Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

 

Outside my window... A new window location to look out of today! Even though it faces the street, the front window is my favorite spot. It has the best sunlight and view. It is sunny, and the streets and sidewalks are mostly clear of the snow from last week. There is still about 2-3 inches of crusty snow on the grass.

I am thinking... It's been a tough week emotionally. A person in my life let me down in a big way, and then turned around and made an even bigger demand on me and my time. I am already so busy, and this situation just...sucks. I am such a doormat. I love it when I can help others, but I think certain types of people sense that, and they just capitalize on that. I've really got to learn how to say "no" and put my time and my family first.

I am thankful... That we have a warm home, loving grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and that getting together for family fun is such a natural and easy thing for us. It really takes the stress out of the holidays in these parts.

From the Learning Rooms... pathetically little. We even missed out on the Hour of Code this past week because I am so lame and so busy. We will definitely get to it this week.

In the kitchen... I did manage to make two different batches of Christmas cookies this past week. I love to bake. I love friends that bake even more. Amanda - your cookies are evil. In a super delicious way. I'm not sure if I should thank you. But I will. And then I will reluctantly run another lap around the block to make up for liking your cookies so much.

I am wearing... pjs on a Sunday morning cannot be beat!

I am creating... shhhhh... I am attempting to make individual teepee hideouts for the little kids. Dean is cutting the pvc poles, and I am making the covering out of tanned buffalo hides. Okay, okay... bedsheets and fabric yardage that used to cover the walls in my classroom. Glad to finally use all of those yards of fabric for something!! Many thanks to friend Dennise for the inspiration. And the hundreds of pins out there devoted to said subject. With any luck, we'll have a teepee village surrounding the Christmas Tree on Christmas morning - complete with wild Indians, I'm sure.

Link to pic and how-to..

I am going... To Bed Bath & Beyond today to start the long and expensive journey of getting new window coverings for just about every window in the house. So long and so expensive, that they will have to be done one at a time. So we get to enjoy another long year of the house looking unfinished and unkempt. Today's window is the front office room that I am currently in. It is the most visible of the windows, and I would really like some privacy. A fabric shade was here before, but kitty shredded it to pieces because the bird feeder was positioned on the other side of the window. Despite repeated attempts to stalk and pounce on unsuspecting birds, she never got a clue that it just wasn't going to work out for her. Too many concussions from hitting the window, I suppose.

I am wondering... I've asked this before, and it is on my mind ever-so-much this week. If there was one responsibility in your life that you could let go of, what would it be? What would you just love to walk away from?

 

I am reading... Nothing much of consequence...there is just too much to do in a day. :(


I am hoping... For lots of sunshine this week. I need to run!

 

I am looking forward to... We are getting our girl scout troop together this week for an ornament co-op. I love this event!

 

I am learning... I think I am going to be learning about code, as I work through it with Rylan. Jordan can handle it on his own.

 

I am hearing... Felix Da Housecat, Radio.

Around the house... Painting. Lots and lots of painting. Dean finished the floors last weekend, and we could FINALLY put away the drills, saws, hammers, scraps of wood and so forth that have decorated our counters for the past eight months or so. That is a long, long time to live with dust and debris.  Now we can have paint cans, rollers in ziplock bags, brushes and paint trays instead. Much better. ;)

 

I am pondering... Hmm. Paint color I guess. I am really happy with the deep wall color I chose - called Pecan Sandie by Behr. It reminds me of creamy coffee. I am not happy with the medium hue I chose - off of the same pain chip. It has a definite lilac tinge to it that I do not like. I am debating just doing the whole lower level in Pecan Sandie. I really liked having dimension on some of the walls though, and having focal walls be the deep color. Hmmm. Decisions, decisions. Thank goodness it's not life or death around here.

One of my favorite things... Is an OCD fix! Here is a good one! Off to buy some filing folders!

 

A few plans for the rest of the week... the normal activity schedule, bake some cookies for a bake sale fundraiser for a very sick scout in Jordan's troop [cancer... :( ], ornaments with the girl scouts, homeschool gym class, and a doctor appointment. A very low-key week indeed - just what I needed. :) I guess I should add decorate the tree, set up my Santa collection, and painting. Lots of painting.

 

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

My kids and my nephews (the three older boys) decorated gingerbread houses last night.  Drew (on the far left), and Colin (on the far right), may be cousins, but they are totally copycat versions of each other.  They even fake 'smile' the same.  Drew calls Colin his 'mini-me'.  SO true.  so true...

 

 

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Thanksgiving, by the numbers...

1 - The number of times we ate at Ted's Cafe. We love this place. I entered 1000 cal. on MyFitnessPal and called it good. They serve a warm creamy queso dip, fresh, thick tortillas, chips & salsa to your table within a couple minutes of you sitting down. That queso dip is calling my naaame...

2 - The number of times I called my friend Shawn for emergency knitting help. I have now conquered the purl stitch and knitting in the round. I may finish my hat before the next century.

3 - The number of stores we shopped at on Black Friday. I usually have a rule that this day is a NOshopping day. but... when you run out of diapers, even a moral stance has to give way. So, in the late, late afternoon in the hopes of avoiding crowds, we dropped by Target to pick up some diapers, we went to Bed, Bath & Beyond to get my MIL a nice trashcan for the kitchen because paper bags on the floor were not cutting it, and I got these babies (see below) because it was so beyond time to replace them, and there was a New Balance store not far away, AND, well, it was Black Friday, no? I got them for 10% off!

