Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... It is cloudy this morning.  Rain is the way...

I am thinking... A conversation we had over dinner last night.  As a way to avoid six people sitting around a table staring at their devices and not talking, I made everybody hand them over and then tossed out a conversation starter:  "If you could go back in time to observe anything you wanted to (not interact with the people or try to change events), what would you want to see"?

Colin: "The lions, because I like lions".  (So says the six-old who didn't understand the question)

Owen: "I would go back to when the dinosaurs lived, because I wonder what it would look like where our home is right now.  Like a magic world or something.."

Rylan: "I would want to see aunt Susie again, and see daddy's dad, because I never got to meet him".

Jordan: (I can't remember and he is STILL asleep (1 pm!) so I can't ask him)

Me: "It's a choice between standing in the crowds as they welcomed George Washington as he arrived in the capitol to officially take the office of the presidency, or to be at the Lincoln Memorial at the March on Washington, and listen to Martin Luther King as he gave his 'I Have a Dream' speech".

Dean: "To be sitting in the garage as Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak experimented and built the first Apple computer".

I am thankful... for coffee, headphones, warm kitties and fleece blankets

From the Learning Rooms... We are starting a new science unit this week called "Secret Formulas" .  Owen has been requesting something chemistry related.

In the kitchen... leftovers from dinner last night. We went to a Persian cuisine restaurant last night called Rumi's House of Kabobs.  Sooooo good.

I am wearing... Pj's and a sweater because it is chilly out, and the kids left the backdoor wide open as they keep running in and out of the house to report their lastest finds.  They are hacking away at the dirt with shovels, playing 'archeologist'.  yay......

I am creating... ummm.. not much?

I am going... just the usual round of Sunday errands, nothing exciting..

I am wondering... why cats like sitting in boxes, baskets, crates, etc.... weird.  I call them 'cat traps'.

I am reading... "White on Snow" for myself, and "Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle" to the kids.

In the garden... Well, this is a bummer.  The wood used for the raised garden beds is rotting away, and as I was digging out weeds yesterday, a wall on the one of the beds fell away.  I guess it has been six years... but I still would of expected them to last a little longer.  Dean is willing to build me an elevated garden box. I need to keep the garden on the simple side - I just can't add anything more to my plate, and I hate, HATE our soil so I don't want to rebuild the planters on the ground.  We also have an excess of garden snakes, ants and slugs all over the yard, so spending ample time kneeling on the ground does not appeal to me AT ALL - as well as it irritates my knees.  I will use my largest flower pots to plant my tomato plants, and the garden box to plant just a small amount of herbs, spinach, lettuce, carrots, beans and maybe a single cucumber?

I am hoping... I am hearing rumors that we may get a lot of snow this coming weekend. Like in the range of 20-30 inches.  I am sooo hoping that it is true.  Call me crazy, but I haven't had enough winter yet...

I am looking forward to... Tickets for Coldplay's U.S. tour go on sale in our area beginning on Monday.  We are hoping to score tickets for either the Tulsa show or the Denver show.  

I am learning... well, since I was mentioning the place we went to eat last night, I wanted to be more specific about the food rather than just calling it 'Middle-Eastern'.  'Kebab' means 'roasted meat'.  The restaurant we went to serves it in the traditional Persian (Iranian) style by serving the meat with saffron rice, a roasted tomato on the side, and butter pats on the plate.  The waitress told us to mash the tomato and butter into the rice, and then sprinkle it with Sumac powder (which was in glass salt shaker on the table).  She didn't mention what the powder was last night, but I looked it up today and read about Sumac powder.  From Wikipedia: "The fruits form dense clusters of reddish drupes called sumac bobs. The dried drupes of some species are ground to produce a tangy crimson spice...The fruits (drupes) of the genus Rhus are ground into a reddish-purple powder used as a spice in Middle Eastern cuisine to add a lemony taste to salads or meat...In North America, the smooth sumac (R. glabra) and the staghorn sumac (R. typhina) are sometimes used to make a beverage termed "sumac-ade", "Indian lemonade", or "rhus juice". This drink is made by soaking the drupes in cool water, rubbing them to extract the essence, straining the liquid through a cotton cloth, and sweetening it."

I am hearing... Umizoomi on the tv. 

Around the house... there will be some cleaning, sorting and napping going on in the near-future.

I am pondering... how soon we can get rid of the plastic playhouse in the backyard.  It is a spider and wasp haven.

One of my favorite things... my sage/thyme candle that sits by my computer.  I sniff it at regular intervals.

A few plans for the rest of the week... Rylan has a birthday party to attend on Tuesday afternoon, and other than that just the usual stuff.  Oh, and NO doctor appointments this week!  For the first time since mid-February we get a break!

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

This is Colin, about 5 years ago.  It always makes me laugh, and laughing is good. :)

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Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... An absolutely gorgeous fall morning.  The air is still and the neighborhood is quiet.  I hear the occasional crow...

I am thinking... about how the Pope moved so many people this week.  I'm not Catholic, but his words are for all of us.  I hope Congress listens.  I hope the nation listens.  I hope the world listens.

I am thankful... That the cub scout meeting that I led last week went well.  We have 10 little boys - and they are all full of life yet very sweet.  The object of the meeting was to create *something* out of recycled materials.  Boys this age are not big on crafts... (are they ever?) but I did find a cool project on Pinterest where the boys could create a wolf head, since they are wolves right now.  They were actually excited!  I have all the pieces and parts that they have constructed, now I just need to glue it all together and spray paint it.  They then can add details this coming week.

From the Learning Rooms... Rylan has finally clicked with multiplication, Owen is really getting into math as well - MEP is a very good fit for him and his problem-solving style.  Colin is spending lots of time on ABC Mouse and really enjoying it.  On Friday, I watched a fantastic online discussion given by Julie Bogart from Brave Writer on Periscope, called 'When it all goes wrong in your homeschool'.  It was just the shot in the arm I needed for positive thinking after the first month of slogging through work with the kids.  Even though this is our 8th year homeschooling, sometimes you need to hear that it will all be OK over and over and over again.  This particular discussion is no longer available on Periscope (they only remain for 24 hours), but Julie indicated that she would put it up on the Brave Writer site in the near future.

