When Doves Cry...

I've been feeling extraordinarily sad about the surprise loss of Prince.  I was in total disbelief when I first read the headline on my news feed.  "WHAT?!?!?!?"  Why is that?  Why is it so shocking?  So hard to accept?

Music icons are supposed to be around forever.  They age as you age.  As their music matures and changes with the passage of time and issues they care about, you change right along with it.  The music isn't supposed to end.  The magic of the personal memories their music evokes isn't supposed to end.

I've scanned the news every day since looking for new information about his life, his art, his talent and his mysterious personal life.  I love that he gave enormous donations to various youth organizations, schools, music programs and so forth - and did so anonymously.  I love that he was so protective of his art, his persona, his creative genius...  And I love that he was such an introspective thinker about religion and humanity.

I am moved by how the world has been touched by his music, and how so many have honored his memory and his legacy by playing his music, sharing their memories, wearing purple...

Thank you, Prince, for your music.  Your songs were in the background of many an afternoon of painting nails, trying on clothes and laughing with friends...many an evening of driving aimlessly around town, singing your songs that we wouldn't dare play in front of our parents...  Thank you for your artistry, your message that you are free to be yourself - crushed velvet, makeup and heels included.  Your style was captivating and liberating to many...You touched so many lives.

Thank you

Today I write...

I haven't been in the mood the write lately.  I can't really pinpoint any particular reason why, just that I didn't feel compelled to do so - which is kind of sad, since several significant events have passed by.  I have had plenty of weighty thoughts rolling around in my head, things I wanted to document and so forth, but the act of sitting down to write about it just didn't appeal.

Things got tough beginning in December.  My aunt Susie passed away unexpectedly - shortly after Thanksgiving.  I spent most of December in a state of numb shock.  About that time, Owen began to have some significant behavioral issues.  He was going through cycles of anxiety, OCD, angry outbursts and crying episodes on an hourly basis.  It was hard to keep up and know how to comfort him and calm him down.  It is hard enough to parent as it is, so it is a thousand times more difficult when you yourself have to really focus on relating to what the child is feeling and helping from that perspective.  It is a MILLION times worse when your child is dealing with anger, anxiety and depression, and you have to go 'there' to feel the very things you know can take you over the edge again.  I'm sure it is akin to an alcoholic passing a drink to a friend and catching a whiff of it.  I find it difficult to be around anyone struggling with their own demons - I am fragile enough myself that I feel I could lose any ground I've gained - each and every inch I've crawled away from the abyss.

So today I write because Owen is gaining ground.  Each day brings its own challenges and Owen has multiple meltdowns, but he also has a very good handle on describing his feelings and has shown, periodically, some effort in trying to manage them when things get intense.  Owen has begun psychiatric testing at the university.  I am anxious to see what the results will be.  He should be finished by next week, and then we will know where to go from there.  He has been seeing a therapist for the past several weeks as well.

So today I write.  I've experienced a small victory.  Yesterday's date has been a black mark on the calendar for the past twelve years now.  Yet, for the first time, it passed by as just. another. day.  I helped each little boy write that date on top of their schoolwork yesterday, and...it was just a date.  Owen struggled with what each number meant, and Colin struggled writing the number four.  Rylan was happy because it was a 'special day'.  I turned inward and smiled a wry smile - if she only knew....  To Rylan, 'special days' are dates that have numbers that repeat, like 2/2/16 for example.  So to her, 4/4/16 was really cool because 4 x 4 = 16.  To me, it was now just another day.  We did schoolwork.  We drove to my psychiatrist's office, and I had my routine appointment while the kids had lunch with Dean.  I didn't mention the date to my doctor - because it didn't even enter my mind.  (victory!)  

