Simplicity Parenting: thoughts about scheduling

 

Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and more Secure Kids
by Kim John Payne, M.Ed.

 

 

I have just finished reading Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne, M.Ed.  It has been a long, long time since a book has given me such excellent food for thought...and I highly, highly recommend that every parent read it and reflect on their own relationships with their kids, their stuff, their activities and so forth...   The author has an excellent website and blog.  Here is a link for blog posts dedicated to the subject of scheduling, and how to simplify the process.

 

Scheduling has been on my mind lately, as you will notice from the Crazy Busy posting a few days ago.  I read through the whole scheduling chapter in Simplicity Parenting, TWICE, yesterday, because I needed to know how to get off the CraZy Train.  Do I just jump?  Hang on the back and drag my feet for awhile?  Toss my luggage off, a few pieces at a time?  None of those sound appetizing...yet jumping provides the quickest, surest exit.

 

 

There were several important aspects to consider with scheduling, and one that I didn't really consider deeply until this book, was the point of taking a child's temperament in hand when devising a schedule that works for everybody.  Some children can do okay with really active days, others need a calm day beforehand, or afterwards or both.  Some children can handle only one thing per day or per week.  It just gets more complicated when you have multiple children and multiple temperaments.

 

The massive physical exodus from front yards and local parks have left children no place to congregate other than gymnastics class on Wednesday afternoons at 4pm., Library Story Time on Tuesday mornings at 10:30 am., Little League on Friday afternoons at 5pm, and Scout meetings on Monday evenings at 7pm., and about 50 billion different combinations of like activities.  The more, the better, for socialization and future preparedness, right?

 

One thing that the author touched on (and looks like has been expanded on in another book), is youth sports.  Kids begin classes, leagues, clinics, whathaveyou at increasingly young ages.  Because of this, kids typically peak out on interest at about age 11.  Beyond that age, the rate of dropping chosen sport increases with age.  By the age of 17, 90% of youth have quit.  At the age when they should be getting really REALLY good - maybe parlaying their skill into a college scholarship, they are quitting.   They have suffered repetitive stress injuries, they are burnt out and the fun is gone.

 

This is a bitter pill to swallow.  Rylan began karate when she was 4 1/2.  I confess that I was sitting there, right along with all of the other parents, gushing at how cute she looked in her little white gi, and feeling proud that our daughter yelled the loudest.  Honestly.  What 4 1/2 yr. old needs to know karate?  Oh yes  - they learn discipline.  They learn patience.  They learn a physical skill that will serve them well.  I've heard it, I've believed it, and it sounds great...on the surface.  But.  There are better places and more meaningful ways that a child can learn discipline and patience.  I don't think a 4 1/2 yr. old is really into thinking about the most effective way to disable a grown person.  There is huge discrepancy between a balance of emotional/physical maturity when karate would serve a person well, and when kids are actually allowed onto a mat and invited to start 'training'.  Don't get me wrong, there are all sorts of merits that I can attribute to karate, and it would be a great place for a teen to spend their time and energy in a positive and productive manner.  But I don't think it serves a younger child as well.  In the 2 1/2 years that Rylan has been doing karate, all I can say is that, yes, it boosted her self-confidence.  To the tune of $1,800 and 320 hours of time spent in that pursuit.  And that's just Rylan.  I need to hang on to my lunch, so I don't think I will run Jordan's numbers...  :(

 

The same net results could be said about soccer, baseball, peewee football, gymnastics... Doctors are reporting repetitive stress injuries in young players that were unheard of a decade ago.  Kids (and parents) push it to the extreme.  It is a society thing.  A parent living-out their-dream-through-their-children thing.  It is pressure to succeed.  Be the best, get the edge.  It leads to year-round practice and competition.  Summer and weekend clinics.  The kids never. get. a. break., and what do they really get out of it in the end?  They learn to be a team player??  By their rules or someone else's?  By engaging in play with other children they could get the same results, in a much more meaningful way.  They devise the game, they negotiate the rules, and adjust as they go.  And play is free! (minus the snacks and occasional Band-Aid)

 

So I am taking all of this in, and churning it around in my head.  I am good with letting karate go.  Totally good with that.  It frees the kids to have more uninterrupted time to do something they feel really passionate about, to explore a new interest, or to do absolutely nothing and revel in that freedom from constant go-go-go.