In the kitchen... I figured out a quick and easy way to create beef stew this past week.  I purchased two packages of Hormel's Beef Tips in Gravy (which would be about the same price as getting stew meat), 32 oz beef stock, bottle of beer, baby carrots, celery, onion, mushrooms and baby potatoes or sweet potatoes.  First saute the onion and mushroom in some butter or oil, and after a few minutes add in some chopped celery.  While the veggies are sauteing, I put the carrots and potatoes (cut into 1 inch chunks) into a pampered chef microwave steamer with a little bit of water, and steamed them in microwave for about 7-8 minutes.  This will cut down on the cooking time, overall.  As soon as the onions turn golden brown and most of the liquid from the mushrooms has cooked off, sprinkle a generous amount of flour over the vegetables and stir until it is mixed in well.  Then pour in a little beer to deglaze the pan, scraping all the good bits off the bottom.  Keep pouring in a little more beer, stir, and then a little more, until the entire bottle is mixed in well.  Add the beef stock, stir well.  Add in the carrots and potatoes - plus the water they steamed in!  Finally, open up the two containers of Beef Tips and scrape all of it into the pot and mix well.  Add a little pepper.  I would nix adding extra salt, there is plenty in the stock and Beef Tips.  Any part of this process can be tailored to what you have on hand veggie-wise.  You can also add some Worcestershire,  a bit of tomato paste... whatever.  When it is all mixed in, cook for about 15 minutes and it should be good to go.  I actually made it twice this week.  Dean needed to take stew with him for Fall Camporee this weekend, so I made a second batch.  It goes together from start to finish in about 30 minutes.  Yummy and kid-approved!

I am wearing... blue silk(ish) pjs from this past Mother's Day.

I am creating... Minion costumes!  Do you know how hard it is to find a large piece of egg-crate foam??  I gave up after visiting five different stores looking for a twin-size mattress foam pad, and just purchased a roll of foam from Hobby Lobby and used a 40% off one item coupon on my phone.  It's not quite as thick as what I wanted, but it will do.  Can't wait to get started. :)

I am going... On a fall hike very shortly.  There is a family fall colors hike at the cub scout camp about an hour away, so we are picking up my dad and then heading up there to join the other families from our pack, and Dean and Jordan will join us as well, since they will be ending their camporee stuff just down the road at the boy scout camp.  Should be a beautiful day!  

I am wondering... If you still get monthly cramps after a hysterectomy. (?)  Three weeks and counting...

I am reading... I visited the Pottermore site yesterday, and read the new bit on there about Harry's ancestors.  Loved it!

I am hoping... That even though I really do love the sunshine, I hope that it starts to cool off a bit and feel more like 'fall'.  I also hope that Rylan's loose tooth comes out today.  It is her first molar tooth to come loose, but it is wedged against her wire band of her braces, so she can only wiggle it in one direction.  She is complaining.  Loudly.  All the time.

I am looking forward to... This coming week.  No extra stuff on the schedule.  It is also my dad's birthday and my FIL's birthday (same day).  I am thinking about taking my dad to the Denver Botanical Gardens.

I am learning... How to shape foam with scissors this week.  Minion teeth...

I am hearing... Clone Wars on Netflix (I think they are actually really good!).

Around the house... Tons of dog hair.  Still!  I hope Abby finishes her seasonal shed soon.

I am pondering... All the advice I heard on the online discussion I mentioned earlier.  Lots of good stuff there - especially the advice that homeschoolers (the parents, really) need to offload the tendency to feel like society's perception of homeschooling rests on their shoulders.  (I do this to myself all. the. time.) Yes, it is a non-conventional educational choice that we've made, but don't feel like you have to live under the constant pressure to always perform at a higher standard in order to prove the skeptics wrong...  This includes making comments to public school parents that your homeschooling experience is above par, even when it isn't.  Even homeschoolers can have bad days (weeks)(months)(year?) and it is okay to be honest with yourself and those you converse with.  Don't put yourself in the position that you must uphold the entity of 'Homeschooling' and push yourself to emulate an impossible, and mythical standard.  Keep it real.  Embrace your messy house, your lack of exercise or balanced meals and the children that refuse to produce stellar work, and just enjoy your choice to be with your children and homeschool them.  You are so lucky to have this opportunity.  Children grow up way to fast, and you need to treasure these years, not be a slave to them.  Good advice! 

One of my favorite things... Telling my youngest, as I put him to bed, about the exciting thing that he will be doing the next day.  He is so cute when he is excited. :)

A few plans for the rest of the week... A hike today, and possibly the Botanical Gardens mid-week.  Then the usual roundup of activities: Lego robotics, ballet, jazz, violin and Nutcracker practice for Rylan, piano and cub scouts for Owen, and boy scouts for Jordan.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

Rylan helped me pick out a fall wreath yesterday, for the front door.  I love fall!!

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Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... Sigh.  The neighbor and his noise.  This morning, at exactly 7:42, he started up something that sounded like a sander or a buffer.  And now, at 9:22, he is still going.  Great neighbors, with the exception of his annoying habit of using power tools early in the morning on the weekends.  Also, it is bright and sunny, with just a bit of breeze.

I am thinking... About cats.  Our new cat, Riley, and our original cat, Kitty, are finally getting along.  It's been three months now.  They chase each other around, tolerate the other's presence and have even shared the same food bowl once or twice.  It is interesting to watch how they are always aware of where the other one is.  Riley regularly carries out ambush attacks on Kitty.  It is not exactly a fair fight though, since Kitty has claws and Riley does not.  During the mornings in the schoolroom, the smaller windows are open in the bay window, and each goes to her respective window to keep watch over the neighborhood.

I am thankful... for September.  I love you, September.

From the Learning Rooms... We covered early humans, nomads and early farmers last week in SOTW.  The kids made 'cave paintings' on the single paper bag I managed to find in the garage, squirreled away over the summer for this very purpose.  One morning, when just Owen was up, we sat on the couch and he combed through a DK book on prehistoric life from cover to cover.  I had found him studying the page featuring a trilobite, and he was worried about it.  "Do these still exist?"  "Will they bite you?".  I told him to think of it as a giant rolypoly and no, they don't exist anymore, but we can go see the fossil of one at the museum.  He slowly worked his way through the book, studying the pages and asking some very thoughtful questions.  It was pure Owen.  I love that kid.

In the kitchen... I am making monster cookies and cutting up watermelon and cantaloupe for a picnic later this afternoon.  The kids are in the process of making grape koolaid to pour into the popsicle molds.

