Selling your soul, one box of girl scout cookies at a time...

You know how I 'quit' the other day?


I've got a couple of other things I want to quit...


Pardon me while I get the formalities out of the way...


Dear Girl Scouts,


I am formally handing in my resignation.  I will no longer sell your cookies.  I also will no longer sell your boxes of chocolates, containers of nuts or magazine subscriptions.  I will no longer spend my precious time, wracking up the hours while I constantly update my spreadsheets, chase down customers, chase down parents, chase down $$ to balance our accounts, chase down wayward boxes of cookies, acquire more boxes one week, only to return them the next, constantly bug my friends and family as I push cookies on them, and endure long hours in the cold and the wind.  This is not fun.  My daughter is not gaining anything by engaging in selling for you, other than a very crabby, stressed-out mother.  I quit.  I quit.  I quit.  Effective immediately.  (Well, just as soon as I deposit everyone's money, make sure we balance out, make sure the girls get the awards they earned and so on and so forth...)


Thank you.


Dear Boy Scouts,


I despise selling popcorn for you.  My thirteen year old son does a fabulous job at it, but only after I remind him 29 times that the sun will only shine for so long, and that the entire neighborhood has probably already been picked over, in the time it took him to get out of the house.   I also have to drive all over town and back, making his deliveries and hitting new neighborhoods.  He writes down the address in illegible handwriting, so we can't deliver after all, because he can't remember where the house was.  He loses his forms, can't keep track of the money, and leaves the chocolate popcorn sitting in the car to melt.  I hate popcorn.  I. will. not. go through another season of popcorn.  I don't care if this is his main source of money to pay for your ridiculously over-priced high adventure trips.


I also hate the spaghetti dinner silent auction.  No business will donate anything as a potential auction item.  I have, for the last time, given up my last season of afternoons making endless trips around to the various potential small-business targets, only to get turned away again and again.  Stupid.  Senseless.  A. waste. of. my. time.  All for a child who has no inclination to get the ball rolling on his own.  How on earth did it become MY job to do this to raise money for the BSA?  I swear I did not wish for this... and yet it is my sad, sad reality.  I quit.  Effective immediately.


Thank you.


Dear boys and girls youth organizations of America,


Your 'business model' stinks.  You do a damn fine job of passing this off as an opportunity for kids to become 'entrepreneurs' (whatever...) but you are selling the kids a lie.  The kids don't spend the hours doing the paperwork, making the phone calls, writing the emails, paying for the gas for the endless car trips... the poor parents do.  Parents that simply do not have the time to begin with.  Our time is so precious with our kids, and instead of our kids learning worthwhile lessons within in the confines of your organization, you send them out on the streets to peddle your products.  You are capable of so much better.


Thank you.



Do I sound a bit...frazzled?  Why yes.  Yes I do.  When I sat down to think about how many hours I have spent in the name of scouts - Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts combined: the cookies, chocolates, popcorn, paperwork/form signing, meeting planning, meeting attending, patch-procuring, gear-replacing, errand running... all in the name of scouts...it is more hours than I have spent homeschooling my kids this year.  Yes.  You read that right.  More than I spent schooling.  I'm a total sucker for every volunteer job that has ever come along, because it is always my first inclination to step in and offer help, yet I never think that it will be as hard, or as time-consuming as it truly is.  No wonder nobody ever steps up to take their turn or lend a hand.


So, I am reclaiming a bit of my soul.  I don't know what our future in girl scouts will be, but as far as this co-leader, treasurer and cookie mom goes, I'm out.  Out, folks.  I had high hopes for this experience.  It is not our troop parents, the girls or anything like that... it is the lack of organization at the council, state and national level, the poor choice of programming available for the girls and so on and so forth.  I would rather just get together with our 'scouts' and ditch the programming, patches, cookies...everything.  Get the girls together and do service projects and get outdoors, all in the name of fun.  For free.  Without the expensive vest, annual registration, books, patch kits, and God-forsaken cookie booths.  Just please don't ask me to coordinate this.


