Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... A slightly overcast, cool morning. Lovely!

I am thinking... About the dual weddings in our family yesterday. I attended my cousin's wedding with the three little kids yesterday afternoon. It was held at a country farm that has a wedding venue. The kids played on tractors, went on a hayride and played in a huge fort with their cousins and second cousins. A very nice afternoon/evening. Meanwhile, Dean drove to OKC on Friday, and attended his niece's wedding yesterday as well. It was also a country-themed wedding! Jordan was brought by his mom to the wedding, and both Dean and Jordan will be making the drive home on Monday. It was nice to spend some time visiting with family, and I even got up and danced the Hokey Pokey - which was the perfect song for my present condition. I've settled on a surgeon for ACL replacement, and lo and behold - come to find out he has also operated on my aunt, uncle and grandmother..multiple times!

I am thankful... That Shannon and Jamie, and Christie and Marcus each found the partner they were looking for. I am also thankful for my three nephews, who kept constant tabs on my kids and kept them out of trouble yesterday (with one minor exception when Colin almost made it up and over the fence into the goat pen before my brother spotted the little stinker...)

From the Learning Rooms... We are doing just a little bit here and there everyday since we are on summer schedule. I attended a parent orientation meeting for incoming Calvert parents last week. I met the principal and she seems like a very astute educator - I like her immensely. We looked at the online portal for parents, and the other one for students, and then at all of the extra features - like access to Discovery Education and Brain Pop (wahoo!). I submitted the placement tests for Jordan, Rylan and Owen last month, so I expect to hear any day now what level they will work at for math and reading. I can't wait to start - sometime in mid to late August.

In the kitchen... Well, we are getting by on frozen Eggo waffles and oatmeal packets this morning, so I would say the situation is pretty dire. We need to go grocery shopping badly - and that is my least favorite activity at the present moment. :(

I am wearing... pjs and a knee brace.

I am creating... A dress for Rylan! I saw a pattern for a pillowcase dress and I had to try it. It is downright shameful that I have sewed nothing for my kids save for a couple of Halloween costumes. Almost criminal...

I am going... shopping of course - but only because I have to. Otherwise I want to partake in a full day of going absolutely nowhere.

I am wondering... If the baby turtles will like frozen bloodworms. We're about to find out.

I am reading... The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin. (thanks Michelle!). The perfect book for a person who is feeling stuck. Now - sound the trumpets - I finally finished Drums of Autumn, by Diana Gabaldon. The first 1/3 of the book was a real slog for me (obviously because it took me several months), but once I got past that, I was putting in a few hours every day since it was so hard to put down. Loved it. I am afraid to pick up the next one in the Outlander series just yet, I want to whittle away at the pile of books that is on my bedside table. I read Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet, by Jamie Ford last week and I really liked it. It was a rough transition to go from 1770's North Carolina to 1940's Chinatown in Seattle and Japanese internment camp, but that actually helped pull me away from Jamie and Claire. I loved the story and the way the author bounced back and forth from past to present. It's horrible what both the Chinese and Japanese Americans went through, yet several families just met it with quiet acceptance because of the realities of being a nation at war. The descriptions of the occasion when the Japanese families were rounded up and put on trains sounded so alarmingly like the Jewish experience in Poland and Germany...so wrong in so many ways. The book presented the story without judgement of the actions of the United States Government -yet you could read past that and still get a real sense of the injustice of it all.

In the garden... Several tomato plants that need to go into the ground to-day!

I am hoping... this coolish weather holds for the entire day

I am looking forward to... tomorrow night when Dean and Jordan get home and to the week we have Jordan with us before they traipse off to summer camp.

I am learning... I wish I could say I'm learning to take it easy - but I'm not.

I am hearing... Shawn the Sheep Season 4, the kids making 'sandwiches' out of each other with the couch cushions, and the panicked announcement that there is a wasp on the living room window. 'Scuse me a sec...

Around the house... a recently-deceased wasp, a fruitless search for Rylan's pink swim goggles, and a dog water dish that just got dumped over. (great - clean floors, check!)

I am pondering... how much time I want to devote to sewing today (yay!) vs. bills and balancing accounts. (boo!)

One of my favorite things... a wedding... :)

A few plans for the rest of the week... Jordan has an orthodontist appointment this week. We are now 18 months over the original treatment time estimate, and I have yet to meet his orthodontist. I'm raisin' a little hell this week, I think. I see the physical therapist this week, and I will be making the appointment to see the surgeon. Colin and Owen will be starting their second session of swimming lessons this week. Rylan was signed up, but there are not enough kids to make the class a 'go'. We're both pretty bummed. She just got bumped up to Level 5, and was really excited. I think we may do a few private lessons in the meantime - I hate for the good momentum to stop. Owen's lessons went great last week - he has moved up to Level 3. Colin refused to get in the pool twice last week - once because we were seeing a summer movie afterwards, and he was afraid he would miss it if he did his lesson, and the other because I brought the 'wrong' swimsuit. %*#^%*&!

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

The cat has taken a recent interest in the comfy dog bed, and Abby isn't quite sure what to do about it...

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April afterthoughts...

I just had the most amazing month of April in...well...let's just say, a decade. It has taken me a long, long, time to make my peace with April, since the month is crazy violent (every effn' YEAR!) and also marks some pretty unhappy anniversaries in my own life. I made up my mind months ago that this year was going to be different. I was not going to wallow in self-pity and I was only going to keep the barest minimum of the news on my radar. I was going to stay busy and actively work on making some changes within myself and within our family dynamic. I was also going to go med free (no antidepressant) and see how it felt.

Colin started the month off with a bang by breaking his leg. Diversion tactic! Good one, bud... you got my back! ;)

All these years, as tons of good things have come my way - a marriage, three babies, the new lifestyle of homeschooling, friends and so forth... it's been good - but it's been too much change all at once. I have been fighting for breath, operating in survival mode for years, and it has taken its mental and physical toll. I spent a good amount of last year taking care of some of the physical things. But the mental part - whoa that is tough. I created a life over the past several years that keeps me very busy. Busy means less time for emotional investment or risk of getting hurt. I'm involved. I'm connected. Just...not with my kids or friends, and not on the level with Dean that I long to be. I'm too involved in a couple of groups that no longer make sense in my life. They, at one time, served the purpose of making me feel like I was contributing..like I mattered.. that I was needed. At the time that was important to me, because for whatever reason, a divorce and job loss erased those feelings for me, and I struggled like hell to gain them back. I needed a group of adults to tell me - yes, you matter, we need you here, your input is important, we like you... But when it comes down to it, it does me no lasting good to have validation come from the outside - it needs to come from the inside. In the search for that outside validation, a lot of hurt has come my way. I depended on friends to give that secure feeling of 'belonging', but the whole friendship 'thing' has been fraught with difficulty. I have my own issue with an unwillingness to put forth a lot of effort because I am so scared of rejection, and so, after all these years...friends have paired off, formed their own groups and do their own things, and my only connection seems to be very superficial at this point. A lot of intense, sad feelings here that, for the meantime, need to stay stuffed down and out of the way. Ouch...right? Okay - this is not the tone this missive was supposed to take - this month was a month of triumph for me!

So, I recently decided that it was time to get rid of what wasn't working, wasting my time, bringing me down, giving my anxiety, stressing me out, and taking time from my family. That meant just about everything. I stepped down from our homeschool board - my term ends this month. I stepped down from girl scouts. We end our 'year' this month. It is all part of a master plan I am calling, "Reclaiming Your Life. Transitioning from Survival Mode to Thrive Mode", and I am feeling pretty darn empowered right now.

Quitting scouts and the board was hard, but I feel like I absolutely suck in any type of leadership position because I consistently attack my duties with my type-A intensity, and I take criticism too personally. I may be organized and all that, but when I completely lose my shit whenever someone attacks me for doing my job or for the way I am doing it, I feel like my time and effort were totally disrespected. I don't like how it feels to be depended on and judged by other adults. (children are another matter). There is this disconnect that happens - the parents no longer see you as a person. You are now this entity that must answer emails asap, fix the mistakes that the parents made in paperwork, run the errands for supplies and whatnot, help somebody catch up when they miss a meeting, do the training, do the scheduling, plan the meetings, field trips... I feel like I cease to be a person who has feelings and a life of my own. It is even worse when the parents are also your friends. That makes this disconnect even more bizarre and unsettling. I have spent a lot of time this past month reflecting on this very subject. I know that my decision has already made one mom a little angry. She is a friend, yet I get the impression that my quitting has let her down in a big way. "If you quit, then who will lead? SusieQ really loves scouts!" You know? Not once, in three years, did a mom step forward with the offer to share the load. It had to be asked for, and it was given with considerable reluctance. It is my profound wish, that as parents, we recognize that our time is equally valuable among all of us, and that in making an entity like scouting or a large homeschool support group be a successful and rewarding experience, parents need to work in partnership rather than an 'us vs. them' thing.

