The mess in my mind

Anxiety Brain

Welcome to my world.   Anxiety is horrendous.  It manifests itself in so many different ways.  It's not always the pacing the floor, wringing your hands type of thing (although I have been known to do that whenever the disaster involves red Kool-aid, Sharpie pens or pointy objects), it's more like living under the constant threat that you are forgetting something, late for something, failing at something, under-qualified for something, and so on....

I don't know exactly how I got here, but I think it has something to do with attaining/giving birth to four children in very short order, followed by deciding that homeschooling was a fun and fabulous thing to do, followed by thoroughly sucking at most of what I put my hand too.  Also, being over-scheduled, out-manned and unprepared most likely played a role as well.

I used to be really good at handling stress and keeping my shit together.  I was a non-traditional student (read: OLD) working three jobs AND maintaining a 4.0 GPA.  I cranked out papers, paid the bills on time and found time to craft, garden, hike, learned how to build stuff (power tools!!) and took a trip every now and then. I was on it!!

What the hell happened?

I have been spending hours on Pinterest, working hard to find ways to pull me out of this endless loop.  After wasting the last couple of years of not doing much that was productive, there is a lot that has stacked up, waiting to be dealt with.  Literally...stacked.  If you walked through the door right now, you'd think you walked into an episode of Hoarders.   I've bought bins, made countless chore charts, shuffled around paper piles, bought self-help books, read blogs, spent time on Facebook, took long naps, ate loads of chocolate.... none of it solved the problem and got to the core of the matter that I was clearly over-whelmed and totally unmotivated to do anything about it.

Fly Lady?  (check)(got irritated with the constant sales pitch)

KonMari? (check)(I haven't moved beyond the first chapter.  Do you know how many clothing items 6 people own???  And what is it with all that folding business??  Clothing is not origami friendly)

GTD?  (check)(I am not that OCD)

Home Routines (check - and actually quite successful, when I remember to actually do it, and if there isn't anything more interesting to do, like surf the Internet, or nap)

So here is my latest attempt at reining in the chaos.  It of course involves lots of sticky notes.  Sticky notes are awesome.  It is visual.  If I can't see it, I don't think about it.  (the exception of course being the clothing, legos, wrappers, mail, dirty forks, spoons bowls and cups, dog hair and shoes that I see. every. damn. day.)

This chart is a mish-mash of Kanban and Alejandra (I so totally envy her colored binder collection) and it sits in full view of my desk.  When I am able to tear my eyes away from Facebook and actually look at it, I can see all the things that swirl around in my brain in a format that lets me know - "Here is what you deemed important enough to write down on a sticky note, so get your ass out of that chair and do something!!"  The list of goals I want to meet (above the sticky notes) addresses all the things that nudge at me and give me anxiety. Things like: I don't read enough to the kids...everybody gets to bed very late...the kids need to learn how to pick-up after themselves....my knee is still very weak and in constant pain...I can't ever find the paper item I need without digging through 4 different stacks of paper, 90% of which is junk mail anyway...  You get the picture.  I copied the idea for this from an Alejandra TV video.  The sticky notes below are little steps I can take to get items checked off the list above, thus lessening my anxiety about not getting anything done.  I have spent the past couple years ground to a halt, totally stuck on which 'thing' to tackle first.  So I tackled none of it.  Now I have choices that I can act on, with minimal fuss or preparation, that will move a goal along to eventual completion.  I can drive to the store to get the paint that I need to finish the painting job that was started 18 months ago.  I can sit at the computer and pull together a reusable menu of family favorites.  I can assign kid w/parent cooking nights, which will teach them an important life skill.  I can create a standard shopping list tied to a week's particular menu, saving me tons of time.  I can get the kids in a routine by teaching one skill at a time: clearing dirty dishes, loading the dishwasher, putting away clean dishes, and wiping the table.  All of which they suck at except for Jordan, who can load a dishwasher like a boss.

Little steps are what I can handle at the present moment.  A single counter space.  A single goal (put away this basket of laundry).  A single errand, phone call or email that I have avoided.

yep.

The CSB

I'm afraid I don't exactly *love* Calvert anymore.  It's been a such a tough beginning (this trimester), as we have pushed on and forward, yet falling ultimately further behind.  I know that things will drastically improve in December when several hours in our schedule will free up, and that is the hope that I am hanging on to - with all I've got.  I feel like a doofus for saying in the past that I wanted to be accountable to somebody, because that would help us stay on a schedule.  Our insane schedule has driven me to drinking (coffee - and tons of it) and constantly updating vast spreadsheets I've made of assignments, due dates, pacing schedule and so forth.

1. I now officially hate being accountable to somebody.  I feel guilty if we take a half hour to ourselves and go to a park, or if I have to run an errand.  We're so behind it feels like every hour has potential to get just 'a little bit more' done, so we have minimal contact with the outside world (doing stuff that is fun, and stuff that we want to do).  I hate to admit that this accountability has been good for us, because we have accomplished more schoolwork already than we accomplished all of last year.  I just don't like losing so much of our freedom.  The freedom to make your own schedule is a big part of what homeschooling is all about.

2.  I am no longer okay with somebody else picking out our curriculum.  In the past week it was suggested in Owen's Kindergarten curriculum that I reread a story about a walk a child takes with fuzzy farm animals no less than 10 times.  10 TIMES.  It was to be reread during each lesson - and discussed ad nauseam - for 5 lessons in a row.  Yes, each rereading used a different approach or covered a different aspect of the story (predicting, color of animals, fur/feathers/scales, sentence structure, blah blah blah)  Owen was ready to poke his eyes out with his big yellow pencil.  Rylan just completed the most horrific math chapter on bar modeling.  She is a whiz with three digit addition with carrying, three digit subtraction with borrowing - done the traditional way, and then they throw this crap at her.  I HATE SINGAPORE. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.  I've been standing before my schoolbook cases - now covered in dust - looking longingly at the awesome curriculum we had to shelve when Calvert came along.  History of Us, Story of the World, R.E.A.L. Science 4 Kids, Shurley English, All About Spelling, Meet the Masters, Wordly Wise 3000.... so sad.  so so sad.  There just isn't time, and it breaks my heart, because this was good stuff.  I've got to find a way to work it in, or substitute things, or...something.  Something!

I am pretty sure I will not pull the plug here mid-year, but I am undecided if we will continue with Calvert next year.  I constantly sit and fantasize about how I would take what I have learned about scheduling and pacing, and make it work with the curriculum that I want to use.  The other factor is that the kids do love their online class time - and there is no way to replicate that.  What to do, what to do, what to do...  uugh.  Sometimes I don't like being in charge.  Here we are at that stupid crossroads again - what if I make the wrong decision?  What if they fall even further behind?  Am I ruining them by keeping them home?

Homeschooling is not for the faint of heart.  You've got to be strong in your convictions because you will tested.  Constantly.  I am strong in that I want them home.  I could never surrender those Aha! moments of first words, first writing, first reading to another teacher.  Never.  I would never surrender them willingly to the social ladder of the classroom, the chaos of the lunchroom and playground, or the unrelenting schedule of homework, book reports, school functions and so forth.  I want them home so that their day can go at a reasonable pace, so that they can get adequate amounts of sunshine, playtime and downtime, so that they can go long in math and short in writing, or switch it if the mood arises, so that we can Google that question, YouTube that demonstration or build that next creation.  This I am strong in.

