The State of the Union

A wedding anniversary is the celebration

of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity.

The order varies for any given year.

~Paul Sweeney

A couple of years ago my friend, Lorin, shared with me an annual ritual that she and her husband have, called the 'State of the Union'.  It is a frank discussion between marriage partners (over copious amounts of food and wine) about the state of the marriage.  It is a way to safely express concerns, air grievances, strategize and set goals for the coming year - all for the sake of keeping the lines of communication open and honest.  I loved the idea, but just never got around to sharing it with Dean and working it in to our already busy lives.  But 'busy' means that touchy emotions can get buried... which is dangerous.

This past week we celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary while we were on vacation in OKC.  It actually worked out to our advantage - the grandparents were all too happy to babysit, and we could enjoy an upscale dining experience and have some time to actually talk, instead of refereeing the little people and dodging three different pairs of legs as they wildly kicked at each other under the table.

So, with two lovely glasses of chilled Reilsing in hand, we toasted to our happiness and began our first 'State of the Union'.  The topics which you can choose to discuss are only limited by your imagination, but for this time around we worked off of the list that Lorin emailed me...

* division of labor

* parenting

* homeschool

* sex

* finances

* work

* time alone

* travel

* friends

* church

* website/blog/home business

* family (like inlaws)

* home projects

* goals

It was so nice to have a framework for discussion!  Luckily, for us, the potential hot-button issues (division of labor/parenting/finances) had already been hashed out previously (thank you Financial Peace University!!) and have been in 'maintainence mode' for a while.  We only got halfway through our discussion before dinner and dessert were over - we saved the rest until the drive home (a fine way to pass the time in Kansas).

I think that one of the most important aspects of a union is to acknowledge that you are marriage partners first, and parents second.  It is hard to remember that, sometimes, in the midst of chores, schooling and doctor appointments.