Outside my window this morning...

Well hello there little miss Iris!  You are five weeks early, BTW.

I am glad to see you though.

My charges while my dad is away.  They have grown about six inches in eight days!

Someone heard me sneaking out to take pictures.
(that window is absolutely filthy isn't it?)

Our first-ever bird's nest.  Jordan spied a robin gathering grass in the backyard yesterday.  I saw him again this morning, and he wasn't even deterred as Abby came over to investigate.  This will be fun to watch over the coming weeks.

Bolting!!  Already?
When you want blooms, you use the term 'flowering'.  When the blooms are undesireable, you use the term 'bolting'.  Rhubarb has the tendency to bolt when the weather gets too warm, and the soil becomes dry and in need of nutrients.  Some plants are also prone to bolting - mine, a 'Valentine' is among them.  If you allow a rhubarb to bolt, the plant will focus more of its energy into the bloom(s), instead of growing nice-sized stalks for harvest.  If you want a good crop, you should remove the flower buds as soon as you see them.  This one appeared just a few days ago and has grown at least a foot in that span of time.  I lopped it off after taking the picture, along with about five others.  Geesh.  It has been hot and dry for the past several weeks - and I've only watered the rhubarb plant as an afterthought.  Oops.  It is also about four years old - it is time to divide it.

Redesigning a perfectly acceptable grocery store? Fail.

So there I was, this past Sunday night, at 8:35pm, getting ready to go grocery shopping.  Ideally I should be getting the weekly shopping trip done on a Saturday afternoon, but lately it's been sliding into the last possible time slot late on a Sunday night.  I shop two places: I first hit Super Target to get all of the canned goods, household-type stuff (t.p., detergent, soap, diapers, etc..), bread and cookies/crackers.  It is much cheaper there.  I categorically refuse to shop at Walmart.  I cannot fathom shopping for food and smelling the yucky smell of tires at the same time.  It just doesn't work for me.  Besides....have you seen the people of Walmart?  :)  Even in our little patch of Heaven here in Colorado there are some scary-assed people who shop there.

Anyways... back to the story.  I realize it's 8:35, and Target closes at 9pm on Sundays.  Stupid Target.  So I grabbed my list, purse and shopping bags and threw a 'good-bye' over my shoulder.  I made inside the Target building at 8:47.  I threw my stuff in the cart and took off.  I never stopped the cart moving.  I was still moving as I chucked this-and-that into the cart.  I entered the lanes at exactly 9pm, with an overflowing cart.  Mind you, a big bulk of the cart was filled with large packages of paper towels, toilet paper and a box of diapers.  I was on fire!  (I have to celebrate the victories...no matter how small).

I then headed down the road to the grocery store.  I put on my headphones (the only reason I love to do the grocery shopping is so that I can get some time to just zone out) and struck out for the far side of the store.  I am a creature of habit.  I walk along the exact same serpentine-style path throughout the store, every time.  A couple of years ago I decided that I should write up my grocery list so that it follows that path.  I went to the store and hung out for about three hours, with clipboard in hand, and as I walked down each aisle, looking L & R, I wrote down every last possible item that I would normally use in day-to-day meal prep.  Each aisle is numbered, and I always enter a particular aisle from a specific direction, and the list for that aisle is in the order I encounter it.  I listed the entire dairy case as I would walk along it in the back of the store, and then broke up the meat department, deli, bakery and produce.

I am sensing some serious eye-rolling going on.  C'mon!   All I can say is that this system shaves an incredible amount of time off of a normal shopping trip.  There is no back-tracking (unless you forgot to put something on the list), and the simple act of working through a list removes any need to strain your brain and actually think.  I am typically 'done' with thinking at about 5pm everyday.  I can't go much beyond that.  I just print off a list when I am ready, I open up the cupboards and look at what we are low on, fill in what I need for any of my recipes for that week's menu and I am good to go.  I also have a list for Target, but it is just broken into categories because it was designed for the older Target.  Now that I do some of the grocery shopping there, I need to tweak it and actually break it out into aisles as well.

So.  Here is my predicament.  I walked back to my usual starting place in the back corner - working along the dairy case, when I notice that there is a small army of temporary workers filling grocery carts with stuff.  Uh-oh.  They were emptying the shelves.  Lots of shelves.  I had to fight off some guy just so I could grab the last gallon of milk.  Dude!  My poor starving children need milk to drink!  As I walked along, swatting away hands so that I could get some butter and yogurt, I stopped and asked a team of two younger guys filling a cart what it was that they were doing.  (Was there some sort of eColi outbreak going on??)  "Oh, well, we are moving stuff around."  Shit.