I am feeling so....so.... liberated!?

The sick season

I have lots to write about... Christmas (!), Colin's birthday, a trip to the aquarium, Valentine's Day, and a host of other things... But right now, I can't. We're in the sick season. Just as soon as we get over one bug, it's on to another. It's been a long nine solid days of sniffles, coughs, snot explosions, fevers, double ear infections, and lots and lots of breathing treatments. No one has been spared, although it is effecting each of us to a different degree. It's been a struggle to just get the basic stuff attended to. I think we are on the mend, though. There aren't piles of used Kleenex to wade through anymore, and the house is a lot quieter this morning than in the past. Six family members all coughing at the same time is quite loud, actually. And, in a way, amusing. Almost.

 

 

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The Day I Quit... (on the inside)



This is the day I quit.


I quit caring about all the sucky people that whine and complain about creating 'community' in our homeschool group, but expect somebody else to do it.  I should care about you, but I don't.  What I do care about are my children, who are getting into mischief and not learning anything while I am trying to work on YOUR issues.


I quit giving up an ENTIRE day that I could have spent working with my kids just so that I could stay tethered to my computer while you had a meltdown over how our group is not working out for your social needs and I searched my archives in vain trying to work on YOUR issues.


I quit counting calories today after I ate THREE pieces of Colin's chocolate birthday cake, as I stressed over how you were stressing me out as I worked on YOUR issues.


I will now quit talking about YOUR issues.


I quit being the one to pick up all the Legos.  They are the toy from hell.


I quit trying to stay warm.  It's cold and no amount of hot coffee will change that.


I will quit writing now.

A boy turns 4...

Colin has turned four.  Our last one to be four.  This is sad for me.. I love four.  Four is my absolute favorite age.  I will savor this year.  During our video chat with the Oklahoma grandparents, Colin tried to show on his fingers how old he was now.  I said...'tried'.

Then he opened some presents.  Among them was this little gem - a Minion with a foam dart gun.  You would have thought Colin had won the lottery.  This grin says it all.... like I said - this little boy has a thousand different facial expressions, and I love. them. all.

Seasons

Evidently this is not my season for writing.  A great many thoughts swirl through my head, but most are best left unsaid...  I am not tired of winter.  I love watching the snow fall outside the window.  I love the feeling of wearing multiple layers, topped off with a soft knit hat.  I love the heavy, secure thud of snow boots as I trod through the deep snow.  I do love winter.  But I struggle with SAD, so winter does not exactly love me back.  I'm back on my antidepressant.  I went off of it in October when I had my surgery, and I felt really great until about mid-December.  It's been a little rocky ever since.  A couple of posts were written, one I even posted, and then regretted about an hour later.  See?  Never write when you are emotional.  Well, yes - write for goodness sake, because that is good therapy, but just don't post it for all the world to see.  Yes, this is most definitely not my season for writing.  I'm having the greatest difficulty getting the right words onto the page, lately.

I prefer to read what will uplift me, inspire me or intrigue me.  I am sure that applies to most of us.  I haven't felt any of those things lately, so I figured it was best not to write.  I do have a few updates that I suppose would fit into the 'uplift' category, so I'll share.

* Colin is potty-trained!  We celebrated those wonderful days that stretch between Christmas and New Years - the days where you don't really need to even leave the house - with towels, wipes and Lysol at the ready as Colin prowled the house naked.  Within the day he left the training potty behind and made friends with the big potty.  He was by far the easiest child to train.  No qualms about pooping, he can hold it for a surprising amount of time and he is totally tuned into his bodily cues about when he needs to go.  We aren't ditching the diapers completely yet, we still have a ways to go before he is dry through the night.  Besides, Dean bought an entire case of diapers just days before we decided to do this, lol...  I have to say that after changing diapers every. single. day. for the past seven years and 7 months, I don't miss it a bit.

* Rylan is regularly reading to herself now.  The Mr. Putter and Tabby books are a current favorite.  It warms my heart to hear her reading out loud as I wrangle the boys through the bedtime routine.  When they are finally in bed, I enjoy my favorite time of day - reading the Little House series with Rylan.  We are currently working our way through Farmer Boy.

