Elasticity

On Wednesday we had our homeschool PE class.  One mom was teaching cooperative games, and at the end I led everybody outside and we finished up with a quick 'how-to' on the game 'elastics'.  Here in the states it is known as 'Chinese Jumprope'.  I learned the game as 'elastics', when I was 10 years old, living in Canberra, Australia and attending primary school there.  I still have my original elastic band that I brought home with me at the end of that year, although it isn't as stretchy anymore.  Kinda like me.

Elastics is a fun, yet challenging game.  You make up a routine with your friends, and you have to follow it without messing up.  Messing up can include snagging the elastic band, stepping on it (or not stepping on it), skipping a step and so on...  If you make it through the entire routine, the band is moved up the leg to a higher position, and then you do it again, and again, until you mess up or can't jump that high.

As a ten year-old, I could make it up to about hip-height.  I remember the playground, my friends (who were a very eclectic, international mix, given the close proximity of our primary school to the University), the sounds, the smells... this was by far my happiest memories of Australia from that time.  I do remember one of the girls from the group - Josephine (she pronounced it yaw-seh-feen), who was Belgian and always right.  She would argue and argue if you called her out during her turn.  She annoyed me...so no happy memories of her, at that rate.

Anyway, so I led the kids outside to the grassy field because I figured it was a softer landing if anyone tripped and fell, and for me, it was easier on the joints to jump on the grass versus the gym floor.  I launched into my explanation of the game, even going so far as to say you can jump with shoes on, but I prefer barefoot because you're less likely to snag the elastic on your shoe and get called out.  So I called Jordan and another boy over and had them stretch the elastic between them, at ankle height, and demonstrated a routine.  It was the routine that I played in Australia, revised in the parts where my memory gets fuzzy.

So, begin by standing with both feet to the left side of the bands, with the bands at ankle height.

00 |  |

0|0   |   Hop and straddle the left side

|   0|0   Hop and straddle the right side

| 00 |    Hop to the center (both feet)

0 | | 0   Hop and move both feet to the outside so that you straddle both bands

0\\0    Twist the bands between your ankles as you make a quarter-turn to the left

00 | |   Hop out to the left side of the bands, back to where you started from.

3| |    Turn a quarter-turn to the right to face the left band, nudge your toes underneath it

\

|3|   Hop over the right band, carrying the left band over it with the top of your feet

/

/\   

00    Turn a quarter-turn back to the left, and you are now standing in a diamond shape.

\/

0 | | 0  In one hop, you jump high and turn a 180 to face the opposite direction in mid-air, and come down straddling both bands.

.....and that's where I fell.  I hit the ground in a wide straddle, but my bare feet on damp grass meant that my right foot slipped back and to the side, but knee stayed put.  An audible 'POP!' sound was plainly heard by everybody, and I dropped down onto my backside.

It's embarrassing to fall in front of people, but our group is a different breed.  Within two minutes, one mom was pulling out some arnica gel (which I totally believe kept the swelling to a minimum), one ran to get a bag of ice, and another was comforting me.  She herself had badly sprained her ankle a few weeks ago.  I dragged myself backwards so that I could sit in the shade and then wondered what to do.  Could I drive?  How the hell am I going to get to the car?  No way would I allow anyone to carry me.  Providence meant that an older girl attending PE that day was on crutches herself, after cutting the bottom of her foot only a few days before.  Her mom said that I could use the crutches - they had more at home.  Wow.

We watched the kids jump for awhile, and then I was at my pain limit, I needed to get them home and get myself to Urgent Care.  The rest of the day was long, painful and tedious.  I had a long drive to an adjacent town to pick up my new CPAP machine.  Urgent Care took almost two hours.  The doctor did unspeakably painful things to my knee, slapped a brace on it and sent me home.  He told me to make an appointment with a orthopedist.  I had to drive back and forth to Loveland, twice, to get Rylan to dance pictures.  All the while I tried not to throw up, which I desperately wanted to do.

Three days later I am able to hobble around without the crutches, but driving is excruciating.  I see the ortho guy on Monday.  I suspect a torn MCL.  I can stand to put a little weight on my foot now, but the knee is constantly slipping sideways out of joint, causing involuntary gasps and yells due to pain.  I don't think that is normal.  I get to look forward to a summer of rehab.  Again.  This is how I spent last summer - rehabbing my shoulder. This summer was supposed to be lots of walking, running, and hiking.  Several 5K's were on my to-do list - including one today.  I am pretty bummed, but trying to keep it in perspective.  At least the injury is something I can recover from.  It is so small-potatoes compared to what many people in conflict areas are dealing with on a daily basis.  I guess with rehab I once again get to focus on me.  Getting around for a couple days on crutches just reinforced for me that my upperbody strength is pretty much nonexistent.  

Funny thing about the examination room...we were in this same exact spot with Colin almost two months ago, when he broke his leg. 

Simple Women's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... A beautiful sunny morning.  It is supposed to go into the 80's today.  We have had unsettled/rainy weather for the past several days.  I like days like that so I will miss them.  I am not a fan of hot weather.