I gathered up the rest of my groceries and went to the checkout.  I went through a lane with two younger guys (Why choose the guys?  Because they tend to spill the beans more.  They love to bitch about their jobs, so they are the ones to go to when you want the dirt).  Yep.  Just as I feared.  The idiots at corporate, who never set foot in a grocery store themselves because their wives or housekeepers do it, made the decision that our store needed a remodel.  Which means that EVERYTHING will be moving around, over the next several months.  Items will be moved, and then moved again.  Worse yet, the design will be similar to the other stores in town, where the long, parallel aisles are a thing of the past.  Islands, diagonals, intersections... it will be an organizational nightmare.

I have just one question.  WHY WHY WHY do they not ask us - the primary grocery shoppers - what we would like in a store?  Where was the survey?  If we are the ones opening our wallets each and every week, forking over hundreds of dollars for over-priced food - shouldn't we have a say in what the shopping 'environment' should be like?

Here is what I would say:

Don't roll your pallets of food out at 9 o'clock at night.  You are IN MY WAY. 

Please restock the bananas.

Adults should be able to get a free cookie too.

Ban the plastic shopping bags.  Really.

Make the aisles wider.  When I can't get my cart around the three frat boys arguing over how many cans of pork-n-beans to buy, I get massivly irritated.

Same goes for the lovey-dovey twenty-somethings that flock to the store in the late-evening hours to figure out what they are going to make for dinner - they aimlessly wander - arm-in-arm of all things, up and down the aisles.

Please stop shoving candybars in my face in the checkout lane.

You need to put handwipes/sanitizer by the meat case.

I know this seems like a petty little thing, when such serious stuff is happening all over the globe.  But, when in your own little existence the weekly shopping trip is considered your 'sanity saving get-away', it's huge.

Simple Woman's Daybook



Outside my window... Sunny and breezy!  Dean is going to turn on the sprinklers today (unheard of for April) because the grass in the front yard is bone dry...  Hopefully he will get the first mow done as well.

I am thinking... That the signs that the kids are growing up are coming too fast and furious for me to be able to process...  Jordan reached the chapter on growth and development chapter in his science book.  It was time anyway to sit down and talk it out, so Dean, Jordan and I have been having intermittent conversations and Q&A (when the other kids weren't around) for the past couple of days.  It is refreshing to be totally frank and honest, and also disturbing the amount that he already knew thanks to his mom jumping the gun last summer.  Her version of instruction?  "Don't bring home a baby before you're 18".  yep... that about sums up my frustrations with that whole situation.

Moving on... Rylan is getting fiercely independent with her schoolwork - which is causing issues, Owen is able to remind me on a nightly basis that he is ready for his breathing treatment and wants to walk around the library with me and help select his library books.  Colin's vocabulary is blowing me away. I love this age the best. 

I am thankful... For the lovely family weekend we have been having.  Last night Jordan and Rylan slept outside on the trampoline for the first time.  The weather was fairly mild - the kids slept in silk thermals and wore socks and stocking caps.  They said they were pretty warm.  Dean and I joined them for a short time - around 11pm to midnight.  We watched the sky, looking for the meteors that were supposed to put on quite a show.  I think we were a little early.  There were lots of clouds moving across the sky and it sprinkled a little bit.  It was still a very nice time.  Until the next-door neighbor decided that 11:35pm was the most excellent time to do some yard work.  WTF?  I don't get those people...at..all.


From the Learning Rooms... We had an awesome week!

On Monday we did the usual stuff and then wandered over to a small natural area, called Dragonfly's Lair, in a neighborhood area next to ours.

We did an aquatic insect class here about three years ago.  There used to be a large deck that went out over the water where the kids are standing in this picture, but it is gone now.  The city must have removed it...probably a liability thing.  :(

Rylan found a couple of lost and forgotten Easter eggs left over from a neighborhood hunt last week.  There was even candy inside, but she made the good choice not to eat it.

Not much water in the ditch yet, but there were still some interesting things to watch.

Later that afternoon we did some craft time.  This became a fuzzy "C"aterpillar after Owen glued on a jillion pom-poms.

On Tuesday we had a counseling session and karate back-to-back, so the schoolwork suffered a bit.  But we managed to work in a decent math session in the morning.  It is the hardest part of the day - trying to work with three different kids, simultaneously.  Believe me I have fiddled with the schedule every which way, but when all three of them tackle this sort of work best in the early morning, what else can you do?  There are only so many minutes to work with.  So I do my best to keep all three doing different bits independently, while I spread out the one-on-one time.  Owen is able to keep focused for a surprising amount of time - as long as it is like 'play'.  It also helps that he has done this activity sheet once before (weeks ago).

He is using Thinking Kids' Math

Rylan is progressing on to adding up numbers bigger than five.  So I made up a game in that she rolled the die twice.  The first time she put together that certain number of unifix cubes, rolled the die again and added up that number in a different color and attached it to the first set.  Then she added the sets together.  She was completely irritated with me, so it didn't go over so well.  Math has been a struggle for her and I lately...



