The mess in my mind

Anxiety Brain

Welcome to my world.   Anxiety is horrendous.  It manifests itself in so many different ways.  It's not always the pacing the floor, wringing your hands type of thing (although I have been known to do that whenever the disaster involves red Kool-aid, Sharpie pens or pointy objects), it's more like living under the constant threat that you are forgetting something, late for something, failing at something, under-qualified for something, and so on....

I don't know exactly how I got here, but I think it has something to do with attaining/giving birth to four children in very short order, followed by deciding that homeschooling was a fun and fabulous thing to do, followed by thoroughly sucking at most of what I put my hand too.  Also, being over-scheduled, out-manned and unprepared most likely played a role as well.

I used to be really good at handling stress and keeping my shit together.  I was a non-traditional student (read: OLD) working three jobs AND maintaining a 4.0 GPA.  I cranked out papers, paid the bills on time and found time to craft, garden, hike, learned how to build stuff (power tools!!) and took a trip every now and then. I was on it!!

What the hell happened?

I have been spending hours on Pinterest, working hard to find ways to pull me out of this endless loop.  After wasting the last couple of years of not doing much that was productive, there is a lot that has stacked up, waiting to be dealt with.  Literally...stacked.  If you walked through the door right now, you'd think you walked into an episode of Hoarders.   I've bought bins, made countless chore charts, shuffled around paper piles, bought self-help books, read blogs, spent time on Facebook, took long naps, ate loads of chocolate.... none of it solved the problem and got to the core of the matter that I was clearly over-whelmed and totally unmotivated to do anything about it.

Fly Lady?  (check)(got irritated with the constant sales pitch)

KonMari? (check)(I haven't moved beyond the first chapter.  Do you know how many clothing items 6 people own???  And what is it with all that folding business??  Clothing is not origami friendly)

GTD?  (check)(I am not that OCD)

Home Routines (check - and actually quite successful, when I remember to actually do it, and if there isn't anything more interesting to do, like surf the Internet, or nap)

So here is my latest attempt at reining in the chaos.  It of course involves lots of sticky notes.  Sticky notes are awesome.  It is visual.  If I can't see it, I don't think about it.  (the exception of course being the clothing, legos, wrappers, mail, dirty forks, spoons bowls and cups, dog hair and shoes that I see. every. damn. day.)

This chart is a mish-mash of Kanban and Alejandra (I so totally envy her colored binder collection) and it sits in full view of my desk.  When I am able to tear my eyes away from Facebook and actually look at it, I can see all the things that swirl around in my brain in a format that lets me know - "Here is what you deemed important enough to write down on a sticky note, so get your ass out of that chair and do something!!"  The list of goals I want to meet (above the sticky notes) addresses all the things that nudge at me and give me anxiety. Things like: I don't read enough to the kids...everybody gets to bed very late...the kids need to learn how to pick-up after themselves....my knee is still very weak and in constant pain...I can't ever find the paper item I need without digging through 4 different stacks of paper, 90% of which is junk mail anyway...  You get the picture.  I copied the idea for this from an Alejandra TV video.  The sticky notes below are little steps I can take to get items checked off the list above, thus lessening my anxiety about not getting anything done.  I have spent the past couple years ground to a halt, totally stuck on which 'thing' to tackle first.  So I tackled none of it.  Now I have choices that I can act on, with minimal fuss or preparation, that will move a goal along to eventual completion.  I can drive to the store to get the paint that I need to finish the painting job that was started 18 months ago.  I can sit at the computer and pull together a reusable menu of family favorites.  I can assign kid w/parent cooking nights, which will teach them an important life skill.  I can create a standard shopping list tied to a week's particular menu, saving me tons of time.  I can get the kids in a routine by teaching one skill at a time: clearing dirty dishes, loading the dishwasher, putting away clean dishes, and wiping the table.  All of which they suck at except for Jordan, who can load a dishwasher like a boss.

Little steps are what I can handle at the present moment.  A single counter space.  A single goal (put away this basket of laundry).  A single errand, phone call or email that I have avoided.

yep.