I read a book this past month that really lined it all out for me what I needed to do. Say Goodbye to Survival Mode, by Crystal Paine was an eye-opener. I filled up entire pages in a notebook of the things that weren't working, the direction in which my goals have shifted, where I need growth and change, and then pick just a few of them to begin working on. If you overwhelm yourself, it won't happen, you'll fail, and then you are in a worse spot than where you started from. The biggest message in the book is how to break it all down into something that is manageable, so that one elusive day - you own your time, instead of being a slave to it. I took this information and blended it with what Alejandra presents on quarterly goals on her website/YouTube channel. Alejandra is my new hero. I may not be as much of a perfectionist as she is (and perfectionism is not a bad thing - we Type A's understand each other's needs, whether it be color-coding, sorting or alphabetizing), but what she says makes absolute sense. I set about creating my own chart - (below). The heart of the message is zeroing in on a particular goal, and then break it down further - into smaller steps, and create a timeline for yourself in which you want this to happen. And then keep the goal sheet where you can see it - EVERY DAY. Remind yourself of what you want happening in your life. Rinse and repeat.

So I've got my goals set, and now I am in major purge mode. My next book that I am currently working on is Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life, by Julie Morgenstern. She presents a slightly altered approach by really analyzing the array of 'stuff' in your life - material things, your schedule, your habits. Every one of these areas could use pruning, but where do you start? I already dove headlong into pruning my schedule before I even cracked this book, but now I see how I can improve upon the work I've already done. It does require a lot of reflection. Take for instance, your schedule. When you look at it, you need to really pick it apart and rank the meaningfulness of each and every thing you do. Obviously the stuff that ends up at the bottom of the list - the stuff you really resent having to do (no - going to the dentist does not apply here...) is an obvious starting point. The board meeting that you attend once a month that really does not inspire you, the weekly bowling night with buddies that you've grown apart from.. you need to separate the obligation you feel from the activity and look at it from a whole new perspective. If you dropped this activity and reclaimed that time, what could you do with it? (Hint: look at your goal sheet with a new eye) Give yourself a focal point, a direction you want to head, and shed the things in your life that are contrary to that goal and preventing you from getting there.

Heavy, heavy stuff - but so rewarding!!!!

So that is what I spent my April doing. I want to slow down and enjoy this wonderful life I have - the card deck has dealt me some whoppers over the years, but I have survived. And now I want to thrive.

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Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... It is a bit overcast and cloudy right now, at 8 a.m., but the day is supposed to be warm and sunny.

I am thinking... About skiing with Rylan tomorrow.  I need to figure out what we are wearing and I am thinking about the drive.  The news channel just showed the traffic on I-70 this morning, and it was horrible.  It won't be as bad tomorrow morning, but the drive home will be!

I am thankful... That earlier this week, when we went to McAlister's Deli for dinner, six year old Owen was happy to play along when I pointed to different letters around us and asked him, "What's this?"  Owen dislikes playing any sort of answer-call letter games.  He dislikes letters, period.  :/

From the Learning Rooms... I heard back from Colorado Calvert Online Academy this week - they received our applications and all three older kids are registered for the fall! (happy dance)  I feel such an immeasurable sense of relief.  We hit the books this week with a renewed sense of purpose, and it felt very good.  I looked into duoLingo this week, and brushed up on my rusty Spanish by completing the intro round of lessons.  It is not as entry-level as I had hoped - more adult-friendly then kid-friendly, but it is very thorough by requiring an equal amount of reading/writing/speaking in both English and the chosen language of study.  I think Jordan will benefit from it.  One drawback to Calvert is that it does not offer any type of foreign language, so I think this will be a good stand-in.

In the kitchen...Nothing but an empty cup of coffee...be right back!

I am wearing... The Saturday requisite of pj's and robe.  No socks.  And my freezing toes could really use a pair.  Be right back!

I am creating... Still trying to come up with a solution to coming up with a weekly menu.  I hate menu planning.  I hate shopping.  What might help me is a list of recipes to choose from.  So I am making a master list of about 20-30 favorite recipes for each of several different categories: chicken, beef, pork, fish, meatless, pasta, Sides, Salads, and breakfasts.  Each list is divided into three columns: the recipe name, where I can find it (book, file, iPad...), and the ingredients it calls for - apart from staple items.  That way, when I sit down to menu plan and write the shopping list, I am sitting down with 9 sheets of paper - not piles of cooking magazines, cookbooks or endlessly scrolling through Flipboard or my Facebook wall.  Last Sunday I worked on 'Sides', and it took me all day!  I now have a nice list of about 35 recipes to start with though!  That will probably evolve into my longest list, since it includes subcategories like rice, pasta (ex. orzo), grains (ex. couscous), legumes, and by vegetable.  Some of the recipes are on simple end, like 'Steamed carrots".  No recipe needed, of course, and all I need on my shopping list is a 1 lb. bag of carrots.  I am making sure that I have a good variety of recipe complexity  - including lots of slow cooker meals to help this homeschooling mom deal with Arsenic Hour.  This is going to take a long time to finish and fine-tune, but I hope that it is done by the end of April.  I am soooo tired of frozen fish sticks.

I am going... Well, if all goes well, Rylan and I are heading to Copper Mountain tomorrow.  We'll head over to the ski shop later this afternoon and get our skis, boots and poles.  Dean and Jordan went skiing in December, and Dean got a free lift ticket from Copper after enduring over an hour of being stranded on a broken ski lift.  He has been after me ever since to make use of this ticket.  I am not the biggest fan of Spring skiing since the snow can be sloppy, but the base is phenomenal with all the snow that we have had, and it is still cold enough up in the high country that it isn't all slushy like it usually gets in late March/ early April.  So we are going!  This will be Rylan's third time on skis, but she hasn't been since the season before last, so I don't know how she will do.  I am honestly not looking forward to it.  I am hurting all over since I just started back up with running this week (horrible timing), in my hips especially.  My shoulder is still not 100%, and I am not 100% from the BR surgery either.  I am terrified of falling, being in such tender shape right now.  I am a pretty decent skier so I don't usually fall, but with Rylan in the mix, she will undoubtedly cross my path and I will have to ditch to avoid her.  Hope for the best!

I am wondering...Hmmm.. nothing?

I am reading... In the non-fiction arena, I am reading Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Religion, edited by Dale McGowan.  It has been on my reading list for some time.  I didn't realize it was actually a collection of essays and such by a variety of authors, but I am enjoying it for the most part.  There are a couple of pieces so far that have made me cringe because of rather bold word choice, but other than that, I find it rather rewarding to read words on a page that echo my exact thoughts - it is comforting to finally hear other people who feel much the same as I do.  I don't discuss religion much with others, so at times it can feel like you are the only one who feels a certain way.

In regards to fiction, I am still slogging through Diana Gabaldon's Drums of Autumn.  It is almost punishing at this point.  I. just. want. to. finish. it. and move onto something 'funner'.

In the garden... Last week I picked my first tiny crop of butter lettuce and baby spinach, and it is just about time for picking again.  My 'crop' is planted in a single seed-starting flat, and sits in my large west-facing window.  We planted several weeks ago, and they are growing fast!  I will wait to transplant them outside for a couple more weeks.  We are also maybe just a couple weeks away from picking some fresh green beans.  The kids picked some dried-up bean pods that had poked through our fence from the neighbor's garden, so we planted them (indoors) in January to see what would grow.  Low and behold, the plants have climbed up a trio of 6 ft. bamboo poles and back again, flowered profusely and now numerous tiny green beans are growing.  It has been fun to watch it grow a few inches every day!

I am hoping... I don't hurt myself tomorrow..

I am looking forward to... Some mommy/daughter time!

I am learning... or 'relearning' Spanish verb conjugations.  uugh.

