The State of the Union

A wedding anniversary is the celebration

of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity.

The order varies for any given year.

~Paul Sweeney

A couple of years ago my friend, Lorin, shared with me an annual ritual that she and her husband have, called the 'State of the Union'.  It is a frank discussion between marriage partners (over copious amounts of food and wine) about the state of the marriage.  It is a way to safely express concerns, air grievances, strategize and set goals for the coming year - all for the sake of keeping the lines of communication open and honest.  I loved the idea, but just never got around to sharing it with Dean and working it in to our already busy lives.  But 'busy' means that touchy emotions can get buried... which is dangerous.

This past week we celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary while we were on vacation in OKC.  It actually worked out to our advantage - the grandparents were all too happy to babysit, and we could enjoy an upscale dining experience and have some time to actually talk, instead of refereeing the little people and dodging three different pairs of legs as they wildly kicked at each other under the table.

So, with two lovely glasses of chilled Reilsing in hand, we toasted to our happiness and began our first 'State of the Union'.  The topics which you can choose to discuss are only limited by your imagination, but for this time around we worked off of the list that Lorin emailed me...

* division of labor

* parenting

* homeschool

* sex

* finances

* work

* time alone

* travel

* friends

* church

* website/blog/home business

* family (like inlaws)

* home projects

* goals

It was so nice to have a framework for discussion!  Luckily, for us, the potential hot-button issues (division of labor/parenting/finances) had already been hashed out previously (thank you Financial Peace University!!) and have been in 'maintainence mode' for a while.  We only got halfway through our discussion before dinner and dessert were over - we saved the rest until the drive home (a fine way to pass the time in Kansas).

I think that one of the most important aspects of a union is to acknowledge that you are marriage partners first, and parents second.  It is hard to remember that, sometimes, in the midst of chores, schooling and doctor appointments.



Oh SNAP!

One of these days Jordan will learn NOT to take on his dad in a towel-snapping match....

(I, on the other hand, know that a damp kitchen towel works best...)

A few thoughts from the road...

We just arrived home last night from a week's long vacation to Oklahoma City, where most of my husband's side of the family resides.  We planned to pack up to last Friday, and leave first thing Saturday morning.  Unfortunately, as I checked my phone early Friday morning for email, Facebook and news, the first item I came across was the news of the Aurora theater shooting that just happened a few hours earlier.  The rest of Friday meant minimal packing was accomplished, as we were glued to the TV for news updates.  So we ended up leaving several hours later than we planned to on Saturday morning, and had to spend the night in a hotel - thus arriving a day later than planned in OKC.  whoops.  I had intended to blog while on the road, but just didn't feel like it.... so I've had a week to let my thoughts swirl around, and many miles of drive time to think about the events of last week, and of vacations in general.

The shooting...

1.  Facebook is (for the most part) a very ugly place to be after an event like a shooting takes place.  It seems that some individuals think that the aftermath is the perfect time to promote their political/religious agenda.  Yikes.

2.  My gut reaction when I first heard the news was, "What were young children doing at a midnight premier of an adult movie??".  I know that several of the parents are being victimized twice - first because their children were attacked by the gunman, and then again by the media for bad parenting decisions.  I know that is not fair....But...  when are we, as a society, going to address the sad fact that our children are increasingly exposed to violence at a younger and younger age, by the movies and the television that we allow them to watch?  On one hand, you have the parent who is unable to delay their own gratification in seeing the movie until a more suitable time in which the children could be left with a babysitter, and on another hand you have the beleaguered parent that is just looking for an momentary escape, and is unable to afford a baby sitter - a sign of tough economic times.  I don't want to point fingers...but I still can't get over the fact that young children were there in the first place - not that it would have made a difference in the shooter's goal that night, but it's one troubling aspect of this tragedy that might have been avoided.

3.  For me, the most comforting thoughts about this truly awful event came from multiple blog writers who all commented on the selfless actions by many people that night to protect their loved ones from harm.  The power of love is truly more powerful than the power of hate.