Swimming Lessons, Forgetfulness, Paper Overload

Swimming Lessons

Swimming lessons go either way for me.  At times they are the bane of my summer existence.  It means no lazy mornings, constant laundry and lost goggles on a weekly basis.  At other times I love the summer sounds of splashing and coaching and the relaxation of reading by the pool.  It has certainly gotten easier over the years.  When we started, Colin was a babe and the prep work was insane.  Suits, towels, diapers, multiple changes of clothes, snacks, juices, bug spray, sunscreen, toys... all for a measly hour at the pool.  Now, as the kids are reaching the age of self-sufficiency, they each have their own swim bag and they are responsible for packing a change of clothes, a towel and goggles.  The bags hang from the banister in front of the hallway laundry, and that is their permanent summer home.  The suits get hung up to dry, and the towels go directly from dryer to bag and as soon as the suits are dry, they go in as well.  The goggles are accounted for before we leave the pool, and again as each kids tosses their wet stuff in the washer upon arrival home.  I only wash the suits every other day, so wet suits go on the drying rack.  Rylan has taken over snack duty, and she actually does a great job.  Usually a yogurt, granola bar, banana and a juice box.  She even packs a snack for me!  Swimming lessons have actually become enjoyable, except for the fact that the youngest child has made a thorough nuisance of himself.  He refuses to get in the pool for his lessons now.  He lasted all of seven days - and they weren't even consecutive.  I want to rid myself of the ultimate motherhood fear that a child will drown (followed by run out into the street and get hit by a car), and Colin will have none of it.  This may take years. :(  Rylan and Owen are doing great though.  Rylan has reached the point that she is a competent swimmer - just not a strong one.  She missed out on the latest swim session because there were not enough other kids to make a class, so I opted to pay for a couple private lessons for her.  At $20 a pop, this is not sustainable.  And, as I was watching, I kept thinking..."I could teach her this... why am I paying for this??"  This is a similar thought pattern that we have all experienced - you know the scenario - you're standing in front of a painting worth millions, and you think to yourself, "Why, I could paint this!!"


Forgetfulness

In the midst of worrying about hail damage, my knee and stuff, I forgot to do something.  I had arranged with my friend/girl scout co-leader last weekend to do a playdate on this past Thursday.  A lunch playdate.  We would all eat lunch, the kids would chase chickens and play, play, play, and we would wrap up the paperwork and badge stuff for the year, and strategize for next year.  I thought about it a bit on Wednesday.  I was planning on bringing a fruit salad, so I made a mental note that I needed to go shopping.  Unfortunately it didn't stick.  Thursday came, we did our swim lessons and then headed home.  According to my calendar, we had a whole day ahead of us to do with as we wished!  We went to the river and the kids played for a good long while and then we came home.  I was standing before the fridge, wondering what miracle I could perform in coming up with something for lunch when the phone range.  I saw the name on the caller ID, and my heart exploded with self-loathing, stupidity and embarrassment all at once.  We were late.  Like an hour late.  They were hungry - I could hear the girls in the background fussing.  She had grilled chicken for us.  She was worried.  I'm an idiot.  Luckily for me she is the forgiving sort and knows that I am the most forgetful person on Earth.

I have difficulty remembering things in times of stress.  I have to write everything down - sometimes in multiple places.  This is supposed to be second-nature for me ever since I had a head injury when I was 19, but sometimes I still forget - as I did this time after I forgot to put our plans on my calendar.  I remember thinking to myself, 'I won't forget!  This is a fun thing, so I will be looking forward to it and I won't forget!', aaaaand I forgot.  This really sucks because a.) she cooked and cleaned for us  b.) I have annoying financial paperwork for girl scouts to finish up and we need to do it together c.) I struggle so much with making solid friendships - somehow I always screw up by saying the wrong thing, doing something wrong, or...something.... I don't know.  I feel really bad that I screwed up yet again.  I just have to shake it off and move on, and try and act like a responsible adult next time.


Paper Overload

Mail, medical paperwork, scout paperwork, schoolwork, forms for everything under the sun, warranty stuff, 'art work', receipts, three different copies of the same bill (ahem)... There is a pile of some sort of paper on just about every flat surface in this house, which means I currently have to check about six different places in order to find something.  It is just how it has come to be - it is up to me to gather it all up, sort it all out, and deal with it.  Sometimes I begrudge that fact, other times I think that if were the both of us handling the influx of all things paper - us with two very different levels of pickyness, trying to handle something as volatile as FILING, emotional disaster would ensue.  I know it could all be easily managed if I had a system in place for every different piece of paper that comes into our possession - and indeed I do, just like I have a system for coats, shoes, library books and wet bathing suits.  It's just that nobody else seems to be aware of the system.  The memo must have got lost in all the paperwork...

Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

 

 

Outside my window... Frost on the grass and a clear blue sky. It will be a sunny day.