I am hearing...Owen singing along with a Backyardigans song on TV, Colin playing with toys upstairs and the washer entering the spin cycle.

Around the house... Today is 'get every-last-bit-of-laundry-done' day.  And 'find Colin's lost tennis shoe' day.

I am pondering... Not much, at the moment.

One of my favorite things... Vanilla yogurt, granola, sliced bananas and juicy blueberries.

A few plans for the rest of the week...Ortho appts for Rylan and Jordan.  Rylan is just finishing up 18 straight days of cranking her new expander, so now they will measure and determine the date the braces will go on.  Maybe Jordan will hear when his braces will finally come off.  Which is 9 months overdue, at this point.  We also have our homeschool science fair next weekend, so this coming week will be spent working on our projects.  Jordan will be presenting his work he is doing on his quadcopter, and Rylan is experimenting with making butter.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

Denver Zoo, 2-27-14

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Simplicity Parenting: Filtering

 

 



Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and more Secure Kids
by Kim John Payne, M.Ed.



 

 

The Stress Bath

 

 

So... you're sitting in the parent's waiting area while you wait for your child to do their weekly XYZ class.  Or you are at the park.  Or you are at the library story time.  You are feeling good...happy with the world, even!  Then THAT parent shows up... you know the one...  The one who loves to rant and rave and worry about the current sensational news stories.  The one that is certain that all things plastic, Monsanto, Red dye #40 and non-gluten/dairy/sugar-free will kill you.  The one that is certain that she gets the raw deal.  The one that is the constant victim.  The constant complainer.  The one with the child that could do better in the world if they weren't unfairly victimized either.  You like this person well enough, but you consistently find that after you spend just five minutes listening to her, you feel depressed, worried and guilty.  You, my friend, have just been drenched in a Stress Bath. 

 

I came across this term, 'stress bath', in a chapter (see book above) that Dr. Payne wrote, about filtering out the adult world.  I love this term - he hit it right on the money.  That is exactly what it feels like.  You feel like you have been completely covered in doom and gloom.  It's icky.  You literally want to listen to a Raffi CD on endless repeat and shower yourself in glitter to take the edge off.  So much for enjoying yourself at any point in time for the rest of the day... now you are too worried about all the evils that are lurking anywhere and everywhere.

 

And it's not just the face-to-face conversations.  It's the friend that sends you every email attachment that describes every danger you may not be aware off.  It is your Facebook feed.  It is the variety of news apps, magazine articles, 20/20 episodes, the nightly news... we're all going to suffer some horrible malady unless we do "this" or "that".  Seriously.  Go to your Facebook feed and count up the negative postings vs. the positive ones for the past 24 hours.  Who wins?  The only negatives that don't really 'count' are the ones in which a friend shares a personal story of loss or sadness (not a story about a stranger that is supposed to tug at your heart...)  I think personal stories are important - that is how we maintain connections.

 

I am so totally guilty of posting the negatives.  Around election time, I was in a backlash 'zone' with the astounding number of vitriolic conservative postings that were filling my feed.  I got wise and just bounced a few of the offending 'friends' from my feed.  And there they remain...  Sometime after the beginning of this year I made a concerted effort to keep things on the positive side.  I've slipped many a time, but I am aware of the friends that do the same, and I am grateful for their little rays of sunshine that light up my feed here and there.  And then last night happened...  A few more 'friends' got bounced.  Something about the eve of Patriot Day made the Obama haters circle in a feeder frenzy on Facebook.  Implicating Obama with Bin Laden and 9-11?  Buh-bye.  Obama is going to destroy the nation by weighing his options with what to do with Syria?  Out you go.  I save my sanity and my mood by filtering out the vitriol.  I totally get that I need to embrace everyone's opinion and that there is real value in that...but the posts that insult our president just because it is some sort of bizarre form of entertainment..?  You aren't expressing anything other than you would rather 'share' than spend a couple more seconds rethinking about the message you are sending.

 

But I digress...This post is about filtering the messages we are exposing our kids to day after day - and very apropos on this day of remembrance of 9/11.  Children Learn What They Live.  If you spew forth constant negativity and victimization stories, your children will do the same.  If you are listening to or watching something in front of your kids, they are listening to.  I am an NPR junkie, but when I step back and listen to it from the young child's perspective, maybe they shouldn't be hearing about the horrors of what is happening in Syria.  Or in the House of Representatives.  Or on the streets of Boston.  That's when I turn it off.  And then there's TV - seeing the twin towers in flames, people screaming in the streets and so forth.  Older teens, who should know the history - yes, they should be keenly aware of worldly events.  But not young children.  They can't process it.  They see pictures of the terrorists, and learn to fear - even hate, without the distinction that not all the individuals that populate that part of the world are like that.  The constant barrage of fear, hate, fear, hate, fear, hate on any of the national news channels (seriously - spend just 5 minutes on FOX news - if you can stand it) equates the mother of all stress baths.  Do you know what that does to your psyche?  Let alone your children's psyche?

Do yourself a favor and switch it off - especially today.  Go for a walk, breathe deep and focus on the good - and don't forget to involve your children too.  Cultivate the more positive friendships in your life.  Listen to the news if you must - but when you are alone, or switch it off the second it takes a turn.  Get off Facebook - or at least weed out the friends who aren't very friendly after all.  Filter the messages that come to your eyes and ears - and your children's as well.  You will feel the difference.  Dr. Payne related a story in which the parents did that very thing - they turned if off.  And in a matter of days, their young son stopped having trouble at school, grew less and less agitated and stopped having nightmares.  You have to remember that even though you and your child listen to the same story on the news, you are processing it with different filters and prior experiences.



Simplicity Parenting: thoughts about scheduling

 

Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and more Secure Kids
by Kim John Payne, M.Ed.

 

 

I have just finished reading Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne, M.Ed.  It has been a long, long time since a book has given me such excellent food for thought...and I highly, highly recommend that every parent read it and reflect on their own relationships with their kids, their stuff, their activities and so forth...   The author has an excellent website and blog.  Here is a link for blog posts dedicated to the subject of scheduling, and how to simplify the process.

 

Scheduling has been on my mind lately, as you will notice from the Crazy Busy posting a few days ago.  I read through the whole scheduling chapter in Simplicity Parenting, TWICE, yesterday, because I needed to know how to get off the CraZy Train.  Do I just jump?  Hang on the back and drag my feet for awhile?  Toss my luggage off, a few pieces at a time?  None of those sound appetizing...yet jumping provides the quickest, surest exit.

 

 

There were several important aspects to consider with scheduling, and one that I didn't really consider deeply until this book, was the point of taking a child's temperament in hand when devising a schedule that works for everybody.  Some children can do okay with really active days, others need a calm day beforehand, or afterwards or both.  Some children can handle only one thing per day or per week.  It just gets more complicated when you have multiple children and multiple temperaments.

 

The massive physical exodus from front yards and local parks have left children no place to congregate other than gymnastics class on Wednesday afternoons at 4pm., Library Story Time on Tuesday mornings at 10:30 am., Little League on Friday afternoons at 5pm, and Scout meetings on Monday evenings at 7pm., and about 50 billion different combinations of like activities.  The more, the better, for socialization and future preparedness, right?

 

One thing that the author touched on (and looks like has been expanded on in another book), is youth sports.  Kids begin classes, leagues, clinics, whathaveyou at increasingly young ages.  Because of this, kids typically peak out on interest at about age 11.  Beyond that age, the rate of dropping chosen sport increases with age.  By the age of 17, 90% of youth have quit.  At the age when they should be getting really REALLY good - maybe parlaying their skill into a college scholarship, they are quitting.   They have suffered repetitive stress injuries, they are burnt out and the fun is gone.