4.  We need to gather those individuals who are on the fringe of society, those square pegs who just don't quite fit, and hold them fast and dear, and find a way to get them involved in something positive.  Let these people know they matter, and get them the help that they need to solve their troubles and stay connected with society. 

5.  Ted Nugent is a freaking idiot.  No one, in their right mind, can ever give a convincing argument that a semi-automatic weapon (AR-15) is an appropriate weapon for hunting and sport, and therefore should remain legal to possess outside of the military and law enforcement.  The need to use one for hunting means only one thing: your aim sucks.

6.  Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, should be able to purchase that amount of weaponry and ammunition in such a short amount of time, and go unnoticed by the proper authorities.  If we are going to effectively counteract any domestic or international acts of terrorism, this type of activity MUST be on the radar.


Chick-fil-A...

1.  Dan Cathy is totally free to exercise his first amendment right. 

2.  I'll miss their chicken.


'Vacationing' in Oklahoma during the month of July...

1.  It's hot.  It's humid.  If you want to enjoy your time outside, you can do so between the hours of midnight and 7 am.

2.  Thank goodness for Braum's ice cream.

3.  And ice cold sweet tea.

4.  There are not nearly enough indoor, air-conditioned venues to keep young children entertained for a week.  BUT, at least there were a few.   (Reviews and pictures to come...)

5.  Plan on two showers a day.  Minimum.


Entertaining four children in the car for twelve hours...

1.  Visit the library before you leave and check out a slew of new movies/videos the kids haven't seen before.  Run them in constant succession, and don't slack on getting the next one queued up.  If the kids get in some time to talk, that will quickly devolve into complaining.

2.  Bring lots of pillows.  They make great walls to block the views of any offending parties on the other side of the seat.

3.  Bring extra batteries.

4.  Play word/memory/counting/spelling games that don't require anything but your brain.  One of the best books out there for ideas is Miles of Smiles - check it out!



 5.  Bring a variety of snacks that won't melt in a hot car, or decay into a smelly mess when it inadvertently gets shoved in seat pockets or other dark and mysterious places.

6.  Books on tape, podcasts, comedy routines (clean ones) and music trivia from the iPhone are good as well.


So for the majority of time spent on this road trip Jordan read his latest chapter book or played on his iPod, Rylan watched the same movie five times in a row and repeatedly asked for Mike n' Ikes, Owen played with his cars and added sound effects and Colin threw his crackers, baby carrots and empty water bottle at either me or Rylan, kicked the back of the driver's seat and slipped out of his carseat harness over and over again.  Good times...  Dean and I played several games out of the book, listened to "Wait, Wait' and 'Planet Money', and caught up on new indie music on 8 Track.

It was a good vacation...as long as we were indoors or in the car.  All other points inbetween felt like standing in front of a blast furnace.

Basic German Shepard

"Come, Sit, No, Go, Stay"

None of my children posses even a novice-level grasp of these commands.

Cesar Millan, I need you. 

I need you to come train my children.

Hiss snap!

Hiss!

Because they don't listen and obey Basic German Shepard.

"Come here and pick up your toys."

"Come back to the car until we are all ready to walk in."

"Come back to the table and clear your dishes."

"Don't sit on the cat/dog/brother/sister/banana."

"Sit down when you are eating."

"Sit on your own side of the couch."

"No telling your brother there is a scary monster in the closet."

"No throwing spaghetti on the dog."

"No locking your sister out of the house."

"GO TO BED!!!"

"Go get dressed."

"Go tell you father."

"Stay with your brother while I go to the bathroom."

"Stay in the children's area while I go check out our library books."

"Stay off the table."

Hiss snap!

I can't get them to comply with one single command.

Sometimes I even say please.

It is embarrassing to even take them out in public.  They are little whirlwinds of noise and mayhem, and mothers scoop up their precious babies and run when they see my kids coming.  Today they were even ejected from the playroom at Chick-Fil'-A.  (Okay... it was ME who ejected them, but they had it coming).  I could hear their screaming inside the enclosed playroom all the way over on the other side of the restaurant, as I was getting a drink refill.  There was lots of hitting, kicking, chasing, pushing and shoving involved.