I am thinking... about the week ahead.  A lot of loose ends need to be tied up.  We need to wrap up Jordan's school work for the *year* by the end of this week.  His subscription to his science class (Plato) ends in August, but beyond the end of this week he will only be around here for a couple days here and there until mid-August, and so we have the entire second semester of lessons and activites for both Chemistry and Physical Science to cram in this week.  yay......

I am thankful... For the beautiful bright greens of the leaves that seem to glow as they filter the sun from above.  I am also thankful for all the yardwork that my husband and kids did over the weekend - the yard looks nice and ready for a week of play in the sunshine.

From the Learning Rooms... Lots and lots of science (yay), our last homeschool PE class is on Wednesday, and the End of Year Picnic & Field Day is on Thursday.  Plus all of the regular stuff in-between everything else..

In the kitchen... A mess.  Last night I made cupcakes for Rylan's make-up birthday dinner w/ family.  Chocolate with vanilla icing and strawberries.

I am wearing... Knit skirt and shirt.  My favorite kind of stuff to wear during the day.  I need a ton more skirts.  And shorts.  Can you believe I have NO shorts anymore?  The last pair I had wore out last summer, and I never replaced them.

I am creating... This week - nothing - there is no time... :(

I am going... today I am going to the store because we have nothing to eat for the week.  Today is also our usual Park Day, but I am thinking we will skip it for today.  We have so much to get done, and Jordan's schoolwork for this week is the priority.  Late this afternoon I am picking up my race packet for the 5K I am running walking in, then Rylan, with hair and makeup done, has formal pictures for her tumbling class.  All of the costumes for the Spring Recital came in last week, so this present week they are taking pictures of every class.  Rylan will have formal pictures for her other two classes tomorrow.  This evening was supposed to be a Mom's Night Out, but everybody is cancelling.  I am feeling a bit let down - I had been looking forward to catching up with friends I have not seen in awhile.  There is this tough dichotomy we all struggle with, finding that elusive balance between family obligations and the obligation to yourself to take care of you - how do you prioritize this?  Thinking back to this blog post, it is a lot of mental food for thought.

I am wondering... About the two turtles I special-ordered for Rylan yesterday.  They are to arrive on June 10th.  It occurred to me, 0.9827349872 seconds after clicking the 'confirm order' button, that I have no idea if I will be getting two males, two females, or one of each??  This might be a good thing to know...

I am reading... Still finishing Parenting Beyond Belief, which is due back to the library tomorrow and I've already renewed it once.

In the garden... A very enthusiastic rhubarb plant that is going just a bit crazy...I need to make something with it this week - Rylan has been requesting a rhubarb crisp.  We can have some for Tuesday Teatime!

I am hoping... That we get through this week in one piece, yet enjoy it, since Jordan will be leaving for most of the summer at the week's end.

I am looking forward to... Sunday evening.  It is this huge mental thing for me just to get through this week, to see several obligations through to their end and then I can relax.

I am learning... About Southern Painted Turtles, acrylic adhesives, heat lamps and salmonella.  I am also learning about France, as I trace my mom's journey along the Rhone river, where she is currently traveling aboard a river-cruise ship for a week.  She toured about Lyon over the weekend, visiting a market and winery.  So jealous...  (Glad you are having fun, mom!!!! :)

I am hearing... Rylan making hot chocolate, Owen cracking a hard-boiled egg, the hum of the fish tank and birdies.

Around the house... Jordan and Colin are sleeping in (it is currently 8:46 a.m.).  Today we begin combing through Jordan's packing list for SeaBase and combating the laundry pile(s).

I am pondering... turtle diets... it's a bit complicated!

One of my favorite things... early mornings - the birds and the quiet - with hot coffee.  happy sigh.

A few plans for the rest of the week... makeup, fussy hair and pictures for today and tomorrow.  Tomorrow night we have our last homeschool board meeting for the year, and this is also my last official duty.  I am stepping away from the board and my duties that lie therein.  It is a good feeling.  The board is such a nice group of ladies - I'll probably still attend meetings next year, just for the camaraderie.  We have the end-of-year picnic on Thursday - we are bringing water balloons.  The weather looks like it will stay 85F and sunny through Thursday, so that will be perfect.  The last time it got cold, and water balloons were not all that fun.  I think the kids threw them at trees instead...lol.  Friday will be a frenzied packing day for Jordan.  He leaves for SeaBase at the crack of dawn on Sunday morning.  Saturday is the day that I run (ahem) a 5K, and Rylan does a Kids' fun run.  Neither of us kept up with our training schedule this month because we both got sick.  We will be walking this week and maybe run a few short bits so that we can both run at least a little bit.  Rylan has a total of nine fun runs throughout this summer, so pretty soon she will be able to run the whole mile.  Before I got sick I was averaging 3 miles a day, walking a mile - mile and a half, and running the other bit.  I'll have to start at "0" again... :/

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing... 

Beaujolais Region, France
Please insert me here...with a glass of something cold and fruity...
(photo courtesy of my mom..of whom I did not ask permission, but I am sure she wouldn't mind)
(Well...pretty sure...)

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The night I didn't exactly sleep like a baby..

CPAP mask I used last night

Last night was the night I packed up a small bag, went to the sleep clinic and spent the night while being monitored using a CPAP.  To sum it up..a CPAP is definitely in my near-future, and forever in my happily ever after.