Where I am weak is how to go about it.  There is no ONE way - yes, I know that.  But our way over the past few years hasn't worked very well.  I'm weak in the execution of it all.  I'm weak in multi-tasking, delegating, time management - and with four kids that is a big liability.  My weak side has been winning lately.  First, I sabotaged our schedule by allowing Jordan and Rylan to do an activity that was clearly in conflict with school.  It has created a huge, huge problem, in fact.  I didn't factor in the time expense, the $$ cost to participate, the shuttling kids back and forth, the group snack headache and $$$$...  These are all things that I loathe about activities like this.  For Jordan, the reward does not even come close to the pain.  In fact, there has been damage done to relationships because he is so unhappy with his group.  For Rylan, the reward has been mostly worth it.  She has learned some new skills, made a new friend and looks forward to participating.  I am just too quick to agree to things.  I really need to sit down and work out the cost analysis before saying 'yes'.  I am also not managing our time very well.  Hours slip by without much to show for it, as I spend the time doing silly things like looking for lost items, going back to the store for forgotten things, shuttling kids back and forth to stuff, and making spreadsheets about how I should be spending my time.

All of this weakness has led to some not-so-good-things.  First of all, more than once I have woken in a cold sweat - certain that I forgot to pick up a kid from somewhere.  I have even got up, and gone to the kids' rooms to do a headcount to make sure everyone was accounted for.  There is just way too much picking up/dropping off going on, and every day is a different routine.  I check the calendar about 20 times a day because I am constantly afraid I am forgetting to do something or that I am late for something.  Panic attacks.  Daily, if not hourly panic attacks.  I panic about the schedule, the schoolwork, the house repairs, the towering stack of unopened mail (what is in there?), my knee rehab, two upcoming road trips... my heart races, my chest hurts and I think I am having a heart attack multiple times a day.  No joke.  There is also the crushing depression.  It's back, and with a vengeance.  I can't get anything done.  I am so overwhelmed, I can't care about the unopened mail, the unbalanced checkbook, the unfinished compositions, the dirty house, the child that is still having multiple 'accidents' a day, or even writing on here very much.  I don't have a clue about where to start.  I went to my doctor a few weeks back to ask for help, and I am back on an antidepressant.  This time I am trying out Prozac.  It is too low of a dose in my opinion, but it is a step in the right direction, and we'll up the dose next refill.  There has been some improvement, but the panic attacks have not stopped.  :(  I also think about where I was a year ago, vs. now.  I've gained nearly all of my weight back, due to lack of exercise because of my knee, and way more comfort/stress eating than I care to admit.  I know that the daily walking/running I was doing last year played a big part in keeping the depression at bay, and that I am soooo close to getting the all-clear to start walking daily, at least.

I think that this fall has just been particularly hard.  It's been a whole slew of a lot of little things that added all together made up the perfect clusterfuck stress bomb.  Let's just call that the CSB.  The new school 'thing', the hailstorm and the subsequent house and car repairs and the constant - daily! - meetings and phone calls with insurance agents, contractors, subs, shopping excursions and actual repair work, the knee surgery/rehab and the 30+ doctor appointments I've had since July, the insane activity schedule and so on, and so on, and so on...  I can't wait for December.  Even though Nutcracker craziness will be a part of the first half of December, that's okay.  We've actually really been enjoying that, for some reason that escapes me right now.

First impressions of the Calvert Curriculum

I will let my extended absence from my blog speak first and foremost as to how the whole ‘Calvert thing’ is going.  I have no time anymore, it seems.  I knew it going in that it would be a tough transition from how we used to do things, but I think there have also been some unintended consequences as well as some positive results as well.  Here are my impressions so far..

Attendance

Colorado Calvert is officially an online public school, so they have to take attendance.  For a homeschooler, the Colorado State Statute requires a minimum of 174 days, at 4 hours per day, for a total of 694 school hours per school year.  The state, of course, never checks that you actually met this.  The way a public school takes attendance is by counting heads every single school day.  (a fellow homeschooling friend jokes that she take attendance by noting if any of her boys have gone missing, lol...)  The way Calvert handles attendance is to require that the student do something called a checkpoint.  A checkpoint is a short 1-5 question review that covers the material taught in a particular subject that day.  In Jordan's case, a typical day means he has a checkpoint in each category that he worked on in that day's lesson: math, grammar, composition, reading comprehension, history, science.  As long as Jordan completes at least one checkpoint on a given day, he is marked 'present'.  The checkpoints are time-stamped.  We can do school on any day of the week, even on holidays, and if he completes a checkpoint that day, it is considered a day spent in school.  This is where online school gets brownie points for being flexible.  So far, attendance, with the exception of October Count has not been an issue for us, and it's that 'thing' I needed to hold my hand to the fire and keep me accountable, and hold my kids accountable too.

October Count

October Count is the God-forsaken day that the bean-counters in the Ed. Dept. devised to tie actual attendance to per-pupil funding.  If the child is present on that day, the school will get funding for that pupil for the year – something in the range of $7-8 K.  October Count for most public schoolers is on Oct. 1^st.  Parents get a slew of letters and emails in the weeks before reminding parents that only death should prevent their child from attending school that day.  Otherwise, they had better damn well show up.  I received much the same communication (in a much nicer tone), but because Calvert is an online school, their October Count window was from September 24^th to October 8^th.  I was in charge of making sure that each of my children completed a checkpoint, watched a video, attended class on class days, played a game and did an enrichment activity BY NOON, every. damn. day.  Only problem is, we unfortunately have scheduled activities most every morning that require us to be out of the house, so getting stuff done in time has taken just about every last ounce of sanity I had left.    I had never intended for these activities to be on the schedule in the first place, when I first signed up for Calvert.  I had made a strict personal rule: NOTHING ON THE ACTIVITY SCHEDULE BEFORE 3 PM.  I had visions of unrestricted mornings that required no rushing, yelling, searching for clean underwear or breakfast-in-a-baggie in the car just to get to some class or group activity on time.  That madness was reserved for kids that went to public school!  Well, that was the grand plan before I blew out my knee (which requires multiple daytime physical therapy sessions) and before I received a Lego practice schedule that meets for 4x a week in the mornings, (it used to be late afternoons).  L  It has been pretty ugly around here getting this October count requirement met.  Early mornings make for cranky kids.  Tight schedules to get kids where they need to be make for cranky moms.  The kids were doing checkpoints on half-finished lessons because it was 11:59 a.m. and we HAD to.  That is no way to get an education!  It’s not Calvert’s fault.  It’s the bureaucratic we-need-data bullshit I ran screaming away from 8 years ago.  Anyway – it is past October 8^th and I am celebrating.

Lessons

Each Calvert 'Lesson' equals a full day of school.  Each child's teaching manual contains a list of the subjects and activities to do for that day's lesson.  In Jordan's case, he has a list that rotates just a bit, adding in computer on this day, or switching back and forth between history and geography... so every lesson is not exactly the same lineup of stuff to do - which he and I both like.  I like that he can at least get part-way through a lesson, complete a couple of checkpoints to get his attendance logged for the day, and then we just pick right back up where he left off on the next day.  The only issue with this is that he is really supposed to be doing an entire lesson in one day.  We have a pacing guide that we are supposed to follow.  We are now significantly behind, but Jordan has made great personal strides in the past week or so, and is now getting through about 80-90% of a lesson in a day.  He’s almost there!  

Rylan has the same lesson line-up, except there is one major annoyance.  Her checkpoints, with the exception of math, have all been combined into one big one.  So even if we manage to do 5 of the 7 things she was supposed to cover, we can't do the checkpoint yet because we didn't finish.  So that day's attendance is screwed, unless we flub her answers and get to those activities we missed on the next day.  But, again, we are really supposed to do it all in one day.  It is Rylan's schedule that I am most concerned about because she is by far the busiest kid with her insane activity schedule.

Owen’s lessons are the easiest, but I have zero time to do any of the enrichment activities with him – which are the activities that make Kindergarten so awesome in the first place!  I don’t know how families with multiple kids in this program do it, I really don’t.  I am exhausted.  Each kid needs one-on-one, which means - after bouncing back and forth all day, about a 12 hour school day for me.  (not them..me.)  This includes taking what work we can in the car to fill whatever length of time we will be gone and so forth.  Every minute of every school day, somebody is working on something with me, unless I have made the blessed escape to physical therapy.  So far, this really sucks.