Today I write...after my appointment I joined Dean and the kids for the rest of lunch, Dean returned to work and the kids and I proceeded to the community pool, which was a reward that Owen had been doggedly working to reach by earning stars for working or sharing without fuss and argument.  On the way to the pool we passed by the cemetery where several of my relatives are buried.  The kids were commenting about how 'that place' must be full of bones.  Well that didn't sit well with me, so I detoured and drove the meandering road through the cemetery to the area where the headstones bear the names of my grandparents, great grandparents and great aunt and uncle.  I told the kids, "these aren't just bones....these were people.  People who were family members and friends that meant a lot to the living.  That is why they are here.  It is a way to honor them, and remember them".  It then occurred to me that I have no idea where the final resting place of my aunt is.  She was in a casket for the funeral, but it was my understanding that she was to be cremated after wards.  It is her mother and father that are my grandparents I mentioned, so I imagine her ashes are most likely in that cemetery.  Rylan commented on how she missed aunt Susie. I miss her too.  I still can't believe that she is gone.  Her two younger sisters, my SIL and my nephews are all in Ireland this week for Spring Break.  As they post pictures on Facebook, I periodically find myself wondering why Susie is not in the picture.  Aunt Susie and the other two have been collectively known as 'the aunties' for as long as I can remember.  The three of them did everything together.  It has been very difficult for all of us to come to terms with Susie's unexpected departure, but my other aunts have taken it especially hard.  I am glad that they have this week away to breathe a little and maybe take some comfort.

Today I write because spring is here and it is time for renewal.  I feel better emotionally than I have in a long, long time.  I know now that Owen has the resources and the help he needs.  I am proud of the way the family supported each other as we dealt with the stages of grief, and with the mundane task of dispersing a lifetime of possessions.  As I type this, I look out my window and see a metal decorative spinner, rotating gently in the morning breeze.  And I think of Susie, knowing that she once enjoyed looking at it as well.

Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... A bright morning with blue skies and a breeze that is a little on the cool side.  Perfect.

I am thinking... About Kathy.  Kathy was the mom who hired me many, many years ago to nanny her three children.  I worked for the family for nine years.  Kathy passed away last week after a courageous five-year battle with brain cancer.  I attended a party hosted by the family in her memory yesterday afternoon.  It was wonderful to see the kids - all three have spread their wings and left the nest, and I haven't seen the older two girls in a few years.  Kathy was a wonderful mom and great mentor - she will be missed very much.

I am thankful... That it is Labor Day weekend.  It is nice to have an extra day to get caught up on stuff.  I am also thankful that last week's big transition to a new platform (Yahoo Groups to Bigtent) for our homeschool group went relatively smoothly.  So far about 40-45 members have moved over and it was pretty painless.  The other 70-80 members have yet to even open their email invitation.  Typical.

From the Learning Rooms... The rest of our curriculum arrived from Rainbow Resource on Friday, so I am itching for Tuesday to arrive so we can start.  This was the language arts component - All About Reading for Owen, MosDos Opal and Shurley English for Rylan.  Looking through the materials, I am most excited for MosDos with Rylan.  Her anthology looks awesome - she has already read a couples stories on Friday as we unpacked the boxes and looked over everything.

In the kitchen... Leftover blackened tilapia, much to the family's dismay.  Time to go shopping for the week.

I am wearing... pjs. The outfit of weekend blogging champions!

I am creating... Last night I opened up Pinterest to get the ideas churning for Halloween costumes.  Owen and Colin want to be Minions, and Rylan wants to be Scarlet Overkill.  Owen's and Colin's will take a lot of work, but I am excited to start.  It involves foam, a glue gun and lots of yellow spray paint.  Rylan's wig, gloves and dress have been ordered.  Luckily the red dress can double for any holiday dress needs this upcoming season and her fall violin recital.  

I am going... to drive to see my aunties later this afternoon.  They called this morning to report that they have two flats of garden tomatoes that need a new home.  I could have cried with happiness!  I can't wait to start a batch of sauce this evening in the crockpot.  I can smell it now.... ahhhhh...

I am wondering... what to write here.  Moving on...

I am reading... I am still working on Elizabeth Berg's The Day I Ate Whatever I Wanted.  

I am hoping... for rain this week.  It's been too dry.

I am looking forward to... Fall!  Fall is my favorite.  Thinking about Halloween costumes has put me in the mood..

I am learning... How to carve and shape foam with scissors.

I am hearing... I can vaguely hear the kids arguing about BoomBlox on the Wii.  I have headphones on, which helps.  I am listening to my current standby for writing music - Coldplay.  

Around the house... Dean fixed the Wii last night (hence to sudden urge to by the kids to play).  It was making a horrible whine.  He looked up a video on YouTube about how to diagnose the sound and fix it.  He and Rylan took it apart and tweaked whatever little metal part was out of position and it was fixed. yay!  Today I will probably gather up the Calvert stuff and clear the kid's school shelves for their new books, papers and things.

I am pondering... What the hell to do with all the Calvert books.  