I had been looking forward to this night away, for all the obvious reasons - no small children milling about or a cat sleeping stretched out across my neck, clawing me if I moved even a fraction on an inch and disturbed her.  

I did get that night away, tucked away in a silent dark room...all to myself.  I got to watch a little TV before falling asleep and read a couple more pages in my novel.  I also got to do it while hooked up to a monitoring system, along with a video and auditory monitor.  Let's just hope I didn't do anything embarrassing in my sleep.

I did not sleep well.  My head is still congested, so it was hard to breathe through the nasal tube that blows a steady stream of air into my nose.  I often felt like I was struggling for air in the early part of the night.  The technician said that he steadily increased the pressure throughout the night.  I struggle to breathe with a 4, and an 8-9 is just right.  I felt like I was breathing through SCUBA all night.  My throat hurts a bit and feels raw.  It took me forever to get comfortable, but once I did, I did sleep hard and dreamed quite a bit.  That almost never happens.  

We looked at my readouts this morning, after the test was over, and all concerns were eliminated when I used the CPAP.  No snoring, no dips in my oxygen levels, my REM cycles were good and my pulse remained constant, and no gaps in my breathing.  Yep.. a CPAP will make my life a whole lot better.  I know I will get used to the machine, and it was pretty quiet to begin with, which is a very good thing.  Time to clear some space on my bedside table!

Knowing what we know

"You don't own this little bit of knowledge, until you know it"

- me

There has been a pesky email sitting in my inbox for about two weeks now.  Calvert needs me to give the kids assessment tests in order to place them correctly for reading and math, and then they can send the proper level of curriculum later in the summer.  I have no problem with that, I know it is a necessary hoop - it's just the whole testing thing.  

Sigh.

I hate the testing part.  I'm not a good proctor.  I have to physically remove myself from the room and not look at the answers when I return, or else I am pulling at the roots of my hair and saying things like...

"HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU READ THE QUESTION????"

"IT SAYS RIGHT HERE (finger pointing rudely at question #8) HOW MANY CATS ALTOGETHER.  YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO DO - YOU'VE DONE THIS WITH ME AT LEAST A HUNDRED TIMES!"

"WHY DID YOU UNDERLINE ALL THE ADVERBS???  IT SAYS ADJECTIVES!!!"

"YOU SKIPPED AN ENTIRE PAGE!?!?!"

No.  I am not good at this.

So far it's been two days of less than fun times.  First I feel good at what I see, and then I feel like I have completely failed my kids and they will be doomed to a life of _______ (fill in the blank).

And the stupid part?  This isn't even a graded-type of thing!  It's just a silly placement test and I am assigning myself all sorts of guilt over it.

One good thing - while school districts across the nation are forcing students to answer the most ridiculous testing questions, these questions from Calvert were straight-forward, made complete sense, and gave a very accurate picture of what the child knows versus what they don't know.

For now, I'm off to explain to Rylan what the question, "Tom has 8 cars.  Bob has 3 cars.  How many more cars does Tom have than Bob?" really needs you to do.  She encountered it three different times yesterday and was stumped.  And she's done this style of question with me at least...oh... a hundred times?? 

The week where we cancelled just about everything...

We got sick last week.  All of us.  We dropped like flies, one by one.  Rylan started it, on Mother's Day.  The following day was her birthday.  Instead of celebrating with a family dinner and blowing out 8 candles on her birthday cake, we cancelled everything and she fell asleep in my lap, feverish and miserable.  Colin and Owen followed suit the next day - after I dragged everybody but the fever girl to the dentist.  Do you know how hard it is to reschedule four simultaneous dental appointments?  I'm sure the dental hygienists loved me.  We skipped Park Day.  We missed tumbling.  And the saddest of all, we stayed home instead of driving to Boulder and watching my nephew - the first of the great grandkid generation - cross the stage and accept his high school diploma.  My mom took several short bits of video and so we got to see things as they happened, which was nice.

Rylan on her birthday afternoon.  She isn't feeling too hot..  :(

Jordan was next.  Jordan is leaving for a scuba diving trip in just two short weeks - the last thing he needed was a head cold, considering he had burst his eardrum on Christmas Eve during the last cold, but germs don't seem to care about plans like that.  Rylan finally ate a single bite of birthday cake on Wednesday night.  She had skipped scouts that day - more due to her brothers than to her, but she did go to her ballet class late that afternoon.

Dean came down with it and stayed home from work on Thursday and Friday, running the occasional temp.  We skipped a morning of play and work time we had planned to spend with the other girl scout leader and her three girls, and rested the rest of the day.  Friday seemed to be a good day for the kids, so we left Dean at home to fend for his sick self, and we took off for Colorado Springs to take part in a field trip to the Air Force Academy for Jordan.  Even though we don't officially start up with Colorado Calvert Academy until the fall semester begins, Jordan was invited to go on this field trip with other Calvert eighth graders for a tour of the campus.  I'm glad everyone was feeling good enough that we could go.  I gave a Jordan a don't-you-dare-cough-on-anyone lecture and we left him with a fellow homeschool friend and her mom (they are the ones that introduced us to Calvert) and wandered around the area for a couple of hours to kill time.  I took the kids by a B-52 that is on permanent display, and then that was about all there was to see on the Academy grounds, so we drove to the east, into the Black Forest, an area that was devastated by wild fire not quite even a year ago yet.  It was certainly a sight to see.  I was curious to see if La Foret, the UCC church camp that I attended in my youth was still standing, and to my relief it was.  The kids and I drove onto the grounds, and circled just a bit.  It looked very familiar, and I wish I could have wandered around on foot, but I didn't feel comfortable asking.  We drove back down the road to a parking lot we had seen for a recreation area, and got out to walk a trail through the blackened forest for a bit.  I'm glad no one else was around because I'm sure it would have been a sad scene to listen to three kids hack and cough and wheeze as they ran back and forth along the trail.