I am wearing... pjs.  Pulled out the winter flannel pjs last night.  It's getting chilly at night now!

I am creating... not much at the moment.

I am going... to a picnic later today for our homeschool group.  It is our annual Not-Back-to-School picnic.  It is always a fun time.

I am wondering... What in the world to have 10 cub scouts do for a recycling activity at the meeting this coming Thursday.  I will be consulting Pinterest for ideas.  The den leader is out of town this week, so the meeting falls on my shoulders.  Heaven help me.

I am reading... The den leader scout manual for what to do for this upcoming activity/badge thingy.

I am hoping... That half of the boys will skip scouts for soccer practice.

I am looking forward to... The pack Fall Color hike next weekend.

I am learning... about hysterectomies.

I am hearing... A blend of Transformers on TV, the sander outside, and Rylan stirring koolaid in the kitchen.  The kids are explaining to me that it is an early episode, when Bumblebee still had his voice.  And that Bumblebee is Colin's favorite color - yellow.

Around the house... the usual line-up.  Laundry and dishes.

I am pondering... starting on the boys' Halloween costumes today.  Clock is ticking...

One of my favorite things... Quiet.  Which is an elusive thing these days.

A few plans for the rest of the week...  Rylan has her first consultation appointment in regards to her scoliosis.  We got the x-rays done in May, now it is time to find out what we need to do right now, if anything.  There is scout popcorn everywhere.  The boys need to sell it.  Dean and Jordan leave for Fall Camporee this upcoming weekend.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

We met up with my brother and SIL and two of their three boys and went to the circus last weekend.  The kids loved it.  Colin was the most impressed with the motorcycles in the ball cage.  Owen and Rylan liked the dogs doing stunts the best, and Jordan couldn't stop talking about the guy that shot ballons with a crossbow.  He was certain that it was faked somehow.  Nobody liked the horseback routine where they jump on the backs of the horses.  I loved the audience-participation bit where kids played a variety of silly instruments.

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Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... A bright morning with blue skies and a breeze that is a little on the cool side.  Perfect.

I am thinking... About Kathy.  Kathy was the mom who hired me many, many years ago to nanny her three children.  I worked for the family for nine years.  Kathy passed away last week after a courageous five-year battle with brain cancer.  I attended a party hosted by the family in her memory yesterday afternoon.  It was wonderful to see the kids - all three have spread their wings and left the nest, and I haven't seen the older two girls in a few years.  Kathy was a wonderful mom and great mentor - she will be missed very much.

I am thankful... That it is Labor Day weekend.  It is nice to have an extra day to get caught up on stuff.  I am also thankful that last week's big transition to a new platform (Yahoo Groups to Bigtent) for our homeschool group went relatively smoothly.  So far about 40-45 members have moved over and it was pretty painless.  The other 70-80 members have yet to even open their email invitation.  Typical.

From the Learning Rooms... The rest of our curriculum arrived from Rainbow Resource on Friday, so I am itching for Tuesday to arrive so we can start.  This was the language arts component - All About Reading for Owen, MosDos Opal and Shurley English for Rylan.  Looking through the materials, I am most excited for MosDos with Rylan.  Her anthology looks awesome - she has already read a couples stories on Friday as we unpacked the boxes and looked over everything.

In the kitchen... Leftover blackened tilapia, much to the family's dismay.  Time to go shopping for the week.

I am wearing... pjs. The outfit of weekend blogging champions!

I am creating... Last night I opened up Pinterest to get the ideas churning for Halloween costumes.  Owen and Colin want to be Minions, and Rylan wants to be Scarlet Overkill.  Owen's and Colin's will take a lot of work, but I am excited to start.  It involves foam, a glue gun and lots of yellow spray paint.  Rylan's wig, gloves and dress have been ordered.  Luckily the red dress can double for any holiday dress needs this upcoming season and her fall violin recital.  

I am going... to drive to see my aunties later this afternoon.  They called this morning to report that they have two flats of garden tomatoes that need a new home.  I could have cried with happiness!  I can't wait to start a batch of sauce this evening in the crockpot.  I can smell it now.... ahhhhh...

I am wondering... what to write here.  Moving on...

I am reading... I am still working on Elizabeth Berg's The Day I Ate Whatever I Wanted.  

I am hoping... for rain this week.  It's been too dry.

I am looking forward to... Fall!  Fall is my favorite.  Thinking about Halloween costumes has put me in the mood..

I am learning... How to carve and shape foam with scissors.

I am hearing... I can vaguely hear the kids arguing about BoomBlox on the Wii.  I have headphones on, which helps.  I am listening to my current standby for writing music - Coldplay.  

Around the house... Dean fixed the Wii last night (hence to sudden urge to by the kids to play).  It was making a horrible whine.  He looked up a video on YouTube about how to diagnose the sound and fix it.  He and Rylan took it apart and tweaked whatever little metal part was out of position and it was fixed. yay!  Today I will probably gather up the Calvert stuff and clear the kid's school shelves for their new books, papers and things.

I am pondering... What the hell to do with all the Calvert books.  

One of my favorite things... Those first hints of fall, like the slightly cooler mornings and the first few leaves on the fruit trees beginning to brown and fall.

A few plans for the rest of the week... This is an unusually quiet week.  Just school, scouts for Owen and violin for Rylan.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing... 

Colin, June 2011

I came across this yesterday, and this picture never fails to crack me up...

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Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... Sunshine and a soft breeze.

I am thinking... About my nephew who is celebrating a birthday today, about my cousin that celebrated a birthday yesterday, and my husband who celebrated his birthday the day before that, the food I need to prepare for a picnic we're attending this afternoon, the massive curriculum order I need to place, the fact that Jordan still needs to complete his homework, the stuff I need to do in preparation for the new season of Cub Scouts that begins this week, and the big change that is happening to our homeschool online platform that is happening in T-minus 38:21 hours, and I still have to figure out how to get 120 invites sent out to our membership.

I am thankful... For the slight change in my medication.  I had a very productive initial Dr. visit with a new psychiatrist last week.  I am currently taking 30mg of Prozac daily, but am feeling 'flat' and unmotivated.  So after reviewing my situation and current mental health, he recommended adding 150mg Wellbutrin to the Prozac.  I've got a long-term low grade depression, layered with a more immediate depression that comes and goes with the times.  The Wellbutrin should help stabilize things and help me with the motivation piece so that I can move beyond the current 'hole' that I feel like I am trapped in right now.  (hole = always feeling like I am behind and overwhelmed, and helpless to stop the cycle).