This is why I am on Zoloft.





The High Park Fire

On Saturday morning, June 9th, at 9:00 a.m., Rylan and I were on our way to karate.  Our drive is southbound, just a couple miles east of the foothills, along a wide stretch of openspace.  We noticed, up in the foothills, a thin, black smoke plume up snaking its way towards the sky.  We watched it again when we made our return trip home an hour later.  It was definitely bigger.

And so it began.  Over the next three weeks that little fire, sparked by a lightning strike, grew into an 87,000 acre wildfire, consuming some of the most picturesque landscape in all of northern Colorado.  It came dangerously close to our most favorite playground of all: the Red Feather Lakes district.  It also spared the boy scout and girl scout camps, my old Campfire camp which is now the Shambala Center, Mishiwaka and a few other landmarks along the way.  But.  In the meantime, 259 homes/structures have been destroyed, along with long stretches of forest land, portions of campgrounds, hiking trails, bridges and logging roads.  The fire reached 100% containment over a couple of weeks ago, and we have finally been blessed with some rain, after a solid five week dry spell.  Although now the rain is causing its own problems.

We live exactly two miles from the base of the foothills.  There are three neighborhoods between us and the mountains.  As soon as the fire began to grow, the smoke settled upon our city.  The winds would shift constantly, and the smoke would get so thick you would choke, and then it would clear and you could see blue sky.  Our clothes smelled constantly of smoke.  We couldn't open the windows at night because of the dense smoke that would settle in the low areas.  At times ash would fall from the sky and it would look vaguely like it was snowing.  We are situated in the flight path of the airport, so all day long there would be air tankers, slurry bombers, Black Hawks, helicopters and helitankers flying overhead.  (the kids thought that was pretty cool)  It was hot, dry and windy each and every day.  Some days the plume looked like a monster.  Other days you couldn't see a plume at all - it was just a haze.  And still other days you couldn't see any smoke - yet the smell was still there.  Everything outside is covered with a light layer of ashy soot - from the water sprinklers pulling it from the air.  There was one day, in the early days of the fire, when I was truly afraid that it might jump the gap near the end of the long, narrow reservoir that lies just one foothill away from our city, and hook around and blaze through the neighborhoods at the south end of town - and head towards us.  When I saw that another wildfire, the Waldo Canyon fire down near Colorado Springs, did the exact same thing a few days later, I knew my fears weren't for not.  It's easy to feel safe and complacent, but at times a wildfire can be too big and too powerful for the scores of firefighters risking their lives to keep people safe and protect homes.

It was so hard to concentrate on our day-to-day lives, when so many were displaced and still others had already lost everything.  I so wanted to extend a hand and take in some animals or a family or...do something ... but life doesn't really afford me that ability right now, other than dropping off donations of basic goods to help the displaced families start over.  I can't wrap my head around the level of destruction that lies just 10-15 miles to the west of us.  Entire neighborhoods - small mountain enclaves that you never knew were there, gone.  The area was known for its rolling hills, wide valleys, small meadows, horse paddocks, marshes, forest, curving roads, cattle pasture, mountain peaks in all directions, ponds with beaver dams...  My kids got to see it once, last year when we went for a drive and the day turned south when we came upon a single motorcycle accident.  Now the area is stripped bare and left blackened - for decades and decades to come.  I am lucky that my only loss is a pretty view - and I feel really lame complaining about that when others have lost so much more.  But it really is a community loss - and we all feel it and are affected by it in different ways.  The mountains are what makes this area the great place it is!

June 11th, 2012  Day 2 of fire

Looking NW from daycamp, a recreation spot located 10 miles SE of where we live

June 13, 2012  Day 4 of fire

Same view from camp, looking NW.  Fire is advancing NE towards Bellvue and S/SE towards Buckhorn and Masonville

Later that day, view from Carpenter Rd. & Lemay Ave.  Black smoke indicates fire has reached a high-fuel area - most likely a beetlekill zone.