I am thinking... About our upcoming trip to OKC for Thanksgiving, about the logistics of the very busy weekend that we leave... and it makes my head hurt.

I am thankful... For the fact that maybe, *just* maybe, we might all finally be getting over our colds. I think three weeks is sufficient penance for whatever it is we did to offend the Gods of cleanliness and sterility.

From the Learning Rooms... Last week Rylan and I finished reading Charlotte's Web - our first novel we've completed together. No - Rylan didn't read to me, but we read and discussed as we moved along. She's not quite at the reading level yet where she could tackle something like that, but she just may be ready for something like Magic Treehouse... I got the Charlotte's Web movie at the library last week and told her we could watch it as soon as we finished. We got to the end of the book (Rylan's reaction to the passing of Charlotte was rather blasé - not sure why...) but Rylan was reduced to tears when the stupid library DVD would. not. play. Luckily I could pull it up on Netflix, and so we watched it as a family on Sunday night. I was very impressed with the movie (the one with Dakota Fanning...) - one of the best movie adaptations ever! I stressed to Rylan the importance of reading the story BEFORE you watch the movie, because a lot of the thoughts and feelings that the author is expressing is lost when it is adapted for the screen. It was very satisfying to hear Rylan name each character as they initially appeared in the movie, and recall what their character traits were. "See that rat, Owen? That's Templeton, and he is very selfish...".

I'm working on number recognition with Owen, and the other day I gave him a set of cards, numbered 1-20 to place in order. He worked off of a number grid that was printed on another card and matched pattern and placement to get the job done. He is very, very particular about how he goes about this. I am confident that he recognizes #s 1-5, and #8 because he looks like a snowman. It is a work in progress. Very sloooow progress.

Dean stayed home on Monday so that he could attend a memorial service that afternoon. I had him work on Jordan's physics lesson with him while I did math with Rylan and Owen. I like when I have the opportunity to get Dean in on the lessons. He is more aware of what we do, and Jordan is more aware of teaching differences. There is dad's over-the-top-way-too-technical explanation, and my let's-consult-Google-because-I-have-no-idea explanation. :)


In the kitchen... we have been surviving on minimal cooking at home, and a lot, A LOT, of takeout. As my energy returns I am in better shape to get to the store and do some cooking. Pushing a grocery cart and carrying groceries is still a painful activity for me (because of the BR), so that plays a huge part in it. Last night I made PW's sour cream beef noodle bake, and it was meh... :/ I'd add more sour cream. I also added green beans and used leftover spaghetti sauce instead of tomato sauce. It still needs more 'oomph'.

I am wearing... comfy pjs. As soon as I finish this I'll change into walking gear and get outside.

I am creating... I'm making a mental packing list for OKC, and among the items is my yarn and circular knitting needles. It's been a couple of years since I knitted last, so it is time to learn to how to cast on again and do the basic knitting stitch. I am in need of a hat for running, as well as maybe a neck (cowel?) type thing, and a ear warmer/headband. Then I can pick and choose based on the weather of the day... I have no idea how to make a hat, but there is always Google and YouTube to show the way! This will be a good way to pass the time on our trip.

I am going... We have a girl scout outing this afternoon - a fire station visit to go hand-in-hand with our current badge - First Aid. Rylan has ballet later this afternoon and Jordan has Lego robotics.

I am wondering...How the kids manage to use 20 different cups in one day... sigh.

I am reading... currently I've been reading different articles about the Common Core. I've been holding this issue at arm's length, thinking that it wouldn't have much effect on us since we homeschool. Now I am not so sure, so I have been cramming on the issue. My gut reaction is 'This is bad. Very, very bad.' Many thanks to various friends for posting different editorials/videos about the issue. Any kind of blanket education policy is bad policy!!

In the garden... dead plants that really, really need to be removed. Anyone?

I am hoping... My gosh the destruction in the Philippines is just heartbreaking. I hope that relief comes soon for the people who are desperate for food and water.

I am looking forward to... the weekend. Not much is going on other than Saturday morning when Dean and Jordan complete Scouting for Food, but I am looking forward to the quiet before the crazy-assed stress of the following week - a busy week and packing for OKC.

I am learning... about Common Core, force, how to convert an Ikea table into a sewing table with a dropped machine placement, and this Ikea-inspired family locker unit! I wish we had a mud room - it is actually very high on my must-have list for whenever we make the move to a bigger house. God help our family budget if I ever set foot in the Ikea that is in Denver... one of these days...one of these days.