 

I am not sure how to reconcile with dance.  I love dance, and I love that Rylan loves dance.  This coming year may test her devotion to it.  She wants jazz.  And tumbling.  I am pushing for ballet.  And I am sad that she doesn't want to include tap.  I love tap.  I know that I am projecting my passions on her, but I also know that of all of the forms of dance, ballet is the foundation and it will serve her well - and she needs to understand that. So, if she and I both get our way, we are now looking at three separate classes.  I don't believe in age limits when it comes to dance.  This is where I diverge from the advice Dr. Payne espouses of avoiding the young age at which a child engages in a specific sport.  I think that it is perfectly acceptable for a four year old to do a once-a-week ballet class.  (or tap, tumbling, gymnastics, etc...)  Admit it, there is nothing cuter that a little girl in a tutu!

 

But how much is too much?  I am very afraid that three dance classes is too much for our seven yr. old. (PLUS girl scouts AND violin...)  That is three roundtrips to Loveland.  That is three hours (plus drive time) that I have to somehow occupy the time with one teenager and two precocious little boys.  That is three different outfits that I need to keep track of, washed and ready to go.  And what IF Jordan decides that he doesn't really want to quit karate??  That's five classes a week, right there, plus regular gi washing for a stinky teenage boy.  And then there is Owen, who is campaigning hard for gymnastics.  That would mean another round trip to Loveland.  That is now NINE trips in one week's time.  I've not only NOT left the CraZy Train, I've just dumped a shit ton of coal into the fire box and slammed the door!!!!

 

Maybe I need to reread this chapter for a third time, because I obviously haven't got the message about how to simplify our schedule.  I think there was a specific word  that he used.... hmm.  What was it??? 

 

 

Oh yeah...... "No."

 

 

 

 



Tumbling

Rylan had a banner day, yesterday. Not only did she get a new bike (a birthday gift from us - we waited until she was 100% confident with riding her old bike), but she had her first tumbling class. Rylan's dance studio has a short 8-week summer session, that is geared towards giving the students a chance to try something new. Rylan was excited to give tumbling a try.

Just as I suspected, there were a variety of ages and abilities present, which was awesome. There was even the token boy who must have had several years of gymnastics under his belt, because he was nothing short of amazing. Even the teacher, Miss Connie, was impressed. Which is saying something... Miss Connie is hard to please. She is a "well-seasoned" tap and tumbling instructor, and is one tough cookie and doesn't take any nonsense from the kids. I love her.

Rylan did a variety of stuff: cartwheels, back bends, round-offs, downward rolls, forward and backward somersaults... Some were sorta decent....sorta. We need to practice. She seriously lacks arm strength, despite all the practice she has had smacking her brothers around. I think the trampoline will make a nice practice surface, since we don't have any large cushions or mats.

Since there were a variety of ages present, Rylan got in some quality time with teenage girls. This was a first. Rylan was watching them. Intently. At one point she was looking at one girl, then looked down at her own body, and immediately sucked in her sweet 7-yr old tummy. :(

No! No! No!

 

Crap. I love dance, I really do. I love how it engages your body, your mind, and gives you limitless ways to express yourself. But I hate the dark side. The whole self-image, and the tendency to compare and always see yourself as lacking thing... I don't want my daughter to go through that. Maybe it is just plain unavoidable. I just want to preserve her 'girlhood' for as long as possible, and not deal with the whole negative body-image thing.

Well, Rylan loved her class. Loved it. She now wants to add it to her fall class line up - to do jazz and tumbling. I am very disappointed that she is ready to let ballet go. I'm not okay with that - it is the foundation of dance! I may have to twist her arm...in a graceful way.

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Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

 

 

Outside my window... It is sunny and breezy this morning.