We went back to pick up Jordan and then made a bee-line back up the interstate to none other than IKEA!  I just about peed my pants when we passed it on the way down.  It has been open for what...three years now?  And I haven't been there yet.  So I WENT.  :)  The place is huge, confusing, and I have a few unkind things to say to the men (obviously) who designed the layout, even though I know the effed-up plan is all in an effort to control 'flow'... but if you are someone like me, who leaves her wallet in the car and only figures that out while trying to pay for food in the cafeteria, it is damned near impossible to make a dash for the parking garage in any kind of quick manner.  I am proud to say that we spent a whopping $17.  We came home with a new wastebasket for the office, and plastic snack cups, bowls and plates.  My husband got off very easy.  This time...

Saturday morning I woke up and well...wanted to die.  It may have been a cold for the rest of the family, but for me late Friday evening into Saturday morning felt like the flu.  Everything hurt.  I could even feel my insides hurting.  I don't think that another single ounce of snot could have been packed into my sinuses.   Despite feeling like curling into the fetal position, Dean and I dressed up, traveled across town and spent a scant 15 minutes congratulating a young man (who will forever be a sweet little toddler in my mind's-eye), on his high school graduation.  Austen was a wee 5 months when I first started nannying for him and his older sisters, and the next seven years I spent with them were very happy ones - gosh I love their family.  They were kind enough to host our wedding in their gorgeous backyard almost nine years ago, and so it was nice to be at their home again, for one last time.  They are empty-nesters come this fall, so they are putting their home on the market this summer.  I remember when it was built.  I dragged the Austen and his sisters over there when they were pouring the concrete and each of them placed their hand prints on the front sidewalk.

The garden area where we got married nine years ago

Straight from the party, with enough Sudafed in my system to trigger alarm bells at a Walgreens, Dean dropped me off to see a movie with friends.  I hope they forgive me for showing up sick.  Even though I felt like absolute crap, after a week of sick kids and all the *super fun* we were having, I really needed to get out.  I loved the movie - as you may have read - and I think I need to see it again, because I was kind of in a drugged-out haze at the time.

Dean picked me afterwards, with all the kids in tow, and we -as promised to our birthday girl - set out to start our quest to build a turtle enclosure that will sit on top of our present fish tank.  All week, between episodes of dealing with sneezy, wheezy and snotty kids, we had been doing research on how to go about this.  It has been a crash-course in all things turtle - habitat, keeping, species...blah, blah, blah.  Rylan has settled on a Southern Painted turtle, which is one that swims and basks - hence the need for a basking area above the water.  I'll go into more detail in another post.  What it meant on this day was three hours of going from store to store to store gathering the different items we needed.  Turtles are a real pain in the ass, if you ask me.  I wish she had asked for a kitten.

On Sunday we went to my nephew's graduation party.  He had his ceremony on Tuesday, and now it was time to party.  We all went, I greeted people with a safety sick perimeter around me and we didn't stay too long.  It was nice to see some of my SIL's family that came and family friends, I wish I had felt better.

And that was our week.  It was a week I had been looking forward to - a birthday and two graduations, and to miss some of it was very frustrating.  There is also that strange freedom you feel though, as you cancel things right and left... that you get to stay home and do nothing because nobody feels like doing anything anyway... and suddenly you feel a lot more relaxed and at peace.  Note to self though - I need to have a batch of chicken noodle soup, frozen and ready to go for the next time.


 

Moms' Night Out: A movie review

This past Saturday afternoon I joined a few of my homeschooling mom friends for a couple hours of fun and freedom to take in the movie 'Moms' Night Out'. I had seen the preview at the beginning of the month, and I was really looking forward to it because it looked like it was pretty funny, but not in a silly farce type of way. Luckily I went into the movie not knowing about the mixed reception it was getting in social media, because..

 

I LOVED it!

 

Social media and all the men (!) and women waving their feminist flags can shut the hell up, because this movie nailed it. What is 'it'? Why, it's the inner thoughts and life experiences of the stay-at-home-mom, or SAHM. The raw truth of how much it can suck yet be wonderful all at the same time hurt me in a way that is hard to describe, but it was a good kind of hurt. For once, up there on the big screen, was a woman who was so like me inside her head that it was pretty damn scary. Like, really scary.

