Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... It is a bit overcast and cloudy right now, at 8 a.m., but the day is supposed to be warm and sunny.

I am thinking... About skiing with Rylan tomorrow.  I need to figure out what we are wearing and I am thinking about the drive.  The news channel just showed the traffic on I-70 this morning, and it was horrible.  It won't be as bad tomorrow morning, but the drive home will be!

I am thankful... That earlier this week, when we went to McAlister's Deli for dinner, six year old Owen was happy to play along when I pointed to different letters around us and asked him, "What's this?"  Owen dislikes playing any sort of answer-call letter games.  He dislikes letters, period.  :/

From the Learning Rooms... I heard back from Colorado Calvert Online Academy this week - they received our applications and all three older kids are registered for the fall! (happy dance)  I feel such an immeasurable sense of relief.  We hit the books this week with a renewed sense of purpose, and it felt very good.  I looked into duoLingo this week, and brushed up on my rusty Spanish by completing the intro round of lessons.  It is not as entry-level as I had hoped - more adult-friendly then kid-friendly, but it is very thorough by requiring an equal amount of reading/writing/speaking in both English and the chosen language of study.  I think Jordan will benefit from it.  One drawback to Calvert is that it does not offer any type of foreign language, so I think this will be a good stand-in.

In the kitchen...Nothing but an empty cup of coffee...be right back!

I am wearing... The Saturday requisite of pj's and robe.  No socks.  And my freezing toes could really use a pair.  Be right back!

I am creating... Still trying to come up with a solution to coming up with a weekly menu.  I hate menu planning.  I hate shopping.  What might help me is a list of recipes to choose from.  So I am making a master list of about 20-30 favorite recipes for each of several different categories: chicken, beef, pork, fish, meatless, pasta, Sides, Salads, and breakfasts.  Each list is divided into three columns: the recipe name, where I can find it (book, file, iPad...), and the ingredients it calls for - apart from staple items.  That way, when I sit down to menu plan and write the shopping list, I am sitting down with 9 sheets of paper - not piles of cooking magazines, cookbooks or endlessly scrolling through Flipboard or my Facebook wall.  Last Sunday I worked on 'Sides', and it took me all day!  I now have a nice list of about 35 recipes to start with though!  That will probably evolve into my longest list, since it includes subcategories like rice, pasta (ex. orzo), grains (ex. couscous), legumes, and by vegetable.  Some of the recipes are on simple end, like 'Steamed carrots".  No recipe needed, of course, and all I need on my shopping list is a 1 lb. bag of carrots.  I am making sure that I have a good variety of recipe complexity  - including lots of slow cooker meals to help this homeschooling mom deal with Arsenic Hour.  This is going to take a long time to finish and fine-tune, but I hope that it is done by the end of April.  I am soooo tired of frozen fish sticks.

I am going... Well, if all goes well, Rylan and I are heading to Copper Mountain tomorrow.  We'll head over to the ski shop later this afternoon and get our skis, boots and poles.  Dean and Jordan went skiing in December, and Dean got a free lift ticket from Copper after enduring over an hour of being stranded on a broken ski lift.  He has been after me ever since to make use of this ticket.  I am not the biggest fan of Spring skiing since the snow can be sloppy, but the base is phenomenal with all the snow that we have had, and it is still cold enough up in the high country that it isn't all slushy like it usually gets in late March/ early April.  So we are going!  This will be Rylan's third time on skis, but she hasn't been since the season before last, so I don't know how she will do.  I am honestly not looking forward to it.  I am hurting all over since I just started back up with running this week (horrible timing), in my hips especially.  My shoulder is still not 100%, and I am not 100% from the BR surgery either.  I am terrified of falling, being in such tender shape right now.  I am a pretty decent skier so I don't usually fall, but with Rylan in the mix, she will undoubtedly cross my path and I will have to ditch to avoid her.  Hope for the best!

I am wondering...Hmmm.. nothing?