I am thinking... about the fact that we are badly in need of window screens.  There are 8 windows that open on the ground floor, and only three have screens.  The others have been shredded over the years.  When I moved in exactly ten years and 2 days ago, I discovered that the sellers had done a devious thing and flipped the screens on the four windows that face the back yard so that the screen that was originally on the bottom end of the window was now at the top.  Why?  Because their two labs had jumped up and poked several holes in the screens with their claws.  By flipping them, the damage was concealed (mostly) by the blinds in the windows.  You may have been able to notice from the outside, but I never caught it before closing on the house.  Our cat has viciously attempted to attack birds through the screens on the front windows and the front screen door.  Miraculously, three out of the four window screens remain, with only minor damage.  The poor window blinds, however, are a whole different matter...  The door, which let in the most air, is now screenless and remains closed, all the time.  :(  All this is to say that every morning I get thoroughly bugged (pun intended) that I can't throw open the windows to let in a cool breeze and air out the house.  The cat would escape and the wasps and mosquitoes would join us for breakfast.

I am thankful... That Dean and Jordan came home from camp yesterday with high spirits and filthy clothes.  They had a 'mostly' good week.  I am glad to have my husband back.  Jordan had four hours with us before he hopped a plane back to OKC.  I am also thankful that his flight was delayed, otherwise he would have missed it, because we were running behind.  As usual.

And finally, I am thankful that....(sound the trumpets) Rylan is now a full-fledged bicycle rider!  Dean took the kids out to the church parking lot behind our house last night, and they rode all over the place.  It was the perfect place for her to get in that last little bit of connecting all the dots of starting, pushing, turning, stopping, steering, speeding up and slowing down that she needed to boost her confidence and get her over the final hurdle.  She is now a novice, well on her way to mastery.  Hallelujah!!


From the Learning Rooms... I am a horrible, horrible task-master.  We took an unintended week off.  But Rylan did learn to ride a bicycle and got herself across the pool doing freestyle, without touching once.  I feel pretty good about that, so I won't continue to beat myself up.


In the kitchen...  Blueberry pancakes for the man upstairs.  (Dean, silly, who is still in bed)  This is make-up Father's Day, since he left for camp last Sunday.


I am wearing... robe and pjs.  Better get a move-on!


I am creating... a clean space on the counter.  There hasn't been one all week.  sigh.


I am going... out to dinner with our family, my brother and his family, and my dad and stepmom.  Again - Father's Day re-do.

I am wondering... How to encourage Owen to try bicycling without his training wheels...

I am reading... Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne, M.Ed., and 15 Minutes Outside by Rebecca P. Cohen.  She also has a great website.


In the garden...  Spinach is bolting, lettuce is ready for harvest, and the carrots, turnips and parsnips are doing nicely.  I feel so lame for not planting anything else, but since my gardening motivation is waning this summer, I needed to let something go.


I am hoping... for a break in the heat, and it looks like today is the day with a forcasted high of 83F.  Yippee!


I am looking forward to... tonight's full-moon.  Hope there won't be clouds!


I am learning...  hmm.  Nothing comes to mind, which is sad. 



I am hearing...  Hammering and drilling from the neighbors, which has been going on since 7:30 this morning.  It is now 10:30am.  They were also working late last night.  I understand the thought behind working when it is cool, but... I wish they would be more AWARE of how loud their construction 'projects' are.  This is the THIRD. SUMMER. IN. A. ROW. of late, late nights and early early mornings of

noise, noise, noise, noise, NOISE

 

and I am an open the windows at night to get a breeze kind of person.

 

This is not compatible.

Around the house... It looks like a camping store exploded in the kitchen, so I think a day of washing, airing, sorting, pitching, and storing is going to make up the bulk of the day.  If not, I shall go crazy tripping over all of this stuff all week.


I am pondering... getting another cup of coffee and hiding from my children.


One of my favorite things...  is hiding from the children.  Which never lasts long, because Colin, as we all know, has a sixth sense about coffee, and how to locate a fresh cup.  It is uncanny, really.

A few plans for the rest of the week... Rylan begins an 8 week summer session of tumbling (every Monday) at her dance studio.  She is excited, and I am afraid of bumps and bruises.  Swim lessons for Rylan and Owen each morning (Colin is currently refusing to participate), two physical therapy appointments for my shoulder, and a bbq on Saturday.  This will be, by far, the most relaxed week I have had the pleasure of having in a long, long time.  I am looking forward to it!


Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...



Rylan before her performance at her dance studio's spring recital last Saturday.