Math

Okay, no offense to any of you Singapore fans out there, but Calvert uses Singapore and we all hate it.  We have used MEP up till now, with Teaching Textbooks and Khan Academy as a resource.  Who ever heard of a 14 year old begging to do math 'the way we used to'?  I have!  I have no idea if I can pull some strings or not, but we can't do a whole year of this.  Singapore does such an awful job of presenting material (a short, difficult-to-understand paragraph) followed by a mind-numbing amount of repetition that calls for no variation or creativity....  MEP WE MISS YOU!  I am vowing right now that we are picking up with MEP again and carrying onward in our own way.  I can't do this to my kids.  Singapore will kill math for them, and I have been fighting like mad to keep the wonder and magic of math alive as they progress.

Reading

In Jordan's case, I am thrilled with the Language Arts component that Calvert offers.  He is learning so much with each lesson (which illuminates for me all the stuff I wasn't covering, but should have).  Jordan read Jack London's To Build a Fire during the first week. You know?  Of all the literature I read in Jr. High and High School, it was THAT short story that I remember.  Any time I tromped through the snow, I would think back to that story.  Jordan has a special appreciation for it since he has done the Klondike scout campout every year, and can personally identify with dealing with intense cold.  He is recognizing that literature does not take hold of you, unless you can make a personal connection with it.  He has also read a slew of short stories by various authors such as Edgar Allen Poe, Ray Bradbury and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.  He’s checked out a couple Sherlock Holmes mysteries at the library because he really likes that literary style in particular.  Bless him.

In Rylan's case, she uses a standard classroom reader.  I do like the activities associated with it, and there is some writing involved, which makes me happy.  The rest of her work is pretty standard, and sort of uninspiring, if you ask me.

With Owen, I am reading stories or poems to him and then we discuss them.  He is learning  his letters and sounds...finally.  This is all stuff he has been working on with Reading Eggs for the past year, but only now has he been willing to sit down and actually move a pencil around on paper.  Ever since we finally broke through that barrier, he is now a willing participant in coloring, writing, cutting and pasting.  He is a whiz with shapes and counting.

The Assignments

Not only do the kids do a checkpoint for their subjects, they also have work to turn in.  Each week the teachers post a list of assignments (that are a part of the regular lessons anyway) that are due.  I have to scan them, save them to a separate file folder for each kid, and then submit them.  The first couple of weeks were tough, because it was almost 20 files.  Now it is about 8-10 that I send in on a weekly basis.

The Teachers

I love Rylan’s and Owen’s teachers.  They are real pros at this, and have easily made a connection with the kids through the online classes.  Each kiddo has class twice a week – one is math and the other is language arts.  Owen’s class is about 20 minutes long.  He puts on headphones and talks part of the time.  His teacher has the ability to turn on each student’s mic as she chooses – that way they are not all talking at once and producing feedback.  So every now and then I will hear his voice pipe up with an answer to a question she asked.  It is the same way with Rylan’s classes.  Her classes last about 30 – 45 minutes.  Owen’s class is also interactive, so he can use the mouse to do different things on a work surface on the screen, when it is his turn.  I think that is really cool.  Jordan’s classes last about an hour, and they don’t chat via headphones, except in his small-group math enrichment class.  Jordan’s teacher is new this year and I can see that she is learning the ropes just as we are.  She is a very nice lady, but a bit reserved and hard to read.  Jordan likes her well enough, but there is not a personal connection yet.

The Fieldtrips

We have had two ‘fieldtrips’ so far.  The first was a school picnic that met the Friday before the first day of school.  The kids got to meet their teachers face-to-face for the first time, and meet any other students that came.  We had a good time.  Owen’s teacher gave him a pencil and a lucky penny, and you would have thought he had won the lottery.  Rylan’s teacher has a very lively personality and she took to her immediately.  Jordan joined a game of soccer with the older kids, within five minutes of arriving.

Our second ‘fieldtrip’ was a gathering at a library about a month after school started.  The kids split off into two groups – older and younger, and did literary activities for a couple of hours with their teachers.  They had a fun time and could now connect better with classmates since they had seen them online a few times.  Jordan made quite the connection with a girl, actually.  They now exchange multiple texts every day.  Unfortunately (for Jordan, not for us) she lives over an hour away.  They have been trying to figure out a way to meet up ever since the library gathering.  We’re suggesting the families meeting up for dinner or ice cream at some half-way point.  We’ll see…

The Backlash

Unfortunately, a stinging remark or two about making Calvert our chosen way to homeschool has been directed my way, and left their mark as I have incredibly thin skin when it comes to that type of thing.  Well, any type of criticism, really.  It’s bad enough that I already question absolutely everything I do as the right thing to do every second of the day.  There are definitely opinionated camps as what is the correct path to follow in regards to how organized you should be.  Homeschooling is starting to feel as lonely as ever.  I’m worried about my mental health with the amount of stress I am under to get the work done, and how the schedule leaves zero time to fit in anything that could be considered down time with the kids – like a play date or a nature walk.

So that is Calvert for us at this point in time…I’ll reassess in a few more weeks.  By that point both Lego and my physical therapy will be done, so we will have gained back some crucial daytime hours that are so negatively affecting us right now.  

Warning

As I am sure is true about a lot of cities, there are certain times of the day where it is virtually impossible to get from point A to point B in a given amount of time.  The witching hour for our neck of the woods is 4:00 pm on a weekday.  Everybody and their dog, laptop, soccer ball, or ballet shoes has someplace they need to be.

I've been spending an extraordinary amount of time in the car during the past month.  My schedule is so full I want to cry.  It's partly my doing, as I wanted to cram trips into the most compact schedule possible, piggy-backing every class I could so that I could build up the largest chunk of at-home school-time hours I could, but ultimately I am at the mercy of the class schedule in the first place as I have to work with what I get.  If it were up to me, I would not be on the road during the witching hour.

Tuesday is the tightest commute day, and Wednesday is so full I'm wearing a stopwatch and barking out new move-out orders every half hour, it seems.  On Tuesdays, I have exactly 30 minutes to transport Rylan from her Lego Robotics team practice at point A to her tumbling class at point B.  In between these points is several miles of green space as they are in different cities. This requires that I get her out of the door on time at point A (hasn't happened yet, as Lego is fun), and that I drive with laser-sharp focus to navigate the minivan-choked roads to get to point B.  I've tried three different routes, and the interstate "seems" the quickest, provided there is no massive miles-long traffic jam, slowing down to check out the vehicle pulled over on the shoulder TO CHANGE A TIRE. *WOW*

This past Tuesday I was paid a personal visit by a state trooper on the side of a very busy three lane highway during the commute from point A to point B.  I had just pulled off the interstate, gone through a couple of intersections, and was just pulling through another one - after stopping for a red light - when lights fired up behind me.  I wasn't even aware I had a trooper behind me, as I was deep in conversation with Jordan about what spatial organization in paragraph writing means.  (This is where I can say with pride that, yes, my 14 year old and I were engrossed in how a writer can lay out a description of their topic in a spatial way.  This is new territory for us since I have mainly focused on expository writing with him over the years, and to me, I never really thought about using spatial organization when, for example, writing a five paragraph essay about 'Why I enjoy camping'.  Seriously?)

Anyway, lights are flashing in the back window.  I look at Jordan and stupidly ask him, "Me"?  Is he wanting ME?  What did I do?  I couldn't have been speeding, we were just at a stop light!"  I notice the other cars around me, which are all traveling faster than me, so no, I certainly was not speeding.  What the hell?  I start talking out loud to myself, because that is what I do when I am a little freaked out.

