What do you do?

 

Well it's been almost 48 hours since the Sports Medicine Guy (SMG) stuck a needle in my back.  He put it in the Infraspinatus, about 2 inches shy of the shoulder joint.

 

 

Imagine this if you will... A giant butcher knife sticking out from that exact spot.  It is stuck there, and it kind of leaves a burning sensation.  Every - EVERY - movement you make - no matter how subtle, that knife is stuck there, causing tremendous pain, and limiting how far you can move and how much force you can exert.  Even though it has been 48 hours, it hurts (almost) as bad as when he gave me that shot.  So I am going to go on record here - DO NOT ever agree to get a steroid shot to reduce inflammation.  EVER.

 

But - there is something happening here that even hurts worse than my shoulder.  (if that is possible, at the moment...)  I didn't exactly agree to this shot.  He just sort of did it.  He pulled in a nurse, and they did some weird, well-rehearsed routine where she holds the bottle upside down, high up in the air, and he inserts the evil syringe and pulls back the plunger.  Then she holds up a second bottle and they do the same thing.  He shakes the syringe to mix up the evil elixir of hell, and then sticks it into you.  THEN he asks if it hurts...and chuckles if it does.  Evil, I tell you.

 

I've had 48 hours to think about this appointment, and how (IMHO) it went drastically wrong...

 

1. The intake nurse takes my vitals.  She asks about the injury (there was none, which is what is so frustrating) and then about the scope of the pain.

 

2.  Then we have a conversation:

Nurse: What do you do?

Me: Well, I take Ibuprofen from time to time, ice it every day, and once in awhile I apply heat.  I've had seven physical therapy appointments, but I am not getting any pain relief, so that is why I am here.

Nurse: No, I was asking what do you do?

Me: I don't understand..

Nurse: What is your job?

Me:  Oh.  I'm a SAHM.  (totally unused to hearing this question any more..)

Nurse: Oh.  (making a negative, silent judgement call right then and there..)

Nurse: How many kids do you have? (the perfunctory question to ask right after you hear 'SAHM')

Me: Four.

Nurse: Oh my!  What ages?

Me: (pause to think because we are in the midst of birthday season..) 12, 6, 5 and 3.

Nurse: So what activities are causing you pain?

Me:  Anything and everything I do during a normal day.  Chores, cooking, shopping...lifting the youngest is the most painful .  I try to let my left arm do most of the work, but it is incredibly painful, still.

Nurse: I see.  (judgement call is being made here too)

 

3.  I put on a gown that is tied around me halter-top style, per nurses request.  I haven't been able to sport a halter top since I was about 10.  This is a little embarrassing.

 

4.  SMG comes in.  He pretends he is reading my paperwork, but I know he hasn't.  Why?  Because during the course of his questioning, he doesn't realize I have already had a shoulder x-ray done.  Just two days ago!  Twenty feet down the hall, just outside this door!  He pulls up my x-ray on the computer.  Hummph.  He assesses my range of motion.  He hears a clicking sound.  That seems to catch his attention the most.  He jumps to the conclusion that it is the bursa (it lies just underneath the clavicle, at the top of the shoulder joint) and that he will give me 'something' to calm down the inflammation.  And in the meantime, I should begin physical therapy.  (Remember - he hasn't really read my chart.). 

 

Me: I have done physical therapy.  I have had seven sessions - three with ultrasound.  And I have had very little relief - that is why I am here.  That is why I came to see my GP two days ago, and get a shoulder x-ray done.  Something is wrong, that basic physical therapy is not fixing.  Both the physical therapist and the GP think that maybe there is a tear in the rotator cuff, so that I why I am here to see YOU.  The GP was thinking that maybe an MRI might reveal the problem.

SMG: Well, I don't think it is presenting as a tear.  We'll see what this shot does for you.  If you are still in pain in six weeks, it may take another shot.

Me:  Wait... So is this going to be a chronic condition?  There is nothing I can do, personally, to help heal it?  Like special rotator cuff exercises or something?  (He is the SPORTS MEDICINE GUY, after all!)