To read more entries and visit a variety of other blogs, go here...


Chocolaty goodness...

BHG Espresso Brownies
 

On the way home this afternoon:

 

Me: See?  There is the restaurant we ate at after the St.Patrick's Day Parade, where we celebrated grandma's birthday.

 

Owen: I don't like parades.  They're boring.  We go to too many parades.

 

Me: Wha??  We only go to like two a year?!  St. Patrick's Day and maybe the 4th of July parade.

 

Rylan: Am I going to be in it again?  I'm am in Brownies now...

 

Me: No, that was just a special thing between the scouts and the city last year, since it was the 100th anniversary of Girl Scouts and the city park.

 

Owen: I like brownies!!  They're delicious!  Mmmm...so chocolaty and yummy...

 

Rylan: O-wen!!

 

Colin: Brownies??

 

 



The Crazy Busy Train

I think, that even though we are only midway through this year, this year will be known as a transformative year in our family...

I'll start with me...

My major gripe for the past couple of years is that we have become waaay to busy.  I don't push activities on the kids, so I guess it is more of a gullible thing - I'm a "YES!" mom.  You want to try dance?  Yes!  Gymnastics?  Yes!  Art class?  Yes!  I am prone to fall for the power of suggestion.. If something comes through our homeschool group list that sounds interesting, I ask the kids, and naturally they want to try it.  School began to take a backseat.  Life began to take a backseat.  We were just driving to one 'experience' after another.  All experiences the kids wanted to do, of course, and all experiences of merit, but absolutely nothing was taking priority...other than to try and make it semi-on time and have plenty of snacks in the car.

I am on activity overload.  So... now I am working hard to reverse course.  I am subtracting and adding things, with simplification as the focus.  I am not sitting in the board of our homeschool group anymore, so I'm not dealing with membership squabbles...  I quit a month ago, and it has been soooo nice.  I am not chained to my computer or iPhone anymore!  I agreed to step back into a leadership position with our girl scout troop, but I am sharing the workload with another mom, who has great ideas and a fantastic positive energy.  I will be guiding the Brownies, and she will be guiding the Daisies.  I will have about 6-7 girls, and she will have 5-6.  We had such a fabulous year this past year that I really don't see any additional stress coming from this - maybe just on the front end, as we get our upcoming year planned out.

My only other major stressor right now is doctor appointment overload.  I will be doing two physical therapy appointments a week (for my shoulder) through to the end of July, along with 1-2 other progress checkups with the doctor.  I am trying my hardest not to overdo it at home...but I am hoping that if I work diligently with my shoulder exercises, that I may be able to knock off the last week of therapy, by 'passing' early.  We'll see.   I have a long way to go.  I am still working on range of motion - we haven't even addressed the ability to push and pull and work with any kind of weight yet.   Now that is just me and my appointments.  We have also had the yearly appointment schtuff for the kids these past couple of months.  All four went to the dentist (no cavities!), all but Rylan had their annual physical, three went to the eye doctor - Jordan goes next month (yay - no glasses....yet!), the dermatologist(3x), the orthodontist, the psychiatrist, blood draw for Jordan, and a repeat hearing test for Owen.  This is when having four kids SUCKS.  Thank goodness for insurance, and THANK GOODNESS everybody is healthy.  I can't discount that.. that means everything.  I've counted them up - between all of us we have had 28 doctor appointments in the past 8 weeks.  Sigh.

I can't just blow off the need for doctor appointments - they are a necessary evil.  But with my unruly crew, each appointment stresses me out.  They mess with stuff, fight, ask for candy at the front desk, and test the acoustics of every room they enter.  At least with the dentist, I can get them all seen at the same time, and they can all give each other moral support from adjacent dental exam chairs, lol...  and they have an awesome play area for the kids to blow off steam before and after the appointment.  We actually like going to the dentist.  I was able to combine Owen's and Colin's annual physicals this year, so that was one less trip.  It was cute, they sat side-by-side, and the doctor would tap the knee on one, and then the other.  Look in the mouth of one, and then the other.  Since Colin is refusing to do most things lately, this actually worked out great.  He liked having Owen by his side, for once.  He didn't even try to shove him off the table.