"ME?  Why me?  What did I do wrong?  Shit... stupid car get out of my way so I can pull over!  Here?  Should I pull over here?  Is he still behind me?  Did I just say the s-word out loud?" (winning!)

I pull over, put the window down and turn off the car.  And then I turn to look at Jordan and point to the paragraph about spatial organization in his language arts textbook and continue what we were talking about.  Like I said, we were engrossed.  Maybe that was the reason I had committed some horrible traffic violation and wasn't even aware of it.

Finally he approaches the car.  He was the spitting image of this guy:

We are big Jimmy Fallon fans, and so I couldn't help but crack a smile.  He cocks his head to the side and looks into the back of the van to survey things.  "Are they twins?", he asks as he's looking at Owen and Colin in the back seat.  My smile froze.  fuuuuuuuuuck......

(Colin is a chronic unbuckler or even non-buckler.  Half the time when we drive across town, as we unload Colin just casually slips out from his car seat.  I know that he cannot unbuckle the ridiculously notorious red button on the center buckle, so there is no way for him to exit his seat unless he didn't buckle in the first place, the twerp...  I constantly forget to make a point of double-checking before we start driving.  (winning!  again!)  So as the trooper is examining my children, I am afraid to look around and see for myself if Colin is buckled or not)

I try a diversion tactic instead.  "Would you believe they are two years apart?  So, should I pull off over there, instead?"  pointing ahead to where the shoulder is a lot wider, because right now I am in a pretty narrow spot thanks to the stupid car that wouldn't get out of the way.  He tells me no, and asks if I knew that my left rear brake light was out.  "No, really??? I had no idea". (total lie)  "Can I see your license, insurance and registration?"

Dammit.  Now we are going to really be late for tumbling.  I have yet to make it on time for this stupid class.  I hate our schedule....

I comply, after sweating for a few seconds worrying about if I had remembered to switch out the insurance card for the new one.  I continue talking with Jordan, the kids seemed nonplussed that we've been pulled over, (??), and then he comes back, gives me my cards back and a warning ticket about the brake light.  "You get that light fixed as soon as you can, okay?  Drive safe!"  How can I stay safe?  We are all maniacal lunatics just trying to get from point A to point B, on time or as close to it as possible.

I shove Rylan out the van door when we get to point B, and then after class I go in and explain to her teacher that Rylan will be late by 10 minutes every week until the end of November when her Lego team finishes with competition.  She nods in understanding and admits she was late for class too.  "Traffic...it is just impossible to get anywhere on time at this time of day!"

Tell me about it.

New Roof, Physical Therapy, Traffic Flow, Birthday and Friendship Blues, Schedule Hell

New Roof

I don't think I mentioned it, but our new roof went on 7/29, two days before my ACL surgery.  I got up early and reparked the cars, we moved the roofing materials that we had stored temporarily in our garage for a few days out onto the driveway, and then a couple van loads of roofers showed up at 7:14 a.m. and got busy.  They were fast, efficient, and stuff was flying off our roof within 15 minutes.  Not a moment was spared.  The kids and I watched chucks of roofing fall from the sky for the next couple hours.  The sound was loud, but not deafening, unless you were in the garage.  In there, chunks of wood were falling from the ceiling.  We left for about three hours for errands and then came back.  Storms moved in around 1 p.m., the rain started to really come down at 2 p.m., and still they carried on with the work.  The entire job was done, the yard was picked clean, and they were on their way at 4:10 p.m.  I have only found two nails in the days since, so they did a really good job with the clean up.  The new roof looks absolutely beautiful.

Physical Therapy

I have made it through my first week of physical therapy on my knee.  I only have anywhere from 7-11 weeks to go.  The difference between my physical therapy this time around and the therapy I had on my shoulder is like night and day.  My shoulder therapist (different clinic) was cool, indifferent, and she did no manual therapy (like massage) on my very stiff and sore joint.  The only thing I did was lift weights in all sorts of different directions.  This time around, in a clinic in the same building as my surgeon, I am with the nicest therapist, ever.  Except that what she makes me do hurts more than you can imagine.  She massages my knee first, loosening my very stiff and swollen knee, and then has me work almost exclusively on contracting my quadricep - over and over, to strengthen my weakened leg.  Twice now it has been done with the help of a vicious torture device called STEM, which delivers an electric current to my muscle, to make it contract.  It hurts so bad it brings tears to my eyes, but I know it has to be done.  The nice thing is that after it is over, I get to relax while a nicer version of STEM massages the muscles and a bag of ice helps with the swelling.  I had the rest of my stitches pulled out last week, and just yesterday I graduated from the walker to a single crutch, which I use opposite of my bum knee.  I struggle with hyperextending my knee backwards (due to weak muscle control), so I have to walk very slowly, concentrating on keeping my knee bent ever-so-slightly as I move.  Now that I can walk with a free hand means that I can now carry a few things, which is like a whole new world.  I hated being so dependent on others to carry absolutely every little thing for me from point A to point B.  Therapy will continue for the next several weeks, twice a week, for an hour each visit, plus the time to drive 70 miles round trip to get there.  The good thing is, Dean can drive over from his office and meet me there and take the kids for the hour while I am in there.  The bad thing is it occurs right in the middle of the day, which isn't conducive to proper homeschooling.  :(

Traffic Flow

I've had a lot of people flow in and out of the house in the past couple of weeks.  Normally that is a thing that makes me break out into a cold sweat because that means people are in our house and they can see it for the messy disaster it is.  Dean really got things into shape while he was home that first week, and we have been fighting like hell to keep it that way.  So far we have had multiple visits from the window contractor, a couple of different guys who delivered and set up medical equipment pertinent to my knee rehab, the parents of Rylan's friend that lives on our street - as they shuttle the girls back and forth on play dates, my cousin and aunt who paid me a visit, my mom's cousin visited for a day... lots of traffic flow.  In the first few days, I was stuck in bed.  The contractor CAME TO THE BEDROOM to discuss plans for replacement windows with me.  He and Dean had toured all over the house, while I had to stay in the passive motion machine.  I was not exactly up for wandering around the house, anyway.  The contractor seemed totally nonplussed by it.  On his next visit, he had a measuring guy with him, and he was totally uncomfortable with it.  He couldn't even make eye contact.  So while there was a ton of traffic, what I wished is that it wasn't a parade of strangers in my house, but a continual flow of friends instead.  The visit from my cousin and aunt, my mom's cousin, my brother, mom and dad were all very nice indeed.  They were integral in keeping my spirits up, but I wish it had been more.

Birthday and Friendship Blues

My birthday on the 8th sucked.  Several of my family members were on a cruise, and they were out at sea on the day of, so phone calls could not be made.  I was in pretty serious pain.  I was still struggling with an ineffective dosage amount of my pain meds, plus terrible cramping in the gut, and all I could do was curl into the fetal position and lay there.  Which meant I wasn't in the mood for company.  Which meant that I was left alone for hours (my own doing, not because my family was not taking care of me), with no means of getting anything I needed when the need did arise.  By the time dinnertime rolled around, I was dehydrated, had very low blood-sugar, and thoroughly pissed off for even being in that state.  We were to meet my dad for dinner and ice cream, and I could barely keep my bearings in the car, as woozy and dizzy as I was.  Dinner helped, the ice cream was better, so the day felt a little salvaged, somewhat.  In looking back, it was just an unfortunate confluence of a lot of different circumstances that couldn't be helped, that made the day what it was.  There was a nice trickle of messages throughout the day on Facebook, and that helped, but you know... I've had a lot of time to lie around, thinking about different things.  Friendship, and what it means, has come to mind a lot lately.  This recovery has been one long and lonely road.  My phone has been rather silent, my inbox a little too empty, and my heart a little heavy.