* I recently attended a reception at the elementary school I taught at just before I made the "transition" to homeschooling SAHM.  For those who don't know, it wasn't a transition.  I taught there for three years and always did well on my teacher evaluations, but I got into trouble in my third year when I was accused of talking to a child (which is akin to "cheating") during a high-stakes test. (I was simply encouraging the child to pick up his pencil, think about the way we had practiced in class and finish the stupid thing) The principle notified me a couple months later that he was not going to renew my contract (fired).  It was a huge blow to me.  My teaching career was essentially over.  No other school in the district would hire me because I was a third year teacher - to do so meant that I would receive tenure as well.  I also was without recommendation from my principal, because he was hell bent on hanging me from the highest tree since I had brought 'shame' to his school by having a test invalidated.  The biggest blow, however, was that my closest colleagues basically threw me under the bus and distanced themselves from me.  These fellow teachers had shocked me, with how they had behaved in regards to testing.  I'm talking about telling a student to erase their answers and do it over.  Making photocopies of previous test booklets and using them to teach from.  My integrity had been called into question, yet these "cheaters" got away with what they did because they didn't get caught.  I have struggled all these years not to walk into my ex-principals office and rat them out.  To just stand before his desk and have my say... in a rather loud and tearful manner.  I am proud to say I never did.  These fellow teachers will never know how close I came to ending their careers  - simply because I could never treat someone like the way they treated me during those final weeks of the school year.

This reception to was mark the 50th anniversary of the school.  My mom taught at this school for over 20 years, so I have a lot of history with this school, in addition to just teaching there.  I have not been back since my last teaching day seven years ago.  The evil principal left at the end of last year to take a position overseas.  I would have never had set foot in that school otherwise.  I had to steel myself before I walked in.  I would be nice.  I would hold my head high.  I did nothing 'wrong', so why should I feel guilty??  There were a surprising amount of my former colleagues that asked where I was teaching 'now'.  They obviously didn't know the details.  Those who did were polite and genuinely happy and surprised to see me.  The guilty ones avoided me.  I'm glad that I went, I wish that I could just lay this demon the rest and be done with it...but it still stings, as you can undoubtedly tell.  Nobody likes being branded a cheater when it just simply isn't true.  I think it has bored it's way into my psyche and I just have to work all the more harder to feel confident about my teaching skills and good about myself in general. 

One last thing about the reception... I did get to visit, briefly, with the teacher that I student taught under as I was working on my degree.  She is a first-class teacher.  Mrs. C's methodology is like no other - she has high expectations of her students, she is thorough, she is prepared and takes the utmost care to maximize the time spent in the classroom.  I learned so much from her, all those years ago.  I was on my way out when I ran into her, and she gave me a big hug.  She asked about the kids, and we talked 'shop'.  I mentioned my misgivings about homeschooling Owen and Colin, given their oppositional character of late, and she launched into a lengthy explanation about teaching to a child's strengths, and isn't that the beauty of homeschooling?  You already know your children so well.. and in the end - homeschooling isn't for everyone, and they may benefit from being in the classroom.  I felt like I was instantly pulled back in time and we were once again in her classroom, having those long conversations after the school day.  I was glad it ended on that note.  I am a teacher.  I always will be.  I may not earn a paycheck anymore, but my rewards are different.  Rylan can read, sew, and cook, Jordan can work algebraic equations, Owen can paint and Colin is learning his letters because I taught them how.  I hope that I can teach them how to have confidence too.  That deriving one's self-worth from the opinion of others is not the way to go...

And I will leave it here.. busy days are ahead of us.  Colin is turning FOUR tomorrow.  I just can't believe how fast time is going by.  I need to take a crash-course in badminton because that is the topic in tomorrow's homeschool PE class, and it is my turn to lead.  We have our girl scout cookie booth this coming weekend and I need to prepare for that.  And the Olympics are starting in a couple of days, huh?  I guess I need to work in some school stuff about that too.  Right now it is snowing out, it is time to start lessons and then have a nice lunch of hot tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches.  I do love winter.  :)

2013 In Review

Here is a link to the awesome list of questions that inspired this post.