From the Learning Rooms... The kids and I are about to get into the full swing of things when their curriculum arrives later this week. (hopefully - it is the busy season for that, so shipping may be an issue).  We have been doing math, history and science these past weeks, but I am anxious to get the Language Arts stuff going.  Jordan is doing well with his transition to public high school.  I have a blog post in production about that...

In the kitchen... I am making black-eyed pea dip and monster cookies for the picnic later today.  About 45 people are attending.  That's a whole lotta cookies.

I am wearing... pjs!

I am creating... Trying to decide between Trello, Workflowy, Sticky Notes, Kanban, and Wunderlist as a way to keep track of what I need to do.  Part of why I feel sooo overwhelmed is that I have a lot on my plate, and minimal executive function to keep track of it all.  My old brain injury is rearing it's ugly head and lots of stuff is falling through the cracks.  I have about 40% follow-thru on most stuff right now, because of it.  That is all a part of the vicious cycle that keeps beating down my ability to cope and feel good about myself.

I am going... To a picnic later today with our Ingress friends.  I am looking forward to it - they are a fun bunch of people.

I am wondering... About the great horned owl I heard outside our bedroom window the other night.  It was really neat to hear, but I've never heard an owl in our neighborhood before.  Makes me worry about the neighbor's cat that likes to prowl around.

I am reading... I just finished reading The Bishop's Wife, by Mette Ivie Harrison.  I love murder mysteries, and to add the Mormonism element to it was the icing on the cake, because Mormonism is a mystery all in its self.  I just like reading about things I know little about so that I learn something new.  I read it in two days.  I haven't been lost in a book like that in months.  My husband hates it because I completely ignore everything else when I am absorbed in a book, but I feel it is good for me from time to time.  I need time away from myself, lol...

I am hoping... to get in another 10K steps today.  Yesterday was the first day I managed that in I don't know how long.  I got myself a new FitBit Charge for my birthday earlier this month, and I am loving it!

I am looking forward to... the picnic of course, but not much else this week.  It's a busy week coming up full of stressssssss.  :/  So I am looking forward to next weekend.

I am learning... how to juggle.  Just kidding.  I don't think there are any spare brain cells to think about learning anything right now.

I am hearing... Ghoststories by Coldplay on the headphones, but unfortunately it does not drown out the kids arguing in the kitchen as Rylan is making pancakes and Colin, Owen and Jordan are discussing Geometry Dash.

Around the house... Dog hair.  Lots and lots of dog hair.  Abby's seasonal shed is in full swing.

I am pondering... shaving her.  No, not really.  I made that mistake with my first husky, Kai.  My dad helped my shave her, and she wouldn't look at me for weeks.  I think she felt embarrassed.  Dean keeps threatening to take Abby to the groomers.  I don't think she would like that at. all.

One of my favorite things... A clean kitchen counter.  I managed to get two different areas cleaned up this past week.  The feeling was awesome.  And then kids and husband ruined it all.

A few plans for the rest of the week... Rylan begins a new year of dance this week.  She is taking ballet and jazz again, and luckily they are on the same day, back-to-back, which means one less round trip for me.  yay!  Also, Owen begins his new season of Cub Scouts this week.  I am stepping into the new role of assistant leader of his den this year, because the one from last year quit abruptly early last spring, I am an idiot/glutton for punishment and also because no other parent offered to.  Luckily, Mark, the den leader, is a well-seasoned scout and knows how to run things pretty well - I'm just an extra pair of hands, really.  It is a small group, so hopefully it won't be too much work.  Also, the BSA does an excellent of spelling out everything to do in the manual.  Unlike the Girl Scouts that are so disorganized it's pointless.


Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

My husband, Dean, celebrated birthday #45 on Friday.  The kids and I drove down to his work to take him out to lunch at Oskar Blues.  Yum!

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Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... It is a gray, drizzly kind of day, and I love it.  We haven't had many of these this spring, so I am more than happy to curl up with a hot cup of coffee and a book.  Call me crazy, but we didn't get nearly enough snowy days this winter.

I am thinking... Oh my goodness.  If I had a penny for every deep thought that I've had over the past couple of months I would be a rich woman.  I didn't express those thoughts here, though, because they were more fragmented than ever, and they came and went like the tide.  I've been experimenting with finding the right dose of Prozac that could keep me functional, not TOO 'flat', yet safely on this side of the depression abyss, and other additional measures as well .  I think I've found the right Rx (for me): 30 mg/day of Prozac, B-12, 2-3 daily walks, plenty of sunshine, very little social media (Facebook *maybe* once a week) and very little exposure to the news (akin to living under a rock).  The Prozac was hard to figure out, initially, but I knew I was on the right track when the panic attacks stopped, the racing heart stopped and I could successfully fend off a downward spiral when exposed to something negative.  Anything used to trigger it: a potentially negative personal comment, a sad news story, a bill, an email that required action from me, a Facebook post of friends having fun with other friends (a huge cue for immediate "exclusion" feelings and subsequent pity-party).  I've found that (for the most-part) I have this almost tangible sensation of potential triggers just rolling off my back now, but I still do everything I can to limit my exposure to them in the first place.

As for the functional bit, I'm 'here' and mostly present, but I am still struggling with a very potent don't-give-a-shit attitude.  Kid's behind in their lessons?  so what?  Dirty dishes, dirty laundry, dirty house?  Yep.  And?  Unopened mail...about two month's worth.  And your point is??  If there is any drawback to the meds, it's this.  I just. don't. give. a. rat's. ass..  I'll get it done.  When I get it done.  Don't make me work on your imaginary deadline.