The rest of the week was spent getting the bulk of the work done each day.  It was one of our most productive weeks yet - which is big for me.  I feel like we are coming out of this hazy cloud of pregnancy/birth/newborn/baby time period that has lasted for the past four years, and now we can make some real strides in digging into cool stuff.  We have a lot of lost time to make up for.  Jordan is reading about Egyptian mythology, Rylan is learning about using a compass, and Owen learned how to use scissors and glue this week, while making his "C".  That child has been the most obstinate when it comes to crafty stuff.  Rylan taught herself...so this is more than I bargained for.

In the kitchen... Dean whipped up cinnamon rolls, scrambled eggs and bacon this morning.  I of course 86'ed the eggs, but it is a joy to just pull up to the computer and have my husband do the cooking - love ya honey!

I am wearing... A nice dark blue sundress that has really been in my closet for way too long.  It's time to refresh my wardrobe.  I'm taking the little kids to church in just a bit - so we all need to look nice.


I am creating... A new email account and all of the headaches that go with that. I have lost the war with spam on my old account.

I am going... To church in a bit, and then to the greenhouse later today.  It is Earthday afterall!!


I am wondering... There are some really crazy theories that eleven year old boys come up with regards to all things pertaining to sexual reproduction. It is hard to keep a straight face at times...

I am reading... Still reading The Brightest Star in the Sky, by Marion Keyes.  I made it about another 20 pages this week.  I was devoted to getting schoolwork done.

I am hoping... For some time in the garden later today.


I am looking forward to... Exploring the plant offerings a the greenhouse.  It has been a long time.  Too long!

I am learning... About Singapore math.  I'm trying to figure out what it is that makes it "Asian Math".  How is "Asian Math" different - and will I really screw up the kids if I make a switch?  I need to spend some time digging around on blogs this afternoon.


I am hearing... Colbie Caillat on Spotify


Around the house... Getting the sprinklers running (and problem solving about where exactly to position the trampoline.

I am pondering... That the testes of little boys don't descend until they are older - like 6 or 7?  I didn't know that.  Dean says it is the male body's way of protecting the testes until there is adequate growth/blood supply to the scrotum to protect them and keep the temperature constant.  Hmm.  Learn something new every day!


One of my favorite things... Watching the kiddos dance to music.

A few plans for the rest of the week... Dinner out with my mom and aunts tomorrow night, a nature walk play date with homeschooling friends midweek, and a Daisy field trip with a Master Naturalist on Friday.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

I set Colin on the trampoline this morning to wake up Jordan and Rylan.  Rylan was about to lose her purple stocking hat.  Colin bounced around, yet had no idea that his older brother and sister were sleeping amongst all those pillows and blankets.  He saw Jordan's blue sleeping bag moving, and just stared and stared.  He finally bounced over and peeked inside the bag, and Jordan made him about jump out of his skin.  Hilarious...

To read more entries and visit a variety of other blogs, go here...



The parent as the teacher

See how they're both smiling?  They haven't started the lesson yet.  Just wait...

Every homeschooling situation is different.  Every family is different.  And most certainly, every child is different.  In our household, we have lots of different temperaments, levels of maturity and prior experience happening simultaneously.

Jordan:  He is eleven and is on daily meds for ADHD.  He attended public school for K and 1st grade.  He never once questioned the parent/teacher relationship once we started school at home.  He accepted the switch from public to homeschooling without even blinking, and is actually a model student.  It only took me five years to realize that. (once I started working with Rylan).  He hardly ever balks at an assignment - unless it involves any kind of writing.  He even ASKS if he can start his work as soon as possible - but I know this is because the only thing standing between him and playing Minecraft on the computer with his homeschool friends is schoolwork.  Still.  He ASKS to do schoolwork.  ??  When I am done with being dumbfounded by this I'll let you know.  It could be awhile.

Rylan: She is five and easily distractable and exuberant.  Not in a bad way, but it does get in the way of lessons at times.  Rylan loves to read - only she loves to read what SHE wants to read.  Not about whales.  Not about Canadians.  Not about a vegetable garden.  Not about the stars in the sky.  She can count and add things that are all around us, yet when I line up counters on the desktop she shuts down and asks for some candy.  Dramatic sighs.  Eye rolls.  Lots of eye-rubbing and blinking.  The dropping of the pencil...  In her way of thinking, I am *just* mom... I'm not supposed to be teaching her stuff!

Owen: Is four and the most stubborn child on Earth.  Last week we at least accomplished the small feat of using scissors for the first time.  I'm not kidding.  He loves the alphabet and counting, but God help you if you dare put a crayon in his hand and ask him to draw a line across a page.