One of my favorite things... Those first hints of fall, like the slightly cooler mornings and the first few leaves on the fruit trees beginning to brown and fall.

A few plans for the rest of the week... This is an unusually quiet week.  Just school, scouts for Owen and violin for Rylan.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing... 

Colin, June 2011

I came across this yesterday, and this picture never fails to crack me up...

To read more entries and visit a variety of other blogs, go here...

A mom turns 70

My mom celebrated her 70th birthday today. Mom invited her sister Sandy to come play duets in church (mom on organ, Sandy on piano), and then after church have a party with friends and cousins. My mom and aunt Sandy have a lot of cousins.

Mom and aunt Sandy grew up playing duets in church because my grandma was the church organist for their Methodist church for decades. A summer visit to my grandparents meant thunderous joyful duets in church (mostly the postlude) with my grandma on the organ and mom on the piano. If luck would have it that we were all visiting at the same time, mom and Sandy would play. People would not get up and file out, they would stay and listen and applaud like crazy when they finished. It was the same after church today. The congregation and choir started to applaud, and then mom and Sandy launched into 'Happy Birthday', followed by a very solemn 'Amen'. Haha..

 

We wandered down to the party room, where a lot of yummy potluck food was waiting. We had a good time visiting with relatives and watching a continuous slide show of family pictures from all stages of mom's life thus far... She has traveled so many different places, and is still doing it now. In a few weeks she will be flying to Paris, and at the end of the year she is traveling to South America for a five weeks tour where she will visit Argentina, the Easter Islands, Tierra del Fuego, Patagonia and a whole bunch of stuff I am forgetting.

My SIL made a memory book and asked everybody to write down a specific memory of an event they shared with mom. I wrote about the time mom and I drove across country, on our way home from Boston. I was 21, and it was in August, just a few days after my birthday. I flew to Boston, where my mom and my brother were waiting to pick me up at the airport. Mom had previously drove from CO to Washington D.C., where my brother lived, and they drove up to Boston. When I arrived, we did the touristy things you do in Boston, including a visit to "Cheers", for a celebratory beer in honor of my birthday. Trouble is, I left my luggage at the airport, in a luggage locker. Including my purse and I.D. :(.

We left Boston and drove north, visiting places along the way. Kennebunkport, LL Bean flagship store in Portland, Bar Harbor, and then camped in a campground in Acadia National Park. It was our last family adventure. We camped, we drove, we got lost, we hiked, we bickered, we ate....we had such good time. We saw my brother off on a plane back to D.C., and mom and I continued to meander our way home. We saw the Man in the Mountain in N.H., crossed Lake Champlain on a car ferry, drove into Canada, came back across and braved a desolate, scary-looking Detroit, drove through morning rush hour traffic in Chicago (that was an experience), saw our old house in Madison, WI, and then came on home. It was a lot of fun. My mom is the best travel companion. Our family has the habit of driving on blue highways, so we see a lot more of what there is to see, and get invariably lost several times. In getting lost we have made so many neat discoveries, hole-in-the-wall eateries, colorful people...my mom embraces that experience above 'getting there'. I love that about her. :)

Happy Birthday, mom. Thank you for all you provided me, taught me, and modeled for me.

 

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2013 In Review

Here is a link to the awesome list of questions that inspired this post.

1.      What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?

* Knitting.  I've knitted three scarves in the past, but this time around I am knitting a hat.  So far I have learned how to purl, knit in the round and cable.  The hat isn't completed yet, but I am getting close.
* I danced on stage with my husband in the Nutcracker.  We were part of the party scene.  I have never danced in a performance before, other than in dance recitals when I was a kid.  It was the highlight of my year.  :)
*Visited my dad's childhood home.  My dad's first few years were spent in Crawford, Nebraska.  We had a family weekend over Labor Day where we all gathered at Fort Robinson, NE, which is just a couple miles away from Crawford.
*Saw the peloton of pro bicyclists go by as they raced into our city in the second-to-last stage of the USA Pro Challenge this past August.  That was very cool!