Depression is a nasty business.  What am I so depressed about?  That is a hard question to answer when I have to really struggle to think about when was it that I last felt really good about how my life was going.  I think that the last time I felt the most 'together' and happy was the time period while I was getting my college degree in 2000-2003.  My personal life wasn't all roses as I struggled with huge surges of good and bad feelings as my then live-in boyfriend of 8 years had yet to propose to me, but my school life was awesome.  It is hard to put into words, but the 'feeling' of it coincides with a popular concept: flow.  When you engage in your work, when you live it, breathe it, don't notice the time pass, forget to eat and your brain is constantly churning with ideas, you are in flow.  I was in flow the entire time I was in school.  My classes, my writing, my projects, my lessons.  All flow.  It was the most incredible experience.  I graduated magna cum laude, and yes, I worked very hard to earn that, but it didn't feel like work, you know?  And then it ended.  The flow ended.  My boyfriend proposed (under duress), we graduated, we got jobs, we moved and bought a bigger house, we got married in April 2004 and he left me three weeks later, then I found out he had been having an affair for the entire year prior, my teaching job was good but the principle was horrible....  The flow was gone, my self-esteem was completely shot, and it all went to hell.

BUT, the last ten years have been very, very good to me.  I met Dean in 2005, we got married five months later and became an instant family with his son Jordan, then had three more kids of our own.  We are happy - very happy.  Our relationship has always been healthy and loving and the kids are smart, funny, silly and obnoxious.  I get the immense joy of staying home and homeschooling.  I mean that - it brings me immense joy.  At first I had to work through feelings of loss and inequality when I lost my job and became a non-wage earner for the first time ever, but Dean has been unbelievably supportive.  I've grown into my role and I relish it.

Despite how good these years have been, I've never found my emotional footing again...and I'm still not there yet. I think that is where the depression comes from.  I mean, how could it not?  Picture ten years ago - and I am absolutely emotionally crushed.  I don't know what I did wrong the first time around with marriage, and then I am extremely lucky to find Dean and fall in love again.  And I am afraid, every day, of screwing up and losing it all over again.  The fear is always there.  And then I added more to the pile.  Motherhood.  Homeschooling.  I always worry that I am not good enough.  I think that years and years of feeling that way have taken their toll.  The panic attacks started.  The thoughts that I just wanted to run away.  Or end my life.  That is where I drew the line.  Never were the feelings strong enough to act on them, but the fact that they were there meant it was time to get help.

These past few months have been much better.  Like I said, the panic attacks have ended.  Thoughts of suicide have ended.  I don't go into tail-spins anymore.  My PMS isn't absolute hell anymore.  But, I don't like the 'flatness', I experience.  I am slow to act from an emotional state.  A child crying?  It takes me longer to muster an appropriate response.  I recently had a falling out with my mom, due to my behavior.  It has been resolved, but I am still slow to recover lost ground with her.

My thoughts about depression have run deep and wide over the past few months, but I didn't feel like sharing them, and I didn't think anyone would care to read them.  Life is better.  I look forward to the day when I feel absolute joy again, without any heaviness in my heart.

And, it is a joy to report that for the first time in the past 11 years, April has been a totally different experience for me.  This year spring meant something entirely different.  I have let go of April and what it used to mean - and that is a huge step in the right direction.

I am thankful... for my husband.  I am so glad that even though he went through absolute hell in his first marriage, that he can be a rock for me and let me work through what I needed to work through.  He has always been there with words of love, encouragement and wisdom.  We are approaching our ten year wedding anniversary, and it feels like a real mile-stone for me in so many ways.  As the barriers and walls around my vulnerabilities fall away, I feel like my connection to him has deepened, immensely.  Our meeting and courtship may have been short and unconventional, but we've made it work all this time and formed a relationship that can only be described as a true, united partnership firmly grounded in love and equality.  I thank the Universe every day that Dean is in my life.

From the Learning Rooms... I still have a like/hate relationship with Calvert.  Note I did not say 'love'.  Goodness this year has been a struggle.  We have gone through tears, gnashing of teeth and more pencils than I can count.  It has been a good experience and the kids have learned a lot, but I am not sure to what expense yet, and I am not sure it has been worth it.  I have renewed our enrollment for next year, but I am still on the fence if we will for sure continue with it or not.

In the kitchen... Pumpkin bread this morning.  A cold, rainy morning calls for pumpkin bread.

I am wearing... pj's and a sweater.

I am creating... Lots of projects on hold until we are finished with Calvert, so nothing really to report.

I am going... to take Jordan out shortly to purchase a birthday present for a friend, and then deliver him to the party.

I am wondering... Why dogs must circle three times before lying down.

I am reading... "Manage Your Day-to-Day: Build Your Routine, Find Your Focus & Sharpen Your Creative Mind",  published by 99U/Behance, edited by Jocelyn K. Glei.    It is a compendium of different authors all giving advice about working through distractions, getting into a routine and creating healthy habits with email, social media and making time for creative/productive work a priority.  One of the best passages I've come across is this, in regards to why email is so addictive: 

"I think that e-mail and social networks are a great example of random reinforcement.  Usually, when we pull the lever to check our e-mail, it's not that interesting.  But, from time to time, it's exciting.  And that excitement, which happens at random intervals, keeps us coming back to check our e-mail all the time." - Dan Ariely

That is soooo Facebook.  Most of the time it is ads, political or social rants, or brag/selfie fests.  (kid-bragging is okay in my book, as long as it isn't excessive).  Only every once in awhile is it a truly funny story or captivating thought, or a good way to keep tabs on what relatives and friends are doing.  I have unfollowed a slew of 'friends' in the past few weeks, just so that I could curtail what I saw in my feed, and so I could increase the odds of seeing something good or worthwhile when I pulled the lever, so to speak. :)

In the garden... Just bought a lot of veggie plants yesterday.  Sixteen tomatoes, 4 peppers and 4 jalapenos.  It is too rainy to work in the garden today, but over the week I am sure there will be some sunny days to get them in, and put up wall-o-waters to keep them safe from frost until mid-May.

I am hoping... My motivation is pretty high today (hence the blog post ;), so I hope to get at least one mail pile sorted and dealt with, and a lesson or two finished with each kid.

I am looking forward to... a family bike ride with the scout troop tomorrow night to Dairy Queen, and then next weekend is the first family fun run for the upcoming season of Healthy Kids Fun Runs.  I think I can slow jog for most of it.

I am learning... About a new presentation program that is similar to Power Point, called Prezi.  Rylan has a presentation to give in her online class in a couple of weeks.  Her presentation will be on artistic styles, and she will show some of her completed projects.

I am hearing... Coldplay's Ghost Stories.  It is my go-to background writing music.