Some days I just feel like I am not cut out for this and begin to question my sanity.  I have a small freakout that I am ruining my kids' lives by thinking that I can actually do this.  And then it gets better.  We (homeschoolers) all have the occasional blip where we begin to second-guess ourselves.  Seriously... admit it - How many times have you threatened your kids with "Public School" in the past year?  The past month?  With Jordan this threat works great.  You can even see the fear in his eyes.  But with Rylan I would never dare say it to her.  She would respond with "Can I start tomorrow?  Can I get a purple lunchbox and a new backpack?"

We have monthly meetings for our homeschooling group, and I swear it is the dialogue with other moms that keeps me going.  It is so affirming to hear that I am not alone.  My kids aren't nincompoops.  They are just normal kids who would rather play than do schoolwork.  I'm not the only one who has a nonspeller and a nonwriter.  I'm not the only one who has multiple learning styles to contend with.  One thing I can say is that we know our kids.  It is awesome to hear moms run through all of the different strengths and weaknesses of their kids when it comes to learning and being so dedicated to finding something that works.  It may take months to sort out where the problems lies, but by golly we're going to find it!  (Did I just say 'by golly'?)  I think that the general public doesn't realize how much time and research homeschooling parents put in to figuring their kids out.  We study learning styles, modalities, behavioral psychology and a small host of other topics, just so we can give our kids the best of what we can.

I don't quite have a handle on what to do about Rylan.  She is only five.  But a pattern is emerging, and I need to steer her in another direction.  I am 'mom', but it is our job together to see that she knows all of the cursory knowledge that she needs to know to be a well-educated citizen of the world.  It is not my job to make her a specialist at anything - when she is 18, (hopefully more like 20 - I don't want her going to college right away) that is her job.  She decides what direction her life will take from that point on.

Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... Sunny yet cold and windy.  Which means it will be another tough day for our friends and family that live out in Kansas and Oklahoma.  So many tornadoes...

I am thinking... About the people who were on the Titanic.  We've been watching several different shows highlighting the disaster that have been on all last week.  We're saving the James Cameron Nat Geo. special for tonight.  There were a lot of heroes that night one hundred years ago...

I am thankful... That Owen's cardiac appointment went okay last week.  The specialist concurred with Owen's pediatrician that the sound they were hearing is called a Still's Murmur.  Totally benign and nothing to worry about.  Owen was a trooper during the appointment.  He tends to get uncooperative when people fuss over him.

From the Learning Rooms... We had another productive week, due in part to Jordan's persistence in getting all of his work done.  All schoolwork completed = time to play Minecraft.  Rylan's incentive is coming in the form of a sticker star chart.  She picked out a doll (which has been purchased) and she will earn it once she completes 25 full math lessons - which is the one area of study that we struggle with getting completed.

In the kitchen... I cooked all week.  The highlight meal was a blackened chicken penne from the current issue of Taste of Home.  It is even better than the one at Chili's.  Pioneer Woman's Duchess Potatoes were a complete flop for everyone but Owen - he loved them.  I should have reconsidered when the recipe called for 8 egg yolks.  I.  hate.  eggs.  I can't stand anything 'eggy'.  What was I thinking??  It took an hour's worth of effort to make the darn things too...

I am wearing... what else?  pjs.

 

I am creating... Nothing at the moment..

I am going... To Kinko's to laminate some stuff and grocery shopping - preferably before 10 pm tonight.  Last week I did the grocery shopping that late, and ended up having to take an overflowing cart of groceries through the self-check aisle because all of the checkers had been sent home because it was so slow.  It took me twenty minutes.  My ice cream was soup by the time I got home.  Not.  Happy.

I am wondering... How long this warm dry weather is going to last. Even my iris are beginning to form blooms. They don't usually bloom until the beginning of June!

I am reading... Brightest Star in the Sky, by Marian Keyes.  Not sure why, but it is hard to get going on this one...

I am hoping... That getting through the backlog of laundry, the list-making and grocery shopping, the lesson out-lining and subsequent trip to the library and the worksheet preparing won't take me all day today.  But nothing beats the feeling of being prepared for the upcoming week.

I am looking forward to... a meeting with homeschooling friends on Tuesday night, and Jordan's karate sparring and forms tournament on Saturday.

I am learning... Well, I just learned about the Still's Murmur.  It took me this long to remember to look it up.  It makes my head swim a little bit, but it is fascinating to think about how your blood moves through all of those intricate parts.

 

I am hearing...  Abbi's toenails clicking on the floor as she follows Colin around. He has a graham cracker, and he has been teasing her a little bit.