SMG:  (chuckling) Well, the good news is is that your three year old won't always be three...

 

(Oh - just let me hike up this stupid balloony hospital gown so I can get off the table and smack you hard across the face.  Wait.  I'd have to use my left arm.  That wouldn't be very effective.  Nevermind.  Go ahead with your pig-headed, sexist, you're-obviously-not-an-athlete-so-it-doesn't-really-matter-if-you-never-feel-better explanation of why you won't live up to your professional creed.  Continue..  Please..)

 

SMG: I'm sure there are some exercises that your physical therapist can show you (as he clearly decides that showing me exercises is not part of his job description and edges towards the door), and that might help too.  (he leaves and the nurse leaves)

 

I can now remove the offendingly hideous balloony gown and get dressed.  Except that I can't because I can't use my right arm at all.  I actually cry because it hurts so damn bad.  I get dressed as best I can.  I leave the exam room and stop by the nurses station because I see the SMG standing there looking at a chart, and I need more information. 

 

Me: So, are there any special instructions with this shot?  Should I not use my arm much for the next day or two (because it hurts like hell anyway)?  Or should I move it around like you need to after a tetanus or flu shot?  Are there any side effects I should be aware of?

SMG:  Well, what I tell my other patients is to avoid any vigorous upper-body exercise for two weeks or so...  So just take it easy.

Me:  Oh.  (So, once again, SMG is making assumptions about me that I find offensive)

 

You know what?  It hurts.  My shoulder hurts.  I'd take the pain of natural childbirth again over this pain any day.  But what hurts even more is the dismissive practices of the medical profession towards those who do not present as the ideal patient.

 

What do I do?  No - the question should be What did I do?

* I used to be able to hike.  I could shoulder a backpack and go for miles.  And camp.  And do it again the next day.

* I used to be able to carry heavy loads and do heavy work.  Now I can't even cart around a fully-loaded laundry basket or lift the cast-iron dutch oven out of the cabinet.

* I used to be able to 8 hour waitressing shifts and handle all of the heavy work associated with that.  I'm now relying on the 12 year old to handle the majority of the food prep at this point.  And the toddler-wrangling, the laundry carting and so on and so forth.  Not fair to the kid...at all.

 

My body is aging and falling apart.  First my arches fell and I had to see the podiatrist for orthotics.  Then my IT band on my right leg inflamed, and the bursitis in my hip made it impossible to do more than hobble around the house.  Now this.  Three pregnancies and years of inactivity have taken their brutal toll.  Don't stand there, Mr. SMG and make assumptions about me.  I'm here in your office because I am asking for help.  Help me.  Don't just stick a needle in my arm and send me away.  I want help to heal and start taking care of my body so I can take care of me and my family for years to come.

 

To his credit, Mr. SMG did call me at home, at 6pm Friday evening to see how I was feeling.  This was a first.  I had to work to steady my teary-voice to admit that still it hurt.  A lot.  He didn't even skip a beat.  "Well, give it the six weeks and then we'll go from there..."

 

And so we're back to square one.

 

 

 

 



The Sadist with a Syringe...

 

My right shoulder hurts.  It. hurts. a. lot.  So much so, that I am forced to take desperate measures.  Like, take ibuprofen and stuff.  And go to a physical therapist.  I'm not a fan of popping pills.  (well, besides the anti-depressants).  I don't like masking pain because then I do stupid heroic stuff.  Like help the home-renovation effort by ripping out the carpet in a room and all of the tacking strips.  Then I lay around and cry on the couch for the next two days because it hurts too much to do ANYTHING.  So, I'm not a big fan of pain, but I am even less of a fan of hiding it instead of figuring out what is causing it.

 

So, today I went to see the Sports Medicine Guy at my regular doctor's office because I don't know what else to do..

 

Here is my history -

 

* the pain sort of started last July.  It was mostly a deep chest pain on the right side, level with my arm pit, my heart was racing at times and numbness radiated down my arm.  It was the wrong side, but I thought maybe I was having a serious cardiac issue.

