Basic German Shepard

"Come, Sit, No, Go, Stay"

None of my children posses even a novice-level grasp of these commands.

Cesar Millan, I need you. 

I need you to come train my children.

Hiss snap!

Hiss!

Because they don't listen and obey Basic German Shepard.

"Come here and pick up your toys."

"Come back to the car until we are all ready to walk in."

"Come back to the table and clear your dishes."

"Don't sit on the cat/dog/brother/sister/banana."

"Sit down when you are eating."

"Sit on your own side of the couch."

"No telling your brother there is a scary monster in the closet."

"No throwing spaghetti on the dog."

"No locking your sister out of the house."

"GO TO BED!!!"

"Go get dressed."

"Go tell you father."

"Stay with your brother while I go to the bathroom."

"Stay in the children's area while I go check out our library books."

"Stay off the table."

Hiss snap!

I can't get them to comply with one single command.

Sometimes I even say please.

It is embarrassing to even take them out in public.  They are little whirlwinds of noise and mayhem, and mothers scoop up their precious babies and run when they see my kids coming.  Today they were even ejected from the playroom at Chick-Fil'-A.  (Okay... it was ME who ejected them, but they had it coming).  I could hear their screaming inside the enclosed playroom all the way over on the other side of the restaurant, as I was getting a drink refill.  There was lots of hitting, kicking, chasing, pushing and shoving involved.

This is why I am on Zoloft.