 

2.      Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year?
I never did officially write anything down, but here is what I was thinking as the new year (2013)rolled in...
* I needed to take care of my shoulder.  The pain was increasing and affecting my daily life in every way.  I began physical therapy in early March, and progressed through the hoops of nerve study, MRI, surgery in May, and then more physical therapy.  By August I was officially pain free.
* I wanted a breast reduction.  It was something that I have wanted to do for years.  This year I got serious.  It was part of the reason why I was having issues with my shoulder, anyway.  I'd done years of chiropractic, massage, physical therapy, pain meds...  Nothing was going to ease the discomfort of carrying those things around but to surgically reduce their size.  I fought the insurance company for three months before I finally got it approved.  Surgery was in October, and I have to say this is the single-most BEST thing I have ever done for myself.  I am still very emotional about it - I am so incredibly happy with the results and the way I physically feel, now.
* Lose some weight.  This went hand-in-hand with the other two.  I will continue to have issues with joint and back pain until I get the weight off.  I lost 20 pounds between July and October.  Despite curtailing my exercise while I recovered from the breast reduction and all the culinary goodies that come with the holidays, I have maintained that loss so far.  Very proud of that.  :)

For next year...
* lose another 20 lbs
* save up enough $$ to take a family vacation next New Years to see my nephew march in the Rose Parade and go to Disneyland.
* spend more time with my extended family
* grow more than just weeds and basil in my garden
* actually DO those annual 694 hours of instruction time per child that I promise the state I will do.
* read 10 books.  I have no problem with reading or even the desire to read.  It's more about taking the time to actually do so.

3.      Did anyone close to you give birth?
My niece by marriage gave birth to a baby girl, EmmaRae, on July 31st.  I got to see and hold her for the first time during our Thanksgiving visit.  Such a sweet, beautiful baby girl.  How I miss holding babies and smelling their scent and listening to their sounds.  Sad sigh.

4.      Did anyone close to you die?
My uncle Buzz passed away in early December, shortly before 2013 began.  It has been a long year of 'firsts' where we did things as a family that were marked by his absence.  I visited his grave for the first time yesterday, as Rylan and I were driving to Boulder on an errand.  It was a spur of the moment decision.  We had not been invited to the burial, but my mom had shared with me whereabouts in the small cemetery his grave was located, so with just a few minutes' searching we found it.  There were three different Christmas arrangements there, by his headstone.  He is missed a great deal.
In February my great-aunt Bernice passed away.  She had been suffering for several years with Alzheimer's.  She was a grand lady that loved to collect antiques.  I remember going to her house, just down the street from my grandma's, to have tea, and then take a tour of her latest finds.  She walked everywhere and was busy, busy, busy.  She reminded me so much of my grandpa Orin (her older brother).  She had a sharp mind and wit.. it was so sad when the signs of Alzheimer's began to take hold.

5.      What countries did you visit?
Maybe I should change this to say 'counties' so that I can actually write something here.

6.      What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
A more peaceful household.  Some days the chaos of the kids is just overwhelming.

7.      What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 22nd: shoulder surgery
Oct 10th: breast reduction surgery
Dec 31st: running the Resolution Run 5K - a goal of mine since July

8.      What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Losing the weight and regaining control of my health.  Wow.  Hard to put in to words how big this was.

9.      What was your biggest failure?
Getting control of the finances, record-keeping, bill paying... I have a continual pile of receipts that just will. never. end.
 

10.   Did you suffer illness or injury?
I got the flu in March, which really sucked, but otherwise it was a very fortunate year.

11.   What was the best thing you bought?
Hmmm. My Fitbit!  That little device was a catalyst for a lot of beneficial changes.

But honorable mention goes to the Keurig.  :)

12.   What was the best thing you received?
A beautiful red mug with white and gold snowflakes from my husband.  A total just-because surprise and very touching.  :)
 

13.   Where did most of your money go?
Projects around the house.  We replaced the old mish-mash of laminate and carpeting on the main floor with some beautiful Pergo flooring, along with new tile around the fireplace and paint for the walls.  The rest of it went towards running gear, tools and curriculum.

14.   What did you get really excited about?
My surgery.  It changed everything.

15.   What song will always remind you of 2013?
Blurred Lines.  I know, I know.  Quit yer bitching.  I loved that song.  It began my walking playlist for months.  I think too much has been read into the lyrics.  It has a great beat!  Nuff' said.

16.   Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? B) thinner or fatter? C) richer or poorer?
a) happier - much happier!     b) thinner - yay!    c) I wouldn't say 'richer' per se, but we have improved the quality of some things in our life.

