Peep hole? Really?

Here are some recent search terms that have directed 'people' to my blog lately...

'sexy camping girls'

** if you are looking at our girl scouts, I want to speak with you.  Now!

'how teen vampires eat'

**WTF?  I don't think I have EVER discussed the dietary habits of teen aged vampires on this blog.  Why?  Because they don't exist....

'peep hole in basement wall'

**you are one sick bastard.  I want to speak with you, too.  Preferably through a glass partition.

You say Tomato, I say Pomodoro

I give myself one Pomodoro to get this blog post written...

(yeah, right... now try to convince the perfectionist within....)

This is a follow up to yesterday's musing about Rylan and ADHD.  Okay 'musing' sounds a little lighthearted... how about doomsday prophecy? 

My mother presented Dean and I with the most awesome gift of *time* (ie. - a date!) last night, so we headed out for a quick dinner.  It is so nice to be able to have serious parenting conversations without kids around...

(instead of hearing, "Whatcha talkin' about?" 38 times in a five-minute time span.)

It's also polite to actually include the other parent in conversations that you have with yourself (and your 3 or 4 adoring fans) about your children and any medical diagnosis that you may bestow upon them.

Dean actually has a lot to say on this subject - as well he should, since he is 50% responsible for the genetic crapshoot that eventually became our beloved child.  His genes won this round though, in the ADD department.  As he said last night, to look on the bright side, we've got the advantage that we have lots of experience on how to live with ADD/ADHD.  True.  So, let's talk about what that experience has taught us, and where to go from here.  Most of the conversation from here on out are Dean's thoughts as they came at me rapid fire on the drive home from the restaurant...  I invited him to write a guest post and he declined.  He said he was just 'in the moment', and by the next morning (right now) he would be on some other tangent.  So true.  So ADD.  :)

1.  Going for the diagnosis.  Most parents don't realize there is a problem until the child enters school.  (Timmy has always been an 'active' child... just wait until he is required to sit at a desk for six hours a day!)  It is true that the average age that a child is diagnosed is getting younger and younger.  How do you separate the normal immature, childish exuberance of a six year old from a serious psychological issue?  The most qualified medical professional to make the call is a child psychiatrist.  Don't take this issue to the pediatrician (like we did with Jordan).  There is just too much at stake, and if you are going to take a serious step and use medication, it's best to work with someone who really knows all of the different manifestations of ADD/ADHD, and the best meds to regulate them.

Paperwork.  The psychiatrist will ask for documentation - from teachers, family members, counselors...  One of the best things you can do is keep a symptom journal.  (Something I am going to start immediately).  Write down the behaviors you see, the times that they occur, the environment that they occurred in, etc... Also comment on diet and sleep.

2.  Regulate the environmental distractions.  This is so hard for me, and also why we don't send the kids to public school.  Since the presence of the two younger children are distracting to both Jordan and Rylan when they are doing schoolwork, I have to keep them separated as much as possible.  This year that will be even more difficult, when I also need to squeeze in preschool work time with Owen.  Colin is by far the biggest concern.  He is the younger version of Jordan - he is the extrovert, and hates to be alone.

No tv during school time, and music sometimes helps, and other times it is a hindrance.  Soft piano or jazz seems to work best.  If using music with lyrics, make it something the child knows well.  If it is new, it will activate the portion of the brain that reacts to any 'new' stimulus in the environment (SQUIRREL!!), and distract from the work at hand.  Dean, Jordan and Rylan all have a severe 'squirrel response'.

This also means that for this coming year (although we school year-round so it feels silly to say that) we need to set up more permanent separate work environments for both Jordan and Rylan.  We'll have to set up a desk in our bedroom for Jordan, and Rylan already has a nice little table and chairs in her room.  This doesn't mean that I send them up to their rooms with stacks of workbooks and tell them I'll see them in a few hours.  It just means that when we reach an independent work item, they have a quiet, distraction-free zone to work in.

3.  The Pomodoro Technique.  (go ahead and follow the link now, so that you know what I am talking about...)  I came across this a couple of years ago and showed it to Dean.  He now employs it regularly at work to help him stay focused, and he reports that it is pretty effective.  I use a modified technique at home, part of the Fly Lady system, just in a shorter time increment.  If I ever experience the miracle of a 25 consecutive minute stretch of uninterrupted work time, people would lay down their weapons and their Bibles and there would be World Peace.

So how do you use this technique with kids?  Dean's idea was to send the child, with their ability-appropriate assignment, off to their workspace to get it done.  Give them a goal.  For Jordan, it would be 'finish these two pages (within a particular time frame), then come find me so we can go over it'.  For Rylan, it would be more like 'do these two problems', then come find me.  Then we can check off their work. 

4.  Reminder lists/schedule.  The older two already have a laminated day-of-the-week card that lists out all of their commission-related chores (tied to their weekly allowance) and daily schoolwork, with places to designate if they did it, and how long they spent.  These cards let me tally their commissions earned, and the actual time spent on schoolwork.  One of these days I'll get around to actually posting more in detail about it.  (Soon!  I promise!)  But here is a photo of one of these cards from this past week so you know what I am talking about..

It is important to give the ADD/ADHD child a way to document their work (successes).  Number one, they often hear more negative messages than positive ones about their (in)ability to stay on task and get something done.  They need a way to measure progress.  How will a child ever learn to self-manage if they don't have any sort of benchmark system?  The child can see that they got two problems done... and it took them six minutes of work time.  Next time around (knowing that they are capable) they can make it a goal to get three problems done within that time...or whatever.

It is also important to help an ADD/ADHD child manage time.  They can't self-regulate, and schedules help immensely.  A list to refer to - no matter how detailed - will help them feel less scattered and overwhelmed.  It also helps the child that always wants to know "What's next?"  Keeping a family calendar will also settle the question, "What are we doing today?", without you having to answer it on an hourly basis.  They can SEE the answer for themselves.

5.  Predictable routine.  This is the hardest one for me.  My daily energy and mood is so up and down that I can't keep things consistant.  And then you throw five other personalities into the mix and then all bets are off.  We try.  We really, really try.  But so far we have totally missed the mark on this one.  At least we know what to strive for - but meal times, bed times, school times, nap times, chore times and shopping times all vary...on a daily basis.  Right now we are a spur-of-the-moment kind of family, and this really does not work well for us... Sigh.

 

Okay, I have now gone through three Pomodoros... the last two of which were interrupted by small children requesting juice, something to eat, and something interesting to watch on tv.  Something NOT Olympics related. 

See what I am up against?