I've talked about these friendship troubles with Dean at length, as he lets me vent and feel sorry for myself.  He sees that at times I hold myself distant from friends, and that I close myself off.  I think that is true.  There are so many hurts and let-downs in my past that I think I use that as a protective measure so that I don't get hurt anymore.  But I think that loneliness hurts even more.  So, take a moment and give thanks if you have that close circle of friends that rally behind you when you face adversity.  If you have that friend that shows up with a cup of coffee and stays an hour to visit with you and makes you laugh to momentarily take your mind off your pain or your troubles, if you have that friend that calls you up to see how you are doing - just because, if you have that friend that drops off a new library book, or a casserole, or fresh produce or flowers from her garden.... you are so, so lucky.  Friendship is precious.  I have a lot work to do in the department of being a good friend and creating better friendships.

Schedule Hell

School starts for us tomorrow.  It is not the *official* first day for Colorado Calvert Online Academy, but we are getting a head start so that we can figure out how it all works beforehand.  The new school room is ready, but not quite ready for pictures.  I still have a few more things to get put away today.  For the past several months I have been hard at work clearing our schedule so that when we did make the jump and start up with Calvert, nothing during the daytime hours got in our way as a distraction.  Then I tore my ACL, and the rehab alone will steal hours from our school time.  Then, late last week, I realized I completely forgot something when planning out our fall schedule.  I spaced that Lego NXT is starting up again.  Both Rylan and Jordan are on Lego NXT teams.  Rylan is on an all-girls team, and her practices started last week.  I love Lego.  I love that they are excited about Lego.  I just don't love the time slot they practice in very much.  Monday-Thursday, for two hours each day, Jordan and Rylan will alternate days for their practice sessions.  I don't have a schedule yet for the times when Jordan, Rylan and Owen meet online with their teachers, but I anticipate we will have a serious time conflict in very short order.  I keep telling myself that Lego and therapy will only last until mid-November, but that is not helping very much.  This was not the start I was envisioning.  I'm already stressed...

Simple Women's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... A beautiful sunny morning.  It is supposed to go into the 80's today.  We have had unsettled/rainy weather for the past several days.  I like days like that so I will miss them.  I am not a fan of hot weather.

I am thinking... about the week ahead.  A lot of loose ends need to be tied up.  We need to wrap up Jordan's school work for the *year* by the end of this week.  His subscription to his science class (Plato) ends in August, but beyond the end of this week he will only be around here for a couple days here and there until mid-August, and so we have the entire second semester of lessons and activites for both Chemistry and Physical Science to cram in this week.  yay......

I am thankful... For the beautiful bright greens of the leaves that seem to glow as they filter the sun from above.  I am also thankful for all the yardwork that my husband and kids did over the weekend - the yard looks nice and ready for a week of play in the sunshine.

From the Learning Rooms... Lots and lots of science (yay), our last homeschool PE class is on Wednesday, and the End of Year Picnic & Field Day is on Thursday.  Plus all of the regular stuff in-between everything else..

In the kitchen... A mess.  Last night I made cupcakes for Rylan's make-up birthday dinner w/ family.  Chocolate with vanilla icing and strawberries.

I am wearing... Knit skirt and shirt.  My favorite kind of stuff to wear during the day.  I need a ton more skirts.  And shorts.  Can you believe I have NO shorts anymore?  The last pair I had wore out last summer, and I never replaced them.

I am creating... This week - nothing - there is no time... :(

I am going... today I am going to the store because we have nothing to eat for the week.  Today is also our usual Park Day, but I am thinking we will skip it for today.  We have so much to get done, and Jordan's schoolwork for this week is the priority.  Late this afternoon I am picking up my race packet for the 5K I am running walking in, then Rylan, with hair and makeup done, has formal pictures for her tumbling class.  All of the costumes for the Spring Recital came in last week, so this present week they are taking pictures of every class.  Rylan will have formal pictures for her other two classes tomorrow.  This evening was supposed to be a Mom's Night Out, but everybody is cancelling.  I am feeling a bit let down - I had been looking forward to catching up with friends I have not seen in awhile.  There is this tough dichotomy we all struggle with, finding that elusive balance between family obligations and the obligation to yourself to take care of you - how do you prioritize this?  Thinking back to this blog post, it is a lot of mental food for thought.

I am wondering... About the two turtles I special-ordered for Rylan yesterday.  They are to arrive on June 10th.  It occurred to me, 0.9827349872 seconds after clicking the 'confirm order' button, that I have no idea if I will be getting two males, two females, or one of each??  This might be a good thing to know...

I am reading... Still finishing Parenting Beyond Belief, which is due back to the library tomorrow and I've already renewed it once.

In the garden... A very enthusiastic rhubarb plant that is going just a bit crazy...I need to make something with it this week - Rylan has been requesting a rhubarb crisp.  We can have some for Tuesday Teatime!

I am hoping... That we get through this week in one piece, yet enjoy it, since Jordan will be leaving for most of the summer at the week's end.

I am looking forward to... Sunday evening.  It is this huge mental thing for me just to get through this week, to see several obligations through to their end and then I can relax.

I am learning... About Southern Painted Turtles, acrylic adhesives, heat lamps and salmonella.  I am also learning about France, as I trace my mom's journey along the Rhone river, where she is currently traveling aboard a river-cruise ship for a week.  She toured about Lyon over the weekend, visiting a market and winery.  So jealous...  (Glad you are having fun, mom!!!! :)

I am hearing... Rylan making hot chocolate, Owen cracking a hard-boiled egg, the hum of the fish tank and birdies.

Around the house... Jordan and Colin are sleeping in (it is currently 8:46 a.m.).  Today we begin combing through Jordan's packing list for SeaBase and combating the laundry pile(s).

I am pondering... turtle diets... it's a bit complicated!

One of my favorite things... early mornings - the birds and the quiet - with hot coffee.  happy sigh.

A few plans for the rest of the week... makeup, fussy hair and pictures for today and tomorrow.  Tomorrow night we have our last homeschool board meeting for the year, and this is also my last official duty.  I am stepping away from the board and my duties that lie therein.  It is a good feeling.  The board is such a nice group of ladies - I'll probably still attend meetings next year, just for the camaraderie.  We have the end-of-year picnic on Thursday - we are bringing water balloons.  The weather looks like it will stay 85F and sunny through Thursday, so that will be perfect.  The last time it got cold, and water balloons were not all that fun.  I think the kids threw them at trees instead...lol.  Friday will be a frenzied packing day for Jordan.  He leaves for SeaBase at the crack of dawn on Sunday morning.  Saturday is the day that I run (ahem) a 5K, and Rylan does a Kids' fun run.  Neither of us kept up with our training schedule this month because we both got sick.  We will be walking this week and maybe run a few short bits so that we can both run at least a little bit.  Rylan has a total of nine fun runs throughout this summer, so pretty soon she will be able to run the whole mile.  Before I got sick I was averaging 3 miles a day, walking a mile - mile and a half, and running the other bit.  I'll have to start at "0" again... :/

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing... 

Beaujolais Region, France
Please insert me here...with a glass of something cold and fruity...
(photo courtesy of my mom..of whom I did not ask permission, but I am sure she wouldn't mind)
(Well...pretty sure...)

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April afterthoughts...

I just had the most amazing month of April in...well...let's just say, a decade. It has taken me a long, long, time to make my peace with April, since the month is crazy violent (every effn' YEAR!) and also marks some pretty unhappy anniversaries in my own life. I made up my mind months ago that this year was going to be different. I was not going to wallow in self-pity and I was only going to keep the barest minimum of the news on my radar. I was going to stay busy and actively work on making some changes within myself and within our family dynamic. I was also going to go med free (no antidepressant) and see how it felt.