I am reading... In the non-fiction arena, I am reading Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Religion, edited by Dale McGowan.  It has been on my reading list for some time.  I didn't realize it was actually a collection of essays and such by a variety of authors, but I am enjoying it for the most part.  There are a couple of pieces so far that have made me cringe because of rather bold word choice, but other than that, I find it rather rewarding to read words on a page that echo my exact thoughts - it is comforting to finally hear other people who feel much the same as I do.  I don't discuss religion much with others, so at times it can feel like you are the only one who feels a certain way.

In regards to fiction, I am still slogging through Diana Gabaldon's Drums of Autumn.  It is almost punishing at this point.  I. just. want. to. finish. it. and move onto something 'funner'.

In the garden... Last week I picked my first tiny crop of butter lettuce and baby spinach, and it is just about time for picking again.  My 'crop' is planted in a single seed-starting flat, and sits in my large west-facing window.  We planted several weeks ago, and they are growing fast!  I will wait to transplant them outside for a couple more weeks.  We are also maybe just a couple weeks away from picking some fresh green beans.  The kids picked some dried-up bean pods that had poked through our fence from the neighbor's garden, so we planted them (indoors) in January to see what would grow.  Low and behold, the plants have climbed up a trio of 6 ft. bamboo poles and back again, flowered profusely and now numerous tiny green beans are growing.  It has been fun to watch it grow a few inches every day!

I am hoping... I don't hurt myself tomorrow..

I am looking forward to... Some mommy/daughter time!

I am learning... or 'relearning' Spanish verb conjugations.  uugh.

I am hearing...Owen singing along with a Backyardigans song on TV, Colin playing with toys upstairs and the washer entering the spin cycle.

Around the house... Today is 'get every-last-bit-of-laundry-done' day.  And 'find Colin's lost tennis shoe' day.

I am pondering... Not much, at the moment.

One of my favorite things... Vanilla yogurt, granola, sliced bananas and juicy blueberries.

A few plans for the rest of the week...Ortho appts for Rylan and Jordan.  Rylan is just finishing up 18 straight days of cranking her new expander, so now they will measure and determine the date the braces will go on.  Maybe Jordan will hear when his braces will finally come off.  Which is 9 months overdue, at this point.  We also have our homeschool science fair next weekend, so this coming week will be spent working on our projects.  Jordan will be presenting his work he is doing on his quadcopter, and Rylan is experimenting with making butter.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

Denver Zoo, 2-27-14

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Happy Spring Day

 

This post could go in a thousand and one different directions, so I hope I don't confuse the masses. (Okay, more like the 3 or 4 people who read it because it's their family obligation.... ;)

First, let me preface this by saying that I have all kinds of people in my life who I care about and are important to me. Liberals, free-thinkers, conservatives, a couple of pagans, dog AND cat owners, carnivores, omnivores, vegans, chocoholics and maybe a couple of Twilight fans. As long as they are with Team Jacob, we're good. I love you all. I love that you embrace the theology that you aspire to, and that your faith - whether in God, Mother Earth or the sciences or a combination of them, sustains you. Please remember that this missive is not about you or a judgement of you*. It is about me and my 'faith' journey.

*I may judge you harshly, though, if you think Glenn Beck is intellectually enlightened, or if you actually believe the Earth is only 10,000 yrs. old.

For many years the coming of spring has been a rough time for me, emotionally. I've made it abundantly clear that I am no fan of late winter/early spring. This year is different though. I credit my change of heart to my magical little blue pill that I take every morning - Zoloft. It is a wonderful thing. I know that it is making a huge difference in me because I feel different, this spring. I think I might actually be feeling hopeful anticipation for the first time in many, many years. I didn't even feel this 'good' eight years ago at this time, when I met Dean and we began dating and ended up marrying 5 months later. (Don't take it personally, honey!) There was just a deep well of sadness and self-doubt that I had to work through in combination with a wicked annual case of SAD. Self-doubt still plagues me to this day, though. I missed a week of meds in mid February, and it was markedly noticeable. Pictures and stories of friends having fun with other friends were flooding my social media, and it totally effected me. Feelings of exclusion consumed me rather than gladness that my friends were happy. I'm good now, for the most part.