June 14, 2012  Day 5 of fire

Just a shot to show the incredible firefight that has been going on overnight.  The smoke plumes from the day before are gone.

June 17, 2012  Day 8 of fire

View from backyard.  Feeling nervous today.  It is has been very hot, dry and windy.

View from my dad's street, 3 miles NE of where we live.

June 25, 2012  Day 16 of fire

Horsetooth Reservoir, looking NW.  Smoke has filled entire valley.  Fire is at about 80% containment.

Down by swimbeach on the east side, looking directly across to the west.  This area was okay.

Same spot, panning towards the north.  You can see the border of the burn area.  A friend has a home just below the burn area - they were very lucky. 

Moved north along the reservoir and saw a helicopter stopping to fill its bucket, so I hopped out to snap a photo.

It was actually delivering the water to a truck to refill its tank.  (Here is an awesome picture of a Bambi bucket in action with this fire)  The truck was at the temporary camp set up for a portion of the scores of firefighters that have pored in from surrounding states to help.  The camp is situated near the NE edge of the reservoir - here is another picture of how close they were situated to the fire.

Same spot, looking north at Soldier Dam, and beyond that, the town of Bellvue.

We drove through Bellvue, relieved to see that the fire had been kept largely at bay in the immediate area, and drove on to the Poudre River for some time to cool off and play after our drive.  We also collected water samples.

We drove south, and passed by the entrance to the temporary fire camp, and saw tons of people holding signs and cheering as fire fighters began to arrive for the 12 hour shift-change.  It was a heart-warming sight to see, but I chose not to take a picture.  I snapped a photo of the sunset instead.

This last set of pictures was the first time that we have ventured out to see any of the fire damage.  I don't want to be branded a looky-loo, and it is important to stay out of the way of those who are doing their job.  It's frightening to think about close this fire came to our community.  Neighborhood after neighborhood was evacuated - places I had been multiple times throughout my time here and still others I had never heard of.  The childhood homes of my school friends were in danger.  The dirt roads where I practiced my driving skills, the hiking trails... the memories.

And then I think about all those families that are displaced now that their homes and livelihoods are destroyed.  It brought forth the awful thoughts about what it would be like to lose everything - except what you managed to take with you in your car.  I thought about it last week as I cleaned out the remainder of non-clothing 'stuff' from our family closet - clearing out all of my mementos so I could store them elsewhere.  My scrapbooks, photo albums, old letters, birthday cards, family heirlooms, journals and calendars, books and so forth.  Several boxes worth.  I could not imagine trying to take it all with me - there would not be enough room!  But how awful it would feel to lose all of that.  I just couldn't bare it.  How could you possibly prioritize?  And what if you weren't home?  What if you left for work and then found out your neighborhood had been evacuated?  Your pets are at home, along with all of the items they say you should take with you - papers, photos, prescriptions, personal computer and so forth.  It is awful to see the anguish on people's faces when they are turned away at a roadblock, and their livestock is in harm's way.  It is tough on either end - I know that safety is paramount - but it is gut-wrenching to hear about situations like that.


Last week we took a drive as soon as Dean got home from work.  I wanted water samples for our water study from the river right in the burn area, and I felt enough time had passed that we could drive through the area and not be a total nuisance.  I was actually pleasantly surprised by what we could see from the road - but I know that we didn't drive through the areas that were hit the worst.

We headed north on CR 27 (Buckhorn Rd) from Masonville toward Hwy 14 and the Poudre River.  This was one of the first patches of burn that we saw..

The fire topped the ridge to the east, working its way through a large stand of beetle-kill..

This is why I love this road - it is so beautiful!  Some areas looked pretty bad, but then there were remarkable stretches such as this... so all is not lost.

Again and again we marveled at some of the miraculous saves that the fire crews made.  This is one of the largest horse barns in the area.  They evidently held their ground.  Amazing!

There were lots of strange scorch marks everywhere you looked...