Colin started the month off with a bang by breaking his leg. Diversion tactic! Good one, bud... you got my back! ;)

All these years, as tons of good things have come my way - a marriage, three babies, the new lifestyle of homeschooling, friends and so forth... it's been good - but it's been too much change all at once. I have been fighting for breath, operating in survival mode for years, and it has taken its mental and physical toll. I spent a good amount of last year taking care of some of the physical things. But the mental part - whoa that is tough. I created a life over the past several years that keeps me very busy. Busy means less time for emotional investment or risk of getting hurt. I'm involved. I'm connected. Just...not with my kids or friends, and not on the level with Dean that I long to be. I'm too involved in a couple of groups that no longer make sense in my life. They, at one time, served the purpose of making me feel like I was contributing..like I mattered.. that I was needed. At the time that was important to me, because for whatever reason, a divorce and job loss erased those feelings for me, and I struggled like hell to gain them back. I needed a group of adults to tell me - yes, you matter, we need you here, your input is important, we like you... But when it comes down to it, it does me no lasting good to have validation come from the outside - it needs to come from the inside. In the search for that outside validation, a lot of hurt has come my way. I depended on friends to give that secure feeling of 'belonging', but the whole friendship 'thing' has been fraught with difficulty. I have my own issue with an unwillingness to put forth a lot of effort because I am so scared of rejection, and so, after all these years...friends have paired off, formed their own groups and do their own things, and my only connection seems to be very superficial at this point. A lot of intense, sad feelings here that, for the meantime, need to stay stuffed down and out of the way. Ouch...right? Okay - this is not the tone this missive was supposed to take - this month was a month of triumph for me!

So, I recently decided that it was time to get rid of what wasn't working, wasting my time, bringing me down, giving my anxiety, stressing me out, and taking time from my family. That meant just about everything. I stepped down from our homeschool board - my term ends this month. I stepped down from girl scouts. We end our 'year' this month. It is all part of a master plan I am calling, "Reclaiming Your Life. Transitioning from Survival Mode to Thrive Mode", and I am feeling pretty darn empowered right now.

Quitting scouts and the board was hard, but I feel like I absolutely suck in any type of leadership position because I consistently attack my duties with my type-A intensity, and I take criticism too personally. I may be organized and all that, but when I completely lose my shit whenever someone attacks me for doing my job or for the way I am doing it, I feel like my time and effort were totally disrespected. I don't like how it feels to be depended on and judged by other adults. (children are another matter). There is this disconnect that happens - the parents no longer see you as a person. You are now this entity that must answer emails asap, fix the mistakes that the parents made in paperwork, run the errands for supplies and whatnot, help somebody catch up when they miss a meeting, do the training, do the scheduling, plan the meetings, field trips... I feel like I cease to be a person who has feelings and a life of my own. It is even worse when the parents are also your friends. That makes this disconnect even more bizarre and unsettling. I have spent a lot of time this past month reflecting on this very subject. I know that my decision has already made one mom a little angry. She is a friend, yet I get the impression that my quitting has let her down in a big way. "If you quit, then who will lead? SusieQ really loves scouts!" You know? Not once, in three years, did a mom step forward with the offer to share the load. It had to be asked for, and it was given with considerable reluctance. It is my profound wish, that as parents, we recognize that our time is equally valuable among all of us, and that in making an entity like scouting or a large homeschool support group be a successful and rewarding experience, parents need to work in partnership rather than an 'us vs. them' thing.

I read a book this past month that really lined it all out for me what I needed to do. Say Goodbye to Survival Mode, by Crystal Paine was an eye-opener. I filled up entire pages in a notebook of the things that weren't working, the direction in which my goals have shifted, where I need growth and change, and then pick just a few of them to begin working on. If you overwhelm yourself, it won't happen, you'll fail, and then you are in a worse spot than where you started from. The biggest message in the book is how to break it all down into something that is manageable, so that one elusive day - you own your time, instead of being a slave to it. I took this information and blended it with what Alejandra presents on quarterly goals on her website/YouTube channel. Alejandra is my new hero. I may not be as much of a perfectionist as she is (and perfectionism is not a bad thing - we Type A's understand each other's needs, whether it be color-coding, sorting or alphabetizing), but what she says makes absolute sense. I set about creating my own chart - (below). The heart of the message is zeroing in on a particular goal, and then break it down further - into smaller steps, and create a timeline for yourself in which you want this to happen. And then keep the goal sheet where you can see it - EVERY DAY. Remind yourself of what you want happening in your life. Rinse and repeat.

So I've got my goals set, and now I am in major purge mode. My next book that I am currently working on is Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life, by Julie Morgenstern. She presents a slightly altered approach by really analyzing the array of 'stuff' in your life - material things, your schedule, your habits. Every one of these areas could use pruning, but where do you start? I already dove headlong into pruning my schedule before I even cracked this book, but now I see how I can improve upon the work I've already done. It does require a lot of reflection. Take for instance, your schedule. When you look at it, you need to really pick it apart and rank the meaningfulness of each and every thing you do. Obviously the stuff that ends up at the bottom of the list - the stuff you really resent having to do (no - going to the dentist does not apply here...) is an obvious starting point. The board meeting that you attend once a month that really does not inspire you, the weekly bowling night with buddies that you've grown apart from.. you need to separate the obligation you feel from the activity and look at it from a whole new perspective. If you dropped this activity and reclaimed that time, what could you do with it? (Hint: look at your goal sheet with a new eye) Give yourself a focal point, a direction you want to head, and shed the things in your life that are contrary to that goal and preventing you from getting there.

Heavy, heavy stuff - but so rewarding!!!!

So that is what I spent my April doing. I want to slow down and enjoy this wonderful life I have - the card deck has dealt me some whoppers over the years, but I have survived. And now I want to thrive.

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A change is on the horizon..

Colorado Calvert Academy

yep

It's no secret that this year has been difficult on the homeschooling front.  Or last year.  Or the year before that.  Or the year before that.  Each year has presented its own unique challenges, and the majority of them were mine in the making.  Apparently I thought that since I was a HSAHM, (homeschoolingstayathomemom), I had oodles of free time on my hands.  So I volunteered up the wazoo for whatever I could get my hands on in an attempt to prove myself to my toughest critic: me.  It totally backfired.  I learned that being too busy with fluff means that you won't have time to educate your kids.  My kids are not lacking in ability, but they are severely lacking in instruction time, and as the years have flown by, the accumulative effects are showing.

The lack of time can't be addressed until I clear my schedule.  This year has shown a very sharp decline in doctor appointments, thanks to resolving my shoulder issues last spring, and my BR last fall.  These appointments have been sneaky time-wasters.  I am resigning from our homeschool association's board, effective in May.  I am stepping down from leadership in the Girl Scout troop, also effective in May.  After three years, it's time for another mom to take the helm and share the burden.

So with all the 'free time' on the horizon, I intend to fill it with the things that had been desired all along -long lazy trips to the library, museums, afternoons spent reading, playing games and craft projects.  And I will have this time because someone else will be doing the legwork of the planning, the curriculum procuring, the grading, the feedback (some), the record-keeping.  That someone is Colorado Calvert Academy.

The clouds of discontent have been looming for years.  We knew the present situation wasn't working, but the answer was never to stop homeschooling.  We (Dean and I) love the freedom it provides, and we want the kids to stay at home.  But.  With days and days going by with minimal progress, what was going to be the catalyst for change?

For one thing, I have trouble getting things done when there is minimal accountability.  I am not the type of person that ever tried to sneak sloppy work by the boss in the hopes of squeaking by.  I was a type-A, straight-A student.  Sloppy is not acceptable.  But when there is no one looking over my shoulder, reminding me that I really need to stop surfing the internet and get schoolwork going, or that I need to stop wasting time in a fruitless effort to communicate with the unwilling masses of our homeschooling association, or that working on the finances of our Girl Scout troop during school time is not necessary...I will fritter away the hours.  Day after day.  I need accountability to keep me on track.  After seven years of not punching a time clock, I got lazy.  Very lazy.