 

* I went to see my GP.  She ordered an EKG, chest x-ray and a blood test.  Nothing.

 

* I wore a heart monitor for two weeks.  Nothing.

 

* The racing stopped, the squeezing sensation gradually went away (we think it was a stress response), but the pain did not go away.  A few days here and there I felt perfectly normal, but there would always be 'a point' where a shock of pain would get my attention whenever I did a certain movement.

 

* Over the past several months, that pain has increased and the range of motion has decreased.  It's gotten other muscles involved, and now my entire right rotator cuff, pectoral area and shoulder blade and bicep are involved.  I am right-handed, so ANYTHING I do hurts.  Lift a full glass of water?  Agony.  Reach for a box of muffin mix and toss it in the grocery cart?  It brings me to my knees.  Lift down the bottle of laundry detergent?  Better grab your ear plugs..  Lift my arm to press the garage door opener in the car?  Groan and close my eyes.  Walk and swing my arms?  Not happening.  Pull the comforter over me when I get in bed?  A little scream might eek out.

 

And yet life has to go on..

Laundry

Dishes

Lifting the three yr. old

Shopping

Books

Typing

Shampoo

Getting dressed

 

* I finally consented to physical therapy.  I've had seven appointments in the past four weeks.  Nothing.  But now I have incredible tenderness under my arm... is there a life-changing tumor growing and I don't know it???  (Lots of sleep lost over the past few weeks about that...)

 

* I went back to the GP a couple of days ago.  Shoulder x-rays.  Nothing.  But nothing is good because it means there is no life-changing tumor lurking under there.  Nothing is bad because there is still no explanation for the pain and loss of strength and mobility.

 

* GP says see the Sports Medicine Guy.  Maybe he will order an MRI.  A tear in the rotator cuff could explain a lot of things.  This could be good.  Surgery could fix things!

 

* Sports Medicine Guy pokes and prods, lifts, pushes and pulls.  Bursitis is mentioned.  Then he grabs an assistant.  And an evil-looking syringe.

 

* That evil syringe full of steroids that went into the back of my shoulder hurt so. damn. bad., I nearly cried...and choked back the urge to throw up.  Ten hours later it feels no better.  In fact, I feel like my right arm is absolutely useless.  So I'll type a bit and bitch a bit and maybe that will make me feel better.

 

Nope.

 

Nothing.

 

 

 



Tribal customs

 

 

This blog post began percolating in my head a few weeks ago, when I came across the tribal concept Quinn Cummings mentioned in her book The Year of Learning Dangerously. When she and her preteen daughter began the adventure known as homeschooling, Quinn spent considerable time looking for a group that she and her daughter could identify with and feel supported by.

Any time you make a lifestyle choice (like homeschooling for example) that lies just outside the accepted cultural norm, you're going to receive pushback. Your family and friends will question you, along with well-meaning strangers and maybe an asshole or two that wants to know why your children are hanging out in the cereal aisle at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday. Having a group you identify with is super-helpful when you start to have your semi-annual panic attacks that you are ruining your children for life or when you are changing science curriculums and you just don't know what to choose. It's more than that though - having a group of like-minded families to fall back on is the best way to keep your head in the game and your heart focused on the big picture - that you like your kids so much that you are willing to spend all day with them - even if that means teaching that poop goes IN the potty, what the three sounds of 'A' are and how to simplify fractions... ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

I've been with my 'tribe' for almost six years now. I can remember my very first 'official' homeschool Park Day. It was in the beginning of August, 2007. Rylan was a wee 14 mo. old and Jordan was a newly-minted seven. We made our way over to a group of women, sitting on blankets under the large shade trees of our city park. They welcomed me with open arms. :). They admired Rylan's attempts to toddle in the sand, shared some ideas about anything and everything homeschooling, and even shared some strawberries. I had found my people. These women have been a tremendous support throughout all of these years. We have welcomed many newborn family members as they came along - I can't remember a time when there wasn't a babe-in-arms. We have a shared history that I treasure very much. I don't see them as often as I used to - as the kids grow they get more involved in other interests, and so our paths cross with less regularity.