Around the house...  Colin is using a pool floatie as a hula hoop (he must have retrieved it from the garage), Owen is building with Legos, Jordan is pulling together his scout uniform for an event later today, Dean is doing the same, and Colin is now stealing the rest of my coffee.  :/

I am pondering... the advantages of writing out your feelings, vs. holding them, processing them, and then letting them go.  Both seem advantageous.

One of my favorite things... A rainy day.

A few plans for the rest of the week... The bike ride, the fun run and of course a bunch of schoolwork.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

Have I mentioned how much I love the rain?

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Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... Beautiful sunshine for now, but it will be a hot one today...

I am thinking... oh my head is full this week... I am thinking about my upcoming ACL surgery and I still can't decide if I want a donor tendon or do a patellar graft.  I am thinking about how the craziness of house repair will most likely start while I am recovering next month (joy).  I am thinking about house repair.  The insurance adjuster totalled our roof, gutters, shutters, screens, some of the windows, some of the trim work, the paint, and maybe the garage door?  Luckily the contractor we will be working with can do all of the work, but it will be a headache to coordinate it all, get the new stuff picked out, get approval from the HOA and so on and so on...  I feel an urgency to get it all done NOW, before our contractor gets booked elsewhere, and we will still be waiting as the snow falls.  Our car is scheduled to get it's body repair work done - in NOVEMBER.  It will be in the shop for 16 days!  I have never made claims before, so this is all new to me and I am just astounded at the damage estimates.  Dean, the OK native, seems nonplussed by it all.  As I walk around the neighborhood, I see more and more roofer signs every day in various yards.  This is going to be one very noisy neighborhood for the next several months.  That really bums me out because I love to have the windows open in the fall, but it will be impossible to get any schoolwork done, listening to hammering all day.  

I am thankful... That Jordan's cell phone was found.  He lost it as he was packing up at scout camp this past Saturday.  The phone wasn't even supposed to BE AT CAMP.  This is also his third phone, so he got lectured inside and out by both of us.  To top it all off, he got home on Saturday, and was leaving in less than 24 hours to fly to OK to stay for the next month.  Not an ideal situation.   Jordan called both boys he was tenting with and asked them to search through their stuff - and they did - to the extent that any 13/14 year old boy knows how to search.  It was finally found it a couple days later (AFTER Jordan had flown back to OK and AFTER Dean had driven 2+ hours back to camp to search the tent site) in, of all places, a baseball gear bag of one of the boys.  He found it while at practice.  I can imagine that his stuff in his room must be in layers, and the camping gear was thrown on top of the baseball gear and the phone slipped out of wherever it was in the camping stuff and fell into the baseball stuff.  Dean had noticed at camp that Jordan and his tent mates had the messiest tent of everybody - so it is no surprise it got lost.

I am thankful that Jordan earned his Life scout rank while at camp.  His three merit badges that he earned while there which helped him over the hurdle.  I had no idea he was on the verge of that.  A long while ago I made the conscious decision to detach myself from his scout activities and badges and so forth.  It is his journey, his work that will get him where he wants to be, and he is in charge of getting there, at his pace.

I am also very, very thankful for insurance.  State Farm really came through with fair and accurate assessments of the damage.  I wish it hadn't taken so long, but I know now that it took time to get adjusters here from out of state, given the scope of the damage across the area.

From the Learning Rooms... I got a call from our principal at Calvert yesterday, and she went over the assessment tests and discussed placement with me.  It all went as I expected - Owen in K, Rylan in 2nd, and Jordan in 8th.  Jordan's math skills are coming in at a solid 7th.  I guess I was expecting that too, it's just hard to hear, and it's a huge hit on my personal pride - because it's my fault.  We have been too busy and too distracted these past couple of years and have fallen behind, and it is precisely why I have cleared the decks in our schedule, so to speak, for this coming year, and beyond.  The boy can run circles around me doing math in his head, but when it comes to the easy stuff - the stuff that always trips you up on a test, he stumbles every time.  I was hard-pressed NOT to look over his answers before I packaged everything up and sent it off last month.  We are ready for pre-algebra, and that is where she assured me he would start.  They use Singapore at Calvert.  I'm not a fan of Singapore, but I suppose it's not fair that I say that because we've never done it before, but in looking it over, it seems, well...a bit boring and very linear?  We love using MEP, and I think MEP does a fantastic job of stretching the concept all around in different ways to drive home how to approach an equation.   I refuse to drop MEP once we start Calvert.  It will be a supplement - I just can't let it go.  Anyway, the curriculum should be arriving just about the beginning of August.  That will give me the time I need to plug away at our schedule, and do a soft start with all of them.  It will be most brutal on Jordan, who will have done next to nothing all summer, with the exception of Minecraft. (the bane of my existance).

In the kitchen... I am making rhubarb crisp this morning for breakfast.  I wound up with a ton of rhubarb when the hail destroyed my plant.  I was able to salvage quite a bit, and the plant is already making a nice comeback.

I am wearing... pjs.

I am creating... A calendar and chore chart for the kids.  I am annoyed by them asking all the time what we are doing and when, so I got a large white board calendar and color-coded dry erase markers to fill it in each month.  The smaller-sized kitchen calendar is too pretty to muck it all up with scribbles all over the place.  Plus, I want the kids to begin the habit of adding their own stuff.   For the chore chart, I am going with a piece of sheet metal in a frame, magnetic chore cards and lots of tape, so we'll see what I come up with.  Pinterest has been a great inspiration.  I promise I will post when it is done.

I am going... Physical Therapy this afternoon for me, and Rylan to the orthodontist after that.  She may be getting her lower braces on today.

I am wondering... How to manage the stress... I can only walk so far for so long.  I miss running.

I am reading... Still working on The Happiness Project, and then I picked up three new reads from the library: Firefly Lane and Fly Away, both by Kristin Hannah, and Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives, by Richard Swenson.  I've seen that title referred to in the past couple of books I've read, so I am taking a look.  Dean also ordered a book from Amazon for me - Smart but Scattered Teens, by Guare, Dawson and Guare.  Jordan is really struggling with executive function, and I need this to help me ease up on him and get off his back.  His behavior has improved tons in past few years, but it still comes down to being able to focus - and as you can imagine, schoolwork, being able to finish a task and remembering to do things are the biggest issues.  I suppose it is timely because I also discussed this very issue with his psychiatrist at our last check-up.  I wanted some advice, routines, resources..whatever,  to help Jordan get some self-management skills in place.  First, he scoffed and said that even his patients in their early 20's still struggle with that.   And then you know what he recommended??  A sticker/reward chart.  Again.  Three years later, we are having THE SAME EFF'ING CONVERSATION.  I need this book, and we need a new doc.