So, this year, with good feelings in abundance, I am ready to make a change. (I credit my homeschooling friend Dalliss for planting this seed, many years ago.) I am ready to change how we celebrate a holiday and formulate a new family tradition instead. Not earth-shattering news to be sure, but it involves a lot more than deciding what decorations we put out and whether to cook ham or turkey. It involves a deeper connection to who we really are and what we truly want to celebrate and how we want to celebrate.

See, the problem is that I (we) really don't want to celebrate traditional Easter anymore. To be sure, I love chicks and bunnies and chocolate and hunting for pastel colored eggs... I just don't like anything...else about the 'holdiay'. I have felt a growing disconnection from organized religion for quite some time, so going through the motions of the Lenten Season seems borderline ridiculous for me, personally. I have never felt anything positive about the dark and depressing acts surrounding Jesus's crucifixion (or the act, itself). It scared me as a child, and I don't feel compelled to expose my own children to any of that at all - the crucifixion, the tomb, the resurrection - and to actually celebrate it. I know, I know, it more about the spiritual connection to the sacrifice, the hope, the promise, the rebirth. It also comes down to belief. I just don't believe any more - in any of it. I just...don't. I'm not sure if I ever did. I can't pretend to be what I am not. I can't pretend for my children, my family or anyone else.

I've felt like this for a number of years. We stopped going to Easter services a couple of years ago, but why did we continue to celebrate that day? What are we actually celebrating as a family? The word 'Easter' is historically related to 'Eostre', a Saxon dawn-goddess who compelled hares to bound forward, carrying the sunlight of a new day, and 'Ostara' the Germanic fertility Goddess associated with human and crop fertility. Well, I'm not actually interested in celebrating either of those Goddesses. We have had enough fertility in these parts, thank-you-very-much. Then we have the ancient Mayans who gathered at El Castillo (Chichen Itza) to watch the sun serpent descend down the northern staircase of the pyramid as the sun travels across the sky. I've been there and hiked up those very stairs. I'm willing to celebrate the incredible creativity that the astronomers and mathematicians of that era used to create such an amazing spectacle. Then we have Hilaria, the ancient Roman celebration of Cybele and her lover, Attis. Attis was born of a human woman (a virgin, no less) and a God. He was sacrificed on Black Friday, crucified on a pine tree - his holy blood spilled to redeem mankind, and resurrected three days later. Sound sorta familiar? The Roman cult of Cybele, centered on what is now Vatican Hill, came into existence in about 200 BCE. And this is just one of several man-god/sacrifice/resurrection stories that were in existance - long before Christianity took hold. As I've said, I'm not into celebrating crucifixion or resurrection - the original or the Christian copy-cat. So what's left to celebrate?

Well, today is Spring Equinox. The days to come will bring increasing light and warmth. That is something worth celebrating! (just not the summer heat that comes after that). The bird song, the blooms and buds, the newborn animals... the fact that life is stirring after a long, cold winter is reason enough to celebrate. And that is what I want to celebrate. I want to celebrate that joy in renewal. It is a renewal of life and spirit. It is deeply personal, afterall, because my own spirit has finally reached a state of renewal and joy.

So, years ago, when my friend Dalliss related to her own family's version of Easter, my ears perked up. They did baskets - but on the first day of spring, not Easter. It was the spring bunny that came - not the Easter bunny. And now, so it is with us. Early this morning the spring bunny left lots of goodies in the baskets that were left out last night in the hope of a visit. We will dye eggs today and go out for some outdoors time to look for signs of spring.

In my quest for information about the Spring Equinox and various celebrations tied to this day, I did find a celebration that I could relate to. The Iranian people, specifically, along with several eastern European and central Asian countries, celebrate the Spring Equinox with the secular holiday of Navroz (of which there are about twenty different spellings...). Navroz is a modern-day relic of the religion of Ancient Persia; Zoroastrianism, and the holiday has survived for over 4000 years. "No Ruz" translated means 'New Day'. Here is a great post about one family's Navroz celebration. There are definitely some elements in there that speak volumes to me. I will think about expanding this day a little for us, next year.

Thanks for reading. And in the meantime....