This past Wednesday, the stars aligned and the sun shone bright. Thanks to the power of social media, we all convened at the park - some making their one and only annual Park Day appearance. (That means you Shawn and Amanda ;). It was glorious. I was feeling low (see previous post). My friends politely listened to my rant and then I felt much better. Owen single-handedly decimated Deanna's popcorn supply. Two mothers nursed their babies. Kids came for sips of water and then disappeared again. I got a sunburn. And I felt totally rejuvenated. This is my tribe. These women know my history, and I, theirs.

In regards to having a 'tribe' within the homeschooling community - I can't think of anything else that will have greater influence on your success rate with sticking it out than that. You need families that 'understand' what you are going through. The annual cycle of emotional ups and downs. The myriad of choices you must make, all the while trying to honor the individual child. The delicate balance of mother vs. teacher. The need for knitting, good books, bloggy comfort, coffee and wine - in no particular order. I don't know where we would be right now in our homeschooling journey if I hadn't encountered this wonderful group of women and their great kids. This tribe is my anchor. I wonder if we should come up with some kind of tribal tattoo...

Posted with Blogsy

On being the 'Polite Police'

All it takes is one witchy female to totally shit on your day and instantly force you to reassess your life and whether or not you are achieving optimum happiness.

 

I am not achieving optimum happiness. For me, optimum happiness is starting out my day by greeting my children, having a nice breakfast and starting up our school day. Instead, I get to start my day by wasting the first two hours fielding several emails on three different accounts. I have to send out an email or two to remind someone to 'be nice' on our homeschooling Yahoo group because of my VOLUNTEER position as Membership Coordinator. And then I get the pleasure of being responded to with rudeness, vitriol or complete ignorance as to what constitutes as proper email etiquette.

 

Well, you know what? I'm done. I don't even really relate to this group anymore. Most of my homeschooling mom friends have sort of faded to black - I don't see them anymore except a very rare here and there. I've lost my tribe, I've lost my way, I've lost my willingness to be electronically shat on by people I wouldn't care to know otherwise...

 

Not sure a little blue happy pill can fix this one...

 

 

Posted with Blogsy

Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

 

 

 

Outside my window... It is 8 am and the sun is shining and the birds are singing - it is going to be a gorgeous day! It did frost last night, and it is fun to watch the frost line recede across the back yard as the sun rises in the sky and over the roof line. Even though it is chilly I have the back door cracked open so I can hear the birds better.

I am thinking... about how much I love the yellow paint that is in the two rooms in the front of the house (east facing): the dining room and the piano room. Yellow is a bold color choice, but on mornings like this, the rooms positively glow. I was thinking about changing the paint color in the dining room since we are redoing the floor, but I can't bring myself to do it. I love that sunny glow too much!

I am thankful... that Jordan is flying home later this morning. I've missed my right-hand man.

From the Learning Rooms... This past week was our traditional off-week (last week of the month) so that is why Jordan left to do his visitation with his mom last week. On Tuesday I asked Rylan if she would like to do a math lesson (she was bored), and she said "NO! If Jordan is on vacation from school, then I am on vacation." Well. Even though she was "on vacation", she did manage to keep herself busy. She made a map of the downstairs (a treasure map), and paced around counting her steps from room to room. This was the day that I was tearing out the carpet in the dining room, so I had to keep shooing her out of there because of the carpet tack strips around the edges. Her map turned out pretty well. She hid the "treasure" (a drawing) inside an empty diaper box, and made her dad follow her map when he got home from work, since the treasure was for him. It was very sweet. She also made a bow with a stick and a long rubber band (cut) that I tied to each end. She had used a plastic stick with a point on the end (it came from a small American flag) as the arrow. Dean cut a notch in the end of the stick so that she could use it to hold the rubber band in place when she drew her 'arrow', and it actually works! So we have had a mini-Katniss running around all week. We have cautioned her about pointing it at the various living creatures in these parts. So far, it's only been near-misses.

In the kitchen... Is a floor that is 1/3 completed! Yeah!