I am hearing... Ylvis - The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?). This is the kid's new favorite, and it is an absolute joy to sing and go a little crazy!

Around the house... Last weekend Dean finished tearing out the tile around the fireplace, and we went to the tile store to pick out new tile. I am also looking forward to this weekend because I hope we can finish up this stage of the project - especially since part of the wall is exposed to the studs. I am thankful that the weather is mild right now - otherwise this room would get very chilly!

I am pondering... paint colors for the downstairs. The time to choose is now!

One of my favorite things... changing the looks of things. This part of the house is looking so different, yet in a good way! I can't wait to post pictures when we get it all cleaned up.

A few plans for the rest of the week... Just activities and such. I also need to get the tires checked, oil changed and windshield replaced before we leave.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

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Visual chaos: Organizing Board Games

I'm not playin'

 

Don't even think that this is a nice little piece that is about to preach the merits of a well-organized games closet and a 'how-to' bit that will only further demonstrate my OCD tendencies. This is about preserving what little sanity I have left when it comes to dealing with the chaos underfoot in this household. It's also about survival. Because I'm going to strangle the next little urchin who comes along, drags out a game, and scatters the pieces to the wind.

 

If it's been awhile since you've had little people running around, let me refresh your memory. They get into things. Lots of things. They open drawers and clear out the contents. They open boxes and dump out the contents. If the boxes are hard to open, they just tear them open, because they are on a mission. TO DUMP OUT THE CONTENTS.

 

Colin is a master at dumping out the contents. For the past 18 months, he has, on a daily basis, dumped out the contents of at least 10 - 15 different board games - in addition to everything else he does... These are games that have lots of little pieces, like RushHour, Tipover, Blokus, Dominoes, Scramble and BoobyTrap. It didn't matter if I shoved them to the back of the shelf or moved them out of reach - he would grab a chair to find them. Some days I just didn't feel like fighting the fight. Those were the days that the various game elements would migrate to every. damn. room. in. the. house. Imagine fighting this fight every day. Every day. You begin to feel that there is no hope. The mess, the broken and missing pieces... Now add this on top of the normal (and excessive) toy, laundry, and paperwork clutter. It is just too much.

 

My first attempt at containing the mess was to clear out the lower half of the upstairs linen closet and store the games there, where they would be out of sight. It is one of those closets that goes a ways beyond the width of the door, so there was room to tuck plenty of games in. This closet is located in the main hallway, and you have to walk past it all the time to get to the W&D and the kids' rooms. So Mr. Dump Out the Contents would consistently open the closet doors, drag game after game off of a shelf, and dump out the contents right there. Right where you have a 3 ft wide hallway to walk through and right in front of our bedroom door. Most of the time I would employ the 'sweep it all aside with the foot' technique, until I could take the time to put it all away. Sometimes I would forget it was there, and at 2 a.m., when a young child was calling out for me, I would have the pleasure of stepping on something like this:

 

 

 

Now that's a sure fire way to wake your ass up in the middle of the night...

 

So in November, when we moved the dining table out of the kitchen and actually had a designated dining room again, I moved the games onto a book shelf in there, thinking that we could start up Family Game Night again. Nice idea, but a very, very stupid move. Because now ALL of the games were accessible! Oh the joy! The timers! The card decks! The letter tiles! Woohoo!

 

I reached my limit last week when I took down the Christmas tree and found a treasure trove of game pieces under the tree skirt and tucked in the lower branches of the tree. I Googled up a boat load of storage pictures, ideas and suggestions. I wanted to keep the games in close proximity to the table, but if that little boy dumped out the contents ONE MORE TIME!... So they had to be out of sight in some way, but the budget was not going to allow for the purchase of anything - every potential storage container would have to be something we already owned. The most reasonable way to deal with it was to reduce the amount of 'stuff' that needed to be stored in the first place.

 

 

 

 

It took a couple of hours of all-out searching to get as many game pieces as I could find back in their boxes. I had to bribe Jordan to keep Colin occupied in the basement so he wouldn't undo everything. And then I spent the most cathartic hour..ditching the boxes, game by game. Yes. I threw away the boxes. (My brother is dying a thousand deaths right now...). I read it in multiple places, all over the advice columns of the internets (sic), that getting rid of the packaging was the best thing you could do to reduce clutter. Some of the best ideas came from homeschooling families that RV full-time - now they are the storage solution masters. There is NO reason to keep the packaging - the game boxes come in every shape and size (mostly B.I.G.), they can be a nightmare to try and keep stacked neatly, and they don't last. So, with a Sharpie, empty containers and a box of Ziplocs by my side, I went to town...