17.    What do you wish you’d done more of?
Schoolwork.  Travel.  Camping.  Nature Study.

18.   What do you wish you’d done less of?
Fretting about things I had no control over.

19   How did you spend Christmas?
We stayed at home this year.  We visited Santa a couple days before, shopped for gifts at the last minute...  We went to services on Christmas Eve with my dad and brother and nephews, and then they all came over after for a spaghetti dinner.  My nephews were sweet in saying that they loved the food and just hanging out with all of us together.  After they left we bundled up and headed out to look at Christmas lights.  We had a nice Christmas morning opening gifts, ate chocolate waffles for breakfast, and a turkey dinner at my mom's that afternoon.  We did puzzles, movies, popcorn, hot cocoa and left overs for the remainder of the day.

20.   What was your favorite TV program?
The Middle and The Biggest Loser.

21.   What were your favorite books of the year?
Hyperbole and a Half: unfortunate situations, flawed coping mechanisms, mayhem, and other things that happened, by Allie Brosh. 

Absolutely hilarious and way too close to home, all at the same time.

22.   What was your favorite music from this year?
Everything on my walking/running playlist

23.   What were your favorite films of the year?
Hunger Games: Catching Fire and Frozen.

24.   What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 42.  We spent the day hiking and then a nice dinner at my mom's.

25.   What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
It has been such an amazing year of transformation, I really can't think of what to say here.  Maybe if there was less arguing amongst the kids. 

26.   What political issue stirred you the most?
I am deeply concerned about what Common Core is doing to our nation's teachers and children, and what the Koch Brothers are up to.  The implications are scary, and the thought of politicians and businessmen driving our nation's education policy and instruction just completely pisses me off.

27.   What kept you sane?
Exercise.

28.   Who did you meet this year?
I met... some new doctors and nurses -all great at what they do!
 

29.   Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.

Your mental and physical health is the only thing that you have direct control over.  Do it.  Today.

30.  Best song lyric for the year?

"I went from zero, to my own hero"
-"Roar" by Katy Perry
 

The 4 o'clock ice cream social

 

 

 

There have been street closures due to construction surrounding our neighborhood all summer long.  Two of the main exit points are closed.  For our purposes, any time we want to travel south from our neighborhood (which we do the majority of the time), there is only one exit we can use - one way in, one way out.  That goes for everybody.  I'm not sure of the approximate size of our little enclave, but I would guesstimate about 1500 residences???  Plus a park, small lake, green space, tennis courts, ball field, soccer field and an elementary school.

 

So earlier this afternoon, at 4 pm., I ran a quick errand - going southbound.  I followed the now-customary route that meanders through the neighborhood to get to the exit street.  This route takes me right past the school.  I rounded the corner and immediately regretted it.  Cars...  Minivans...  Hundreds of them, all having to travel in the same direction - one way in, one way out.  There were parents and kids streaming down the sidewalks and crossing the streets, laden down with boxes of Kleenex, reams of printer paper, bundles of yellow pencils and newly minted crayons, in 64 different hues.  It's that time!

 

I've walked past the school every morning for the past month.  They have a little electronic message board out front that broadcasts upcoming events, and it has been advertising the day-before-school-starts ice cream social for a couple of weeks now.  It was a chance for the students to meet the teachers, see the classroom, and drop off a small fortune in school supplies.

All this hoopla makes me a little wistful and A LOT thankful.  I have mostly good memories of those first days as a teacher - I had a total of four of those 'first days', and they were fun, crazy and flew by in an instant.  The classroom was as neat-as-a-pin when the kids and a few helicopter parents streamed in, and in a total wreck by the end of the day.

 

From the parents' perspective, I got to at least experience that first day of Kindergarten with Jordan.  Here we are, in my classroom.  My first day, ready to teach third grade, and Jordan's first day of K.

 



 

Okay, I have to admit that looking at this photo makes me miss the classroom... - *just* a little bit.  I really did love setting it all up, doing the planning, and engaging with the kids.  And look at Jordan!  Ha!  Now he is a gangly 13 yr. old.  He was soooo exited that day.  He couldn't wait to get to his classroom - but he had to hang with me until it was time.