So.  How do you get off the Crazy Busy Train?  I am taking a lot of advice to heart from a book that I am currently reading, Simplicity Parenting, by Kim John Payne, M.Ed.  It has a strong Waldorf approach, but it completely makes sense.  It addresses simplifying a child's environment, rhythm, schedule and filtering out the adult world.  These are all things our family desperately needs.  We have too much stuff on the calendar, in the closets, on the floor, in our heads and weighing on our hearts.

Jordan...

Even before I began reading this book and contemplating some changes that we could make, Jordan addressed this issue head-on last month, the week of his birthday.  He had a meltdown.  Not an angry episode...just a 'TOO MUCH!!!' sort of thing.  He actually broke down and cried on the way to karate.  He did NOT want to go.  He was ready to quit, for a whole host of completely valid reasons.  He hated that we always had to drop what we were doing and leave to go to karate.  (he goes 5x a week).  He felt like karate was mostly work, and not really fun anymore.  (Nobody gave him the impression that earning a Black Belt was going to be all fun and games...).  I think some of this was a classic teenage hormone stress response, because he did feel better about it a couple days later...  After I made him explain to the sensai that he was quitting.  As of right now, he is on the fence about whether or not he will go back.  Right now he says he is "on a break".  We all know how that goes...

Rylan...

Funny enough, Rylan had her own karate-related breakdown last week.  She had the tears, the drama, and same explanation.  Too much stuff to do, and she didn't enjoy karate anymore.  This saves us a combined $200 a month, 150 miles per week of driving (plus gas), and $90 dollars every 9 weeks for testing fees.  Plus, we gain back 11 hours of time that we desperately need to give back to schooling - plus the before-and-after time that we lose to getting ready to leave and getting back into school mode.  So how can I complain???  I feel terrible about it anyway.  I like the instructors and the relationships the kids and I have made with them over the past 2 1/2 years.  I like that the kids were challenged mentally and physically (plus, it counted for P.E. time!!!), and how much it improved their confidence.  Karate is absolutely a worthwhile endeavor (albeit an expensive one), and I was proud that our kids were doing it.  Dean is thrilled.  He has always thought that they were a 'belt-mill', and there may be a shred of truth to that, but when I see Jordan, at the hint of any kind of physical threat, go instinctively into guardian stance, I know it was worth it.

Owen...

Owen started gymnastics last Sept., along with karate.  He earned his white belt, and then promptly quit.  He didn't like it at all.  I had quietly let gymnastics go as we had continued the karate Sept and Oct, because karate was 'free' (multiple sibling discount), and gymnastics wasn't.  It took Owen a few months to figure out that he hadn't been to gymnastics in awhile... (he's quick, isn't he??).  So, after a very effective badgering campaign, he started up again in January.  It lasted five weeks.  He left class early two times in row, in tears, for some perceived infraction on the part of who-knows-what...  Now he is at it again, asking - on an almost daily basis, when he can go back to gymnastics.  What do I do?  I want him to have 'something', but he doesn't have a terrific track record of sticking with anything..

Dean...

Don't get me started.  Dean took over the Troop Master position in Oct/Nov, and it was a huge undertaking.  There are 50 some scouts in the troop, and a lot of them are on the younger side.  In the past month or so, the stress has been ratcheted up unbelievably high, as he organized the troop tribute to the previous Troop Master as part of his Wood Badge ticket, and then there was summer camp.  For the second year in a row, summer camp has been derailed by a forest fire forcing the evacuation of the chosen summer camp location.  The day before departure (this past Sunday, Father's Day), many adults were scrambling to assemble new contact information, merit badge schedules and equipment lists as they prepared to go to a secondary camp location.  For a month now, we have had to tip-toe around the premises as Dean tried his best to keep up with work requirements, house stuff and scouts.  It hasn't been fun.  For any of us.  I will be so glad when this week is over and the boys are back from camp, and I can have my husband back.  Sorry troop 191, but some of you needy helicopter parents can just shove off - we have a family that desperately needs some no-stress family time!