The outgoing pile of paper goods to be recycled, and non-recyclable plastic (boooo!).

 

So where'd all the games go? Well, I moved the old bookcase out, because I wanted it upstairs in our bedroom. I moved in the shoe cubby thingy from the front hallway (just a couple of feet away) and stood it up vertically. Only the kids keep their shoes here, with each kid having their own bin. (So those are the four bottom bins). The top four shelves were now going to be repurposed to hold the games. Before this, they were just getting filled with toys and dirty socks. This is configuration is MUCH better, and it is one less piece of furniture in a high-traffic area.

 

So here is about 80% of the games. Ziploc bags hold most of it, and plastic Gerber baby food containers (I saved a jillion of them, and they are an awesome size for smallish things) hold things like dice, gems and playing pieces. It is also nice that most game boards now fold down into fourths, instead of just in half.

 

The rest of it went into the Hall Closet of Doom, which is just adjacent to the dining room. There was just enough space to jam the rest of the stuff (including the games that I couldn't stand to 'debox')' and the over-sized things like the Blokus game boards and so forth. And, most importantly, the most problematic games that Colin liked to get into the most.

 

This is the lower half of that closet. Last year I moved all of my cookbooks out of the kitchen because I needed upper cabinet space to move the arts and crafts supplies into because, you guessed it, Colin kept getting into them. So this was my solution for that. The white drawer bins hold a couple more of the over-sized game things.

 

One last thing - thanks to a tip on Pinterest, this is what you can do with all of those game instructions. Grab a bunch of page protectors (I had a ton left over from my college days) and stick a set of game instructions in each one, and file them away in a binder. So now the games binder resides on one of the cookbook shelves as well. And no, it is not categorized in any way, shape, or form. What do you think I am? Anal?



So, did it work? Has Colin left things alone? Yes, with the exception of one item - the Bananagrams letter tiles. They are (were) in a small wicker basket (see the bookcase picture) that holds our most-often used games. I think I found them all... I guess I had better go check the floor vents.

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Sorting it all out...

Failing to sort anything out pretty much defined all of last year. And the year before that. And before that. And....before that.

 

Perhaps I should look to Owen for inspiration.

 

He is really good at sorting. He's my OCD child. He sorted out the entire contents of his Christmas stocking. He lined his socks up in a row, separated out the peppermints from the chocolates, and promptly packed away his new toothpaste and Sponge Bob body wash in his duffle bag. He was very concerned about making sure that all of his new things would make their way home from Oklahoma. He is also the boy that is adamant about fresh underwear morning and night. And sometimes even in between. He is methodical about E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

 

I am a Type-A borderline OCD, living a life that does not lend itself well to those tendencies.

1. I totally over-schedule myself.

2. I am mean to myself by constantly give myself negative feedback.

3. I am totally undisciplined when it comes to taking care of the household and the people who live there.

4. I have let chaos prevail for too long and the ruts down this bumpy road are very deep.

5. I have let perfectionism completely cripple my ability to get anything done.

 

I know I am the p**rfect candidate for Fly Lady, but I have yet to really make a go of using her system. Since I have been living in a constant state of pitting my natural tendencies toward a totally chaotic reality, it is no wonder that I have been fighting off an ever-worsening level of depression.

 

Why I haven't been able to turn this ship around, I do not know. Lots of thoughts have been swirling around in my head as I think about how to solve this, and it all comes back to sorting. Sorting out the priorities. Schooling and at least some semblance of order is the most important priority for me, but why am I allowing everything else in life to interfere with it? Most likely it is because it is not happening as I would envision it.

My ideal: A morning or afternoon spent investigating a subject, in a clean and organized environment. We would read a story, watch a short video, do a little experiment, write about it, and then craft something. All the while smiling and being pleasant. (Snort.)

My reality: I can't find my papers, they can't find their notebook/pencil/ruler/whiteboard. I sit down with token child and immediately the dog wants out, a poopy diaper has manifested itself, the phone rings, my husband texts me, an irate email has to be dealt with, I forgot a bill that has to be paid NOW, the karate gis need to be washed for the lesson that begins in 90 minutes, the toddler has located a sharp implement, is drawing on the walls or is clearing off every shelf of neatly folded clothes in the closet, and the XYZ needs fresh batteries. Oh - and let's not forget the 70+ decibel level of noise going on in the background of bickering kids, toys and electronic devices.

