looks like it was applied with a spatula it is laid on so thick. In addition to the icky paint job, there is the U G L Y laminate floor and cabinets with white plastic knobs that scream 80's as well. But that doesn't make sense because I am *fairly* sure that the house was built in the early 90's. It's just a guess though, since the thoughtless owners of previousdom never bothered to pass down the house plans and so forth to the next owner.

 

Irritating.

 

So here is the bathroom. Don't get me wrong - I do love this house. I love the views from the windows, Iove the circular layout and the open rooms. I feel very fortunate that we have this house to call a home. But every time I visit this particular room, I get depressed.

 

 

Somebody did a lousy job leveling the floor and toilet because every time you sit down you felt like you are leaning sharply to the right. The stupid plastic thingamajig that is on the faucet handle that gets icky bathroom grossness under it and I can't clean it. The light bar that belongs above a backstage theatre makeup table..not in a bathroom. And the smell.. Don't get me started... Ever since Owen potty trained this past December, the bathroom has reeked of urine. I clean it. I scrub it. I bathe the base of the toilet in bleach water. Nothing seems to do the trick.

 

So, in a fit of depressed who-gives-a-shit-what-the-bank-balance-says, we have made three trips to Home Depot in the past three days to get new flooring, paint, cabinet/sink/mirror combo, spackle, lighting, faucet, and a various assortment of new tools. Yesterday was demolition day.

They used an unbelievable amount of glue for the tiles. Lots of drywall repair needed here... (You can't see the worst in this picture, but just imagine a large gouged-out section of drywall right by the doorway)

 

Aha! The source of the stink is revealed! See that U-shaped ring of crusty urine? The stupid silicone seal that is supposed to be around the base of the toilet was missing. We had to SCRAPE it off before we could rip up the flooring. Also - see the dark MAUVE paint on the wall where the toilet tank was?? OMG.

 

Dean will be making another trip to Home Depot this morning to get more spackle because we forgot about this... It sorta sucks to run out at 1 am... We just slapped some plastic wrap on it to keep it from drying out. You can't even find insert-into-the-wall type toilet paper holders anymore.

 

So today will be dedicated to getting the flooring in and at least cutting in with the paint. I have to wait for all the spackle and texture to dry, so I won't even be able to paint until tomorrow night. I am so excited to finally have a project to work on - it's been too long!

 

 

 

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Moving things around...

 

 

 

 

In an effort to jolt me out of my uncharacteristic fall malaise I felt a change was necessary.  Pictured above is the school room/office as it was.  As you may remember, we made a big change earlier this year by moving the playroom out of this room and into the basement - thus moving the school stuff out of the living room and into this space.  I spent all summer culling books so that it would eventually ALL fit.  Every last schoolbook and manipulative.  I took this picture just over a month ago.   I was so pleased - and secretly proud of myself for shedding so much unnecessary stuff.  And then it hit.

 

Uugh.

 

Maybe I worked too hard?

 

I no longer had any initiative to do anything...

 

Several half-hearted schoolweeks later a change had to take place.  Maybe it's my body just knows that the seasons are changing and SAD is coming early??  So, even though the above room had been in place for a few months, I changed it back.  It was not nearly as much of an undertaking as it was to get it in there - that is the blessing of a lot less 'stuff'.  I even took the time to go through the file drawers and re alphabetize everything that got UNalphabetized during the last shuffle.  And, since I was going through the files, I even opened them to see what I could pitch, shred or finally place in the firebox - an effort that we have talked about since the day we combined households.  This task yielded some rather interesting things...

 

First.  (my husband is going to kill me)  In the TRAFFIC TICKETS folder where I keep my treasured parking violations that I have received from the Denver PD, there also happened to be a SUBSTANTIAL pile of old speeding tickets of Dean's - courtesy of the Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas and Colorado State Patrol, as well as the cities of Longmont, Loveland (CO), and Moore, Norman and The Village (OKC). 

 

 

TWENTY TICKETS

 

 

I did not know this about my husband.  I knew he had a (ahem) speeding problem, but I didn't know it was to the tune of this many tickets.  Luckily for me he is a packrat that never throws away a piece of paper - or I would have never found out.  To his defense, they were not ALL speeding tickets.  A couple were warnings.  :)  And let it be known now.... my husband will never, NEVER be allowed to purchase a sports car. Again.