 

 

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Grief

Today just sucked.  I am in no way, shape or form able to handle grief at the moment.  I have done my best to shy away from email, Facebook and even the blog just to help keep my emotional stability from crumbling.  Until today.  No matter how hard you try to avoid the daily news, it will eventually find you.  And some other parent's sad reality makes you feel instantly vulnerable.  I just have to remember (to paraphrase an insightful comment on a friend's Facebook post earlier today) that the trauma is their reality, not yours.   As hard as it is to witness another parent's anguish, we should not allow events like that to cloud our own lives with fear and anger.

Yeah, right.

My worst fear is random violence. 

The 'what if's' keep me awake at night...every night.

I don't like crowds, I don't like big places, and I don't like small, cramped places either...with only one visible exit.  I have to actively avoid the media-hype about events such as the school shooting today (well, it's after midnight, but I'm still up, so it's still technically 'today'), just so that I don't come down with a severe case of never-leave-the-house-againitis.  Everybody looks somewhat suspicious to me.

I went on Facebook tonight because I needed to check on a couple of things.  I was not going to scan my feed, because I knew it would just be a lengthy commentary on sadness.  But -

The first thing in my feed was this...

"In the wake of the unimaginable tragedy today in Connecticut, I hope this image can help bring some tiny ounce of comfort to those affected. It's called "Security". The only consolation at this point for those children is that they are now safe in his arms, Secure in His love. Its times like now when that assurance Jesus Christ offers really matters."
 

The second was this...



"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' To this day, especially in times of 'disaster,' I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world." -- Mister Rogers

 

The third thing was this...a picture posted by my cousin, Rob.

 



 

My Uncle 'Buzz' and Aunt Janet
Uncle Buzz passed away on 12/3/12

 

 

This is when I officially lost it.  I was rocking Colin to sleep, and trying to sob as quietly as possible.  I've cried a few tears over the past several days, but it is disquieting to cry in front of the kids... and so you stuff your grief way down and get on with the lessons, errands, dishes and laundry of the day.  The tears have subsided for now, but I think I just need to go on a media blackout for awhile... it hurts too much.

 

I am not particularly religious, but the image of an innocent child being welcomed into the comforting arms of Jesus... well... it's powerful.  Those final moments of those poor children's lives were undeniably horrific.  It helps ease my grief to think that they are safe and at peace - wherever their souls may be.  Damn it... they were just babies!!!

 

 

 

 

 



Everybody needs someone to look down on...

So, I think I've come to a realization about my downcast mood of late...



This recent election cycle was...a doozy.

(Duh)



I think that the constant, daily bombardment of negative political ads, depressing NPR/MSNBC political analysis, and pull-your-hair-out-scream-at-the-tv-I-can't-believe-that-idiot-just-said-that-out-loud-in-front-of-cameras has taken it's toll. It has really, really messed with my psyche. I blame Fox News, a couple of crazy ladies from Alaska and Minnesota, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck, a windbag with the worst comb over in televised history who really needs to be FIRED from NBC, and Ted Nugent. Oh, and let's not forget Chuck Norris, who has shared that he and his trophy wife are really, really, really afraid for the future of this nation. Why don't you hop down into a bomb shelter, Chuck, and wait until after the end times, when it is safe to come out? I hear that Dec. 22nd is a good day to do that. Then you can have the mean streets of America all to your scared little self.



Facebook hasn't been a very friendly place to wander lately, either. It feels like a physical slap in the face whenever someone posts a thought that is contrary to your own.

" Wait a minute.... she actually LIKED the Mitt Romney page??"

" Paul Ryan is hot?" WTF???

It feels even worse when you post a picture of your own car's bumper sticker vandalism and the inlaws clog up your newsfeed for the rest of the evening with Romney "likes". Nice.

I need a break. I need a break from all things judgmental. I'm tired of the urge to judge others and of being judged myself. Social media is always quick to step in with some new group that you can look down upon. Right now I look down on men who proudly march around with a bayonet in one hand, and a binder in the other. That will be subject to change though, I'm sure. Um, no. No it won't. I think I will always look down on them. Men who walk around with a taser and an iPad are *much* cooler.