 

My knee-jerk reaction is to curl up and cover my ears. Which is pretty much what I have been doing for the past several months. Instead of dealing with it, or writing introspectively about it or hiring a nanny/tutor/housekeeper, I've been escaping into anything I can lay my hands on. Books, iPad games (Hay Day anyone? I'm averaging 3-4 hours a day...disgusting!) and reading about how other moms are able to get things done, and secretly hating them. It's not the life I want to live. It's not the environment I want to spend any length of time in. And I am sure that the rest of the family feels the same - we are just have a great deal of difficulty landing our finger on exactly where the problem lies - because there are issues wherever we look!

 

There is visual chaos - nobody puts anything away. There is crap on every single surface in this house.

There is verbal chaos - the chosen way to communicate is through yelling. (Not always in anger - it's just the only way to be heard when six voices are sounding off at once, from various locations in the house.

There is auditory chaos - music, tv and computer, (often all at the same time) is a constant. Along with endless kid squabbling. This one is especially hard for me - I crave silence.

There is scheduling chaos - too many kids, too many interests. And only one car.

There is schooling chaos. As great as I am in developing grand plans in my head, and purchasing the magic bullet curriculum, I am lousy, LOUSY I tell you!, at actually implementing, well...anything?

There is financial chaos - we are still operating on a cash-only basis (YES!), but we have come to the edge of our own little personal fiscal cliff many times in the past year because we aren't budgeting like we know we ought to or keeping tabs on our checking account. We've emptied the Emergency Fund three times - for no reason other than to buy stuff with money we shouldn't have been spending in the first place.

There is internal chaos. I am really good at bringing myself down. I constantly berate myself for being a lousy wife, mother, daughter, sister, teacher, cook, housekeeper and friend. I don't get out much and I have difficulty maintaining friendships because I am lousy at it - who wants to stay friends with a boring, introverted frump? Yes, I am very, very mean to myself. (Now stop it!)

I have yet to do my New Year's retrospective post (let alone post pictures from my summer garden, the pumpkin patch, Santa visit or even get the damn Christmas cards out...), but I guess this is as good a place as any to state my intention for this year. I have no idea what I stated as my intention for last year, but I'm sure I missed the mark by a mile (see? I can't stop being mean to myself). My intention is to sort it out this year. Sort out the problems by exposing the deeper issue and dealing with it.





(Just as soon as I harvest my crops, milk the cows and fill up my boat order....)

 

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Moving things around...

 

 

 

 

In an effort to jolt me out of my uncharacteristic fall malaise I felt a change was necessary.  Pictured above is the school room/office as it was.  As you may remember, we made a big change earlier this year by moving the playroom out of this room and into the basement - thus moving the school stuff out of the living room and into this space.  I spent all summer culling books so that it would eventually ALL fit.  Every last schoolbook and manipulative.  I took this picture just over a month ago.   I was so pleased - and secretly proud of myself for shedding so much unnecessary stuff.  And then it hit.

 

Uugh.

 

Maybe I worked too hard?

 

I no longer had any initiative to do anything...

 

Several half-hearted schoolweeks later a change had to take place.  Maybe it's my body just knows that the seasons are changing and SAD is coming early??  So, even though the above room had been in place for a few months, I changed it back.  It was not nearly as much of an undertaking as it was to get it in there - that is the blessing of a lot less 'stuff'.  I even took the time to go through the file drawers and re alphabetize everything that got UNalphabetized during the last shuffle.  And, since I was going through the files, I even opened them to see what I could pitch, shred or finally place in the firebox - an effort that we have talked about since the day we combined households.  This task yielded some rather interesting things...

 

First.  (my husband is going to kill me)  In the TRAFFIC TICKETS folder where I keep my treasured parking violations that I have received from the Denver PD, there also happened to be a SUBSTANTIAL pile of old speeding tickets of Dean's - courtesy of the Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas and Colorado State Patrol, as well as the cities of Longmont, Loveland (CO), and Moore, Norman and The Village (OKC). 

 

 

TWENTY TICKETS

 

 

I did not know this about my husband.  I knew he had a (ahem) speeding problem, but I didn't know it was to the tune of this many tickets.  Luckily for me he is a packrat that never throws away a piece of paper - or I would have never found out.  To his defense, they were not ALL speeding tickets.  A couple were warnings.  :)  And let it be known now.... my husband will never, NEVER be allowed to purchase a sports car. Again.