 

Second.  I came across the application for a marriage license that my former husband and I filled out on March 16th, 2004.  It was exactly a year to the day before I went out on my first date with my now-husband, Dean.  Weird. 

 

Third.  When placing all of the passports, birth certificates, marriage licenses/certificates and divorce decrees in the firebox (I find it kinda funny that we each have a previous set of these), I placed Dean's and my marriage certificate on top of my old one.  Dean asked, "Do they have to touch??"  So I bundled the old one with the divorce decree that goes with it and buried it at the bottom of the box, where it belongs.

 

Fourth.  My old dog, Yuki, passed away six years ago.  Yet I still had every single vet bill, rabies vaccine certificate and license information.  I'm not sure why I held on to them, but I was definitely ready to part with them.  I kept her certificate of completion for her dog obedience course - because it is just absolutely laughable.  For all who knew this loveable, yet very naughty husky, you will get the irony.

 

Fifth.  I went through all of my teaching evaluations.  That was a mistake.  I spent a couple of hours trying to rid myself of a very foul mood after that.  My evaluations were very good - and one of them was even stellar.  That one, in particular, came just three weeks before my jackass of a Principal informed me that he would not renew my teaching certificate.  I again, felt the overwhelming urge to blow the whistle on the CSAP cheats that *still* teach at his school.  And then I got over it.

 

Sixth.  I spent a good deal of time thinking about why we hang on to the stuff that we do.  I think that, for the most part, we hang on to it to remember a different time in our lives.  But if the time period wasn't a particulary pleasant one, why do we keep the stuff?  I have do not need a reminder in order to not repeat an unpleasant experience.  I think that sometimes we do it just to torture ourselves.  If we rake ourselves over the coals enough times, than we have done adequate penance for whatever transgressions we made.  But what if you didn't do anything wrong?  I do not want to keep my former teaching contracts, evaluations, student teaching paperwork, or the paperwork from the 18 different workshops I attended.  I don't ever plan to teach again... but I can't bring myself to get rid of it yet.  It's like I haven't done *enough* time yet.  I just keep saying "What if I need this again??".  WHY would I ever need to PROVE that I took a course on Empowering Writers by Barbara Miraconda to anyone?  The homeschool police? (that don't exist).

 

 

I forgot what I was even trying to say in this post...  Moving things around?  I guess I was gearing towards perspective.  My perspective is off.  Life has become an endless stream of activity times to remember and childhood mayhem to suppress.  I am trying to shake things up to gain my perspective back.  Unfortunately, sifting through a three foot long stretch of file folders didn't do much for me but harden my resolve to not ever return to public education, let my husband drive, or hang on to frequent-flyer miles that were racked up over a decade ago. 

 

 

I think my next effort will be geared towards getting outside and enjoying the fall weather.  I have a feeling that the schoolwork will be at a minimum again...

 

 



 



Graffiti

Deck2

"When we get overwhelmed our graffiti shows up in stacks and piles, sinks full of dirty dishes, unmade beds, backed up laundry, fast food, bulging garages and such. In addition to that graffiti there's inside grafitti and it's far worse.  It collects as guilt, shame and anxiety."

                                           - Pamela Young, author of Sidetracked Home Executives

Taggers have been working overtime in my home....

 

The dirty dishes in the sink

The pile of socks that needs to be sorted

The three mystery food containers in the back of the fridge

The half-completed math lesson sitting on the desk for the past three weeks (!)

The websites that are opened on my browser and waiting to be explored

The forty-odd emails that I need to respond to

The pile of mail

The kitty litter that is starting to stink

The partially-completed art projects sitting on the kitchen counter

The half-way cleaned out garden bed

The partially written blog posts that are really just rants and should be deleted

The three library books beside the bed, and two more in the car

The pile on the bedroom floor destined for Goodwill.  For two months now.

Oh, wait.... yeah.  It was allll me.

Redesigning a perfectly acceptable grocery store? Fail.