I love my life. I really do. But the hard days can sometimes be too much. The child who you thought was potty trained has six separate accidents. And that's just in the morning. The child who insists on pouring his own cup of juice from the full gallon of apple juice. And misses. The dentist appointments, the realization of forgotten ballet shoes upon arrival at class, the child who refuses to go to bed, or get out of bed, pick up their wet towels, charge their phones, finish their math assignment, feed the cat, scrape up the mystery sticky stuff of the table or pick up their socks...from the middle of the backyard. The days when you can't find anything because there is just so much crap, everywhere. The laundry, the dishes, the unopened mail, the schoolwork, the ......just...everything....everything is behind, everything is in need of cleaning, feeding, or some sort of repair. And you have no idea where to start. Not a clue. It's two hours past bedtime and you have no strength left for the the fight. You just want to sink to the floor of a dark closet and cry into your bowl of ice cream. The ice cream you keep on hand for this very purpose, the ice cream that you hide in the back corner of the freezer, hidden inside some nondescript Tupperware. All you ever want is to just get slightly ahead. To be in the anticipatory stage instead of the reactionary. To be ahead - for just once. Just once.

This movie may have hit a nerve for some, but for those of us who are SAHMs - and we come in all sorts of varieties - this movie was a first in calling attention to our fears and needs, and elevating the role we play. We are important and we matter. Sure, we arrived at this station via different routes - some by choice and some not so much - but we are here, so let's support one another. Our job is not for the faint of heart.

 

I want to say a heartfelt thank you to the creative (homeschooled!) minds who put this movie and its message together...it was the laugh, the cry, the pat on the back that I needed.

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The week without screens...

Last Monday morning I abruptly announced that we would not be using screens for the entire week.  I collected the iDevices, stashed away all the remotes, warned Jordan that texting was not allowed (but allowed him to keep his phone on the kitchen counter) and made everybody sign a pledge.  I set some rules - the only screen time would be on the computer, doing school-related work.  (About 20% for the little kids, and 50% for Jordan), and Jordan could check his email three times a day.

Then, as the first half-hour passed by and wild-eyed kids- who were showing serious signs of withdrawal -roamed the house with dazed expressions, I sat everybody down and explained that we were doing this for our own good.  The devices were ruining school time.  They weren't playing together hardly at all anymore.  We needed to break some bad habits, and hours  - HOURS - spent TV watching weren't helping either.

Rylan seemed to suffer the least.  She is plenty happy with paints and paper, markers and paper, colored pencils and paper, stencils and paper, stickers and paper...  Just give the girl some paper.

Colin was in serious need of diversion.  He wandered aimlessly, and messed with everything he could think of.  He is used to having some loooong iPad sessions with videos he can watch from PBS Kids, or Reading Eggs or the kids' games.

Owen asked every half-day when they could have screens back.  He was sweet about it, but he just seemed 'lost' without my iPad and his Minecraft game.

Jordan took it the worst.  He took to sneaking "I AM SO BORED!" texts to his dad.  He got a reprieve from the no-screens rule on his birthday (the 9th), to play around with his new go-pro video thingy, he got to watch 'The Hobbit' that night with his dad after the other kids went to bed, and he got some gaming time with a friend that came over the next day/eve for birthday fun.  Despite that, he was by far the loudest complainer.  I caught him playing on the computer - using gaming headphones - early on Sunday morning (Mother's Day), when I came down to make some coffee.  He earned an extra SF day for that.  He also sat down multiple times all week, to "check his email', and was caught doing something else.  He claimed he was showing Rylan the website of the restaurant we were going to on his birthday.  coughbullshitcough.  Our whole family has been there multiple times.  His claims for needing 'to check something' were just getting ridiculous.  As far as teenage angst goes, his drama hit a high note yesterday when we informed him he had two extra days coming to him.  Tears.  Oh the tears!  His issues with screen time clearly dictate that he has an addiction problem.  It is to the exclusion of all else.  We could never follow the unschool route with him because he would never ever leave the gaming aside to fit in some learning.  I have some very real fears about how he will handle his addictive behavior in the future.  With him I know that he will always need something to occupy his time.  His ADHD makes it impossible for him to feel comfortable in an environment that is lacking outside stimuli.  I do know this, and I know that not all electronics are bad, but Jordan goes way beyond healthy levels of screen time on a daily basis.  Almost 85% of his interactions with friends occur over the computer.  That's just sad.

So the week wore on... they discovered Battleship, and Owen, our ever-resistant learner, learned some more letters and how to read coordinates on a grid.  Jordan plowed through the rest of Divergent, and got the next book in the trilogy - Insurgent, at the library on Wednesday, even though I knew he was getting it for his birthday from his friend on Saturday.  He finished it on Friday.  I don't think he absorbed hardly any of it though, so it is good that he owns his own copy of each book in the trilogy now.  The kids started playing again. They invented new things to do.  We cleaned and sorted the boys' bedroom.  Conversations in the car were happening again because they were now aware of stuff outside the car.  Before - even if it was a quick trip to the grocery store down the street, there was the immediate request to turn on the movie in the car.  yeah - this week was sorely needed.