In the garden... Nine, rather beaten-up tomato plants that have about a 50/50 chance of making it, chives that won't quit, and a really plucky rhubarb.  And a nice selection of weeds.  Still.  I know...

I am hoping... For patience.

I am looking forward to... therapy today (ready for some new exercises) and a summer movie tomorrow with the kids, followed by swimming.

I am learning... just for kicks, I looked up how to check your Google history to look up things I've been searching for.  And here is what I've found.  I spend waaaaay to much time on the computer.  I need to set a timer for myself!

I am hearing... Coldplay's Ghost Stories (I LOVE THIS ALBUM!), and the kids playing in the garage.  So far this morning Owen has shot himself in the eye with bug spray and had a shoving match with Colin.  I don't know why they like playing in the garage.  All they do is ride their bikes in circles, search for spiders and get into stuff they shouldn't.  

Around the house... lots of dust bunnies because Abby is shedding.  I will be contacting the contractor today to set up a time to look over shingle samples.  We aren't changing the color, but I suppose we need to pick something.  I really hope the HOA moves quickly on this.  I imagine their office is flooded with requests already.

I am pondering... how this will all come together, and when, and how much it will set us back, financially (the house, surgery, school)

One of my favorite things... Ice cold McAlister's Sweet Tea on a hot day

A few plans for the rest of the week... violin lesson, movie, swimming, a Luau party at our church and Rylan begins girl scout summer day camp next week.  I need to get her water shoes for the canoeing portion.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing... 

Two things: First is Jordan's first GoPro YouTube video that he edited and set to music.  He must have figured it out how to do it all on his own - now he needs to teach me!  He just uploaded it this week, within hours of arriving in OK, and after conferring with Dean over the phone about the finer details of music credit and so forth.  This is Dean and I on the Mind Eraser (if you have vertigo issues - DON'T WATCH), in May.  We got the front seat, and Dean is wearing the GoPro.  I loved the ride, but screamed the whole way - thank goodness there is awesome music for you to listen to instead.

And here is a picture Colin took of Rylan walking by the pool at swimming lessons last week:

I love the splash and the reflection...

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Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... A slightly overcast, cool morning. Lovely!

I am thinking... About the dual weddings in our family yesterday. I attended my cousin's wedding with the three little kids yesterday afternoon. It was held at a country farm that has a wedding venue. The kids played on tractors, went on a hayride and played in a huge fort with their cousins and second cousins. A very nice afternoon/evening. Meanwhile, Dean drove to OKC on Friday, and attended his niece's wedding yesterday as well. It was also a country-themed wedding! Jordan was brought by his mom to the wedding, and both Dean and Jordan will be making the drive home on Monday. It was nice to spend some time visiting with family, and I even got up and danced the Hokey Pokey - which was the perfect song for my present condition. I've settled on a surgeon for ACL replacement, and lo and behold - come to find out he has also operated on my aunt, uncle and grandmother..multiple times!

I am thankful... That Shannon and Jamie, and Christie and Marcus each found the partner they were looking for. I am also thankful for my three nephews, who kept constant tabs on my kids and kept them out of trouble yesterday (with one minor exception when Colin almost made it up and over the fence into the goat pen before my brother spotted the little stinker...)

From the Learning Rooms... We are doing just a little bit here and there everyday since we are on summer schedule. I attended a parent orientation meeting for incoming Calvert parents last week. I met the principal and she seems like a very astute educator - I like her immensely. We looked at the online portal for parents, and the other one for students, and then at all of the extra features - like access to Discovery Education and Brain Pop (wahoo!). I submitted the placement tests for Jordan, Rylan and Owen last month, so I expect to hear any day now what level they will work at for math and reading. I can't wait to start - sometime in mid to late August.

In the kitchen... Well, we are getting by on frozen Eggo waffles and oatmeal packets this morning, so I would say the situation is pretty dire. We need to go grocery shopping badly - and that is my least favorite activity at the present moment. :(

I am wearing... pjs and a knee brace.

I am creating... A dress for Rylan! I saw a pattern for a pillowcase dress and I had to try it. It is downright shameful that I have sewed nothing for my kids save for a couple of Halloween costumes. Almost criminal...

I am going... shopping of course - but only because I have to. Otherwise I want to partake in a full day of going absolutely nowhere.

I am wondering... If the baby turtles will like frozen bloodworms. We're about to find out.

I am reading... The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin. (thanks Michelle!). The perfect book for a person who is feeling stuck. Now - sound the trumpets - I finally finished Drums of Autumn, by Diana Gabaldon. The first 1/3 of the book was a real slog for me (obviously because it took me several months), but once I got past that, I was putting in a few hours every day since it was so hard to put down. Loved it. I am afraid to pick up the next one in the Outlander series just yet, I want to whittle away at the pile of books that is on my bedside table. I read Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet, by Jamie Ford last week and I really liked it. It was a rough transition to go from 1770's North Carolina to 1940's Chinatown in Seattle and Japanese internment camp, but that actually helped pull me away from Jamie and Claire. I loved the story and the way the author bounced back and forth from past to present. It's horrible what both the Chinese and Japanese Americans went through, yet several families just met it with quiet acceptance because of the realities of being a nation at war. The descriptions of the occasion when the Japanese families were rounded up and put on trains sounded so alarmingly like the Jewish experience in Poland and Germany...so wrong in so many ways. The book presented the story without judgement of the actions of the United States Government -yet you could read past that and still get a real sense of the injustice of it all.

In the garden... Several tomato plants that need to go into the ground to-day!

I am hoping... this coolish weather holds for the entire day

I am looking forward to... tomorrow night when Dean and Jordan get home and to the week we have Jordan with us before they traipse off to summer camp.

I am learning... I wish I could say I'm learning to take it easy - but I'm not.

I am hearing... Shawn the Sheep Season 4, the kids making 'sandwiches' out of each other with the couch cushions, and the panicked announcement that there is a wasp on the living room window. 'Scuse me a sec...

Around the house... a recently-deceased wasp, a fruitless search for Rylan's pink swim goggles, and a dog water dish that just got dumped over. (great - clean floors, check!)

