I, for the most part, embrace the concept of free range parenting. There are some things, however, that I have not been able to let go. I don't let my kids play at the park alone. I don't let them play in the front yard alone, or bike up and down the street alone - except for Jordan. Our specific neighborhood plays a big role in that decision. We live on the corner of a busy 4-way stop. A lot of drivers just blow through the intersection. We have the unfortunate circumstance of having many budding teenage drivers for neighbors. They just speed past the stop sign and barrel on down the street to their house. It is just not safe to let the kids out.
I don't hover at the edge of playground equipment, or make a big fuss over banged-up appendages. I let the 13 year old babysit. He and a friend were dropped off at a FunPlex recently, to hang by themselves for a couple of hours. So we are pretty adamant about giving frequent doses of responsibility to the kids as they age. Rylan and Owen regularly practice knife skills in the kitchen. Colin practices knife skills on the furniture. Rylan is learning how to use the stove, and Jordan has been using the stove and oven for a long time now. He does frequently need to be reminded to turn things OFF, though.
But the true test of Free Range came a couple of weeks ago. Jordan has been making solo plane trips from Denver to Oklahoma City since he was about 8 years old. In all that time, there has never been a mishap. In the past year, we have been working on increasing his independence with regards to these trips to the airport. The last time he flew home, he navigated from the gate he arrived at to the concourse train, and then on to the arrivals area in the main concourse, all on his own. I met him there, at arrivals, with the aid of a cell phone call to guide us to a meeting spot. He was ecstatic about doing it on his own.
Jordan just left for his summer visitation with his mom in Oklahoma on May 22nd. We were already running 15 minutes behind when we arrived at the airport, and then we encountered long lines at check-in. I asked Jordan if he wanted to go to the gate by himself. He said he wanted company - that he likes it when we send him off. Fair enough, but getting passes for all three kids and myself was going to add to the wait. Then we had long security lines. We got on the concourse train, and we began making plans. Jordan had exactly nine minutes to get to the gate. He was going to make a mad dash for the gate the second the train arrived. I would follow with the kids. Of course his gate was at the FAR end of the concourse. The train stopped and Jordan bolted out the door and up the escalator faster than I have ever seen him move. (He's going to come to regret that I saw that...). He was nowhere to be seen by the time we got to the gate. I called his cell just to make sure he was actually on the plane. I asked him to ask the person sitting next to him if he was on the plane to Oklahoma. The adjacent gate was boarding as well, and they were going to Florida. Just making sure!
We stayed at the gate and watched all of the departure preparations. We watched the plane take off. Owen cried when the plane banked and flew beyond our view. Then my cell beeped with a text message. Dean was letting me know that large thunderstorms were approaching OKC, and tornadoes were predicted. Great. I had just put Jordan on a plane to send him straight into a huge storm. Over the course of the next hour the storm grew, and Jordan's plane was diverted. The storm spawned an EF-5 tornado, and it decimated the southern side of Moore (several miles south of Jordan's mom's house), claiming several victims.
Now, we knew that morning of his flight that storms were a possibility. There had been bad storms in the OKC area the night before. When we packed up his backpack, I made sure he had plenty of snacks and some extra money, 'just in case'. "In case of what?", Jordan asked me. The chances of his plane being diverted was pretty high, and who knows where he would end up? Jordan looked a little nervous at the thought. The plan had been to get to the airport and eat lunch on the concourse, just before he boarded his flight at 12:30 pm. The long lines dashed all hopes of eating. So, when I heard that his plane was diverted to Amarillo, I felt terrible, knowing he was hungry and stuck on a plane. A bag of mini-Oreos wasn't going to go far... Then we got word that he was flying on to Dallas, where he would have a two hour layover and then a board a different plane.
This was good news to me, since that meant he could get something to eat. Jordan told his dad he would walk around and find something good. We were satisfied that he was totally capable of handling himself and being safe. But the other parent in this picture, Jordan's mother, was not satisfied. She was completely freaked out. She told Jordan that he would NOT be wandering the airport to get something to eat. (Yeah, good luck with that..). She called him multiple times, just to see that he was alright. Dean texted him once. I texted him once, after one hour of the layover had passed, ("Everything good?"), and then I called him once, when I knew it was time for him to be at the gate. I called for two reasons. One, I knew that it was evening, and his meds would be wearing off. My concern was that he would be so involved with a game on his iPod, that he might lose track of time. Two, he has the tendency to rush when he is stressed, and I wanted to make sure he took his time and had the correct flight and gate. When he answered, he was totally aware of what time it was, AND he was at the correct gate. Awesome job, Jordan! He did sound harried, though, because of the endless calls and texts from his mom. I wish she could understand that he is a capable young man, and to trust him more.
Of course every child is different, but we strongly believe that it is age appropriate for a 13 year old to be able to successfully navigate an airport for a couple of hours, in an emergency situation. We have been working on independence skills just for this very scenario. He is not afraid to approach an adult with questions or to ask for help. He knows how to judge a person to know whether they are safe to approach in the first place. He had money, and he knows how to use it, sparingly. He had a phone, in case of emergency. He knows how to problem solve. He's experienced independence in smaller doses in an effort to bolster his self-confidence. That is what raising children is about. You want confident, good decision-makers that can handle themselves accordingly when things don't go as planned - because you won't always be there to hold their hand.
Was I worried? I suppose, a little. I was worried that he would waste his money on candy. That was my main worry. I wasn't worried about abductions, child predators, drug dealers, getting lost, getting mugged...nope. I totally put that stuff out of my mind. I was worried about candy, of all things! And I was worried that he might be tempted to turn off his phone, if his mom irritated him enough. It's happened before.
Jordan has had plenty of practice with decision-making in the past. Some were good, some were head-smackingly awful. (what-were-you-thinking!?!?!?). Luckily, most of the price tags for those mini-lessons in life were small. We want to keep it that way.
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