 

This is a bitter pill to swallow.  Rylan began karate when she was 4 1/2.  I confess that I was sitting there, right along with all of the other parents, gushing at how cute she looked in her little white gi, and feeling proud that our daughter yelled the loudest.  Honestly.  What 4 1/2 yr. old needs to know karate?  Oh yes  - they learn discipline.  They learn patience.  They learn a physical skill that will serve them well.  I've heard it, I've believed it, and it sounds great...on the surface.  But.  There are better places and more meaningful ways that a child can learn discipline and patience.  I don't think a 4 1/2 yr. old is really into thinking about the most effective way to disable a grown person.  There is huge discrepancy between a balance of emotional/physical maturity when karate would serve a person well, and when kids are actually allowed onto a mat and invited to start 'training'.  Don't get me wrong, there are all sorts of merits that I can attribute to karate, and it would be a great place for a teen to spend their time and energy in a positive and productive manner.  But I don't think it serves a younger child as well.  In the 2 1/2 years that Rylan has been doing karate, all I can say is that, yes, it boosted her self-confidence.  To the tune of $1,800 and 320 hours of time spent in that pursuit.  And that's just Rylan.  I need to hang on to my lunch, so I don't think I will run Jordan's numbers...  :(

 

The same net results could be said about soccer, baseball, peewee football, gymnastics... Doctors are reporting repetitive stress injuries in young players that were unheard of a decade ago.  Kids (and parents) push it to the extreme.  It is a society thing.  A parent living-out their-dream-through-their-children thing.  It is pressure to succeed.  Be the best, get the edge.  It leads to year-round practice and competition.  Summer and weekend clinics.  The kids never. get. a. break., and what do they really get out of it in the end?  They learn to be a team player??  By their rules or someone else's?  By engaging in play with other children they could get the same results, in a much more meaningful way.  They devise the game, they negotiate the rules, and adjust as they go.  And play is free! (minus the snacks and occasional Band-Aid)

 

So I am taking all of this in, and churning it around in my head.  I am good with letting karate go.  Totally good with that.  It frees the kids to have more uninterrupted time to do something they feel really passionate about, to explore a new interest, or to do absolutely nothing and revel in that freedom from constant go-go-go.

 

I am not sure how to reconcile with dance.  I love dance, and I love that Rylan loves dance.  This coming year may test her devotion to it.  She wants jazz.  And tumbling.  I am pushing for ballet.  And I am sad that she doesn't want to include tap.  I love tap.  I know that I am projecting my passions on her, but I also know that of all of the forms of dance, ballet is the foundation and it will serve her well - and she needs to understand that. So, if she and I both get our way, we are now looking at three separate classes.  I don't believe in age limits when it comes to dance.  This is where I diverge from the advice Dr. Payne espouses of avoiding the young age at which a child engages in a specific sport.  I think that it is perfectly acceptable for a four year old to do a once-a-week ballet class.  (or tap, tumbling, gymnastics, etc...)  Admit it, there is nothing cuter that a little girl in a tutu!

 

But how much is too much?  I am very afraid that three dance classes is too much for our seven yr. old. (PLUS girl scouts AND violin...)  That is three roundtrips to Loveland.  That is three hours (plus drive time) that I have to somehow occupy the time with one teenager and two precocious little boys.  That is three different outfits that I need to keep track of, washed and ready to go.  And what IF Jordan decides that he doesn't really want to quit karate??  That's five classes a week, right there, plus regular gi washing for a stinky teenage boy.  And then there is Owen, who is campaigning hard for gymnastics.  That would mean another round trip to Loveland.  That is now NINE trips in one week's time.  I've not only NOT left the CraZy Train, I've just dumped a shit ton of coal into the fire box and slammed the door!!!!

 

Maybe I need to reread this chapter for a third time, because I obviously haven't got the message about how to simplify our schedule.  I think there was a specific word  that he used.... hmm.  What was it??? 

 

 

Oh yeah...... "No."

 

 

 

 



Fifty Shades of sunburn...

Today I took the kids swimming at my mom's neighborhood pool.  While my mom supervised the little ones in the kiddie pool, Rylan and I went in the big pool.  As we were swimming, I noticed three different moms, on three different sides of the pool, all reading the exact same book.

I read that same book last month.  The whole trilogy, actually.  In four days. 

I didn't really intend to read the series.  We had briefly discussed it as a pick for bookclub, and then we all ultimately decided against it because the subject matter had potential to be disturbing.  Then, several weeks later, as the kids and I entered the library, there was Fifty Shades - sitting in the Here and Now section.  (A special section of top book picks that are in high demand.)  I guiltily slipped it into our library bag.  It was back on the shelf within 24 hours.  I managed to sit with the dilemma of how to get a hold of book 2 for about 8 hours before I succumbed to curiosity and downloaded it on Kindle.  The next day I ordered book 3.  I have no idea what the kids did that week, or what they ate, or what they wore... but the good news is that they survived my mental vacation with minimal emotional scarring.

I will not discuss the obvious, but I will address the critics who say that E L James cannot write, that she stole ideas and ripped Stephenie Meyer off (???), or that she glamorizes the male in a dominant role.  While it is true that this series may not be for everyone, there is no glorification here.  I also know the kerfluffle over where this storyline orginated from, but this rewrite has absolutely nothing to do with Twilight...

James can write, and she used the narrative tool of describing the main character's inner thoughts to elevate the task of character development to a whole different level - heck, that IS the crux of the story - the transformation of both Anastasia and Christian.  If you read beyond the rather annoyingly constant ...um...er...'events' that advance the plot, you get to read a fascinating stream of inner dialogue as Anastasia comes to terms with discovering her desires, limits, strengths and weaknesses.  It really is good stuff.  I also admire the way James changed up her writing style within the story when it came to the snippets of emails scattered throughout the chapters.  There were some truly witty and hilarious volleys back and forth.

Two things annoyed me though:

1.  The constant use of 'Holy crap'.  I think it was used at least 263 times throughout all three books.  (just a guess).

2.  "He is so hot".  Really?  Is E L James BFFs with Paris Hilton?  That phrase is just...so... 'icky'.

I totally did not intend to write about reading this series.  Number one, because my mother reads this blog.  (ewww).  Number two - I so wanted to totally avoid the obvious.

BUT

Seeing those moms, all engrossed in their books and ignoring their children actually made me chuckle - I would have died from embarrassment to read those books in public like that. 

"Don't mind me, I'm just sitting in my lounge chair.....reading mommy porn!"



The Long, Slow Burn



A book review...

and an epiphany

What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty is one of the best novels I have read in a long, long time.  It gave me so many facets of my own life to reflect on.  The story is about Alice, a 39 year old mother of three who falls off of her spin bike at the gym and hits her head - only to wake up and have the previous 10 years worth of memories completely gone.  She thinks she is 29 and pregnant with her first child.  She is happily married.  She is close to her sister and enjoys a quiet, unassuming life.  Within a couple of days of the accident she begins to get the full picture of who she has become in those ten years that she now can't remember.  Nobody likes her except her snobby friends.  She is divorcing her husband (who can't stand her) and is in the midst of a nasty custody battle for their three children (that she can't even remember having).  She became a coffee and exercise addict, and had ascended the social scene to become one very involved mother - committees, class mom, etc...  She became the type of person her 29 year old self couldn't stand.  I felt so sad for Alice.  During one scene in the story, just a few days after the accident, her husband arrives at a family event where their daughter will be performing.  He lovingly greets the different family members who are there, and then greets her last.

     "How are you, Alice?"  His eyes were on the children.  He didn't look at her.  Alice was last to be greeted.  She was the least-favorite person.  He used his polite voice for her.

     "I'm well, thank you."  Do not under any circumstances cry.  She found herself longing, bizarrely, for Dominick.  For someone who liked her best.  How horrible it was to be despised.  To feel yourself be despicable."

He knows she has lost her memory, he knows that she still thinks that they are happily married, yet he can't bring himself to get past all of the hurt and anger that came about in the past ten years of their life together.  The books weaves and winds around her trying to make sense of who she had become, and to work at undoing the damage and trying to repair broken relationships.

(Spoiler Alert!)  You don't find out how it all gets resolved until the last few pages of the book.  I didn't see it coming yet I loved, loved the ending.  And a most wonderful passage literally moved me to tears...

     "Sometimes it was exhilaratingly easy to be happy again.  Other times they found that they did have to "try", and the trying seemed stupid and pointless and Alice would wake up in the middle of the night thinking of all the times Nick had hurt her and wondering why she hadn't stayed with Dominick.  But then there were the other times, unexpected quiet moments, where they'd catch each other's eyes, and all the years of hurt and joy, bad times and good times, seemed to fuse into a feeling that she knew was so much stronger, more complex and real, than any of those fledgling feelings for Dominick, or even the love she'd first felt for Nick in those early years.