1.      What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?

* Knitting.  I've knitted three scarves in the past, but this time around I am knitting a hat.  So far I have learned how to purl, knit in the round and cable.  The hat isn't completed yet, but I am getting close.
* I danced on stage with my husband in the Nutcracker.  We were part of the party scene.  I have never danced in a performance before, other than in dance recitals when I was a kid.  It was the highlight of my year.  :)
*Visited my dad's childhood home.  My dad's first few years were spent in Crawford, Nebraska.  We had a family weekend over Labor Day where we all gathered at Fort Robinson, NE, which is just a couple miles away from Crawford.
*Saw the peloton of pro bicyclists go by as they raced into our city in the second-to-last stage of the USA Pro Challenge this past August.  That was very cool!

 

2.      Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year?
I never did officially write anything down, but here is what I was thinking as the new year (2013)rolled in...
* I needed to take care of my shoulder.  The pain was increasing and affecting my daily life in every way.  I began physical therapy in early March, and progressed through the hoops of nerve study, MRI, surgery in May, and then more physical therapy.  By August I was officially pain free.
* I wanted a breast reduction.  It was something that I have wanted to do for years.  This year I got serious.  It was part of the reason why I was having issues with my shoulder, anyway.  I'd done years of chiropractic, massage, physical therapy, pain meds...  Nothing was going to ease the discomfort of carrying those things around but to surgically reduce their size.  I fought the insurance company for three months before I finally got it approved.  Surgery was in October, and I have to say this is the single-most BEST thing I have ever done for myself.  I am still very emotional about it - I am so incredibly happy with the results and the way I physically feel, now.
* Lose some weight.  This went hand-in-hand with the other two.  I will continue to have issues with joint and back pain until I get the weight off.  I lost 20 pounds between July and October.  Despite curtailing my exercise while I recovered from the breast reduction and all the culinary goodies that come with the holidays, I have maintained that loss so far.  Very proud of that.  :)

For next year...
* lose another 20 lbs
* save up enough $$ to take a family vacation next New Years to see my nephew march in the Rose Parade and go to Disneyland.
* spend more time with my extended family
* grow more than just weeds and basil in my garden
* actually DO those annual 694 hours of instruction time per child that I promise the state I will do.
* read 10 books.  I have no problem with reading or even the desire to read.  It's more about taking the time to actually do so.

3.      Did anyone close to you give birth?
My niece by marriage gave birth to a baby girl, EmmaRae, on July 31st.  I got to see and hold her for the first time during our Thanksgiving visit.  Such a sweet, beautiful baby girl.  How I miss holding babies and smelling their scent and listening to their sounds.  Sad sigh.

4.      Did anyone close to you die?
My uncle Buzz passed away in early December, shortly before 2013 began.  It has been a long year of 'firsts' where we did things as a family that were marked by his absence.  I visited his grave for the first time yesterday, as Rylan and I were driving to Boulder on an errand.  It was a spur of the moment decision.  We had not been invited to the burial, but my mom had shared with me whereabouts in the small cemetery his grave was located, so with just a few minutes' searching we found it.  There were three different Christmas arrangements there, by his headstone.  He is missed a great deal.
In February my great-aunt Bernice passed away.  She had been suffering for several years with Alzheimer's.  She was a grand lady that loved to collect antiques.  I remember going to her house, just down the street from my grandma's, to have tea, and then take a tour of her latest finds.  She walked everywhere and was busy, busy, busy.  She reminded me so much of my grandpa Orin (her older brother).  She had a sharp mind and wit.. it was so sad when the signs of Alzheimer's began to take hold.

5.      What countries did you visit?
Maybe I should change this to say 'counties' so that I can actually write something here.

6.      What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
A more peaceful household.  Some days the chaos of the kids is just overwhelming.