Now, as for me?  Yes, I stayed off my one game that I have- Hay Day.  That was actually easy.  I stayed away from FB - with two exceptions - one was to share that Rylan and I are fundraising - for a 5K that I am running and a mile fun run that she is running - at the end of the month for the local pet shelter.  The other was to post about Jordan's birthday.  I didn't even post to my mom yesterday for Mother's Day.  (sorry mom).  So now I have a lot of catching up to do.  It was actually easy to stay away from FB.  So much of it is toxic these days.  I stayed away from the blog.  I stayed away from Flipboard (that is where my real addiction lies) and I stayed away from mindless surfing.

What I could not stay away from was email.  Damn email.  I hate email.  I had to make all of the final arrangements for Rylan's birthday party just this previous Saturday, arrange our last board meeting for the year (and bring an end to my duties - yay!), arrange the last meetings of the year for girl scouts (and bring an end to my duties - yay!), purchase the tickets for Jordan's birthday day at Elitch's, arrange Rylan's birthday gift surprise, google half a hundred things that I needed to know.... I spent a ridiculous amount on the computer this past week.  What a huge time suck.  

What I also noticed was how much I relied on the TV and iPad to occupy the kids and keep them out of my hair while I did stuff.  I am totally at fault for how much they were watching... :(

A very nice lesson for us all.  And the good thing - nobody has asked for any TV yet this morning...

Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... A nice mild morning, with a few clouds here and there. The sunlight is illuminating the bright green leaflets of the ash tree in the front yard - it just started leafing out a couple of days ago. Birds are twittering all around the neighborhood, and the occasional puff of a breeze is carrying a multitude of different floral scents: honeysuckle, crabapple, currant, red cherry and Daphne. It's heady stuff, but makes a walk through the neighborhood a real joy right now. I love the jasminey smell of Snow Crabapples. A man just walked by with his dog, talking loudly on his headset thingy, and the neighbor just fired up the engine and is heading to work. I have no idea what he does -it is an ongoing mystery. We just see a different brand new car in their driveway every few weeks, it seems. Maybe he is a car salesman...we just don't see dealer tags on the cars. weird. Let's sniff the jasmine again....ahhhhh.

I am thinking... about the wonderful dance show that Rylan and I went to last night. The dance academy where she takes lessons has an audition-only performance dance team, in addition to the wide variety of classes they offer. They have groups that perform hip-hop, jazz, contemporary, tap and dance theatre. Last night they put on a show that showcased all of the dance performances that they have used in competition during this past season. There are 86 dancers in this group, ages 4-18, and there were 43 (!) different dance performances for the show. The show moved at a steady pace, with no announcing, just dance after dance, and we saw some really amazing stuff. The most moving (for me anyway) was the solo dance that a 10 (?) yr old girl (she played one of my 'daughters' during the party scene in the Nutcracker), performed. It was a contemporary piece, and she really nailed it. I think I like contemporary best because it is just so open to interpretation, and a dancer can really pour their soul into it. How a child, so young, can be so gifted in that regard is just beyond me - but I enjoyed it immensely. Rylan had three friends from her jazz and tumbling classes that performed in a jazz piece (which was the real reason we were attending) and she looked wistful. I felt a little bad because I was wondering if she felt like she was on the outside of an exclusive club she didn't even know existed until a few weeks ago. We talked about it on the way home. I told her that being on this team meant that number one, you had to audition to get in, and number two, it meant a lot more practice and numerous performances. She considered it, and then decided that didn't really sound like fun. She loves dance, but the passion is just not there. That's okay. She has her whole lifetime to discover what her passion really is.

I am thankful... That Rylan doesn't have that kind of competitive streak in her when it comes to dance. Those types of girls drive me crazy. Their mothers even more so. The audience behaved pretty respectably,with families only whooping and hollering for their kid after each performance....except for one mom. Her daughter - age 6, maybe - got set on the stage for her solo (there were only 10 solos), and seconds before the music started, her mom, camera video rolling, yelled out - "You got this, baby!!". uugh.

I am also thankful that Colin is recovering well from his broken leg, now that the cast is off. He is still walking around on his tip-toes on that leg and favoring it quite a bit. We are working with him to stretch his leg every night. He is back to riding his little blue Strider bike instead of his pedal bike, but I can only imagine how uncomfortable that might feel to pedal a bike right now..ouch. He got on a trampoline yesterday at a party a Rylan's violin teacher's house, and he bounced for a little bit but greatly favored his leg. He got off with a grimace - it must have hurt.

From the Learning Rooms... We are just steadily plodding along here. Jordan went to a friend's house last week to listen in on a Calvert Academy online class session. He will have 2-3 weekly sessions himself next year, when we start with Calvert in the fall. He got a nice feel for it and said that he liked it. We have a field trip with the Calvert group in a couple more weeks when Jordan gets to go on a tour of the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs. I look forward to meeting some of the families.

In the kitchen... This morning it will be yummy blueberry pancakes. Only one kid is up right now. Dean and Jordan are up at Spring Camporee, so they won't be home for a few more hours.

I am wearing... comfy clothes - t-shirt and yoga pants!