We think that the fire crews set the underbrush on fire in this area to remove the fuel.  Almost all of the trees we saw in 'unburned' areas were scorched at the base.

And yet, just barely two weeks after the fire... grass!

The view from Poudre Canyon, at Stove Prairie Landing, looking east.

On our way to the river to take a water sample.  Note the burn area just above Jordan.

Yuck... (gosh how I love pudgy toddler feet though!)

The mud had a very strange consistency - it was like Oobleck!

One of the areas where the fire jumped the river.

The entrance road to Mountain Park Campground, my stomping grounds in childhood.  The fire reached the very southern side of the campground, but no real damage was done.

The large rock formations that are above the campground.  I can remember hiking up to them as a kid - and I thought it was soooo far...  I think it is just bizarre how the fire was so sporadic in where it spread.

So there you have it.  This is has been my preoccupation for the past six weeks.  The hot, dry summer season isn't over yet, but I hope that with the fire bans continuing to stay in place, that we avoid any more fire in the area for the rest of the season.  This particular fire was started by a lightning strike that smoldered for a couple of days before it erupted into flames that Saturday morning back on June 9th.  But that is all it takes.  A careless toss of a cigarette butt.  An errant gun shell.  A gas stove.  A hot exhaust manifold...  All of these were culprits of starting fires in Colorado this summer.  Be careful out there!

Only YOU can prevent forest fires!

Happy Pills

Hooray for drugs!  Why the hell did I wait so long??

My annual exam and mammogram was this past week.  Once again I complained to my OBGYN that I am having horrible mood swings associated with my period and trouble coping with all that I have on my plate.  Last year she mentioned an antidepressant and I opted for therapy instead.  Which lasted three sessions and then morphed into some serious keyboard time on the blog.  A year has come and gone, and while it is true that some things are better, the mood swings are as bad as ever and I am still not coping.  Not in the least.  So she mentioned going on Zoloft and I could not drive to the pharmacy fast enough. 

I am now on day four.  I am feeling pretty good.  Really damn good.  Like shit-just-rolls-off-my-back kind of good.  I've been on my own with the kids this weekend while Dean and Jordan are on a campout, and even that has gone well.  I usually have a teary episode (or two) where I feel overwhelmed, but not so this weekend.  I even smiled and joked with the kids - which doesn't happen often.  I just may have my smile back, people.  If you know me and my past, that is saying something.  A serious amount of something.

Another test came today by way of a comment I received out there in social-media ville. It made me instantly feel like I was a four year old child and someone was towering above me shaking their finger at me.  And it hurt my feelings.  It's a little thing.  But it hurt.  Normally I would stew about it for hours, even days.  I would feel embarrassed and not venture out into social media, period.   I would withdraw, and emotionally castigate myself and feel stupid and awkward and all of that.  And I would snarl at my kids and possibly my husband and then toss down a bowl of ice cream.

I am pleased to report I did none of that.  It rolled off my back and I let it go at the time.  I didn't stew, but I knew I would want to write about it here.  Writing helps.  The drugs mellow out the lows (no highs around here) and greatly diminish my anger response, so that when it does come time to respond/process, I can do so at a much calmer state.  Hallelujah!

As for the depression side of things, it has definitely helped with the feelings of overwhelmedness.  I am a recovering perfectionist.  I hate clutter and mess, and when it is just a little bit, I am obsessive-compulsive about keeping an area 'clean'.  But there seems to be this tipping point - and when the clutter reaches a critical mass, I can no longer cope.  I know it's there, I just choose to no longer see it.  And pray that no one comes over.  And slowly, area by area, the house just descends into complete chaos.  That's when you see me huddled in a corner, teeth chattering, mumbling to myself.  It's a family issue.  I am so overwhelmed that I don't even know how to begin to address it.  (I know... go shine my sink....blah, blah, blah)  The meds will keep me from retreating to the corner, and also help me to keep a more positive perspective as we work through this as a family. 

So a few words of encouragement for those of you out there teetering on the edge.  Don't be afraid to ask your doctor for help.  Don't be afraid of a stigma or a perceived weakness.