     She had always thought that exquisitely happy time at the beginning of her relationship with Nick was the ultimate, the feeling they'd always be trying to replicate, to get back, but now she realized that was wrong.  That was like comparing sparkling mineral water to French champagne.  Early love is exciting and exhilarating.  It's light and bubbly.  Anyone can love like that.  But love after three children, after a separation and a near-divorce, after you've hurt each other and forgiven each other, bored each other and surprised each other, after you've seen the worst and the best - well, that sort of a love is ineffable.  It deserves its own word."

Wow.  A whole wave of different emotions came crashing through me when I read that.

Let me go back in time for a few moments to clarify some feelings here.  My marriage to Dean is my second marriage.  My first marriage went horribly wrong.  I met my ex in 1993.  In the following eleven years we moved in together, purchased a starter home, went back to school, got our degrees, got our first 'real' jobs, got engaged, sold our house and moved to a bigger house, and got married.  April 4, 2004 was our wedding day.  Sixteen days later, on April 20th, my ex told me he didn't love me anymore and that he was leaving.  (I found out later that he had been having an affair for the year prior to our wedding - they got pregnant before the divorce was even final)

(One of the many, many reasons I hate the month of April)

My life changed overnight.  My husband (soon to be ex) was gone.  So was about 95% of my social network.  To say I was devastated is a severe understatement.  I cannot even begin to convey the depth and breadth of the sense of loss and humiliation I experienced.  I still struggle with it to this day.  It is not the loss of love that I still mourn (yuck)... it is the loss of innocence, trust, friendships... and memories.  Those were hard, hard years, but rewarding all the same.  I cannot say that I would ever want to go back and relive them, but those years - from age 20 to 30 - are pretty important years in any one's life.  They define who you are as you become an adult.  And the primary people who were a part of those memories in my life simply vanished overnight.  I have no one to reminisce with.  I feel as though I lost an entire decade of my life to the sands of time - and those memories - the good and the bad - are without meaning now.  It's still hard to disengage from those feelings of loss as I struggle to redefine myself in current time.

The most difficult aspect of my new life was that of starting over.  I had no idea where to begin, and it just all felt so painfully awkward and abnormal.  I was 33 and feeling old and out of touch.  And the clock was ticking.  The whole concept of being single felt foreign to me.  I didn't belong to anyone and no one belonged to me.  Any new relationship meant that the whole intricate process of weaving personalities and lives together would begin... and that just sounded, well.... exhausting.  And, in my jaded eyes, futile.

Dean is an absolute blessing and a miracle that literally dropped into my lap.  I can't explain it any other way.  I had closed my eyes, closed my heart and gave up.  I had asked the Universe, on a daily basis (if not hourly) to deliver me from the lonely hell I was in.  I wanted to love again but I was too afraid.  I didn't want to get hurt again - I don't think my soul could bear it.  But, as fate would have it, Dean came into my life, and on March 16, 2005, Dean and I went out on our first date.  The process of memory making would now begin again.

Copper Mountain, 4-10-05

So here is one of our earliest memories.  I love this picture, apart from the tree sticking out of the top of my head.  We had been dating for approximately 3 weeks.  We spent a ski weekend up in Dillon.  We played pool and drank beer (I confess, Dean did not care for beer before he met me...I am such a bad influence), we skied and skied and skied.  We even got to ski an extra day because a bad snowstorm moved in and we couldn't make it home safely.  We went out to a nice Italian restaurant in Breckenridge.  We played Scrabble and I lost.  We played Backgammon and I lost - multiple times.  Come to think of it, we have not played it again since then.  Dean helped me pick out those ski goggles I am wearing at a store in Dillon.  Jordan now uses them.  We talked religion.  We talked politics.  We made fun of Texans.  I graded papers and emailed lesson plans because our extra ski day was on a Monday.  We listened to a lot of Depeche Mode.  We ate breakfast at the same diner each morning, and I saw first hand how much Dean LOVES pancake syrup.  We survived that first round of idiosyncrasies that make-or-break a relationship.  And the memory-building continued...

Loading umpteen thousand trailer load to move Dean into my (our) house.

Wine, chocolate strawberries and two overly tired 5 year-olds having a play date.

An official proposal on the front porch just a couple of days before our wedding.

A flat tire on our scooter in Cozumel that led us to a beachfront bar and cold beer.

A spider in my hair at the pool and my subsequent freak-out.

Finishing HP6 on the plane (before Dean) and having to keep Dumbledore's demise a secret

Our first pregnancy test and first ultrasound.

Screaming out driving directions in six-lanes of traffic in LA during rush hour.

Hearing the news that my dog, Yuki, had died at home with my mom by her side, while we were driving though the Nevada desert.

A towel-folding competition.  My way is faster.  :)

The embrace after hearing that our 13 week old fetus (Colin) was intact and okay after we thought I had had a miscarriage.

We now have seven years of history.  As the web of memories interweaves and expands, my fears ease.  I love this life.  I love my husband.  I am forever grateful that I got a second chance to do it over again - it's been hard at times, but oh, so rewarding.  I am thankful for the unexpected reminder from this book about how a love and a history like ours is to be treasured and nourished.  I tend to lose myself in misery during this month, and this was just the emotional boost I needed to get out of my head and take stock in my present life and acknowledge that the only road I need to keep my eye on is the one in front of me - not behind me.  (Dean's words)

(insert current happy couple picture here)

(yet there is none because we're lame)

(we only seem to take pictures of our kids, work projects and various food items)

(our last couple picture was at Christmas time)

(And it's fuzzy - Rylan took it)

(We need to amend this)

I don't get it...



On Saturday, Rylan and I made a quick visit to the library to grab a couple of books.  She requested a video, so we checked out the movies in the children's section.  We have watched most of the them, but I spied a title that we had yet to see: Where the Wild Things Are.  I would like the Universe to know that, in the future, I would appreciate a little more guidance when it comes to picking out movies, because this one just sucked all life out of the room and left us confused and feeling sad that we had just wasted away some very precious minutes of our life watching something so completely pointless.

Oh I know...  "It's art".  "It's an expression of how difficult the transition is from childhood to adolescence".  "It's a boy trying to sort out some very intense feelings".  Blah, blah, blah.  It's either some screenwriters on a really bad acid trip, or a sad attempt to work out some long over-due childhood issues.  It is by far the worst film adaptation I have ever seen of a children's book.  Children will not understand this movie.  I'm an adult and I don't even understand it.  It's violent, sadistic and depressing.

Now for the good parts.   The cinematography is beautiful. (like the image above, for example).  Jim Henson's Creature Shop did an amazing job with the costumes.  I love the character of Judith.  She has a wicked dark side and I actually found her quite funny.  I also sort of like the randomness of some of the parts.  Like the giant sheepdog running through the desert, or the two owls - Bob and Terry, who get knocked out of the sky by KW.  Sometimes, if you are in the right frame of mind, random sh!t like that is hilarious.  But not in the middle of the afternoon, when you are watching it with your 5 and 11 year old, and they are lost and confused about what is going on.

Jordan requested multiple times that we just turn it off.  He got especially upset when Carol (the main Wild Thing), ripped off the wing of Douglas (the bird).  A whole bunch of sand poured forth from the gaping wound as he did so.  Jordan was up and out of the room at that point... and Rylan was non-plussed.  I thought it was absolutely unnecessary to include a scene like that.  You're marketing this film to kids, remember?  How many dirt clod wars has this movie spurred on - and how many kids went to the emergency room with head injuries because of it???  I do have to say that in the later scenes, whenever you see Douglas, it's pretty funny that he used a spindly little stick as a replacement for his wing.  Sick and wrong, yes.... but funny all the same.

To add to our misery of the day, Rylan chose (from among her library books) a book called Thirteen Words by Lemony Snicket as her bedtime story.  I have not read any of Lemony Snicket's other stuff, as of yet.  I do have the entire selection of A Series of Unfortunate Events left over from my classroom days.  Jordan has yet to show any interest in reading them - which may be a good thing since I hear the storyline is dark and has questionable subject matter.  This particular book that Rylan picked out - a picture book, was just released in 2010.  Again - flowery reviews about the ingenuity of the writing and stunning artwork.  For me, it just left me confused all over again.  I don't get it.  Rylan thought parts of it were funny - so maybe to just read it through a child's eyes is what you need to do.