I am creating... I am making a discussion list for Dean and I to use late this afternoon when we go out for coffee. I have some pretty good ideas from a book I am reading (see below) to help him sort out some priorities for him in regards to his scoutmaster role in Jordan's boy scout troop. He is struggling with intense overload lately, and he completely stressed out. Parent emails are driving him absolutely insane, and he spends an average of 1-2 hours every work day (when he should be working ?!?) trying to put out fires, answering dumb questions, or asking a person for the umpteenth time to do the job they volunteered to do. He does delegate, but eventually all queries come back to him. He is behind at work, and by virtue of his employment being in the tech industry, I am always afraid that poor performance will mean his number will be up the next time layoffs come around. What really pisses me off is that this is a volunteer position that seems almost like a second full-time gig.

I am going... Whew - busy week ahead! It's birthday season again - Jordan on the 9th and Rylan on the 12th. I am getting my first salon haircut in years on Tuesday. Yay me! While my mom babysits the little guys on Friday (Jordan's birthday), Dean and I are taking the older two to an amusement park that has a private day just for homeschoolers. The last two years it rained on this particular day, so I am crossing my fingers. This is the second time it has coincided with Jordan's birthday, so that makes it extra cool. On Saturday Rylan is having her birthday party at a local pottery studio, and Jordan will be playing laser tag with a good friend later that afternoon. And Sunday is my favorite day of the year. :) Mother's Day!

I am wondering... If Rylan will like riding on rollercoasters...

I am reading... I've got two going right now - Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life, by Julie Morgenstern, and Parenting Beyond Belief, edited by Dale McGowan. I am enjoying both immensely and learning a lot. There is good advice in the Morgenstern book about how to line out job or volunteer duties and separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak.

In the garden... The lettuce is growing. As are the weeds and grass. I need to get busy.

I am hoping... That this nice, mild weather continues all week.

I am looking forward to... birthdays!

I am learning... all about sleep apnea. I have it. I did an at-home sleep study (all the insurance company would spring for, at the time) last Tuesday night, and saw the results the next day. I stopped breathing multiple times during the night, and my brain was poking me awake on average every 2 minutes. Needless to say, I never wake up feeling rested. Ever. My pulse ox runs at about 90, dipping down to 86 every time I stop breathing. The results are being sent to my doctor and insurance company, in the hopes that I will be approved for a full-on sleep study - an overnight at the testing facility, so they can see what the brain is doing as well. When your body stops breathing and then you snort and gasp after several seconds (my longest period without breathing was 17 seconds), your brain releases adrenaline and pumps up the blood sugar in a flight response. This prolonged increase in the blood stream is hard on your heart and your liver. My blood pressure has seen a very slight, but steady increase over the past year. Dean has reported that my snoring is pretty bad, that I repeatedly stop breathing throughout the night, I wake up with a headache most mornings (due to the pumped up adrenaline in the system), and I never feel rested. I also feel sleepy throughout the day, drive while drowsy and have poor concentration. All bad things. A CPAP machine is definitely in my future. But so is feeling rested, better sleep for Dean, better concentration, better mood, and maybe an end to my depression???? yay!

I am hearing... Shawn the Sheep. A Sunday morning kid favorite.

Around the house... The dirty, smelly camping gear will be arriving shortly. :(

I am pondering... how to work in a walk this morning. Being home alone with the little kids presents a problem that I can't just leave the house and walk for 45 minutes on my own. The solution has been to walk in the gigantic church parking lot behind the house and let the little kids roam all over on their bikes while I walk laps. Kinda hard to pull that off on a Sunday morning. I could drive a short distance to a walking trail, but there is always the danger of rattlesnakes, and kids who take off on their bikes - out of earshot.

One of my favorite things... The birdies. And the scent of jasmine.

A few plans for the rest of the week... My haircut is something I am really looking forward to. Not a big change - I don't think. Sometimes all reason escapes me the second I sit in that chair... I've got the birthday cake requests in - Jordan as always wants Blackout Cake, and Rylan wants a 2-layer chocolate cake, with marshmallow frosting, strawberries on top and a Barbie stuck in it. okay.... we'll have to negotiate on the Barbie. For her party I am going to special-order cupcakes at bakery close by. Most of her friends have the tough lot in life of food allergies to contend with, so I want to make sure I have a treat to offer that they can have.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

Colin took this picture from his car seat when we took our road trip last week.  I think this was on the stretch of highway between Steamboat Springs and Craig.

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April afterthoughts...

I just had the most amazing month of April in...well...let's just say, a decade. It has taken me a long, long, time to make my peace with April, since the month is crazy violent (every effn' YEAR!) and also marks some pretty unhappy anniversaries in my own life. I made up my mind months ago that this year was going to be different. I was not going to wallow in self-pity and I was only going to keep the barest minimum of the news on my radar. I was going to stay busy and actively work on making some changes within myself and within our family dynamic. I was also going to go med free (no antidepressant) and see how it felt.