Looking down the road, in the long-term, I feel a rise of panic when I realize, deep down, that our children will not be prepared to lead the kind of life we are hoping for, if nothing is done to change our course.

So enter Colorado Calvert Academy.  A fellow homeschooling mom has been using Calvert since her daughter was in K.  She has talked about their experiences over the years, but for whatever reason it never really appealed to me.  She used Calvert via a virtual school, and I think that was my turn-off.  I didn't want the pressure of staying on someone else's schedule.  Now I see that that very thing is what I need most.  In return for joining an online school and jumping through their hoops, I get a top-notch curriculum for free (you can do Calvert curriculum at home - to the tune of $1200/year/student), the teaching support, field trips, potential school friends for the kids, and relief from the financial burden of purchasing my own curriculum from at least 15 different sources on an annual basis.  The $$ savings will be huge.  HUGE.  Also factor in the time saved researching different curriculums - I have spent HOURS trolling the internet for new stuff, different stuff, ways to use stuff... on and on...  Not to mention, knowing how much to do in a day, pacing, working in too much of a subject area into the schedule or not enough... well, staying on schedule period...  I have always been akin to planning waaaay too much into a day.  The kids get burnt out and so do I.

We start when school officially begins, just after Labor Day.  I can't wait!!!

Selling your soul, one box of girl scout cookies at a time...

You know how I 'quit' the other day?


I've got a couple of other things I want to quit...


Pardon me while I get the formalities out of the way...


Dear Girl Scouts,


I am formally handing in my resignation.  I will no longer sell your cookies.  I also will no longer sell your boxes of chocolates, containers of nuts or magazine subscriptions.  I will no longer spend my precious time, wracking up the hours while I constantly update my spreadsheets, chase down customers, chase down parents, chase down $$ to balance our accounts, chase down wayward boxes of cookies, acquire more boxes one week, only to return them the next, constantly bug my friends and family as I push cookies on them, and endure long hours in the cold and the wind.  This is not fun.  My daughter is not gaining anything by engaging in selling for you, other than a very crabby, stressed-out mother.  I quit.  I quit.  I quit.  Effective immediately.  (Well, just as soon as I deposit everyone's money, make sure we balance out, make sure the girls get the awards they earned and so on and so forth...)


Thank you.


Dear Boy Scouts,


I despise selling popcorn for you.  My thirteen year old son does a fabulous job at it, but only after I remind him 29 times that the sun will only shine for so long, and that the entire neighborhood has probably already been picked over, in the time it took him to get out of the house.   I also have to drive all over town and back, making his deliveries and hitting new neighborhoods.  He writes down the address in illegible handwriting, so we can't deliver after all, because he can't remember where the house was.  He loses his forms, can't keep track of the money, and leaves the chocolate popcorn sitting in the car to melt.  I hate popcorn.  I. will. not. go through another season of popcorn.  I don't care if this is his main source of money to pay for your ridiculously over-priced high adventure trips.


I also hate the spaghetti dinner silent auction.  No business will donate anything as a potential auction item.  I have, for the last time, given up my last season of afternoons making endless trips around to the various potential small-business targets, only to get turned away again and again.  Stupid.  Senseless.  A. waste. of. my. time.  All for a child who has no inclination to get the ball rolling on his own.  How on earth did it become MY job to do this to raise money for the BSA?  I swear I did not wish for this... and yet it is my sad, sad reality.  I quit.  Effective immediately.


Thank you.


Dear boys and girls youth organizations of America,


Your 'business model' stinks.  You do a damn fine job of passing this off as an opportunity for kids to become 'entrepreneurs' (whatever...) but you are selling the kids a lie.  The kids don't spend the hours doing the paperwork, making the phone calls, writing the emails, paying for the gas for the endless car trips... the poor parents do.  Parents that simply do not have the time to begin with.  Our time is so precious with our kids, and instead of our kids learning worthwhile lessons within in the confines of your organization, you send them out on the streets to peddle your products.  You are capable of so much better.


Thank you.



Do I sound a bit...frazzled?  Why yes.  Yes I do.  When I sat down to think about how many hours I have spent in the name of scouts - Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts combined: the cookies, chocolates, popcorn, paperwork/form signing, meeting planning, meeting attending, patch-procuring, gear-replacing, errand running... all in the name of scouts...it is more hours than I have spent homeschooling my kids this year.  Yes.  You read that right.  More than I spent schooling.  I'm a total sucker for every volunteer job that has ever come along, because it is always my first inclination to step in and offer help, yet I never think that it will be as hard, or as time-consuming as it truly is.  No wonder nobody ever steps up to take their turn or lend a hand.


So, I am reclaiming a bit of my soul.  I don't know what our future in girl scouts will be, but as far as this co-leader, treasurer and cookie mom goes, I'm out.  Out, folks.  I had high hopes for this experience.  It is not our troop parents, the girls or anything like that... it is the lack of organization at the council, state and national level, the poor choice of programming available for the girls and so on and so forth.  I would rather just get together with our 'scouts' and ditch the programming, patches, cookies...everything.  Get the girls together and do service projects and get outdoors, all in the name of fun.  For free.  Without the expensive vest, annual registration, books, patch kits, and God-forsaken cookie booths.  Just please don't ask me to coordinate this.


I am feeling so....so.... liberated!?

A staggered start

 

 

You would think that after 6 years of homeschooling under my belt, I would have this gig all figured out. Not so. Every year has consisted of different circumstances, schedules and temperaments.

I want this to be *the* year that we take the 'schooling' part of school a little more seriously. I've got my plate full now, as Owen has joined the ranks and will begin doing regular work, just like his older brother and sister. Jordan is now an eighth grader, and I've got a lot of ground to cover. Rylan is in second grade, and not quite where I had hoped she would be. So, this is the year for change.

I know from past experience that doing the full schedule on the first day is a huge mistake. The kids need to transition out of their lazy days just as much as I need to. It was surprisingly easy to put homeschool out of my mind for June and July. As much as I had planned on schooling through the summer, my heart was just not in it, and with Jordan gone and our general summer activity busyness in the way, schoolwork was just not going to happen.

So here we are. It is August (and it's almost over !?!?), and our school year is well underway. I thought about school in short snippets here and there, and one of the decisions I made was that we would do a staggered start. Each week, as August progressed, I would add another kid to the schedule. And as each day passed by, we would add another item or two to the work load.

I began with Jordan, and after three weeks, he is running at almost full tilt. The only exception is World History. Neither of us are really grooving on History Odyssey. We cannot seem to move beyond ancient history!! After six years of homeschooling, we have left all the world history beyond ancient history virtually untouched, with the exception of what we read about in the yearly Core Knowledge books. I think that of all of the school subjects, history is my absolute favorite, and so I don't know why I am struggling with this. I need to figure out what my issue is with History Odyssey is, and fix it. Quickly.

We are using Homeschool Schedtrak again this year to track our hours, and Jordan has logged over 40 for this month already, so I think we are off to an excellent start. Please don't roll your eyes or secretly hate me when I tell you this, but Jordan has remarked, on numerous occasions over these past few weeks, that he is really enjoying the work - especially Physics, and looks forward to checking off his schedule as he goes. I am only making note of it here because I understand how fleeting and remarkable it is for a 13 yr. old to say something like this in the first place, and I need it here to remind me of the good times. I know that hard and difficult times are to be expected. I just want to be prepared. Now, I am not going to lie, there is a dangling carrot for motivation here. A completed schoolwork checklist = Minecraft, so that is truly what is pushing him here, at the moment.