Here is what I think happened when this book came to fruition.  I think Daniel Handler (aka Lemony Snicket) took a bar bet.  Someone wrote down a list of 13 random words and bet him that he couldn't make a story out of them.  I guess you could say that he won - because he did write a story...per se.  Unfortunately it doesn't make any sense.  This experience, however, is not a total loss.  It gave me the idea that this could be a fun and creative writing/dictation assignment for Jordan and Rylan.  Jordan can write his story, and Rylan can tell me hers (and I'll write it down) and see what they come up with.  I'll use the same list of words, but have them work on this separately, and then read their stories aloud at dinner.  Hmmmm  (wheels are turning...)

One more aside that could fit here under the 'I don't get it" heading...

Last Saturday Rylan and I were out selling cookies.  We were walking down one side of the street, while two sisters were riding their bikes down the other side.  A fight broke out between the two, and the little sister stormed off down the street.  Big sister goes into their house and informs their mom that the little sister is 'running away'.   Mom comes out and yells at the little sister to come back.  Little sister keeps on walking, claiming that big sister is too mean.  Mom takes off after her, yelling all the while.  She threatens that she will call the police and report the little sister as a runaway.  She repeats this threat about three more times.  Little sister just keeps on walking/crying/screaming "NO! I won't come back!".

Rylan just watches this whole event unfold, amazed.  (Under my breath) I inform Rylan that the mother made a bad choice in telling her daughter that she was going to call the police.  That implies the little girl is a 'bad' girl and that the police are something to fear.  What a screwed-up message!  The mother doesn't even hear what the little sister is trying to tell her - that the big sister is being mean to her.  I hate that Rylan saw this ugly scene, but it was a good chance to have a discussion about:

* don't run away from your problems

* don't run away PERIOD

* The police are in our community to help us, not punish us

* don't threaten your family members - love them enough to listen

I just don't get it when parents act like that.  I grieve for this little girl and the amount of therapy that she will need in the future.

So.  For today's agenda... a little less culture (movies and books) and a little more nature.  That ought to set the world right.



Implausible Endings



Thanks to Jennifer McMahon and her novel Promise Not to Tell, I now have even less desire to ever venture out into the woods at night.  Or follow child-sized footprints in the snow.  Or eat a potato.

This was our book club's read for the month of November.  I actually finished one, on time!  This is our second book pick from author Jennifer McMahon.  We typically go with something suspenseful this time of year.  The favorite still seems to be The Thirteenth Tale, by Diane Setterfield. 

 Back to the book...  I am, once again, disappointed in how the author ties up the suspenseful ending.  I was really put out by the first book we read, Don't Breathe a Word.  I loved it until the ending began to pan out.  What a disappointment.  The plot just sort of fell apart, too many questions were left unanswered and principal characters were just sort of flung to the wayside - when there really should have been some better resolution - especially when it came to the Faerie King.  The last few lines of the book, though, were awesome.  This current book was a better read, overall.  The plot line was more realistic and followed the classic formula for whodunit.  But the ending... seriously?  I liked every aspect but the channeling-the-spirit-of-the-Potato-Girl part.  That just ruined it for me.  I'm not sure I will continue on with the other titles.. maybe.  It is good suspense, and a nice break from chick-lit.

I also promised, long ago, that I would say a word about Kathleen Grissom's The Kitchen House.  This was a difficult book to read because I don't really care for the subject matter - it is painful and depressing to read about slavery and how difficult daily life must have been.  But.  One should also never forget the past, and we need to constantly remind ourselves that we need to act like decent human beings and treat everyone with respect and dignity.  Now this book certainly had that satisfying, plausible ending.  It always feels good when the underdog comes out winning.

I also finished.... drum roll please?!...... Watermelon!  Yeah for me!  I started it in June.  Life just sort of grabbed away any down time, and squeezing in reading time has been a challenge.  This was my first book of the Walsh Family series, and I really enjoyed it.  I love Marian Keyes' thinking-out-loud writing style - so witty and off-the-cuff.  And brash.  LOVE that.  I also love that Claire got her man.  I think that I had a hard time getting through it because it brought up some painful memories for me (about a cheating husband who leaves...) and I appreciated how Claire worked through that - even after all these years it helped me put some of my own experiences into perspective.

Good reads, overall. 

I currently have The Brightest Star in the Sky, by Marian Keyes, and One Hundred Names for Love, by Diane Ackerman on my bedside table.  Nothing is currently in the Kindle.  I have been meaning to check out a way to get stuff from the library onto the Kindle, but I haven't looked into it yet.  I love it, I just need to use it more.

One of the best reading tools I've found of late is the app called ReadMore by Navel Labs.  I've been using it for about a year now.  It tracks your reading time, number of pages you have read, your progress through the book, and projects how long it will take you to finish.  I like that it records when I read a book - because I can't seem to remember otherwise.  Great app - check it out!

Want greener grass? Use fertilizer.



I just finished reading Swapping Lives, by Jane Green.  It was the book pick for this month in my Mommy Bookclub.  (not our official name, I just call us that because we all initially got together (four years ago this September) on an online forum for Northern Colorado moms).  Intended as a light summer read for the season, I would say that this book really stirred up some intense introspection for me - unlike any book I have read in awhile.  Yet- given the gist of the story, not for the reasons you might think.

The premise of the story is that a single, thirty-five year old English journalist (Vicky), buzzing about the London social scene, craves a different life.  She longs to be married to an attentive husband and have kids, a large dog and a large fancy house in the country.  With no prospects on the horizon, a plan develops where she will trade places (swap lives) with another woman for a period of one month.  Vicky will trade her fun-filled single life with Amber (a desperate suburban housewife), who craves to be reminded of what it is like to be single again (or at least have a break from family life), and find the answers to what she is looking for.

IMPORTANT!  No - I do not wish for a break from family life.  I don't wish to have my career back.  And I most certainly do not wish to be single again.

My introspection comes from other food-for-thought throughout the book.  Do I like having a busy suburban social life?  Do I really care about clothing and accessories?  Do I miss the freedom (from before kids) to go out and about with friends and do whatever?

Social life.  I certainly don't have the kind of social life that is mentioned in the book.  No league or charity luncheons, jewelry shows or yoga classes and shopping trips.  I do have a busy life, but it is more centered around activities for the kids - with the grown-up socializing happening around the fringe.  We go to the park to meet with other homeschoolers during the week, and the moms get to socialize there.  Lucky for me, there is no sense of competition here.  No one is checking out what anyone else is wearing, not a trace of make up is to be found, and most every one's hair is in a messy ponytail.  Perfect.  If there is any envy at all, it is in the food.  The kid's lunches to be more precise.  I envy the moms that have a vast array of fruits and vegetables all washed, diced, and ready to go.  Organic everything. (Okay, I don't envy that... I have my limits.  Or rather, my budget does...)  But, I suppose there are lots of sideways glances going on to check out what other kiddos are having for lunch.  Do I like being so busy?  No.  I struggle with how to fit it all in on a daily basis.  The schooling portion of our day always seems to get the short end of the stick.

Clothing.  Up until maybe a few months ago, I had no idea what Jimmy Choos were.  Shoes that cost that as much as my monthly mortgage are not attractive to me.   Chic lit that is all about fashion (clothing, shoes, handbags, etc...) is just not an enjoyable read for me because it is absolutely foreign to me.  So yes, that part of this book I did not like...  Some readers might think of it as a nice escape or a way to dream.  For me, I grew up always being just a couple steps behind with what was in style, so clothing has never been my thing because I felt like a dork.  The Sears catalogue defined my elementary years, my dad's old shirts defined Jr. High, and High school was what I could afford at the mall, given my pooled resources of what I earned and a clothing budget from my mom.  My closet was not exactly brimming.  As time went on, and I was on my own, I shopped Land's End and LL Bean almost exclusively.  I liked the soft cottons, the beautiful simplicity, and the suggestion that I could go on a hike and shop at the farmer's market and not even have to change.  In fact, a good portion of my closet still contains those pieces - a good testament to how well made they are.  Nowadays, I spend most of the clothing budget on the kids.  I think I may only buy one or two things for me a year - the exception being when I was pregnant - and that whole wardrobe was used three times over!  I hate jean shopping the most.  I have one pair - and they don't fit very well at all.  Post-pregnancy has not been kind to me, and I have a very complicated shape to fit.  I absolutely refuse to spend more than $50 on a pair of jeans.  I also can't stand the jean styles that are in fashion right now.  At least I cannot stand them on me.  Also, I would need the whole ensemble to make them work - the right tops, the right shoes (the right figure), and that is where I get pissed off.  Clothing should not have to be that complicated.  And then there is the time it takes to find the right outfit.  I don't have that time.  Clothing shopping with the kids is an absolute joke.  Forget trying anything on - just grab the hanger and hope it fits. 