See, here's the thing. If the Republican party is to survive (which I certainly hope it does not, in it's current form), it needs to heed the message it received on election night that we are ALL citizens of this nation, regardless of our ethnicity, gender or spiritual beliefs - and we all count. If this nation does happen to fall from grace on the worldwide stage, it will be because half of our citizenry's refusal to adapt to a changing climate and culture, not because a rape victim gets an abortion, or two men get married, or because we invest in alternative energies. I am tired of the GOP's message to the voting public that immigrants, non-Christians, women, environmentalists, and gays will always be regarded as 'Other'. That is the message I received at least 30 times a day for the past three months. We all belong here, and I'm tired of being looked down upon because I supposedly do not embrace good, 'American' values.  I know that it is the upper echelons of the GOP that control the party's message - and the evangelical agenda pushers that are behind them.  I wonder if the average, moderately conservative Republican is as disgusted with their party as the rest of us are?



I've had to stuff down a lot of my angry feelings towards this unfair rhetoric. I have lots of family and a few friends that support the conservative side of things. Some are more vocal than others. I'm sure my liberal rants bother them just as much as their negative posts about Obama's administrative policies bother me. I do my best to ignore them and not engage in political discourse. The last time I stepped up to say something, about 2 years ago, when I called down my cousin's teenage son for calling President Obama a Socialist on Facebook, it did not turn out well. A line had been crossed in my opinion. You do not disrespect the president by engaging in petty name calling. Period. My cousin lashed back in defense of his son, and said some pretty horrible things about my motives and my intellect in the process. We don't speak anymore. I don't like it when people parade their political views around and wave them in people's faces, like a taunt, baiting someone into an argument. Unfortunately I have a pretty big mouth and can't stand by and say nothing. The blatant disrespect that has been shown to president Obama drives me absolutely batshit crazy, and I am quick to anger when people spout brazenly stupid remarks that have no shred of truth, whatsoever.



An individual's political and religious beliefs can be so interwoven, they are impossible to separate. Our beliefs become us. So when you look down on a belief system that doesn't jive with your own, you can't help but inflict pain on that individual as well. I know I probably do that to quite a few of my friends and family when ever I go off on the utter stupidity and meanness that is Rush Limbaugh. I'm giving a pretty harsh value judgement there, and yes, it transfers on to the person who can actually sit there and listen to his outlandish rhetoric and LIKE what they hear - and yes, I think a little less of you because you do so. Just like you think a little less of me because I listen to NPR, don't go to church, and have an Obama sticker on my car.



So what's the point in all this? Maybe instead of always looking for someone to look down on, look for like-minded friends instead and channel your energies that way. Friends give us comfort. Hope. A sense of knowing. If you work to surround yourself with an emotional support network of those who feel as you do, then they will understand the depth to which you have searched your own soul for answers. There is safety in knowing you won't offend and that there is a reliable person to turn to when you need reassurance that it will all turn out okay, and that you don't really need to set up a perimeter trip wire to protect yourself against those 2nd amendment fans around the corner that got guns to protect themselves from you and your heathen, liberal ways. (For the record, the 2nd amendment is perfectly acceptable. Crazies like Ted Nugent are not.)



I've got a pretty good network. My husband, of course, and family and friends Pam, Deb, Amy, Shawn, Lyndy, Vickie, Gail and April have been phenomenal in the past four years in regularly posting political and social/cultural food-for-thought. You are my intellectual lifeline and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for keeping the important social issues continuously on the radar for all of us. I especially appreciated the item-by-item break down of the Affordable Care Act written in plain language (thanks, Pam!) and the regular doses of The Daily Show. (Thanks, Shawn!)



One more thing... I am so very thankful that my immediate family is my greatest emotional support network of all. I would like to give my brother a special shout out - your humor will always bring a smile to my face...even on voting day..

 

(I protest!!!   That's virtual vandalism!!!!!)

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A Gift from God...

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/10/24/1149395/-GOP-Rape-Advisory-Chart-h-t-to-connecticutie

 

 

I'll give you a moment to clear the vomit from your mouth....

 

 

First of all, let me say that these statements are absolutely reprehensible.  Vile.  Disgusting. 

 

and... illuminating.