Around the house... Dean finished repairing the gaping hole in the fence yesterday.  We had a loose fence post combined with a panel of pickets that was pulling away.  There has been a gap between fence post and panel for a few years now - but it was getting continually wider.  Luckily, Abbi is fat and lazy and a little bit of a wuss, so we weren't concerned about her getting out.  But as the fence post got looser, it was clear that a big wind would take the whole thing down.  So Dean has spent the last week chipping out the old concrete and removing the fence post and replacing it and replacing some other rotten boards.  It looks nice and secure now.  We have another loose fence post to contend with, so I suppose it is next on the list.

I also need to get out to the garden and get busy.  I am so late in getting the spinach, peas and lettuce in...  The rhubarb is just about reading for picking!?!  Crazy weather this year.  Yep.... global warming is indeed a 'myth'.  (snort)

I am pondering... That the idiots who think global warming is a myth need to be fed to the starving polar bears.

One of my favorite things... Tulips.  They are blooming all over town and are indeed beautiful.  I don't completely hate spring. 

A few plans for the rest of the week... Unfortunately it is not always possible to slate all Dr. appointments to the last week of the month.  Jordan has counseling on Tuesday and all of the kids go to see the dentist on Wednesday.  Jordan's last archery class is on Thursday, and then he has his sparring competition on Saturday.  He is competing in two events: a curriculum form and sparring.  Four different schools are taking part in the competition.  Rylan could have competed too, but she said, 'No way!  Not in front of all of those people!".  Belt testing is one thing - when you get up with your whole class, but I guess competition is different - it is just you.  I don't blame her - I wouldn't want to either!

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

A tea party...

To read more entries and visit a variety of other blogs, go here...

War paint

Last night was book club.  I have personally referred to it as 'Mommy Book Club' ever since we got together through the now-defunct NoCoMoms website nearly five years ago, but I think it is officially known as 'My Drinking Club has a Book Problem'.  We even have a Facebook page.  Johi named it (that is her in the front, on the right) and I know I've mentioned it a few times, but she has one of the most hilarious, snarky mommy blogs out there - check her out sometime... 

Anyways..I took this photo (well, the waitress did) for two reasons.  First, I wanted a photo of us (sadly, we are missing one member who couldn't make it) because these ladies are a big part of my life, and I want to remember what we looked like while we were all still pretty.  :)   (snort)  The second reason is that my husband gave me a hard time (jokingly) as I was going out the door because I was heading out for a 'secret date' or something.  (snort even louder).  So I needed proof that I was, indeed, with a bunch of women discussing how bad PMS has been lately, how annoying it is when kids climb into your bed early in the morning, how annoying it is when husbands are up late at night playing video games (luckily not my problem!), and - oh, yeah.. the book.  We had a great discussion about the book (see last post) - it was one of our longest book discussions!  Usually they last an epic 6-8 minutes.

Since I had the time in the early evening to wash off the grime of the day and fix my hair and make up, I thought I would put some effort into it.  Date nights are the only other time I do that, but since they only seem to happen about twice a year, I've got to come up with another reason.  I don't usually wear make up anymore because let's face it, there is no reason to put on mascara when the only thing you are going to do that day is sort socks, change diapers, cook mac n' cheese and struggle through a math lesson with your 11 year old.  I'll end up rubbing my eyes in frustration anyway.

As I was getting ready, I actually had the bathroom to myself for a short while and was enjoying some music (U2) while I was drying and curling my hair.  I thought back to the time when doing my hair and makeup was a daily/nightly ritual.  I either worked or had classes during the day, and 5 nights a week I had my waitressing job.  That meant two showers a day, the blow drying, the curling, the dressing (panythose -- uugh) the makeup and so on and so on - twice a day.  For 12 solid years that was my life.  And then I got married and had three kids.  Rather abruptly I stored all of it away in bins and rarely ever took it out.  There was no time, and no point.  It used to be unthinkable to ever leave the house without a stitch of makeup on.  I would be mortified... What if I ran into someone at the store??  Now, I do it without a second thought.  And so does the majority of women in my life.  I do not like to stereotype homeschoolers - but most of the moms that show up at Park Day do so without makeup.  And they are beautiful.  :)

My dad would refer to my makeup as 'war paint'.  As a teenager I would agonize on whether or not I had the 'right' shade of eyeshadow.  My Seventeen magazines (is that even around anymore?) were propped up so that I could do my best to copy whatever look I was going for at the time...  Of course now I lament about how pointless it was to base so much of my self-concept on how I looked.  As a mother of a daughter, it is my single wish that she handle that much better than I did.

As of now, we are off to a rocky start.  She will smear all sorts of glittery goo from her princess makeup kit on her cheeks, lips, eyes... anywhere.  And then she will make the comment, "Oh, don't I look beautiful?  I am sooo pretty!".  Ouch.  It is a delicate balance - I don't want to crush her self-confidence, but I also don't want her to be so prideful.  And the last thing I want her to think is that you need makeup to be pretty.  Yet, I must look like a hypocrite standing there in front of the mirror carefully applying my eyeliner in the effort to .... what?  Look pretty?

yep.  life is full of contradictions.