 

A lot of time has passed.  We now have six full years of homeschooling under our belts, and have already started up with #7.  I didn't feel particularly emotional about leaving public school behind until two years ago, when Rylan was ready for Kindergarten.  All of a sudden I felt this inner panic that I was depriving her of some sort of right of passage.  I tried to picture her in a classroom setting, sitting a table with other kids, madly coloring and chatting away.  I felt very sad, and it took a while to get past it.  Now we are at a milestone again - Owen is now the Kindergartner.  Do I feel the same sense of panic?

 

When I watched all of these families walking towards the school, carrying their burdens in backpacks and shopping bags, I did feel sad.  But not quite so much.  I was almost willing to surrender my girl to my feelings of elementary school nostalgia, but not our Owen.  No way.  I don't want to miss out on a second of schooling him because his enthusiasm is absolutely precious.  The concentrated effort that he puts forth in holding his pencil 'just so', the way he colors carefully within the lines, the way he brings his workbook and stickers to me with an expectant look on his face... I am so, so, so very thankful that we are on this path.  That I know that tomorrow morning, while tons of other kids are boarding yellow buses with their brand new backpacks and lunchboxes, we will wake up, and work through our day together as a family, at a measured pace, mixing in the play with the schoolwork - a routine we know like the back of our hands.  I love our homeschool life, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

(Although I have to admit - I suddenly have the urge to decorate a bulletin board with apples and bookworms...  Just a little one... maybe put up the calendar on it.  And post some copywork or something.  And a small inspirational poster.  And a list of some sort!  Gotta have a list.  Maybe some gold stars?)





Snowfall

This is Abby, our 8 yr old husky enjoying this morning's snowfall. I had very little notion that it was going to snow - it didn't smell like snow last night... I actually like those mornings when you wake up and there is a few inches of snow on the ground.

"Well look at that!? It snowed last night!"

Of course - I'm not the one that has to drive to work in it, so I may be of singular opinion here. I also enjoy the reaction from the kids when they wake up and see the snow. They instantly start hunting for their snow boots.

It's true that there are a thousand different types of snowfall. This one is heavy, thick and very wet. The flakes are small and coming down very close together. The air is muffled, but the streets are more slushy than snowy, so you can still hear the wet tire sound when cars drive by.
My favorite type of snowfall is the heavy snowfall with gigantic downy flakes. It doesn't happen very often - I can't even recall when we had one in recent years. My most favorite snowfall memory was a huge storm in the spring of 1992. I was living near Old Town, on Mountain Ave. It was a magical snowfall. By midnight a good 8 inches blanketed everything. I was itching to get out, so I leashed up my husky, Kai, and we went for a walk - just the two of us. Nobody was out except for the occasional car, lumbering down the road, with the layers of snow crunching and squeaking under the tires. It was not very cold at all, so we walked for a good hour. There was so much moisture in the air that the sky had a light, amber haze from the street lights glowing through the snow. The snow muffled all noise. All I could hear was my own footfalls, and the occasional jingle of Kai's collar tags. It was astoundingly beautiful. My only regret is that I can't turn to someone and ask, "Hey, do you remember that one snowfall we had where we got up and walked around during the middle of the night?". My beautiful Kai is long gone, but she loved the snow. She would go outside, curl up into a ball, and let the snow cover her for a bit. She was the perfect companion that night - it's like she totally understood why we were out there, rather than at home, in bed. She stood stock still, along side of me, as we stood on a couple different street corners and just watched the snow. I stood there, thinking, "I want to remember this. This is so achingly beautiful. I want to remember this snow. I want to remember how Kai kept me company on this beautiful, snowy night."

And I do. I'm thinking of you, Kai..



11/24/90 - 6/14/04

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The hours in between...

clock

 

 

My uncle passed away early this morning.  Despite the tremendous efforts of a small team of surgeons to correct my uncle's serious heart ailments, after 16+ hours of surgical and recovery effort, his heart was just too weak and his body began to shut down.

 

 

My uncle and his family knew the risks.  The surgical plan had been debated over by his doctors for months.  He was not new to open-heart surgery - he had been through it before more than once.  His cardiologist thought it was too risky - too many intricate tasks had to been completed - the surgery would be a marathon - and it wasn't guaranteed to be successful.  Yet.  If he didn't have the surgery, his heart would give out..sooner rather than later.  So my cousins flew in and spent the weekend with their parents, enjoying their time together - all the while knowing that it could potentially be the last time.

 

 

And sadly, it was.  My aunt has managed to hold it together amazingly well, and there will be a Celebration of Life just a few days before Christmas - when the rest of the family was scheduled to arrive anyway. 