 

Here is your beloved Grand Old Party, nation!  In all of its glory.  There are actual living, breathing citizens out there who elected these pathetic men and women into office.  And they are still out there, ready to do it again.  Even worse, Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan have stood behind their endorsement for these candidates - and almost half of the nation is ready to elect them into office.

 

Nation?  WOMEN of this nation?  Do you not see the big picture here?

 

There is an alarming trend by the GOP to blur the lines of separation between church and state.

 

Men have no business legislating what women can and cannot do with their own body.

 

Politicians have no business altering your personal rights, based upon their own personal brand of theology.

 

Believe it or not, not every citizen in this nation is a Christian.  So stop forcing the rest of us to live up to your version of Christian ideals.

 

 

SCIENCE NEWS FLASH!!!

 



 



Pregnancy happens because a sperm fertilizes an egg.  It has happened that way for over the past 600 million years.  Which is roughly about 599,997,200 years before the concept of monotheism was even conceived.  Therefore, I think it is safe to say that 'God' doesn't really have a hand in it.

 

 

 

CRIMINOLOGY 101

 



1. Rape is defined committing a sexual act by the use of coercion or FORCE against another person, without that person's consent.

 

2. Manner of the victim's dress, conduct, intelligence, age, ethnicity or prior sexual behavior are never grounds to justify rape.  There is NO justification for rape.

 

 I don't know what else to say here... lately I feel like just slamming my head against the wall because nobody is listening.  Nobody is able to see the big picture.  Voters need to shake themselves out of their religion-steeped stupor and demand better leadership.


Please wake up, America.... please?



 



Running off leash

I unhooked the leash from my mouth yesterday and ran with it.

And it felt GOOD!

Today's unleashing will feel even better.  It's about religion.  And the lack thereof.  I won't deny it - I'm a secular thinker.  I embrace many different theories on how we came to be here, but I hold them ever so briefly, and let them fall by the wayside because the only truth to me that makes sense is this:  There is no heaven.  There is no hell.  There is no middle man between me and 'God'.  There is no sin.  There is no prayer or mortal application of forgiveness to pardon my 'sin'.  No Creation, Resurrection or Immaculate Conception.  Good and Evil?  Yes.  Intelligent Design?  No.  I have felt this way for a good number of years now, and my line in the sand is drawn.

So it was with a great deal of interest that I listened to a story on NPR's Morning Edition, this past Monday morning.  A discussion about a new book release is always interesting, and I love, love, love the way Robert Krulwich conducts his interviews - the playful banter back and forth always makes for good listening.  The author, Stephen Greenblatt , is releasing The Swerve: How the World Became Modern.  It is a story about how a lost book (one of only maybe three copies in existence), called On the Nature of Things, by a Roman writer named Lucretius, was rediscovered in 1417, in a German monastery, and brought forth again to the world.  The amazing thing is the subject matter.  The book was written before the fall of Rome, before Darwin (!!), before the time of Jesus, before the Church took a stranglehold on European society and crushed any attempts of free, scientific or spiritual thought.  Click on the link above and listen to the story.  I think it is just beautiful.  Here is an excerpt from On the Nature of Things:

... moving randomly through space, like dust motes in a sunbeam, colliding, hooking together, forming complex structures, breaking apart again, in a ceaseless process of creation and destruction. There is no escape from this process. ... There is no master plan, no divine architect, no intelligent design.

All things, including the species to which you belong, have evolved over vast stretches of time. The evolution is random, though in the case of living organisms, it involves a principle of natural selection. That is, species that are suited to survive and to reproduce successfully, endure, at least for a time; those that are not so well suited, die off quickly. But nothing — from our own species, to the planet on which we live, to the sun that lights our day — lasts forever. Only the atoms are immortal ...

Oh.  My.  Almost two thousand years before Darwin, yet you can read his thoughts right here.  In a time when the world of Roman Gods and Goddesses ruled the day, Lucretius was able to come up with this.  I am in absolute awe.  To be able to think on such a deep and complex level - these ancient works are just incredible - in the sense that they are absolutely relevant today.  Here is another review, on Fresh Air.

