Case in point...
The second Saturday in July was the most recent round of belt promotions for the kids. Jordan didn't participate because he missed a significant portion of that 9-week cycle due to visitation with his mom and summer camp, so we just opted to skip it (and save a little money, to boot). I try to remark on the things the kids are up to, but I realized I've missed a promotion here and there - and I didn't even attend the last one - my mom took her. But this one, for Rylan, was a little different, and definitely requires some introspection.
My goodness. This little girl's form has grown by leaps and bounds! I am so very, very proud of her. She even gets to sport her favorite color, purple, for the next 9-week cycle. The testing went great. She was able to do her forms correctly, she answered questions correctly, and she watched and responded to her instructors. That, right there, is what is significant to this conversation.
You see, just as I snapped this last picture of Mr. Schuett, lead instructor and owner, tying on her belt, he looked her in the eye and said to her that during this next cycle she needed to work hard and do a better job of paying attention during class.
Ouch. On many different levels.
1. Mr. Schuett was spot on. He, as well as all of the other instructors, have high expectations - and that is what I love so very much about this academy. He has mentioned, on previous occasions, that Rylan is highly distracted and he is concerned.
2. I kinda wish he hadn't said it in such a public way, but Rylan is, sadly, a little oblivious when it comes down to it. The timing did actually lend itself to him congratulating her as he presented her belt, but letting her know that there is definite room for improvement.
3. It hurts me deeply to acknowledge that we are, once again, navigating this difficult road (ADHD) with another child. But there is bitter truth in what he had to say. She is unable to attend to what the group is doing in a satisfactory way, and she needs to be made aware of it.
4. It didn't help matters that in a few weeks after this her swim instructors said the same thing to me during her lessons.
I'm not crazy about other people covertly labeling my child, but on the other hand I know that these observations are being made by adults who are have spent a significant amount of time with all sorts of kids, and they know when there is a problem. I'm guilty of it as well - I can remember making 'suggestions' to some of my students' parents as well. I guess it just hurts when an outsider confirms what you have been long-suspecting.
I am not sure how we will progress with this. When Jordan hit 5 1/2, he was on meds. Rylan is 6, and I keep holding out hope that her case is not as extreme. But the symptoms are all there...
1. interrupting everyone and everything
2. inability to attend to any one activity for even just a few minutes
3. extreme need to be physically active - especially at the end of the day
4. tremendous range of emotions in a short span of time - anger being the most extreme
5. staring into space, looking out the window - even in the midst of fun activity
6. inability to stay with a story, game, show, event for its duration
7. handwriting is a chore - although she enjoys writing/drawing/painting for fun
8. wide range of interests, but engagement is fleeting - to the extreme
I know there are those who would say that my list represents any ol' average six year old. Not so. Not until you actually live with a child who has ADHD, and try to work with one will you understand the complexity and frustration that develops in your relationship with that child.
I did shun meds for a short time, and tried working with diet (Feingold) and environment, but it wasn't enough. Our personal relationship (mine and Jordan's) was suffering greatly, and it was jeopardizing our ability to continue on the homeschooling journey, so we returned to medication, and it has greatly improved things. I am now concerned that the same is happening with Rylan. She is more negative than positive when it comes to doing schoolwork. She is more concerned about what hoops she has to jump through to just get it over with, rather than really absorbing or enjoying any of what we are doing. And yes, I am constantly changing my game, my approach and even my expectations, and I am exhausted by the process.
This is, again, when I hate being a grownup who must make a judgement call with regards to someone's well-being. What if I make a bad decision??? And what will it look like if I approach Jordan's doctor with my concerns about Rylan? I don't want to be a mom who thinks there is something wrong with all of her children and wants medication to 'fix it'.
Well, if we have anything going for us... it's that Rylan does, in fact, like stickers....
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