 

Second.  I came across the application for a marriage license that my former husband and I filled out on March 16th, 2004.  It was exactly a year to the day before I went out on my first date with my now-husband, Dean.  Weird. 

 

Third.  When placing all of the passports, birth certificates, marriage licenses/certificates and divorce decrees in the firebox (I find it kinda funny that we each have a previous set of these), I placed Dean's and my marriage certificate on top of my old one.  Dean asked, "Do they have to touch??"  So I bundled the old one with the divorce decree that goes with it and buried it at the bottom of the box, where it belongs.

 

Fourth.  My old dog, Yuki, passed away six years ago.  Yet I still had every single vet bill, rabies vaccine certificate and license information.  I'm not sure why I held on to them, but I was definitely ready to part with them.  I kept her certificate of completion for her dog obedience course - because it is just absolutely laughable.  For all who knew this loveable, yet very naughty husky, you will get the irony.

 

Fifth.  I went through all of my teaching evaluations.  That was a mistake.  I spent a couple of hours trying to rid myself of a very foul mood after that.  My evaluations were very good - and one of them was even stellar.  That one, in particular, came just three weeks before my jackass of a Principal informed me that he would not renew my teaching certificate.  I again, felt the overwhelming urge to blow the whistle on the CSAP cheats that *still* teach at his school.  And then I got over it.

 

Sixth.  I spent a good deal of time thinking about why we hang on to the stuff that we do.  I think that, for the most part, we hang on to it to remember a different time in our lives.  But if the time period wasn't a particulary pleasant one, why do we keep the stuff?  I have do not need a reminder in order to not repeat an unpleasant experience.  I think that sometimes we do it just to torture ourselves.  If we rake ourselves over the coals enough times, than we have done adequate penance for whatever transgressions we made.  But what if you didn't do anything wrong?  I do not want to keep my former teaching contracts, evaluations, student teaching paperwork, or the paperwork from the 18 different workshops I attended.  I don't ever plan to teach again... but I can't bring myself to get rid of it yet.  It's like I haven't done *enough* time yet.  I just keep saying "What if I need this again??".  WHY would I ever need to PROVE that I took a course on Empowering Writers by Barbara Miraconda to anyone?  The homeschool police? (that don't exist).

 

 

I forgot what I was even trying to say in this post...  Moving things around?  I guess I was gearing towards perspective.  My perspective is off.  Life has become an endless stream of activity times to remember and childhood mayhem to suppress.  I am trying to shake things up to gain my perspective back.  Unfortunately, sifting through a three foot long stretch of file folders didn't do much for me but harden my resolve to not ever return to public education, let my husband drive, or hang on to frequent-flyer miles that were racked up over a decade ago. 

 

 

I think my next effort will be geared towards getting outside and enjoying the fall weather.  I have a feeling that the schoolwork will be at a minimum again...

 

 



 



Weekend Project: building a wall

We're not hoarders...just never-put-awayers

We don't let small children wander downstairs into the basement.  For no other reason than that they might end up trapped under a pile of schtuff.  We have lots of schtuff.  Boxes of old school paperwork.  Teaching schtuff.  Baby schtuff.   The kind of schtuff that happens when you combine two households and half of it gets relegated to some other space.  It was semi-organized at one point.  Then, around this time last year, we had the bright idea that it was time to prep the basement for finishing.  Our mission was to clear out about two-thirds of the schtuff.  We began by pulling the eight bookcases that lined the longest wall, and moved them all to our master bedroom.  Then I could - at a leisurely pace - begin to toss/donate all of the books, CDs, cassette tapes (what are those again?), and VCR tapes that we didn't want.  For the past eleven months I've tossed like five books.  I've picked up the pace in the past month and have now donated A CAR LOAD.  I still look at the books that are left and wonder why do I still have my Plant Biology 101 textbook?  Why do I have six different First-Year Teacher prep books?  WHY?

So when we moved the bookcases, everything that was either on them or in the way had to be shoved in a big pile into the middle of the room so that we could get them out.  The big pile is still there, only it's even bigger now.  We were stopped in our clearing-the-clutter tracks by evidence of mice.  Lots of evidence.  Then we discovered a nice little hole that they were using to get in.  Right near the sweet spot of a heating duct, where the foundation and wall meets.  And then another hole.  And then a third one.  And then a hole that was chewed away near the dishwasher grey water pipe, that allowed the mice access to the kitchen sink cabinet... and of course,  the kitchen itself.  AAAAGGGGHHHH!!  Yuck!  So the clearing-out project was temporary scraped and we took on a new project:  Kill the mice and plug the holes.