I was fortunate enough to get to listen to the Morning Edition interview twice.  Once with Dean, and then later again when I was driving with the kids to a field trip destination.  I wanted Jordan to hear it.  What is troubling is that he found it distressing.  We are in no way trying to stamp out religion in this family.  The kids are and will continue to be encouraged to make their own faith journey and to ultimately declare their beliefs (whatever they may be) as their own. I however, with a great deal of intention, look for opportunities to expose the kids to as many historical or scientific approaches to religion as I can - because I have to counteract a great deal of intense religious exposure whenever the kids enter the state of Oklahoma.  (and that is putting it nicely).  Jordan's mother has been taking Jordan to a Holy Roller type of church in the past couple of years - the type where the kids are strongly encouraged to bring their bibles to church with them every time.  They jazz the kids up with video games, free food and candy, loud music and so forth.  All in the name of Jesus.  Crap.  Give me a break.  The sad thing is that we have to point out to Jordan, time and time again, how the church is using these gimmicks to take advantage of his youth and naivete to just reel him in.  And it is working.  Despite all of our hard work to keep him free and open-minded, he still wavers on the edge of contemplating that Creation could have happened.  Are you serious????  AAAAGGGHHHH!

My children (can't control what happens with Jordan, unfortunately) will never be allowed to be in Oklahoma unattended.  Why?  Because there is so much in-your-face organized religion there you could choke on it.  I am not lying when I say that from the ages of 2 -4, when Rylan was referring to Oklahoma she would use the term 'Church'.  "When are we going to Church?".  It took me forever to figure out what she was really asking.  I have no idea how she got that term in her head - it is a true puzzle, but almost laughably ironic. 

Don't get me wrong - I am not saying that church or the teachings of Jesus Christ are bad.  I believe he was a wise, prophetic man who walked this Earth and did good things while he was here.  I believe he had a lot of important things to say about how to treat each other with respect and kindness.  He meant it - look at the times he was living in - the Roman occupiers were a bunch of assholes!  But that is the point - that what he had to say was relevant to the time period and culture he was living within.  Decades (pray tell centuries?) after his death, when the books of the new testament were coming together, they told his story.  That is a long time for a story to get thoroughly embellished.  And embellish it they did.  Stuff and more stuff was added - the more fantastical the better (and isn't it strange how the Agnostics were suppressed?).  That's how all the great storytellers perfect their craft - make it interesting and powerful for it to have the fullest effect.  Stories have a common thread within every society on Earth - they are the most effective tool to exert a society's preferred cultural norm among the masses.  So all of the Evangelical and Day of Reckoning crap?  Pure hogwash meant to scare the daylights of the believers and to fill the coffers of the church. (Pay us and we'll SAVE you!)  That is the aspect of organized religion that really pisses me off.  God gave you free will - and now he is going to punish you?  God hates gays?  God will smite you if you get an abortion?  You will be punished if you do not hand over all of your worldly goods?  What exactly are the new breed of organized, mega churches trying to achieve here?  Believe this or you will go to hell?  Where is the 'be kind to your brother' message?  Where is the 'be kind to the Earth for it's all we have' message?  Where is the 'you-are-not-better-than-anybody-else-no-matter-their-nationality-skin-color-sexual-orientation-socio-economic-status message'?  You can't play both messages at once- they contradict each other!  Don't profess to be a loving Christian yet only to tell me, that because I haven't confessed my sins and accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior that I will not see you in heaven.  What an awful, awful thing to say to someone.  It hurts.  It segregates.  It passes judgement that is not yours to give in the first place. 

Our own church, for the most part, does a good job of keeping the message on target.  But.  In the past, one half of our pastoral team has strayed into a grey area that we (Dean and I) are not comfortable with and that discomfort has prevented us from attending church services in the past two years.  Ironic, I know, when we still go there once-a-week for Financial Peace University.  But it is the small-group interaction and discussion that really appeals to us - and we have found a great deal of comfort in it.  The fact remains that our fears are well-founded because of the dilution and distortion of the message.  It is not only the minister's message that can stray.  It is every adult that the kids come into contact with.  Sunday school is a big gamble.  What are these adults saying to our children?  I don't want my children to grow up thinking that the story of Noah's Ark was REAL.  That Adam and Eve and all of the (gasp) trouble she 'caused' was REAL.  Little ones cannot decipher between an embellished tale of wonder and what is REAL.