 

 

My dad is the oldest of seven kids, and my uncle (his only brother), was second oldest.  They were about two years apart and very close.  I imagine that they were a force to be reckoned with when they were young.  My grandma always kept their senior portraits on her dressing table, and - at that age, they were hard to tell apart!  I often look at my youngest two, Owen and Colin, and think of my dad and uncle Buzz - two little towheads that were often naughty.  My uncle was quiet and very kind.  He had the best-looking lawn around, and he would mow it often with his John Deere.  I can remember getting a ride or two around the yard when I was little.  He was also a bit of a prankster - along with my dad.  I can remember coming to visit my aunt and uncle one evening several years ago, as they were camping for a week at a nearby lake.  My dad was visiting too, and they surreptitiously slipped in a length of copper pipe with a cut piece of garden hose inside in amongst the logs.  Soon enough, green, purple and pink flames appeared.  I thought I was seeing things.  They told me I was - all they could see was a regular orangy/red campfire.  It took several minutes of arguing/laughing/grinning before they gave it up and shared their secret.  I can remember the smiles on both my dad's and uncle Buzz's faces - they were like teenage boys again.

 

It has been about 14 hours since I got the 2 am phone call that uncle Buzz was gone.  All morning and afternoon I've been thinking strange thoughts...

 

* It was only 'x' hours ago that he was still alive...

 

* I wonder what initially happens to their spirit when they leave?  I am of no firm belief in anything particular about the afterlife.. but I am curious.

 

* Was he aware at all of what was happening?

 

I had these same thoughts when both of my grandmas passed away last year.  Those first few hours in between when you hear the news and when you reach acceptance that the loved one is gone are a strange time indeed.  It feels insensitive, but I guess it is one's way of dealing with news they are unprepared to hear? 

 

 

Hug your loved ones tonight... and make all of your days count.

 

 





Up, up and....away

 

 

It was one year ago today that my beautiful grandma Bobbie passed away.  It has been a rough year for all of the family, as we come to grips with a new way of coming together.  It has been most difficult for my three aunties, who were her constant companions.  They chose to mark today's milestone by taking in the annual Balloon Fiesta in Albuquerque - something that they (and my grandma) had always wanted to do.  I couldn't think of a more uplifting (pardon the very bad *and unintentional* pun, but really, the word just fits) way to spend what would otherwise be a very somber occasion.  I hope that they have found some solace and peace during their stay there.

 

You don't realize the depth of a loss until it has had time to sink in.  Even though we have had a few happy family gatherings during this past year, there is still something missing.  An elephant hovers in the room... we are all missing her gentle spirit. 

 

 

 



The Ultimate Sandbox

It's Labor Day!  I hope you don't have too much planned in the way of labor today.  In honor of today (and because I have neglected to for almost three months now), I will show you the fruits of our labor we did in days past.  Several days in fact.  Well... it took just over a year to complete.  Not because it actually took that long.  Just lots of 'thinking time' was involved.

Anyways, we built a sandbox!  We got the whole thing framed and filled with sand, but we had no idea how we wanted to finish the 'roof', so there it sat.  For a year.  We knew that shade fabric had to be involved because there is no shade to speak of in our yard, except from 2 - 8 pm on summer days, just below those aspen trees in the back corner.  Which is also where the dirt pit from hell is located.  Along with stubby aspen roots.  Not a fine place to play at all.  So the cool shade made by the aspens is absolutely worthless to us, but the dog enjoys it.  We do have two other trees in the backyard - a maple and a locust.  The maple is doing its best to die.  I think it might actually succeed this winter.  The locust is growing....slowly.... but we planted it in such a weird location that it will be years before it shades anything of consequence.  In the meantime our backyard will continue to be the most unpleasant place to be from May - September.

I dreamed up the idea of a sandbox, thinking that it would be an awesome place to park rowdy kids.  Slap some shade on it and make it big enough to fit all of them so that they would be out of my hair.

Caution!  I did not think this through.  A sandbox in the yard means lots of sand in the house.  And in the mouth...the diaper...the garden...the window well...the drain pipe...the bbq grill.

You've been warned.

We decided to locate the sandbox right in front of the kitchen bay window, so that we would have something 'nice' to look at in the wasteland that is our backyard.  We started building on April 16th...last year.  I wanted the finished size to be 8' x 8' square, so Dean cut the boards and Rylan helped me stain/seal them.