The Long, Slow Burn



A book review...

and an epiphany

What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty is one of the best novels I have read in a long, long time.  It gave me so many facets of my own life to reflect on.  The story is about Alice, a 39 year old mother of three who falls off of her spin bike at the gym and hits her head - only to wake up and have the previous 10 years worth of memories completely gone.  She thinks she is 29 and pregnant with her first child.  She is happily married.  She is close to her sister and enjoys a quiet, unassuming life.  Within a couple of days of the accident she begins to get the full picture of who she has become in those ten years that she now can't remember.  Nobody likes her except her snobby friends.  She is divorcing her husband (who can't stand her) and is in the midst of a nasty custody battle for their three children (that she can't even remember having).  She became a coffee and exercise addict, and had ascended the social scene to become one very involved mother - committees, class mom, etc...  She became the type of person her 29 year old self couldn't stand.  I felt so sad for Alice.  During one scene in the story, just a few days after the accident, her husband arrives at a family event where their daughter will be performing.  He lovingly greets the different family members who are there, and then greets her last.

     "How are you, Alice?"  His eyes were on the children.  He didn't look at her.  Alice was last to be greeted.  She was the least-favorite person.  He used his polite voice for her.

     "I'm well, thank you."  Do not under any circumstances cry.  She found herself longing, bizarrely, for Dominick.  For someone who liked her best.  How horrible it was to be despised.  To feel yourself be despicable."

He knows she has lost her memory, he knows that she still thinks that they are happily married, yet he can't bring himself to get past all of the hurt and anger that came about in the past ten years of their life together.  The books weaves and winds around her trying to make sense of who she had become, and to work at undoing the damage and trying to repair broken relationships.

(Spoiler Alert!)  You don't find out how it all gets resolved until the last few pages of the book.  I didn't see it coming yet I loved, loved the ending.  And a most wonderful passage literally moved me to tears...

     "Sometimes it was exhilaratingly easy to be happy again.  Other times they found that they did have to "try", and the trying seemed stupid and pointless and Alice would wake up in the middle of the night thinking of all the times Nick had hurt her and wondering why she hadn't stayed with Dominick.  But then there were the other times, unexpected quiet moments, where they'd catch each other's eyes, and all the years of hurt and joy, bad times and good times, seemed to fuse into a feeling that she knew was so much stronger, more complex and real, than any of those fledgling feelings for Dominick, or even the love she'd first felt for Nick in those early years.

     She had always thought that exquisitely happy time at the beginning of her relationship with Nick was the ultimate, the feeling they'd always be trying to replicate, to get back, but now she realized that was wrong.  That was like comparing sparkling mineral water to French champagne.  Early love is exciting and exhilarating.  It's light and bubbly.  Anyone can love like that.  But love after three children, after a separation and a near-divorce, after you've hurt each other and forgiven each other, bored each other and surprised each other, after you've seen the worst and the best - well, that sort of a love is ineffable.  It deserves its own word."

Wow.  A whole wave of different emotions came crashing through me when I read that.

Let me go back in time for a few moments to clarify some feelings here.  My marriage to Dean is my second marriage.  My first marriage went horribly wrong.  I met my ex in 1993.  In the following eleven years we moved in together, purchased a starter home, went back to school, got our degrees, got our first 'real' jobs, got engaged, sold our house and moved to a bigger house, and got married.  April 4, 2004 was our wedding day.  Sixteen days later, on April 20th, my ex told me he didn't love me anymore and that he was leaving.  (I found out later that he had been having an affair for the year prior to our wedding - they got pregnant before the divorce was even final)

(One of the many, many reasons I hate the month of April)

My life changed overnight.  My husband (soon to be ex) was gone.  So was about 95% of my social network.  To say I was devastated is a severe understatement.  I cannot even begin to convey the depth and breadth of the sense of loss and humiliation I experienced.  I still struggle with it to this day.  It is not the loss of love that I still mourn (yuck)... it is the loss of innocence, trust, friendships... and memories.  Those were hard, hard years, but rewarding all the same.  I cannot say that I would ever want to go back and relive them, but those years - from age 20 to 30 - are pretty important years in any one's life.  They define who you are as you become an adult.  And the primary people who were a part of those memories in my life simply vanished overnight.  I have no one to reminisce with.  I feel as though I lost an entire decade of my life to the sands of time - and those memories - the good and the bad - are without meaning now.  It's still hard to disengage from those feelings of loss as I struggle to redefine myself in current time.

The most difficult aspect of my new life was that of starting over.  I had no idea where to begin, and it just all felt so painfully awkward and abnormal.  I was 33 and feeling old and out of touch.  And the clock was ticking.  The whole concept of being single felt foreign to me.  I didn't belong to anyone and no one belonged to me.  Any new relationship meant that the whole intricate process of weaving personalities and lives together would begin... and that just sounded, well.... exhausting.  And, in my jaded eyes, futile.