My name is Kirsten and I have chronic depression and anger-management issues.

I take the anti-depressant Zoloft.  And it is helping me find my way back to joy.

Happy Fourth!

This Fourth of July had a very different 'feel' this year.  Fireworks are the furthest from anyone's mind - everyone is scared to death of another fire.  It is so dry here that just driving over a field can spark a fire.

Our city ditched its usual fireworks display due to safety concerns, but it did do something new this year - a parade!  This year is the 100th anniversary of our City Park, so the city chose to hold a parade on the 4th of July in honor of this anniversary.  Since 2012 is also the 100th anniversary of Girl Scouts, they asked our council if they would like to participate in the parade, by having the girls wear vintage uniforms and carry the banners for different segments of the parade.  The 'theme' of the parade was 'Transportation' (which makes total sense.. to absolutely no one) and was divided into different eras.

Rylan giving me the 'thumbs up'

The council put the call out a couple of weeks ago for scouts of all ages to walk in the parade, and Rylan readily volunteered.  She was the youngest scout there, and they had her wear a Brownie uniform from 1929.  She had a little hat (that looked more like a Hershey's kiss) and a brown linen dress with bloomers.  The parade route was almost two miles, but luckily it was early enough in the day that it wasn't too hot.

We had a good time people watching and parade watching.  This is the first parade we attended together as a family in years.  It was wonderful to walk along the parade route, after dropping Rylan off at the starting point and see so many people in their patriotic finest!

Lots of old cars... A-OO-GUH!

I'm a sucker for VW bugs!  And look!  It's our neighbors!  I won't point them out, but it's freaky when you look at pictures later on and realize your next door neighbors are in them.  Weird.

This was the best.  You could hear the cheers erupting from the crowd all up and down the parade route.  Firefighters have a special place in our hearts around here...

We grabbed some lunch after the parade, and then headed to the river to relax and cool off in the shade.  It had hit 94F by this point.  uugh.

We set up on the sandy shore and the kids immediately set about building a rock wall that stretched halfway into the river.  A nice couple was already at work on this project, so the kids just pitched in.  Not sure what purpose the wall was supposed to serve, other than the rocks were 'here' and *needed* to be moved 'there'.

We adults did not *need* to move.  It was too hot.

This guy survived three separate assaults by young children in the quest to hold him.  I do believe he will see another day.

Finished!  The on-site wall-building engineer (Dean) was certain that the wall was diverting the water in such a way that it made the tubers go fractionally faster as they floated by.  I think he spent a little too long in the sun hauling rocks from 'here' to 'there'.

And that was our day.  No agenda (other than the parade) and that made it immensely enjoyable.  So many good-natured people out and about today - at the park and at the river - all wishing each other a happy Fourth.  I have not heard a single firecracker all day, and for that (at least this year) I am eternally thankful - it means local citizens are taking the drought situation very seriously.

So thankful for the great community and country that we live in!

The Mother of All composters

Meanwhile, back on the farm...

I've wanted a composter forever.  Last year the compost was a heap of 'schtuff (and all of the evil leftover straw) at the end of one of the garden beds.  It was only partially decomposed at the beginning of this growing season, but I distributed it among the different beds anyway, and vowed that we would do it 'right' this year.

This of course meant begging my husband to build a proper compost bin (which doesn't really require begging - he loves any excuse to use power tools).  We had differing ideas about how elaborate we wanted the construction to be. 

This was mine:

This was his:



The man with the tools wins.  Which I suppose is fair, because he is the one building it.  We brought home the goods and he built it, I stained it.

I didn't know we were getting a two-fer - a composter AND a tornado shelter!

Friends joked that we now had a kid organizer.  We even added lids per Shawn's idea that we should keep them organized AND contained.  Yes.  Good idea.  But then I filled it with 'schtuff anyway and got the heap going.  I'll turn it into the next bin come fall and start another heap next spring.  So nice to have a place for scraps  - away from the garden and the house, so the flies, mice and snakes can have their heyday and not bother me.  Thank you honey!!!!