Colin started the month off with a bang by breaking his leg. Diversion tactic! Good one, bud... you got my back! ;)

All these years, as tons of good things have come my way - a marriage, three babies, the new lifestyle of homeschooling, friends and so forth... it's been good - but it's been too much change all at once. I have been fighting for breath, operating in survival mode for years, and it has taken its mental and physical toll. I spent a good amount of last year taking care of some of the physical things. But the mental part - whoa that is tough. I created a life over the past several years that keeps me very busy. Busy means less time for emotional investment or risk of getting hurt. I'm involved. I'm connected. Just...not with my kids or friends, and not on the level with Dean that I long to be. I'm too involved in a couple of groups that no longer make sense in my life. They, at one time, served the purpose of making me feel like I was contributing..like I mattered.. that I was needed. At the time that was important to me, because for whatever reason, a divorce and job loss erased those feelings for me, and I struggled like hell to gain them back. I needed a group of adults to tell me - yes, you matter, we need you here, your input is important, we like you... But when it comes down to it, it does me no lasting good to have validation come from the outside - it needs to come from the inside. In the search for that outside validation, a lot of hurt has come my way. I depended on friends to give that secure feeling of 'belonging', but the whole friendship 'thing' has been fraught with difficulty. I have my own issue with an unwillingness to put forth a lot of effort because I am so scared of rejection, and so, after all these years...friends have paired off, formed their own groups and do their own things, and my only connection seems to be very superficial at this point. A lot of intense, sad feelings here that, for the meantime, need to stay stuffed down and out of the way. Ouch...right? Okay - this is not the tone this missive was supposed to take - this month was a month of triumph for me!

So, I recently decided that it was time to get rid of what wasn't working, wasting my time, bringing me down, giving my anxiety, stressing me out, and taking time from my family. That meant just about everything. I stepped down from our homeschool board - my term ends this month. I stepped down from girl scouts. We end our 'year' this month. It is all part of a master plan I am calling, "Reclaiming Your Life. Transitioning from Survival Mode to Thrive Mode", and I am feeling pretty darn empowered right now.

Quitting scouts and the board was hard, but I feel like I absolutely suck in any type of leadership position because I consistently attack my duties with my type-A intensity, and I take criticism too personally. I may be organized and all that, but when I completely lose my shit whenever someone attacks me for doing my job or for the way I am doing it, I feel like my time and effort were totally disrespected. I don't like how it feels to be depended on and judged by other adults. (children are another matter). There is this disconnect that happens - the parents no longer see you as a person. You are now this entity that must answer emails asap, fix the mistakes that the parents made in paperwork, run the errands for supplies and whatnot, help somebody catch up when they miss a meeting, do the training, do the scheduling, plan the meetings, field trips... I feel like I cease to be a person who has feelings and a life of my own. It is even worse when the parents are also your friends. That makes this disconnect even more bizarre and unsettling. I have spent a lot of time this past month reflecting on this very subject. I know that my decision has already made one mom a little angry. She is a friend, yet I get the impression that my quitting has let her down in a big way. "If you quit, then who will lead? SusieQ really loves scouts!" You know? Not once, in three years, did a mom step forward with the offer to share the load. It had to be asked for, and it was given with considerable reluctance. It is my profound wish, that as parents, we recognize that our time is equally valuable among all of us, and that in making an entity like scouting or a large homeschool support group be a successful and rewarding experience, parents need to work in partnership rather than an 'us vs. them' thing.

I read a book this past month that really lined it all out for me what I needed to do. Say Goodbye to Survival Mode, by Crystal Paine was an eye-opener. I filled up entire pages in a notebook of the things that weren't working, the direction in which my goals have shifted, where I need growth and change, and then pick just a few of them to begin working on. If you overwhelm yourself, it won't happen, you'll fail, and then you are in a worse spot than where you started from. The biggest message in the book is how to break it all down into something that is manageable, so that one elusive day - you own your time, instead of being a slave to it. I took this information and blended it with what Alejandra presents on quarterly goals on her website/YouTube channel. Alejandra is my new hero. I may not be as much of a perfectionist as she is (and perfectionism is not a bad thing - we Type A's understand each other's needs, whether it be color-coding, sorting or alphabetizing), but what she says makes absolute sense. I set about creating my own chart - (below). The heart of the message is zeroing in on a particular goal, and then break it down further - into smaller steps, and create a timeline for yourself in which you want this to happen. And then keep the goal sheet where you can see it - EVERY DAY. Remind yourself of what you want happening in your life. Rinse and repeat.

So I've got my goals set, and now I am in major purge mode. My next book that I am currently working on is Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life, by Julie Morgenstern. She presents a slightly altered approach by really analyzing the array of 'stuff' in your life - material things, your schedule, your habits. Every one of these areas could use pruning, but where do you start? I already dove headlong into pruning my schedule before I even cracked this book, but now I see how I can improve upon the work I've already done. It does require a lot of reflection. Take for instance, your schedule. When you look at it, you need to really pick it apart and rank the meaningfulness of each and every thing you do. Obviously the stuff that ends up at the bottom of the list - the stuff you really resent having to do (no - going to the dentist does not apply here...) is an obvious starting point. The board meeting that you attend once a month that really does not inspire you, the weekly bowling night with buddies that you've grown apart from.. you need to separate the obligation you feel from the activity and look at it from a whole new perspective. If you dropped this activity and reclaimed that time, what could you do with it? (Hint: look at your goal sheet with a new eye) Give yourself a focal point, a direction you want to head, and shed the things in your life that are contrary to that goal and preventing you from getting there.

Heavy, heavy stuff - but so rewarding!!!!

So that is what I spent my April doing. I want to slow down and enjoy this wonderful life I have - the card deck has dealt me some whoppers over the years, but I have survived. And now I want to thrive.

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