Rylan's turn came up, and, just as I expected, she was less than thrilled. We are working at about half the desired work load right now. I think it is going to take a while to get her into a comfortable routine. The one highlight came last week, when upon the completion of a math lesson, she remarked in an astounded and pleased voice that she was excited to be doing 'real math' at this point, 'just like Jordan'. Not sure why solving the same sort of problems all of a sudden feels like the real thing, but there you have it. Another happy customer, so I'll file it away in the Good Times folder, for later use to remind me why it was a good idea to homeschool in the first place.

Owen is officially known to the school district now, as I just added his name to the Notice of Intent to Homeschool letter we have to send to the local district each fall. Owen loves his big yellow pencils and putting stickers on things. I no longer think he will be a lefty, he is most definitely a righty. I am a little disappointed...I thought that would have been kind of cool. We have only started up two things at this point - Reading Eggs and Explode the Code, so we will just continue to work on adding stuff as we go.

It has been a very good start - our best ever, to date. I think that it has also helped us that the extra stuff doesn't really start up until next month. Jordan has joined our homeschool Lego NXT group, and will meet twice a week until the month of November, when they go to competition. The group just started up meetings this past week, and he is enjoying it. He is also doing Boy Scouts, of course. And that's it! I think that not going to karate five days a week will make a huge difference for him. I'm still sad about that, but in the big picture, it's a good thing. Rylan wrapped up her summer tumbling session a week ago, and is enjoying not having anything to do at the moment. And I hope she does, because in another week's time, she will be a busy, busy girl. She will have three nights of dance in a row - jazz, tumbling and ballet, plus violin, and then Girl Scouts starts up in October, along with extra Nutcracker practices. I am glad we are not starting up scouts in September - I still need to get my feet on solid ground before I take on seven little Brownies!

So that's it! Things have been quiet here on the blog as I got stuff rolling - not much down time as of late. I have been keeping up with how fellow homeschoolers - both local and on the blogosphere have been ramping things up, making changes here and there - always good to self-evaluate and know that we are all in the same boat, just carrying different cargo...

 

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Simplicity Parenting: thoughts about scheduling

 

Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and more Secure Kids
by Kim John Payne, M.Ed.

 

 

I have just finished reading Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne, M.Ed.  It has been a long, long time since a book has given me such excellent food for thought...and I highly, highly recommend that every parent read it and reflect on their own relationships with their kids, their stuff, their activities and so forth...   The author has an excellent website and blog.  Here is a link for blog posts dedicated to the subject of scheduling, and how to simplify the process.

 

Scheduling has been on my mind lately, as you will notice from the Crazy Busy posting a few days ago.  I read through the whole scheduling chapter in Simplicity Parenting, TWICE, yesterday, because I needed to know how to get off the CraZy Train.  Do I just jump?  Hang on the back and drag my feet for awhile?  Toss my luggage off, a few pieces at a time?  None of those sound appetizing...yet jumping provides the quickest, surest exit.

 

 

There were several important aspects to consider with scheduling, and one that I didn't really consider deeply until this book, was the point of taking a child's temperament in hand when devising a schedule that works for everybody.  Some children can do okay with really active days, others need a calm day beforehand, or afterwards or both.  Some children can handle only one thing per day or per week.  It just gets more complicated when you have multiple children and multiple temperaments.

 

The massive physical exodus from front yards and local parks have left children no place to congregate other than gymnastics class on Wednesday afternoons at 4pm., Library Story Time on Tuesday mornings at 10:30 am., Little League on Friday afternoons at 5pm, and Scout meetings on Monday evenings at 7pm., and about 50 billion different combinations of like activities.  The more, the better, for socialization and future preparedness, right?

 

One thing that the author touched on (and looks like has been expanded on in another book), is youth sports.  Kids begin classes, leagues, clinics, whathaveyou at increasingly young ages.  Because of this, kids typically peak out on interest at about age 11.  Beyond that age, the rate of dropping chosen sport increases with age.  By the age of 17, 90% of youth have quit.  At the age when they should be getting really REALLY good - maybe parlaying their skill into a college scholarship, they are quitting.   They have suffered repetitive stress injuries, they are burnt out and the fun is gone.

 

This is a bitter pill to swallow.  Rylan began karate when she was 4 1/2.  I confess that I was sitting there, right along with all of the other parents, gushing at how cute she looked in her little white gi, and feeling proud that our daughter yelled the loudest.  Honestly.  What 4 1/2 yr. old needs to know karate?  Oh yes  - they learn discipline.  They learn patience.  They learn a physical skill that will serve them well.  I've heard it, I've believed it, and it sounds great...on the surface.  But.  There are better places and more meaningful ways that a child can learn discipline and patience.  I don't think a 4 1/2 yr. old is really into thinking about the most effective way to disable a grown person.  There is huge discrepancy between a balance of emotional/physical maturity when karate would serve a person well, and when kids are actually allowed onto a mat and invited to start 'training'.  Don't get me wrong, there are all sorts of merits that I can attribute to karate, and it would be a great place for a teen to spend their time and energy in a positive and productive manner.  But I don't think it serves a younger child as well.  In the 2 1/2 years that Rylan has been doing karate, all I can say is that, yes, it boosted her self-confidence.  To the tune of $1,800 and 320 hours of time spent in that pursuit.  And that's just Rylan.  I need to hang on to my lunch, so I don't think I will run Jordan's numbers...  :(

 

The same net results could be said about soccer, baseball, peewee football, gymnastics... Doctors are reporting repetitive stress injuries in young players that were unheard of a decade ago.  Kids (and parents) push it to the extreme.  It is a society thing.  A parent living-out their-dream-through-their-children thing.  It is pressure to succeed.  Be the best, get the edge.  It leads to year-round practice and competition.  Summer and weekend clinics.  The kids never. get. a. break., and what do they really get out of it in the end?  They learn to be a team player??  By their rules or someone else's?  By engaging in play with other children they could get the same results, in a much more meaningful way.  They devise the game, they negotiate the rules, and adjust as they go.  And play is free! (minus the snacks and occasional Band-Aid)

 

So I am taking all of this in, and churning it around in my head.  I am good with letting karate go.  Totally good with that.  It frees the kids to have more uninterrupted time to do something they feel really passionate about, to explore a new interest, or to do absolutely nothing and revel in that freedom from constant go-go-go.

 

I am not sure how to reconcile with dance.  I love dance, and I love that Rylan loves dance.  This coming year may test her devotion to it.  She wants jazz.  And tumbling.  I am pushing for ballet.  And I am sad that she doesn't want to include tap.  I love tap.  I know that I am projecting my passions on her, but I also know that of all of the forms of dance, ballet is the foundation and it will serve her well - and she needs to understand that. So, if she and I both get our way, we are now looking at three separate classes.  I don't believe in age limits when it comes to dance.  This is where I diverge from the advice Dr. Payne espouses of avoiding the young age at which a child engages in a specific sport.  I think that it is perfectly acceptable for a four year old to do a once-a-week ballet class.  (or tap, tumbling, gymnastics, etc...)  Admit it, there is nothing cuter that a little girl in a tutu!

 

But how much is too much?  I am very afraid that three dance classes is too much for our seven yr. old. (PLUS girl scouts AND violin...)  That is three roundtrips to Loveland.  That is three hours (plus drive time) that I have to somehow occupy the time with one teenager and two precocious little boys.  That is three different outfits that I need to keep track of, washed and ready to go.  And what IF Jordan decides that he doesn't really want to quit karate??  That's five classes a week, right there, plus regular gi washing for a stinky teenage boy.  And then there is Owen, who is campaigning hard for gymnastics.  That would mean another round trip to Loveland.  That is now NINE trips in one week's time.  I've not only NOT left the CraZy Train, I've just dumped a shit ton of coal into the fire box and slammed the door!!!!

 

Maybe I need to reread this chapter for a third time, because I obviously haven't got the message about how to simplify our schedule.  I think there was a specific word  that he used.... hmm.  What was it??? 

 

 

Oh yeah...... "No."