Free ranging at an airport

I, for the most part, embrace the concept of free range parenting. There are some things, however, that I have not been able to let go. I don't let my kids play at the park alone. I don't let them play in the front yard alone, or bike up and down the street alone - except for Jordan. Our specific neighborhood plays a big role in that decision. We live on the corner of a busy 4-way stop. A lot of drivers just blow through the intersection. We have the unfortunate circumstance of having many budding teenage drivers for neighbors. They just speed past the stop sign and barrel on down the street to their house. It is just not safe to let the kids out.

I don't hover at the edge of playground equipment, or make a big fuss over banged-up appendages. I let the 13 year old babysit. He and a friend were dropped off at a FunPlex recently, to hang by themselves for a couple of hours. So we are pretty adamant about giving frequent doses of responsibility to the kids as they age. Rylan and Owen regularly practice knife skills in the kitchen. Colin practices knife skills on the furniture. Rylan is learning how to use the stove, and Jordan has been using the stove and oven for a long time now. He does frequently need to be reminded to turn things OFF, though.

But the true test of Free Range came a couple of weeks ago. Jordan has been making solo plane trips from Denver to Oklahoma City since he was about 8 years old. In all that time, there has never been a mishap. In the past year, we have been working on increasing his independence with regards to these trips to the airport. The last time he flew home, he navigated from the gate he arrived at to the concourse train, and then on to the arrivals area in the main concourse, all on his own. I met him there, at arrivals, with the aid of a cell phone call to guide us to a meeting spot. He was ecstatic about doing it on his own.

Jordan just left for his summer visitation with his mom in Oklahoma on May 22nd. We were already running 15 minutes behind when we arrived at the airport, and then we encountered long lines at check-in. I asked Jordan if he wanted to go to the gate by himself. He said he wanted company - that he likes it when we send him off. Fair enough, but getting passes for all three kids and myself was going to add to the wait. Then we had long security lines. We got on the concourse train, and we began making plans. Jordan had exactly nine minutes to get to the gate. He was going to make a mad dash for the gate the second the train arrived. I would follow with the kids. Of course his gate was at the FAR end of the concourse. The train stopped and Jordan bolted out the door and up the escalator faster than I have ever seen him move. (He's going to come to regret that I saw that...). He was nowhere to be seen by the time we got to the gate. I called his cell just to make sure he was actually on the plane. I asked him to ask the person sitting next to him if he was on the plane to Oklahoma. The adjacent gate was boarding as well, and they were going to Florida. Just making sure!

We stayed at the gate and watched all of the departure preparations. We watched the plane take off. Owen cried when the plane banked and flew beyond our view. Then my cell beeped with a text message. Dean was letting me know that large thunderstorms were approaching OKC, and tornadoes were predicted. Great. I had just put Jordan on a plane to send him straight into a huge storm. Over the course of the next hour the storm grew, and Jordan's plane was diverted. The storm spawned an EF-5 tornado, and it decimated the southern side of Moore (several miles south of Jordan's mom's house), claiming several victims.

Now, we knew that morning of his flight that storms were a possibility. There had been bad storms in the OKC area the night before. When we packed up his backpack, I made sure he had plenty of snacks and some extra money, 'just in case'. "In case of what?", Jordan asked me. The chances of his plane being diverted was pretty high, and who knows where he would end up? Jordan looked a little nervous at the thought. The plan had been to get to the airport and eat lunch on the concourse, just before he boarded his flight at 12:30 pm. The long lines dashed all hopes of eating. So, when I heard that his plane was diverted to Amarillo, I felt terrible, knowing he was hungry and stuck on a plane. A bag of mini-Oreos wasn't going to go far... Then we got word that he was flying on to Dallas, where he would have a two hour layover and then a board a different plane.

This was good news to me, since that meant he could get something to eat. Jordan told his dad he would walk around and find something good. We were satisfied that he was totally capable of handling himself and being safe. But the other parent in this picture, Jordan's mother, was not satisfied. She was completely freaked out. She told Jordan that he would NOT be wandering the airport to get something to eat. (Yeah, good luck with that..). She called him multiple times, just to see that he was alright. Dean texted him once. I texted him once, after one hour of the layover had passed, ("Everything good?"), and then I called him once, when I knew it was time for him to be at the gate. I called for two reasons. One, I knew that it was evening, and his meds would be wearing off. My concern was that he would be so involved with a game on his iPod, that he might lose track of time. Two, he has the tendency to rush when he is stressed, and I wanted to make sure he took his time and had the correct flight and gate. When he answered, he was totally aware of what time it was, AND he was at the correct gate. Awesome job, Jordan! He did sound harried, though, because of the endless calls and texts from his mom. I wish she could understand that he is a capable young man, and to trust him more.