So there I was, this past Sunday night, at 8:35pm, getting ready to go grocery shopping.  Ideally I should be getting the weekly shopping trip done on a Saturday afternoon, but lately it's been sliding into the last possible time slot late on a Sunday night.  I shop two places: I first hit Super Target to get all of the canned goods, household-type stuff (t.p., detergent, soap, diapers, etc..), bread and cookies/crackers.  It is much cheaper there.  I categorically refuse to shop at Walmart.  I cannot fathom shopping for food and smelling the yucky smell of tires at the same time.  It just doesn't work for me.  Besides....have you seen the people of Walmart?  :)  Even in our little patch of Heaven here in Colorado there are some scary-assed people who shop there.

Anyways... back to the story.  I realize it's 8:35, and Target closes at 9pm on Sundays.  Stupid Target.  So I grabbed my list, purse and shopping bags and threw a 'good-bye' over my shoulder.  I made inside the Target building at 8:47.  I threw my stuff in the cart and took off.  I never stopped the cart moving.  I was still moving as I chucked this-and-that into the cart.  I entered the lanes at exactly 9pm, with an overflowing cart.  Mind you, a big bulk of the cart was filled with large packages of paper towels, toilet paper and a box of diapers.  I was on fire!  (I have to celebrate the victories...no matter how small).

I then headed down the road to the grocery store.  I put on my headphones (the only reason I love to do the grocery shopping is so that I can get some time to just zone out) and struck out for the far side of the store.  I am a creature of habit.  I walk along the exact same serpentine-style path throughout the store, every time.  A couple of years ago I decided that I should write up my grocery list so that it follows that path.  I went to the store and hung out for about three hours, with clipboard in hand, and as I walked down each aisle, looking L & R, I wrote down every last possible item that I would normally use in day-to-day meal prep.  Each aisle is numbered, and I always enter a particular aisle from a specific direction, and the list for that aisle is in the order I encounter it.  I listed the entire dairy case as I would walk along it in the back of the store, and then broke up the meat department, deli, bakery and produce.

I am sensing some serious eye-rolling going on.  C'mon!   All I can say is that this system shaves an incredible amount of time off of a normal shopping trip.  There is no back-tracking (unless you forgot to put something on the list), and the simple act of working through a list removes any need to strain your brain and actually think.  I am typically 'done' with thinking at about 5pm everyday.  I can't go much beyond that.  I just print off a list when I am ready, I open up the cupboards and look at what we are low on, fill in what I need for any of my recipes for that week's menu and I am good to go.  I also have a list for Target, but it is just broken into categories because it was designed for the older Target.  Now that I do some of the grocery shopping there, I need to tweak it and actually break it out into aisles as well.

So.  Here is my predicament.  I walked back to my usual starting place in the back corner - working along the dairy case, when I notice that there is a small army of temporary workers filling grocery carts with stuff.  Uh-oh.  They were emptying the shelves.  Lots of shelves.  I had to fight off some guy just so I could grab the last gallon of milk.  Dude!  My poor starving children need milk to drink!  As I walked along, swatting away hands so that I could get some butter and yogurt, I stopped and asked a team of two younger guys filling a cart what it was that they were doing.  (Was there some sort of eColi outbreak going on??)  "Oh, well, we are moving stuff around."  Shit.

I gathered up the rest of my groceries and went to the checkout.  I went through a lane with two younger guys (Why choose the guys?  Because they tend to spill the beans more.  They love to bitch about their jobs, so they are the ones to go to when you want the dirt).  Yep.  Just as I feared.  The idiots at corporate, who never set foot in a grocery store themselves because their wives or housekeepers do it, made the decision that our store needed a remodel.  Which means that EVERYTHING will be moving around, over the next several months.  Items will be moved, and then moved again.  Worse yet, the design will be similar to the other stores in town, where the long, parallel aisles are a thing of the past.  Islands, diagonals, intersections... it will be an organizational nightmare.

I have just one question.  WHY WHY WHY do they not ask us - the primary grocery shoppers - what we would like in a store?  Where was the survey?  If we are the ones opening our wallets each and every week, forking over hundreds of dollars for over-priced food - shouldn't we have a say in what the shopping 'environment' should be like?

Here is what I would say:

Don't roll your pallets of food out at 9 o'clock at night.  You are IN MY WAY. 