We all helped in the endeavour to remove the sod.  Which wasn't hard because you can't really call the random green patches in our yard, 'sod'.  The ground is as hard as concrete, with lots of divots and several ant hills.  Dean laid out the frame, bolted it, then cut the corner posts and we stained them as well.  If I remember right, they are five feet tall.

The next day (17th) the kids and I excavated down a few inches and carted off the dirt.  When Dean got home from work we filled in the bottom with a couple inches of rock, for drainage.  The rock came from another part of the the yard.  Then we laid down two layers of weed fabric - running in opposite directions.  We picked up the entire frame to pull the fabric all the way up from the underside.

(Colin, 14 mo.)

Look at those chubby cheeks!  I want to bite them!

The peanut gallery...

The following day Colin did this...

And I evidently did this, because that's all I have pictures of...

These were the first books that we rowed with FIAR.  We really did enjoy the process - especially creating watercolors of the Yellow Ball.  I also must have ordered sand on this day, because the next morning, (the 19th), this is what arrived in our driveway...

The 19th was actually a very sad day.  My grandma Betty passed away shortly after the sand arrived.  I remember, because I was shoveling as I was waiting for the news.  Grandma's health had deteriorated quickly in the previous days, and we knew the end was imminent.  The shoveling really, really helped me focus instead of falling to pieces with grief and frustration because I wanted to be there with her.  Grandma lived three hours away, and there just wasn't time to get there.  She was also unaware of her surroundings, by that point...and it would have been inappropriate to bring all of the kids.  But I still wanted to be there, to hold her hand as she slipped away.  Gosh I miss her...

(and this is probably why I have waffled on writing this post - I don't like to think about it)

Anyway, I shoveled, carted and dumped all of that sand in just a couple of hours.  In the following days we did some school (the middle part of the art project), enjoyed some snow, installed a new sink and celebrated Easter at home because everyone was sick.  But at least Owen got outside on Easter Sunday (the 24th) to play a little in the sandbox.

And then May and June came and went.  In July Dean worked on drainage issues in the area between the sandbox and the house - he installed a French drain to deal with soggy ground.  And the kids, of course, played in the mud.

Evidently, as you can see in the picture above, Dean completed the cross pieces to complete the upper portion of the frame.  I think he did that shortly after the funeral, but I don't remember - and I don't have any pictures of it.  But this is where we remained stuck.  We knew we wanted to top it with shade fabric.  But we were stuck on how to go about it.  There needed to be some sort of framework for the fabric to be attached to so that it wouldn't sag or rip away in the wind.  It also needed to be removable, in the winter time.  And stuck we were... for a whole year!  And there was another problem as well.  The area between the sandbox and the house used to be covered in rock.  I hated the rock and we eventually removed it - ultimately using most of it in the sandbox for drainage.  What remained was dirt.  Which would promptly turn to mud any time water was applied.

9-1-11

7-23-10

Since nobody was very fond of the clean-up process, we needed to solve this issue.

 

 

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2-6-12

 

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Aha!  Now we're getting somewhere...

 

And finally inspiration hit.  We were actually surfing the web looking at pergola ideas when a roof design popped up that Dean was pretty keen on.  So he went with it...

 

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I poked fun at the math that was involved...

I made a plastic template for the pattern needed for the shade fabric.

 

My zucchini and pumpkins finally sprouted after four weeks in the ground...

 

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7-8-12

And then, as soon as we got back from vacation to OKC, we finished it.  One evening I pulled out the plastic template that I had made, we laid out the shade fabric on the kitchen floor, and cut out four triangles.  I sewed along the seams, and made a seam large enough to accommodate metal conduit along each edge.  I used heavy-duty nylon thread and double-sewed everything.  The next morning we stretched the fabric out, cut the conduit to length and notched the inside of each crosspiece.  The fabric is pulled tight, and the tension between all of the sides holds it in place.  When winter arrives, all we have to do is pull the conduit down on one side to release the bar, and then all of the other sides will release and we can store it until next year! 

 

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One way to ease the amount of sand coming in the house is to place a bucket of water near the door.  The kids dunk their feet in the water to rinse the sand away, and then wipe their feet off before stepping inside.

 

I have no answers to the dilemma of sand in the diaper.  You're on your own, there....   If you hear of one - let me know!