Of course every child is different, but we strongly believe that it is age appropriate for a 13 year old to be able to successfully navigate an airport for a couple of hours, in an emergency situation. We have been working on independence skills just for this very scenario. He is not afraid to approach an adult with questions or to ask for help. He knows how to judge a person to know whether they are safe to approach in the first place. He had money, and he knows how to use it, sparingly. He had a phone, in case of emergency. He knows how to problem solve. He's experienced independence in smaller doses in an effort to bolster his self-confidence. That is what raising children is about. You want confident, good decision-makers that can handle themselves accordingly when things don't go as planned - because you won't always be there to hold their hand.

Was I worried? I suppose, a little. I was worried that he would waste his money on candy. That was my main worry. I wasn't worried about abductions, child predators, drug dealers, getting lost, getting mugged...nope. I totally put that stuff out of my mind. I was worried about candy, of all things! And I was worried that he might be tempted to turn off his phone, if his mom irritated him enough. It's happened before.

Jordan has had plenty of practice with decision-making in the past. Some were good, some were head-smackingly awful. (what-were-you-thinking!?!?!?). Luckily, most of the price tags for those mini-lessons in life were small. We want to keep it that way.

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Rehab...

The carefree days of summer are not quite so carefree yet - I have 8 weeks of physical therapy to get through first. I had my first session last Friday. My exercises include 1) sliding my arm forward on a table top (with the aid of a towel), 2) keeping my arm bent at a 90 degree angle (resting on a table) and bending forward, and 3) using a pulley system to stretch my arm upward. Since Friday, my mobility has improved by leaps and bounds. I can shampoo the hair above my right ear! I can drive with two hands! (Although not at 10-and-2). I can brush my teeth! And I can get dressed by myself. I still can't reach across my body or stretch out to the side to retrieve something - not without severe pain - but on the whole I am doing a lot better.

The problem is, when I do tend to feel better, I totally overdo it. Just like the first day after your fever breaks, and you go on a cleaning frenzy and then collapse. Yesterday consisted of swimming lessons from 9-10, a violin lesson at 11, followed by a trip to the grocery store and three other small errands. Dean and I had previously agreed that any grocery shopping would fall on him because that was just too difficult for me, but he was way to busy doing the final preparations for a scout Court of Honor last night, so it fell to me. Rylan and I traded off pushing the cart, but it was a kid cart at Target (the extra long one with two extra seats), which is practically impossible to maneuver in the first place. By the time I had filled the cart and we were checking out, it was all I could do to hold back the tears. It hurt so. damn. bad. I came home and sat with an ice pack for a long, long, time. Then I cooked a ton of pasta to make a salad for the potluck, and cut up a watermelon. Do you know how hard it is to cut up a watermelon basically one-handed? Ugh.

I stayed home with the kids last night. Jordan is in OKC, so there was no real reason to go to the scout ceremony. It was a big night for Dean though. He is currently working on earning his Woodbadge, and part of it is to create a formal send-off for the previous ScoutMaster. The last two weeks have been *super fun* as he was preparing for this. I wish I could have seen the ceremony, but with the three little hooligans, that would have been very difficult, and they would have spoiled it for everybody else. So I was only too glad to stay at home. My introverted self does not like large potlucks with people I don't know. I also did not have it in me to chase and shush small children for two straight hours. I was in bed by 9:30, and that was absolutely awesome.

Today brings on swim lessons in the morning, and therapy just after lunch. We're skipping Park Day and karate. It is not in my or the kids' best interest to try and squeeze it all in, and therapy trumps all right now. It is cool out, with rain clouds in the foothills, which means the kids will be shivering during the lessons. I went through it when I was a kid, so it's kinda like a right of passage. I'm so compassionate. Maybe I'll bring along some hot chocolate. Maybe.

 

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