I am pondering... how much time I want to devote to sewing today (yay!) vs. bills and balancing accounts. (boo!)

One of my favorite things... a wedding... :)

A few plans for the rest of the week... Jordan has an orthodontist appointment this week. We are now 18 months over the original treatment time estimate, and I have yet to meet his orthodontist. I'm raisin' a little hell this week, I think. I see the physical therapist this week, and I will be making the appointment to see the surgeon. Colin and Owen will be starting their second session of swimming lessons this week. Rylan was signed up, but there are not enough kids to make the class a 'go'. We're both pretty bummed. She just got bumped up to Level 5, and was really excited. I think we may do a few private lessons in the meantime - I hate for the good momentum to stop. Owen's lessons went great last week - he has moved up to Level 3. Colin refused to get in the pool twice last week - once because we were seeing a summer movie afterwards, and he was afraid he would miss it if he did his lesson, and the other because I brought the 'wrong' swimsuit. %*#^%*&!

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

The cat has taken a recent interest in the comfy dog bed, and Abby isn't quite sure what to do about it...

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Simple Women's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... A beautiful sunny morning.  It is supposed to go into the 80's today.  We have had unsettled/rainy weather for the past several days.  I like days like that so I will miss them.  I am not a fan of hot weather.

I am thinking... about the week ahead.  A lot of loose ends need to be tied up.  We need to wrap up Jordan's school work for the *year* by the end of this week.  His subscription to his science class (Plato) ends in August, but beyond the end of this week he will only be around here for a couple days here and there until mid-August, and so we have the entire second semester of lessons and activites for both Chemistry and Physical Science to cram in this week.  yay......

I am thankful... For the beautiful bright greens of the leaves that seem to glow as they filter the sun from above.  I am also thankful for all the yardwork that my husband and kids did over the weekend - the yard looks nice and ready for a week of play in the sunshine.

From the Learning Rooms... Lots and lots of science (yay), our last homeschool PE class is on Wednesday, and the End of Year Picnic & Field Day is on Thursday.  Plus all of the regular stuff in-between everything else..

In the kitchen... A mess.  Last night I made cupcakes for Rylan's make-up birthday dinner w/ family.  Chocolate with vanilla icing and strawberries.

I am wearing... Knit skirt and shirt.  My favorite kind of stuff to wear during the day.  I need a ton more skirts.  And shorts.  Can you believe I have NO shorts anymore?  The last pair I had wore out last summer, and I never replaced them.

I am creating... This week - nothing - there is no time... :(

I am going... today I am going to the store because we have nothing to eat for the week.  Today is also our usual Park Day, but I am thinking we will skip it for today.  We have so much to get done, and Jordan's schoolwork for this week is the priority.  Late this afternoon I am picking up my race packet for the 5K I am running walking in, then Rylan, with hair and makeup done, has formal pictures for her tumbling class.  All of the costumes for the Spring Recital came in last week, so this present week they are taking pictures of every class.  Rylan will have formal pictures for her other two classes tomorrow.  This evening was supposed to be a Mom's Night Out, but everybody is cancelling.  I am feeling a bit let down - I had been looking forward to catching up with friends I have not seen in awhile.  There is this tough dichotomy we all struggle with, finding that elusive balance between family obligations and the obligation to yourself to take care of you - how do you prioritize this?  Thinking back to this blog post, it is a lot of mental food for thought.

I am wondering... About the two turtles I special-ordered for Rylan yesterday.  They are to arrive on June 10th.  It occurred to me, 0.9827349872 seconds after clicking the 'confirm order' button, that I have no idea if I will be getting two males, two females, or one of each??  This might be a good thing to know...

I am reading... Still finishing Parenting Beyond Belief, which is due back to the library tomorrow and I've already renewed it once.

In the garden... A very enthusiastic rhubarb plant that is going just a bit crazy...I need to make something with it this week - Rylan has been requesting a rhubarb crisp.  We can have some for Tuesday Teatime!

I am hoping... That we get through this week in one piece, yet enjoy it, since Jordan will be leaving for most of the summer at the week's end.

I am looking forward to... Sunday evening.  It is this huge mental thing for me just to get through this week, to see several obligations through to their end and then I can relax.

I am learning... About Southern Painted Turtles, acrylic adhesives, heat lamps and salmonella.  I am also learning about France, as I trace my mom's journey along the Rhone river, where she is currently traveling aboard a river-cruise ship for a week.  She toured about Lyon over the weekend, visiting a market and winery.  So jealous...  (Glad you are having fun, mom!!!! :)

I am hearing... Rylan making hot chocolate, Owen cracking a hard-boiled egg, the hum of the fish tank and birdies.

Around the house... Jordan and Colin are sleeping in (it is currently 8:46 a.m.).  Today we begin combing through Jordan's packing list for SeaBase and combating the laundry pile(s).

I am pondering... turtle diets... it's a bit complicated!

One of my favorite things... early mornings - the birds and the quiet - with hot coffee.  happy sigh.

A few plans for the rest of the week... makeup, fussy hair and pictures for today and tomorrow.  Tomorrow night we have our last homeschool board meeting for the year, and this is also my last official duty.  I am stepping away from the board and my duties that lie therein.  It is a good feeling.  The board is such a nice group of ladies - I'll probably still attend meetings next year, just for the camaraderie.  We have the end-of-year picnic on Thursday - we are bringing water balloons.  The weather looks like it will stay 85F and sunny through Thursday, so that will be perfect.  The last time it got cold, and water balloons were not all that fun.  I think the kids threw them at trees instead...lol.  Friday will be a frenzied packing day for Jordan.  He leaves for SeaBase at the crack of dawn on Sunday morning.  Saturday is the day that I run (ahem) a 5K, and Rylan does a Kids' fun run.  Neither of us kept up with our training schedule this month because we both got sick.  We will be walking this week and maybe run a few short bits so that we can both run at least a little bit.  Rylan has a total of nine fun runs throughout this summer, so pretty soon she will be able to run the whole mile.  Before I got sick I was averaging 3 miles a day, walking a mile - mile and a half, and running the other bit.  I'll have to start at "0" again... :/

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing... 

Beaujolais Region, France
Please insert me here...with a glass of something cold and fruity...
(photo courtesy of my mom..of whom I did not ask permission, but I am sure she wouldn't mind)
(Well...pretty sure...)

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