Please restock the bananas.

Adults should be able to get a free cookie too.

Ban the plastic shopping bags.  Really.

Make the aisles wider.  When I can't get my cart around the three frat boys arguing over how many cans of pork-n-beans to buy, I get massivly irritated.

Same goes for the lovey-dovey twenty-somethings that flock to the store in the late-evening hours to figure out what they are going to make for dinner - they aimlessly wander - arm-in-arm of all things, up and down the aisles.

Please stop shoving candybars in my face in the checkout lane.

You need to put handwipes/sanitizer by the meat case.

I know this seems like a petty little thing, when such serious stuff is happening all over the globe.  But, when in your own little existence the weekly shopping trip is considered your 'sanity saving get-away', it's huge.

We've moved! sort of.....



"People, when they perform a behavior a lot — especially in the same environment, same sort of physical setting — outsource the control of the behavior to the environment".
                                                                                                      - David Neal


We listened to a very timely piece on NPR's Morning Edition yesterday morning, about how the best way to follow through on an intention (or resolution) is to change your environment.  Case in point - if you are trying to lose weight, and you have a nightly ritual of sitting on the same spot on the couch, with three scoops of ice cream in your favorite bowl, watching your favorite late night show, you won't have success in eating better if you don't break up that entire scenario.  Move the couch.  Ditch the bowl.  Purchase a different type of dessert - low calorie, preferably.  Watch the show on the DVR at a different time of day.  You get into a rut, and your brain becomes trained to do it the same way, over and over again - it goes on autopilot.  Those are the most difficult of all habits to break.

This story was amusing to hear after we had just spent the past week moving practically everything around in our house.  We have been wanting to make better use of our space for quite some time.  We live in a two-story house with an unfinished basement.  Each level is 'about' 900 sq.ft.  Since we spend about 80% of our time inside the house on the main floor, we have been six people crammed into 900 sq. ft.  That can make for some cranky kids and even crankier parents.  The main floor consists of the kitchen, living room, office, dining room, entryway, 1/2 bath and a coat closet.  The kitchen is a very nice size - it is my favorite room in the house.  The living room has an odd shape with little wall space.  For the past 18 months it has also had all of the office furniture in it too.  It was where we did the bulk of our school work.  We would rotate the desk to make a "U' shape during the week, and then push it back against the wall during the weekends to make more floor space.  We only had room for one couch and one recliner in there, so there were constant fights for places to sit to watch TV.  The front room is what I suppose would be where most people would traditionally put the office.  We used to have our office in there, but it was too tight of a fit.  Once we inherited my grandmother's piano, that was the place it needed to go, so we moved our office out and the piano in.  The fish tank and a recliner and the small love seat couch were crammed in there as well.  The dining room has served as the playroom for a number of years.  Four kids had very little floorspace to use.  It was crammed full with shelving, bins and whatnot, but there was still no room to spread out train tracks or dump Legos or dress Barbies.  The toys would spread to all areas of the main floor.  I was tripping over toys constantly... kicking them out of the way as I tried to get from the stove to the refrigerator, sweeping aside a pile just to open the front door.... I was sick, sick, sick of toys.  Every time ANYBODY would come over I was embarrassed about the mess.  I would lie awake at night and worry that we would have a housefire and some poor firefighter would not be able to rescue us because he couldn't escape the playroom.  I confess I have broken quite a few when I would get into cleaning fit and throw them full force towards the playroom area.  Not a good situation.

So when Dean mentioned that we should use the week (his vacation last week) to clear out the basement and move the playroom down there, I was all for it.  We took down all of the Christmas stuff so that it would be out of the way.  We spent an entire day clearing out 2/3 of the large basement area room (about half of the basement, so.... 400 sq feet??) and moved every single last toy to the basement.

It.  was.  glorious.

Here are the before and afters...

Playroom before

Playroom before

Basement before

Basement before

We cleared out some junk and built a wall (November)

And now... ta-da!!

(cue the choir of angels....)

We haven't put up wallboard on the wall that Dean built yet, but fabric panels work just as well.  I had these left over from my classroom.  So glad I finally found a use for all that fabric.  Need some more staples though...