I am wearing... pjs

I am creating... just this post I'm afraid...

I am going... to Denver Int'l Airport in about an hour. Then we head to the Denver Zoo for some family time, and then on to my brother and SIL's for dinner with family. It is Easter, but they are putting on a very relaxed meal. My SIL said that we had better show up in jeans or we'll be sent home to change. (love that!) In our family, Easter has been traditionally spent at my aunt and uncle's house - a family-style potluck of the traditional Easter favorites, followed by an egg hunt for the little kids. This year marks an abrupt change for all of us, since my uncle passed away in December. My aunt has flown to Florida to spend some time with her granddaughter, and the rest of us have sort of splintered off to do our own thing. The time felt right for me, personally, to make a change in how we celebrate the holiday all-together. As in, we don't. We did our baskets on Spring Equinox, dyed our eggs then and had a super-stinky fridge for a couple of days. The last of the four chocolate bunnies are on the back of kitchen counter..almost gone.

I am wondering...about the weather forecast that calls for snow tomorrow. Crazy Colorado weather.

I am reading... the same - The Year of Homeschooling Dangerously, and The Drums of Autumn. Neither of which I cracked last week, even though it was our off week and I could have easily disappeared into a book. Too much else to do.

In the garden... Peas, beets and spinach! I have ne-ver planted this early! I put them in on March 21, and staked out some soaker hose for use later, when it warms up. Nothing is up yet.

I am hoping... That our lawn some-what survives this summer with the watering restrictions that are going to be in place. We get to water two days a week.

I am looking forward to... the Zoo! Wish me luck - our license plates expire this month, and today is the last day of the month. As you may remember, I don't have much luck when it comes to the stupid parking police, so I am openly inviting potential trouble here...

I am learning... This past week I Googled for information about charitable tax-deductions and the Badoink! iPad 'virus' - and nasty thing that may have infiltrated our router. Strangely enough, it only pops up on my iPad whenever I click on a certain friend's link to her blog whenever she posts it in Facebook. It has happened twice now and it very disturbing and unsettling. It has nothing to do with my friend's blog per se - but it is super weird how it only happens with her links. And we all thought that Apple products were safe from stuff like this... :( I just may have to go visit the Apple store for this.

I am hearing... Depeche Mode's newest album 'Delta Machine'. I love, love, love the track 'Heaven'. The first few times I heard it (in the past couple of weeks) I kept thinking it was Muse - they sound exactly alike in that song...

Around the house... The contents of the dining room are now temporarily in the piano room while Dean finishes the floor. Dean reconnected the dishwasher earlier this week, so after two weeks of washing dishes by hand, I have a machine again! Which is awesome, because the dirty dishes definitely had the upper hand there.

I now have a clean desk! After months and months of mess, I finally pushed through and got it done - it was my goal for this past week.

I am pondering... What will happen with the North Korea situation. That's a little scary, isn't it?

One of my favorite things... A clean desk.

A few plans for the rest of the week... Back to schoolwork! And the normal activity routine.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

Our spring baskets...

Happy Easter to all who are celebrating today! :)

 

 

 

To read more entries and visit a variety of other blogs, go here...

 

Posted with Blogsy

Season's Greetings

 

 

I am totally rockin' the procrastination thang..

 

 

At long last I have gained back that square foot of desk space that has been occupied by the stack of unfinished Christmas cards since mid-November.  Our Shutterfly family photo card framed in festive greens and reds, along with the ubiquitous 'Annual Christmas Letter' (revised multiple times as time kept ticking by) is officially on its way to 40 or so unsuspecting family members and friends.

 

 

I.  am.  awesome.





Spill all the Kool-aid you want...

How to 'remove' carpet stains.

 

1. Remove the photo-bombing kitty.

 

2. Remove the carpet.

3. Put your feet up and call it a day*.

 

 

Time spent removing stains: seven minutes. Beat that, Resolve carpet 'cleaner'!

 

 

(*after you spend the next hour pulling carpet staples and nailing strips)

 

(Good times)

 

Posted with Blogsy