7.      What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 22nd: shoulder surgery
Oct 10th: breast reduction surgery
Dec 31st: running the Resolution Run 5K - a goal of mine since July

8.      What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Losing the weight and regaining control of my health.  Wow.  Hard to put in to words how big this was.

9.      What was your biggest failure?
Getting control of the finances, record-keeping, bill paying... I have a continual pile of receipts that just will. never. end.
 

10.   Did you suffer illness or injury?
I got the flu in March, which really sucked, but otherwise it was a very fortunate year.

11.   What was the best thing you bought?
Hmmm. My Fitbit!  That little device was a catalyst for a lot of beneficial changes.

But honorable mention goes to the Keurig.  :)

12.   What was the best thing you received?
A beautiful red mug with white and gold snowflakes from my husband.  A total just-because surprise and very touching.  :)
 

13.   Where did most of your money go?
Projects around the house.  We replaced the old mish-mash of laminate and carpeting on the main floor with some beautiful Pergo flooring, along with new tile around the fireplace and paint for the walls.  The rest of it went towards running gear, tools and curriculum.

14.   What did you get really excited about?
My surgery.  It changed everything.

15.   What song will always remind you of 2013?
Blurred Lines.  I know, I know.  Quit yer bitching.  I loved that song.  It began my walking playlist for months.  I think too much has been read into the lyrics.  It has a great beat!  Nuff' said.

16.   Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? B) thinner or fatter? C) richer or poorer?
a) happier - much happier!     b) thinner - yay!    c) I wouldn't say 'richer' per se, but we have improved the quality of some things in our life.

17.    What do you wish you’d done more of?
Schoolwork.  Travel.  Camping.  Nature Study.

18.   What do you wish you’d done less of?
Fretting about things I had no control over.

19   How did you spend Christmas?
We stayed at home this year.  We visited Santa a couple days before, shopped for gifts at the last minute...  We went to services on Christmas Eve with my dad and brother and nephews, and then they all came over after for a spaghetti dinner.  My nephews were sweet in saying that they loved the food and just hanging out with all of us together.  After they left we bundled up and headed out to look at Christmas lights.  We had a nice Christmas morning opening gifts, ate chocolate waffles for breakfast, and a turkey dinner at my mom's that afternoon.  We did puzzles, movies, popcorn, hot cocoa and left overs for the remainder of the day.

20.   What was your favorite TV program?
The Middle and The Biggest Loser.

21.   What were your favorite books of the year?
Hyperbole and a Half: unfortunate situations, flawed coping mechanisms, mayhem, and other things that happened, by Allie Brosh. 

Absolutely hilarious and way too close to home, all at the same time.

22.   What was your favorite music from this year?
Everything on my walking/running playlist

23.   What were your favorite films of the year?
Hunger Games: Catching Fire and Frozen.

24.   What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 42.  We spent the day hiking and then a nice dinner at my mom's.

25.   What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
It has been such an amazing year of transformation, I really can't think of what to say here.  Maybe if there was less arguing amongst the kids. 

26.   What political issue stirred you the most?
I am deeply concerned about what Common Core is doing to our nation's teachers and children, and what the Koch Brothers are up to.  The implications are scary, and the thought of politicians and businessmen driving our nation's education policy and instruction just completely pisses me off.

27.   What kept you sane?
Exercise.

28.   Who did you meet this year?
I met... some new doctors and nurses -all great at what they do!
 

29.   Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.

Your mental and physical health is the only thing that you have direct control over.  Do it.  Today.

30.  Best song lyric for the year?

"I went from zero, to my own hero"
-"Roar" by Katy Perry
 

Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

 

Outside my window... A new window location to look out of today! Even though it faces the street, the front window is my favorite spot. It has the best sunlight and view. It is sunny, and the streets and sidewalks are mostly clear of the snow from last week. There is still about 2-3 inches of crusty snow on the grass.

I am thinking... It's been a tough week emotionally. A person in my life let me down in a big way, and then turned around and made an even bigger demand on me and my time. I am already so busy, and this situation just...sucks. I am such a doormat. I love it when I can help others, but I think certain types of people sense that, and they just capitalize on that. I've really got to learn how to say "no" and put my time and my family first.