We attacked on both fronts.  Armed with spray-on expanding foam, screws, boards and insulation, Dean patched and plugged the holes, and also discovered another problem.  Right above the main hole the mice were using to get in is the bay window in our kitchen.  The subfloor had separated from the sole plate just enough that there was a good 1- inch gap that was hanging down - a nice entry point for vermin.  While drilling a peep hole from the basement side (at the top of the foundation wall) to see into that bay window area, Dean also saw that the builders 'forgot' to put any insulation under that section of floor.  In the winter time, if you stood barefoot on the kitchen floor, with one foot in the bay window area, and one foot on the regular kitchen floor, it would feel like you had just stepped onto ice.  No wonder!!  So Dean drilled several peep holes into that section, and then stuffed the whole cavity with cellulose insulation.  What a mess...  All of the peep holes are filled up with the expanding foam now, and you can't feel that cold draft anymore.  It just makes me mad about all of the heat energy that has been wasted all these years. 



The peep holes that were drilled to look into the cavity under the bay window.

 

The mice were getting in via a small hole right next to the vent (which comes up in the bay window area).  We knew to look there because the cat would routinely sit right beside the vent, listening to the mice scratching away underneath the floor.

With the multiple holes discovered and then plugged, we could now go after the mice.  Eight of them in all, as it turned out.  Snap traps proved to be the quickest and most effective, and we found peppermint patties to be the most desirable bait.  Since there were mice running amok in the basement, there was mice poop in just about everything.  They had chewed holes in a couple of things, so I wasn't taking any more chances.  I snatched up the most important things and found new homes - upstairs and out of the basement.  I made the decision to move all of our Christmas stuff upstairs to a closet in one of the kids' bedrooms.  Since we don't keep clothing in there, I could fill it completely with Christmas stuff.  It is packed to the gills, but amazingly enough it all fit - including the Christmas tree.  The nice thing is that I can't/don't need to purchase any more Christmas decorations... there is no room to store it!!  If I do get something, then something else has to go.  I think the 'Christmas Closet' deserves it's own post...

Then all work stopped.  Spring was here, and we wanted to be outside.  We dragged up all of the camping gear and put it in the garage, so that we could have easier access to it over the summer months.  I was ditching baby gear left and right as Colin no longer needed things, and the basement pile was growing.  Nothing was getting put away.  Then, late one night, Dean and I decided that we had had enough of the kids not putting their toys away, so we cleared out a semi-filled shelving unit and stuffed it full of toys we confiscated from the upstairs playroom.  Over the past few months, the kids have been swapping out toys - and yet nothing gets put back. 

So now our basement looks like this...



The first sign of laziness - open the basement door and chuck it down the stairs...



View from the bottom of the stairs.  Remnants of camping, Halloween and toy raids remain...



View from the bottom of the stairs looking into the larger area.  I feel..... faint...



View from far corner of the basement.  A pile of "What the hell do we do with this crap??....along with another pile.  And another... and another.  If you look closely, you can see Jordan's head peeking up over the pile. 

 

School files.  None of these files have been opened in the seven years we have been together.   Seriously... WHY do we need to keep this stuff??  Don't get me started on the china... 

 

View from the opposite end of the room.

 

Jordan standing with his foot on a pile of 2x4s that are about to become a wall...



Shop area that is about to be walled-off.  Dean is hanging a plumb bob (behind the circular table saw).  This is the first step to finishing the basement - wall off the 'room of serious injury and possible death'.  We need this place to be kid-safe.



Done!

This latest stage of the project took the better part of this past Saturday afternoon and evening, but it went very smoothly.  Dean used a ram set to nail the sole plate (the board that goes across the bottom) into place.  It is built to code - so the wall must be a floating wall, attached to the top plate.  The ram set was quite impressive - you load it with the equivalent of a .22 caliber shot in order to drive the nail into concrete.  It was very loud.  Even more so since it was bedtime for kids at that point.  :)   You will notice that a section of the wall does not have braces (I think that is the right terminology...)  This is a future doorway.

I am so glad that the work is finally starting.  Due to our very tight budget constraints, the work will be at a snail's pace, but that is fine with me.  This was a nice, weekend-length sized chunk, and about a month from now, on another weekend, we can set another $50 aside and put up drywall.  In the meantime, we can continue on clearing the clutter, 15 minutes at a time.  I would think that in a month from now, most of the floorspace (in the larger room) will finally be cleared.  Oh, how I hope so...