Accessories.  I am a sucker for organization - so I will admit that I am a sucker for purses.  I am also very, very picky.  My husband made the mistake of offering to take me shopping for one as a birthday present a couple of years ago.  After an hour of searching, I gave up.  Everything was too big, chunky, shiny, or just plain ugly.  About a year ago I came across a Miche handbag display at a local teacher's supply store (of all places).  I was smitten.  But I couldn't justify spending $$ on myself when we had workbooks to buy.  I finally made the purchase a few months ago.  I love it.  And I have received so many compliments on it (which is an absolute first for me)- and I hope I have steered a few ladies towards purchasing one.  They are great!!  If you don't know what makes them special, it's that the outer shell is magnetic and therefore removable.  So you can change the style of your purse by swapping shells in less that two seconds - without having to unload your purse.



As for other accessories - scarves, jewelry, belts.... um.... I never wear them?  The kids would pull at the jewelry, and everything else just gets in the way.

Dinner parties, play dates and luncheons.  We have attended just a handful of dinner parties in the time that we have been married.  Having infants will do that to you.  Going to dinner at a friend's house, who has small children as well, is the ideal scenario.  It gets easier and easier as the children are getting older.  I just wish we could do it more often!  Play dates happen on occasion.  In homeschooling circles - everyone else is doing the same thing (lessons), so sometimes getting kids together is tricky.  It is also hard because we have four kids.  Sometimes it is just Jordan, or Jordan and Rylan, but involving all four in a play date is a challenge.  Parks are ideal for this reason.  I know there is a lot going on socially in my circle of friends, (because Facebook tells me so...), but our dance card remains empty.  This is largely my fault. 

1.  I am very shy and am terrible about calling up a friend to invite her and/or her kids to do something.
2.  When a friend suggest that we need to get together for a play date, I fail to follow through.  See number one for reason why.
3.  I've been a yo-yo sickie for the past three months.
4.  I have a hard time achieving balance in life - and schooling/housekeeping pressures prevent me from taking the social stuff more seriously.
5.  We do get invited to a few things, but our busy schedule means that there is almost always a conflict.  Once you say 'no', a second invite isn't always forth-coming.

So - back to my thoughts on the book.  I liked that each woman experienced small epiphanies that their 'life' that they left behind for the sake of the experiment was, indeed, the one they wanted after all.  The suburban mom felt that the most poignant self-realization was that she was no longer in control of her life.  Her household help knew more about the day-to-day activities of the household than she did.  She let the social-climbers of the community dictate what she cared about.  I can identify with that.  I often feel like I am not in control of my life - and am living in a way I don't really want to live.  Running from one activity to the next (this June schedule is a perfect example of that), that I don't get to spend enough time with the kids (which I KNOW sounds ridiculous coming from a SAHM), and the unpredictability of each day frustrates all of us.  It makes me really sad when I get to the end of the day, and I realize that I never sat down to just read a story to Rylan or Owen, that I never got down on the floor to play with Colin, or took the time to go down to the local pond with Jordan so that he could fish.  And again, there is my failure to achieve balance.  All I think about is the kids - I don't take the time to take care of me, or dedicate time to just 'be' with Dean.  I've shelved a lot of my wants and needs for the sake of theirs.  My 'homework' from my therapy session is to find a way to do this.  No idea how, at the moment.  Get back to me in a couple of years.  Do I feel loss because I don't have a career anymore?  No.  That I am sure of.  I do take the time to get books from the library that interest me - books that cover different aspects of the human condition (you can see this reflected in the books that I have completed so far this year) - and a lot of ideas are percolating in my head.  I have always loved the social sciences - they were my favorite college classes.  The suburban mom who gets the chance to go back to work and actually 'do' something?  To feel part of the team?  Yeah, I can identify with that. There is a bit of wistfulness there, but not much.  My day will come, after the kids move on to their next phase in life.  In the meantime, I get to fine tune what it is I actually want to do - plus the job market will change so much between now and then, anyway.

Did I always want to be a mom of four?  A stay-at-home-mom?  Homeschooling?  uuummmm.... No.

Funny enough, when I was in my early twenties, I thought it would be exciting to move to a big city, and live in a high-rise apartment and have an office job.  The access to shopping, cultural activities, restaurants... that could be really cool!  But.  I am an introvert at heart, and that whole scheme would never work for me.  I would hate it.

My life (as it is now) didn't just happen.  Choices, circumstances, events beyond my control all worked to shape it into what it is today.  I love what my life has become, though.  Even though (at times) I feel like we must resemble a herd of elephants on stampede whenever we enter a store, even though I constantly feel buried under piles of laundry, dirty dishes and unopened mail, I never pause to think that the grass might be greener somewhere else.  If you want it to be greener where you are presently at - just fertilize it with the good stuff.  Begin by taking the time to list what you appreciate about your present situation, what you need to change in order to make it better, and then follow through.  Greener grass will most surely follow.

Time Out

I've been side-lined with a cold for over a week now.  This is my third cold this spring.  It began with serious chills, body-aches and a mild fever, so maybe it was the flu. ???  All I know is, it is still here.  Every three to four hours I am popping pills.  I switch back and forth between Tylenol and Ibuprofen to deal with a very sore throat that seems to be impervious to medication.  A dry cough persists, and a lot of gross stuff is going on in the back of my throat as well.  I am eating saltines like an addict, because it takes away the gross, mucusy-feeling for at least 10 seconds.  Lovely. 

I've never been opposed to going to a doctor.  But when you factor in four kids, the visit takes on a whole new dimension.  I feel like crap AND I've got to keep four kids in line.... no thanks.  The last visit to a Dr. (about a month ago with cold #2 - again, sore throat the major complaint) was ridiculous.  First of all, when you add up the receptionist, nurse (sometimes two), Dr. and billing person, that's four different people who will undoubtedly remind me that I "have my hands full".  THANKS.  I wasn't aware of that.  The Dr. (upon seeing that I have four kids methodically dismantling the examination room, will rush through the exam, just to get me on my way.  This last visit the Dr. filled out a prescription for a throat gargle/rinse and was done.  The lady at the pharmacy asked me why in the world he would prescribed me THAT?  "If you ingest that stuff it could cause cardiac arrest".  Nice.  Thank you Dr. who knows we have four curious children in our household!

This time around I decided to go a different route.  My throat hurt - bad.  I've had tonsillitis several times since childhood.  I've had mono.  Twice.  The pain-level was taking me down mono memory lane, and I wanted to be sure about what I was dealing with.  Long ago a friend mentioned that she took her daughter to a small clinic within a Walgreens in Loveland.  It's called Take Care Clinic and is staffed by a registered nurse.  I decided to take this option, just to see what it was like.  I like small clinics.  I like dealing only with one or two people.  I hate waiting rooms and the hoops you have to go through to get an appt. (which always seem to be during some one's nap time).  The Take Care Clinic is designed to help you through the small stuff.  Strep tests, vaccinations, minor ailments and injuries... it's an ideal place to get in and out fast.  So I went to the closest one (Loveland) and left the kids to enjoy a movie in the van (which I only ever do if Jordan is with them), and went in.  I was done 30 minutes later.  I have to say it was a very pleasant experience.  The nurse ushered me into a room right away and did a very thorough exam and performed two tests - strep and mono, right there in the room.  ( I hate it when they have to go someplace else, and leave me waiting for 15 minutes for the results...)  Both were negative, but the fact of the sore throat remained.  She prescribed an antibiotic because some sort of bacterial infection was causing the painful swelling and gave a nice, detailed printout of the diagnosis and services performed and the cost.  The total was $97, my copay was $15 and insurance will cover the rest.  I can wholeheartedly recommend taking this route for the quickie-stuff.  It's been two days and my throat still hurts, but the swelling has gone down a little, so I just have to be patient.  I also need to eat two servings of yogurt a day to counteract the antibiotic.