I am thankful... That we have a warm home, loving grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and that getting together for family fun is such a natural and easy thing for us. It really takes the stress out of the holidays in these parts.

From the Learning Rooms... pathetically little. We even missed out on the Hour of Code this past week because I am so lame and so busy. We will definitely get to it this week.

In the kitchen... I did manage to make two different batches of Christmas cookies this past week. I love to bake. I love friends that bake even more. Amanda - your cookies are evil. In a super delicious way. I'm not sure if I should thank you. But I will. And then I will reluctantly run another lap around the block to make up for liking your cookies so much.

I am wearing... pjs on a Sunday morning cannot be beat!

I am creating... shhhhh... I am attempting to make individual teepee hideouts for the little kids. Dean is cutting the pvc poles, and I am making the covering out of tanned buffalo hides. Okay, okay... bedsheets and fabric yardage that used to cover the walls in my classroom. Glad to finally use all of those yards of fabric for something!! Many thanks to friend Dennise for the inspiration. And the hundreds of pins out there devoted to said subject. With any luck, we'll have a teepee village surrounding the Christmas Tree on Christmas morning - complete with wild Indians, I'm sure.

Link to pic and how-to..

I am going... To Bed Bath & Beyond today to start the long and expensive journey of getting new window coverings for just about every window in the house. So long and so expensive, that they will have to be done one at a time. So we get to enjoy another long year of the house looking unfinished and unkempt. Today's window is the front office room that I am currently in. It is the most visible of the windows, and I would really like some privacy. A fabric shade was here before, but kitty shredded it to pieces because the bird feeder was positioned on the other side of the window. Despite repeated attempts to stalk and pounce on unsuspecting birds, she never got a clue that it just wasn't going to work out for her. Too many concussions from hitting the window, I suppose.

I am wondering... I've asked this before, and it is on my mind ever-so-much this week. If there was one responsibility in your life that you could let go of, what would it be? What would you just love to walk away from?

 

I am reading... Nothing much of consequence...there is just too much to do in a day. :(


I am hoping... For lots of sunshine this week. I need to run!

 

I am looking forward to... We are getting our girl scout troop together this week for an ornament co-op. I love this event!

 

I am learning... I think I am going to be learning about code, as I work through it with Rylan. Jordan can handle it on his own.

 

I am hearing... Felix Da Housecat, Radio.

Around the house... Painting. Lots and lots of painting. Dean finished the floors last weekend, and we could FINALLY put away the drills, saws, hammers, scraps of wood and so forth that have decorated our counters for the past eight months or so. That is a long, long time to live with dust and debris.  Now we can have paint cans, rollers in ziplock bags, brushes and paint trays instead. Much better. ;)

 

I am pondering... Hmm. Paint color I guess. I am really happy with the deep wall color I chose - called Pecan Sandie by Behr. It reminds me of creamy coffee. I am not happy with the medium hue I chose - off of the same pain chip. It has a definite lilac tinge to it that I do not like. I am debating just doing the whole lower level in Pecan Sandie. I really liked having dimension on some of the walls though, and having focal walls be the deep color. Hmmm. Decisions, decisions. Thank goodness it's not life or death around here.

One of my favorite things... Is an OCD fix! Here is a good one! Off to buy some filing folders!

 

A few plans for the rest of the week... the normal activity schedule, bake some cookies for a bake sale fundraiser for a very sick scout in Jordan's troop [cancer... :( ], ornaments with the girl scouts, homeschool gym class, and a doctor appointment. A very low-key week indeed - just what I needed. :) I guess I should add decorate the tree, set up my Santa collection, and painting. Lots of painting.

 

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

My kids and my nephews (the three older boys) decorated gingerbread houses last night.  Drew (on the far left), and Colin (on the far right), may be cousins, but they are totally copycat versions of each other.  They even fake 'smile' the same.  Drew calls Colin his 'mini-me'.  SO true.  so true...

 

 

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