Dean is an absolute blessing and a miracle that literally dropped into my lap.  I can't explain it any other way.  I had closed my eyes, closed my heart and gave up.  I had asked the Universe, on a daily basis (if not hourly) to deliver me from the lonely hell I was in.  I wanted to love again but I was too afraid.  I didn't want to get hurt again - I don't think my soul could bear it.  But, as fate would have it, Dean came into my life, and on March 16, 2005, Dean and I went out on our first date.  The process of memory making would now begin again.

Copper Mountain, 4-10-05

So here is one of our earliest memories.  I love this picture, apart from the tree sticking out of the top of my head.  We had been dating for approximately 3 weeks.  We spent a ski weekend up in Dillon.  We played pool and drank beer (I confess, Dean did not care for beer before he met me...I am such a bad influence), we skied and skied and skied.  We even got to ski an extra day because a bad snowstorm moved in and we couldn't make it home safely.  We went out to a nice Italian restaurant in Breckenridge.  We played Scrabble and I lost.  We played Backgammon and I lost - multiple times.  Come to think of it, we have not played it again since then.  Dean helped me pick out those ski goggles I am wearing at a store in Dillon.  Jordan now uses them.  We talked religion.  We talked politics.  We made fun of Texans.  I graded papers and emailed lesson plans because our extra ski day was on a Monday.  We listened to a lot of Depeche Mode.  We ate breakfast at the same diner each morning, and I saw first hand how much Dean LOVES pancake syrup.  We survived that first round of idiosyncrasies that make-or-break a relationship.  And the memory-building continued...

Loading umpteen thousand trailer load to move Dean into my (our) house.

Wine, chocolate strawberries and two overly tired 5 year-olds having a play date.

An official proposal on the front porch just a couple of days before our wedding.

A flat tire on our scooter in Cozumel that led us to a beachfront bar and cold beer.

A spider in my hair at the pool and my subsequent freak-out.

Finishing HP6 on the plane (before Dean) and having to keep Dumbledore's demise a secret

Our first pregnancy test and first ultrasound.

Screaming out driving directions in six-lanes of traffic in LA during rush hour.

Hearing the news that my dog, Yuki, had died at home with my mom by her side, while we were driving though the Nevada desert.

A towel-folding competition.  My way is faster.  :)

The embrace after hearing that our 13 week old fetus (Colin) was intact and okay after we thought I had had a miscarriage.

We now have seven years of history.  As the web of memories interweaves and expands, my fears ease.  I love this life.  I love my husband.  I am forever grateful that I got a second chance to do it over again - it's been hard at times, but oh, so rewarding.  I am thankful for the unexpected reminder from this book about how a love and a history like ours is to be treasured and nourished.  I tend to lose myself in misery during this month, and this was just the emotional boost I needed to get out of my head and take stock in my present life and acknowledge that the only road I need to keep my eye on is the one in front of me - not behind me.  (Dean's words)

(insert current happy couple picture here)

(yet there is none because we're lame)

(we only seem to take pictures of our kids, work projects and various food items)

(our last couple picture was at Christmas time)

(And it's fuzzy - Rylan took it)

(We need to amend this)

All things bunnies, eggs and chocolate.

Happy Saturday Morning!  I should not be up this early.

An egg decorating party!  Jordan and his best friend, Abbi.

Owen chose green dye, of course.

Easter morning...

"Chaw-kit??"

The resident candy-holic...she takes after her father.

Take '1'

Take '4'

Take '9'

Just act natural!   Okay....that's not exactly what I meant.

My aunt Kathy with her totally awesome Sunflower Peep Cake.  It was gooooood!

Yes.  That's right.  Jordan is holding Colin's egg basket, as he is Colin's 'Egg Buddy' (the older kid who helps the younger kid collect their eggs).  And Colin is totally entranced by a handheld electronic game, despite encouragement from Grandma Judy.   Eggs?  What eggs? 

Game still in hand, but now he is going after eggs.

My dad and step mom.

Dean with my brother and SIL's new border collie puppy, 'Angus'.  No.  No.  A thousand times 'No'.

Is it just me, or are the 'Egg Buddies' doing all the work?

My cousin Dan and his sweet daughter, Emily.  Gosh she is cute.

To polish up a nice weekend, Dean thought that it would be *fun* to tear out a damaged fence panel and replace a loose fence post.  I suppose it is more *fun* than the ***fun*** we had on Easter last year.