So, in the midst of feeling so yucky... the busy schedule of last week did not let up.  We had a lot of stuff to do!  Dean stayed home with me on Wednesday and Thursday so that I could get some rest.  On Wednesday I read The Help.  It was a novel my book club read several months ago, and I just never got to it.  Great read... I am amazed how well the (white) author wrote the voice of the African-American characters.  I loved the character of Abiliene the best.  I am intrigued at her practice of writing down her prayers for others.  Setting down intention like that, on paper, is a very powerful, if not cathartic process. Hmm.  I have to mention that all of the kids slept in that morning.  Rylan slept in the latest.  It was about 9:30 when she groggily came into our bedroom on her way to our bathroom.  She noticed me in bed reading and came over to give me a hug.  She asked me, "Is it Mother's Day again?".  Ha!  I should get sick more often...

On Thursday, a mom's night out was on the schedule.  I hemmed and hawed about going all day.  I really wanted to go.  The plan was to do a group lesson at Rocky Mountain Archery, and then go out after that for dinner or drinks or whatever...  I just wanted to do the lesson part.  I was in no shape to go out for dinner (plus share my cold with everyone else), but I figured I could at least do the lesson part.   My mom brought over a wonderful dinner for us from Young's Vietnamese, so Dean and the kids were set, so I doped myself up and went, with plenty of cough drops and hot tea to get me through.  It was very cool!  There were eleven of us in the group and we had a ball.  I'm right-handed but left eye dominant, so it was a little tricky.  My first set of three arrows (called an "end") went off in all directions, but after that they all hit the target paper.  I never did get a bulls eye, but I did come close.

 

See that arrow directly above the balloon?  It is resting on the balloon.  It took me four more 'ends' (yeah, 12 more arrows....) to finally pop that stupid balloon.

Friday night it was the dads' turn to all go out.  This was the first NCHA dad's night out.  I find that hard to believe, since quite a few of them have similar jobs/interests and all, but sadly, that is the case.  I am constantly feeling guilty that Dean rarely goes out on a night on his own.  He has a poker night that he goes to every once in a blue moon, but that is it.  I am thinking that maybe this night out will spur other plans - in addition to boy scouts and the dads going out once a month during the scout meeting.

On Saturday the stress level went into high gear.  It was time for karate testing again.  I had spent Friday on the couch, sporadically sewing star patches onto the pant legs on Rylan and Jordan's gis.  I had fallen behind, and they are a major p.i.t.a. to sew on.  First to test was Rylan.




They begin by focusing on the task at hand.




Cobra combination




Admiring her new orange belt...




Tiger class pic

 We grabbed a quick breakfast afterwards, and then it was Jordan's turn....




Focusing...




Stretch-rising kicks




"Mace of Aggression" (otherwise known as "Give me your lunch money!!!!")




Advanced yellow!  (Worn with the orange stripe on top, since that is the next belt he will be testing for)

 We were finished with testing, and walked out of the building, trying to round up kids, bags, cameras and so forth.  Then we turned around and saw this...

I've never seen her do this before...  I asked her where she got this from, and Rylan told me from a Little Bear episode.  Little Bear (Nick jr.) is her favorite cartoon.  And sure enough, the episode aired again just this Monday.  A frog sitting cross-legged on a rock, hands up in the air... "Ommmmmm"  in the middle of the stream.  Too funny!

We spent Saturday afternoon getting ready to go to Denver for a U2 concert.  I felt like I was in no shape to do this.  I had no desire to sit in the stadium, cough my head off (at the risk of gagging and puking) and just feel miserable in general.  But the tickets were a lot of money. My SIL called us up almost a year ago and asked if we wanted to go.  They had just gone on sale (since the initial concert was cancelled) and she had a great deal if we were interested.  I like planning ahead, but a year in advance leaves me nervous.  Who knows what can happen in a year's time??  And add several kids into the mix and it just becomes impossible.  I like U2, but I wouldn't say I am a huge fan.  I have hardly listened to any of their recent stuff.  But.  I LOVED Joshua Tree, and I knew it would be an amazing show.  I am sure if I were not sick, I would have been really excited to go.  Mom had agreed long-ago to watch the kids, and we ended up leaving very early as the traffic reports were getting worse by the minute.  The commute actually wasn't bad at all.  We even had extra time to stop at the store and get a snack and some drinks.  I was loaded with tea, coughdops, extra kleenex and so forth.  We parked at 23rd and Federal Blvd, along a side street.  For free.  We walked maybe 6-7 blocks to the stadium, where there was parking for $30.  Suckers.

I have never been to Invesco field before.  Mile Hi yes, Invesco, no.  We had plenty of time to walk around, and even though I was having a little difficulty breathing, the walking actually felt good.  We admired the 30+ semis in the parking lot that are said to be needed to transport the stage.  The stage (the claw-like thing) is actually one of three.  It takes 5 days to set up and 3 to tear down, so they need to rotate between the three to keep up with their concert schedule.  What an ordeal!  We finally found our way to our seats, which were club-level.  Nice!  Here was our view...



We watched as they continued to get ready for the show.  Lots of people watching.  I love that.  I don't like being in crowds, but I do like people watching.  The age demographic for this show was interesting.. lots of middle-aged couples with their teen aged kids.



Dean was so thrilled with his seat.  You can't see it, but he is actually right above a portal walkway , so he didn't have anyone sitting in front of him.  :)  Notice my glasses?  All four kids are getting over pink eye.  I just discovered the morning of the concert that I had it too.  Nice.  Something else to add to my misery.



The Fray was the opening act.  That was pretty cool - nice to have a hometown band be the opener.  They did an awesome job.  I only know a couple of their songs (which they played).  The guitarist also sang a song (no idea what it is called), and that was my favorite of their set.



Here is another shot of the stage, at sunset, after the Fray, but before U2 took the stage.  See the screen?  500,000 pixels.  They might have three stages, but there is only one screen.  It is the first thing to be packed up when the show is over.  It took 18 months to create for the production.  They showcased random factoids on the screen to entertain the audience.  The most interesting to me was the estimated amount of money spent on video games for that day.  Over $43 million.  More than education.  Disgusting.



Finally U2 took the stage.  It really was a great show, for the most part.  My major complaint is that it was too loud.  I know I sound like an old fogey when I say that, but I'm sorry... if you involuntarily physically wince every time The Edge hits a certain range of notes.. it is too loud.  Attending a concert should not be a painful experience.  The ballads were great though.  After I stuffed my ears with bits of kleenex, it was much better.  I didn't know much of the new stuff, but it still sounded great.  I was just taken with how 'big' the show was.  It was as much about the stage as it was the band.  By far the biggest production I have seen.  It was also neat to see the crowds around the stage as the lights swept over them.  Just a sea of people.  All I could think about was how much I would hate to be swept up in that, and have to go to the bathroom.

It was a great show, with great seats, but I would lying if I didn't say I was glad it was over when the lights came up.  I was tired of coughing, tired of having to strain my voice (what's left of it) just to be heard, and tired of being with so many people.

The next day, Sunday, offered a nice change of  pace.  We had planned on having Jordan's long-time friend Abbi over to play and have a little post-birthday celebration with her, since the kids couldn't get together for Jordan's birthday earlier in the month.  Dean stayed home with Owen and Colin, and I took Jordan, Abbi and Rylan to Fort Fun.  We played mini-golf...

Then on to go-karts... This was a first for both Jordan and Abbi.  They were both pretty nervous - but they did really well!  They didn't spin out or cause anyone else to.  Abbi was the cautious driver, and Jordan was a lead foot... uh-oh.  Then Rylan and I took a turn.  She was very anxious, but as soon as we began driving, she yelled the whole time... "This is actually fun!!   Woohoo!!!!"

Then the kids took a quick trip down the slide...



Add a round of laser-tag and we were done.  I was tired of coughing, and everyone was hungry, so we went home, picked up Dean and the little ones, and headed out to dinner.  We went to the Beach House Grill.  So yummy... each of the kids got a sand bucket (to keep!!)  full of goodies with their kid's meals.  They got a coloring book, crayons, AND a package of wikki stixs.  That is just plain cool.  The food was awesome - I can't wait to go back.  When I am not sick.  When I am done coughing.  Because on the way home, a stupid tickle in the back of my throat grew into a wild coughing fit, which of course triggered my gag reflex, which of course caused me to lose my entire dinner beside the road, on some poor person's front lawn.

I hate being sick.  I hate being sick.  I hate being sick.

I need a time out this week to get better.  Thankfully, our calendar is now empty for the rest of month.  Yeah!