We bolted the TV to the wall because that sucker weighs a ton.  Owen got that car mat on the floor for Christmas - I'm glad that it can be left out and be used at all times.  The cat has been on the prowl for all things creepy-crawly.  Good cat!

The bigger furniture items that we want to keep but have nowhere to put (for now) were shoved into the back corner.  My china hutch is back there (again, no where to put) and all of our file boxes that we have yet to sort.  Dean put up safety fencing to keep little buggers out.

It's nice that there is room all around the train table for kids to move, and Jordan has his own table for building Legos.

Rylan's dollhouse had been residing in our bedroom since her birthday last May.  Now I don't have to step around it every morning when I roll out of bed.  Hallelujah!  She even has room to park her new motor home.  Jordan added a monster in the attic as a special touch.

With that done, we had an empty room in the house (the former playroom) to FILL with stuff.  So we did.  We filled it with our office furniture.  Funny story - and I can't remember if I mentioned it before, so forgive me if I am repeating myself.  But when Dean and I met, we thought it was hilarious that we both had the same office furniture.  He had a file cabinet, the computer cabinet and another cabinet that a desk attached to.  I had a file cabinet and the stand-alone desk.  We bought the four hutch shelving units just a couple of years ago to handle the ever-increasing about of school stuff.  So here is our *new* school room...

I'm not finished reloading the bookshelves quite yet.  I have some sorting I would like to do first.

This one is all about the cat.

Just bought a nice wall calendar...Year-at-a-Glance.  I have to squint to read the dates when I am sitting at the computer - but it is so handy when I am working out school/scout/vacation schedules.

I can FINALLY put up my dry-erase board - complete w/ All About Spelling tiles.  This little guy has been living under the couch for the past year, to keep Colin from jamming the tiles into the paper shredder.

Our hallway.  A five-way junction of absolute chaos.  Office?  Garage?  Kitchen?  Bathroom?  Tiny useless coat closet?  Take your pick.  We had an 8-cube shelving unit in here (it was under the key rack) that held all of our shoes/mail/purses, and then two more bin units with 3 drawers each that held all mittens/hats/scarves/snow boots, ect...  Then, behind that were two coat racks - one high and one low...FULLY loaded.  You could not get through this hallway to save your life - and bringing in groceries was an absolute nightmare.  And if you REALLY had to go to the bathroom - forget it!  We removed the lower coat rack and all of the bin units.  Just look at all of this S - P - A - C - E.   I can breathe!!!

We moved the 8 - cube shelving unit here - and put it longways instead.  Each kiddo has a shoe bin, and then a place above it to put their mittens/hats/scarves...  We moved the lower coat rack to here, and then weeded out the coat selection to just a lightweight jacket, a fleece and a heavy winter coat.

And now... for the living room.  We moved the office out, and the little couch in.  Now everybody has a place to sit.  But most importantly... S - P - A - C - E .  And you can play the Wii without bashing your little brother on the head.

Before... (NYE 2010)

After.  Now even the lazy dog can stretch out!

I just can't get over how nice it is to not be tripping over toys.  That I can vacuum at my leisure, without moving cars, trucks, Barbies or plastic fruits and vegetables out of my way.  I can walk to the bathroom, unimpeded.  We can focus on schoolwork without the distraction of the toys or kids overflowing from the playroom.  We can work on the computer w/o the distraction of the TV.  The coats and shoes don't get all jumbled up with the toys - along with gross and disgusting curdled-milk filled sippy cups.

I will confess that there is one thing I will miss.  We took the two trikes to the basement.  I miss the kids making hot laps around the house.  I may move them back up here because it was fun to watch them race around.  Although not so fun to take a hit in the ankle when you are trying to dump super-hot pasta into the colander at the sink.

The environment has changed, so we intend for habits to as well.  Putting things away.  Focusing on schoolwork.  More space should equal less squabbling.  The best thing is that this whole transformation cost less than $50.  We had to purchase a space heater for the playroom because it is super-cold down there.  That is not without a ton of anxiety on my part, but it was absolutely necessary.  It has a lot of safety features on it, and we are being very vigilant about turning it off when playtime is done.  I also move the baby monitor to the basement during the daytime, so that I can keep tabs on who is doing what.... to whom.   :)