This blog is about our family and our homeschooling experience.  There is so much that ties into that decision.  The quandary of religion is a big part of that.  We want control over what our children are exposed to.  When a child is spending time with others, we have very real concerns about what information or experiences those adults are exposing them too.  Is it fundamental?  Objective? 

So back to the car journey this past Monday morning... Jordan is troubled.  He asks "So is that all there is?  We are just a bunch of atoms?  There is no heaven?"  Of course I am not going to sit there and dash all of his hopes of an afterlife.  This is a touchy subject for him - his mother has had to confront her own mortality in the past year, and I know that Jordan is very concerned.  I make it very clear that it all depends on WHAT YOU PERSONALLY BELIEVE.  That is the beauty of our human nature and the free will we have been given.  No one can tell us the absolute truth.  We can gather up as much information as we can, sift through it, and adhere to what speaks to us.  For me, the beauty of atoms coming together, forming a life, and then disassembling when that life is over, and then coming together to form something else... over and over again.  That speaks to me.  No soul is attached.  It is just the coming together and then the parting of atoms - yet in such a fantastical way that anything and everything in our universe is created that way.  And then disassembled.  Not destroyed, just disassembled.  There is a finite amount of materials - yet look at the diversity that surrounds us.  Pure awesomeness.

Fast forward a couple of days, and Jordan is reading a blurb about Martin Luther in his Core Knowledge book.  Long discussion on the way to church (of all places) ensues.  I cannot stress to Jordan enough about the importance that you should question the authority figures in your life that insist on exerting absolute power.  There are life lessons to be learned from history.  Do not let Martin Luther's battle with the Catholic Church and the legacy he left behind be in vain.  He, despite great personal risk, questioned the clergy's authority to take money from the masses in return for the pardoning of sins.  There is no middle man between you and God.  The church cannot control forgiveness - only you can.  The most important sources of forgiveness are the person you hurt or from within your own self.  And forgiving yourself is one of the most difficult lessons to learn in life.  Some will hurt for years, unwilling to let go of failure.  It was a good discussion.  Jordan messes up frequently - yet he has to learn to grow from the experience and move beyond the failure.  And, quite frankly, so do I.

So many great men and women have been such sources of inspiration and beacons of light for us.  I thank Lucretious and Martin Luther for giving me something to think about this week.  My visual source of inspiration this week is the image of Phoebe (from the sitcom Friends), running through Central Park.  Arms and legs going in every direction.  Hair flying.  A big grin on her face.  Unleashed...

Sorry if I throw out an elbow to far.  Sorry if I kick you in the shin.  But I will say what I think.  I will express my fears, humility, anger, frustration, happiness, hopes and dreams in a way that is meaningful to me.  The fact that I stop, think and share my feelings is the truest indication that I don't want my life to be just an endless repetition of days with no legacy of thoughts or ideas.  I hope to inspire others as well...

Here's to Phoebe...



We're...um....'not'

One of the things I love most about our homeschooling support group is the ecclectic mix of people.  There are several different belief systems at play, but we are all unified by one goal: we want to educate our children ourselves.  We are an all-inclusive group, so there are several different religious backgrounds as well.  Over the three + years since we joined, I have made several very good friends.  We don't always just meet with kids in tow - we have a monthly knitting night and a monthly meeting and a monthly MNO.  Knitting night is an especially good night to talk about things other than day-to-day schoolwork or kids.  We have discussed our views on politics (it is especially hilarious to see all of our vehicles lined up in the parking lot and the array of bumper-stickers present), religion and education.  I feel like I am in pretty good company!

The other night, a new mom to the group joined us for knitting night.  She told us a story about her daughter, who has a friend who is a boy.  The two get along quite well and have been friends for several years.  C. said that the boy's family were the ultra-conservative religious types, and "Uh, we're not".  We were busily knitting around the table, and after she said that, smiles spread around the table and we all nodded in unison.
Not much else was said about the subject....'cause we're 'not'.

I love this group  :)