Wordless Wednesday



Magic Sky Ranch, CO  3-30-12

Renewal



Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... It is snowing!!!  After such a dry month of March, this is wonderful.  Except that all of the apple trees are currently in full bloom.  :(

I am thinking... I knew it was too soon to pack up the hats, gloves, boots, and coats.  They are only placed in the family closet upstairs, but still.... I should have waited.  I was just tired of Colin emptying everyone's winter gear bin on a daily basis. 

I am thankful... For the moisture.  I haven't watered yet, with the exception of my rhubarb that is coming up and my chives.


From the Learning Rooms... We did *almost* a full day yesterday.  Owen had a follow-up Dr. appt in the morning, so we had to skip math.  We just picked up where we were in the schedule when we got home.  I did AAS with Rylan - we are working on the consonant teams 'th', 'sh' and 'ch'.  It's not quite sticking yet.  Owen did his first official preschool work yesterday.  He completed two pages in his new workbook, Developing the Early Learner, and the first page in his Core Knowledge Activity Book 1.  We also spent some time doing Reading Eggs.  I LOVE Reading Eggs.  Owen can't quite manage the computer mouse yet, so he points to the screen, and I position the mouse and then he clicks.  We ran through our Geography index cards, and one of the words was "Bay".  I started to sing Down by the Bay, and could only get as far as the first line, so I looked for it on YouTube.  I love YouTube.  Every single time we come across a song that is referred to in Core Knowledge (and there are a lot), I can find a sample within seconds.  In the past month Jordan has listened to slave spirituals, Wayfaring Stranger (Johnny Cash's version - watch out for the nasty comments on the page), We Shall Overcome - an absolutely breathtaking rendition performed by the Morehouse College Glee Club, Mussorgsky's Pictures at an Exhibition - a nice version where you can see an orchestra perform up close, Git Along, Little Dogies - (The Kingston Trio version with beautiful artwork and the Arlo Guthrie & The Muppets version - and in typical Arlo fashion he talks, and talks, and talks...), and Peter, Paul and Mary's rendition of If I had a Hammer - I just love that song!  And now we added Raffi's rendition of a song about a watermelon in the sand.  We finished up the day with a lesson from MTM about American artist Mary Cassatt.


In the kitchen... Absolutely nothing because I need to go grocery shopping.

I am wearing... pj's.  Time to get going this morning.


I am creating... this post and not much else at the moment...

I am going...  grocery shopping of course, and to karate lessons this afternoon.  Tonight I am going to hang out with other homeschooling moms and supposedly knit.  I'll just drink coffee.


I am wondering... how this house gets so completely wrecked so fast.

I am reading... What Alice Forgot, by Liane Moriarty for bookclub next week. (my pick).  I'm also finishing up Quiet.  I breezed through books 2 and 3 of The Hunger Games last week.  Oh my, that was good.  The only weakness I can find is that the author, Suzanne Collins, seems to use the literary device of removing Katniss from a dangerous situation only to have her wake up in a hospital bed a little too much.  I don't know if you can actually call that a 'device' but it sort of seems to take a predictable path after awhile.  Katniss gets hurt, she escapes, she recovers in the hospital, she's weak and then gets stronger.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat....

I am hoping... to have some time this week to put out spring/Easter decorations.  I forget EVERY year.  At least I remembered to get some candy a couple of weeks ago - before all the good stuff disappeared from the store shelves.

I am looking forward to... Easter Dinner with family this weekend.

I am learning... about coal mining this week, as part of Rylan's FIAR book: The Rag Coat.


I am hearing... The boys in the shower. Alternate screaming, yelling and crying - due to an unjust distribution of water toys, I'm sure.  Jordan does a sort of decent job getting Owen and Colin through the shower each and every morning. He also gets them dressed. I am very grateful for that - it makes my job of getting breakfast underway much easier.

Around the house... Our new trampoline!  It arrived via UPS last Tuesday, and Dean put it together that evening.  The weather was very mild, so we could stay outside and work on it.  We put the kids to bed after dinner, and went back outside to finish the job.  We were done around midnight.  We had a few celebratory jumps and then went to bed.  Our neighbors *love* us.

I am pondering... How long it will take for a serious injury to happen because of the trampoline.


One of my favorite things... Apparently, this morning it is YouTube.  Although I could do without all of the nasty comments people leave or the inappropriate video suggestions on the sidebar.  I wish there was a safe version of YouTube for kids.

A few plans for the rest of the week... the typical lineup of schoolwork, karate and archery.  Owen has an appointment with a pediatric cardiologist on Friday.  He had his four year old checkup last Monday, and because he was wheezy, he got a nebulizer treatment (with Albuterol).  After the treatment, when the doctor listened to his chest again, she detected a murmur.  So we are getting it checked out.  It is possible that it was never detected before because his heart/lungs weren't under stress at the time the doctor listened.  Albuterol excites the system for a short time, just after treatment.


Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

Colin is now officially in charge of silverware.

To read more entries and visit a variety of other blogs, go here...