3.5 - The number of hours we spent at Jasmine Moran Children's Museum. This was our second visit, and we really love this place. There was lots of new stuff to see and do. My favorite was the air tubes that you could watch large pompoms or scarves travel through.. Here are a few pics of the kids...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4 - The number of times we visited Braum's for ice cream and food. If you don't live in the KS/OK/TX region you may not know what this place is, but their ice cream is* magical*. This was definitely the week to not think about calories. I need to stop writing about food.

5 - The number of items we carried into the hotel the night we left. (We split the drive over two days on the way out, because we couldn't leave until early evening). Dean was quick to remind me of this fact several times over the span of our visit - and related this fact to anybody who was willing to listen. There is some history behind this, because this has been a HUGE point of contention between us since the get-go. I was always of the frame of mind that each child had their own packed duffle bag of clothes/toiletries/books and so forth. Every time we stayed at a hotel, in went everybody's individual bag. That meant 4 duffle bags, 2 suitcases, 3-4 bags of electronics and paperwork that couldn't be left in the car, the little cooler and food bin (especially if it was a summer road trip), baby stuff (at various times over the course of the years), individual blankets and pillows for the kids and so forth. We usually filled an entire luggage cart from top to bottom. Dean was in the frame of mind that we should pack one 'hotel' bag. Into this bag would go an outfit for each person for the next day, and any diapers/toiletries we would need. I always said 'no', because invariably somebody would mess up their clothes at breakfast, we would run short on diapers, or forget something. This year I relented. I finally felt that the kids were old enough that we didn't need to factor in 'what-if'. So, when we rolled into Hays, KS at 12:35 a.m., we carried in one duffle bag, 2 electronics backpacks (don't want to leave it in the car overnight), 1 paperwork bag and my purse. Dean has won the argument, hands down. Now I just have to live with his gloating for the rest of my life.

6 - The number of Christmas placemats my SIL Joyce made for our family. LOVE THEM!

6 - The average number of hours it takes to drive through Kansas via I-70 - I-35. I like Kansas for the simple reason that it is good for prolonged conversations, listening to podcasts of Wait, Wait and This American Life, and knitting. Well - attempts at knitting.

6.5 - The number of miles I ran! :) Two runs - the first was mind-blowingly awesome. The second one hurt a little bit in the feet, and I felt a bit sore and stiff everywhere else. (I ran Monday and Wednesday). My shoes are sooo old, and the lining of the heel cup in one has completely rubbed away and I've patched it with duct tape more times than I can count since July, and I need to tape my heel so that I don't get a blister, and I forgot to pack tape, and there you go. Time for new shoes. (See #3)

8 - The number of snack bags I made for the car trip. We haven't been on a road trip since last Christmas, so since the littles are a year older, things get easier. The morning of the day we left, I made the snack bags - two per kid, one for the way there, one for the way back. Each bag had some vanilla wafers, pretzels, cheese crackers, wheat thins, starbursts, M&M's, Mike n' Ike's, Jolly Ranchers and fruit snacks. It worked like a charm - no repeatedly asking for food, and they were told, once it's gone, it's gone. Every bad had some left. Many, many thanks to my friend Amanda, for the idea. :) oh - and only one bag got dumped out - in the garage, at home, as we were unpacking.

$27.50 - The price of two adult movie tickets to see Catching Fire. Absolutely worth it. The movie was just as I imagined things in my head - especially the arena. On a side note, I had to bunch up some torn napkin and put it in my ears because the volume level was deafening. From the moment the first preview began, I was covering my ears. It is just me? Am I getting too old and sensitive? Jeez! TURN IT DOWN! Other than that, the movie was great.

30 - the number of family members that ate a large meal together on Thanksgiving. It was a very good day - nothing felt rushed, the food turned out perfectly (every family brought something) and my children did not act like buffoons or break anything, so that is always a plus. I made a spicy cranberry sauce appetizer (you eat it with cream cheese and crackers), a hot spinach and artichoke dip on toasted baguettes appetizer, 6 dozen rolls, hot cider, and helped with a few other things here and there. I came armed with my recipes and trusty bread machine.

91 - The number of tickets we earned by playing skeeball, plastic 10-pin bowling and rifle shooting when we took the kids to GattiTown for pizza and fun. The kids took their first-ever ride on Go Karts (the entire place is indoors). Rylan got to drive herself, I rode with Colin, and Owen rode with Dean. The kids spent their tickets on a plastic ball for Owen, a paper fan for Rylan, and a plastic kazoo for Colin. Nothing lasted longer than a couple of hours - except for the heartburn.

 

 

 

 

 

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The day when the child became the adult

 

 

We all work hard at this parenting gig, every single day.  Some days you get it right, and some days you don't.  We should all lift each other up, right?  But, then...what about when it gets personal?  Like when you share parenting duties between biological parents and step parents?  You pour as much of your brand of love and wisdom into a child, only to send them on to the other parent(s) who *just* doesn't quite see the world the same way.  I don't suffer in silence very well.  When there is a wrong, I've got to talk about it, and search my feelings for how to resolve it.

 

Jordan just had a very difficult weekend dealing with his mom (over the phone) about upcoming plans for Thanksgiving.  This is a routine that I have seen take place since the moment Jordan and his dad came into my life.  The couple of weeks leading up to visitation with his mother is always fraught with tension.  In Jordan's younger years, it was hyperactivity.  Promises made over the phone of the junk food and good times to come made those days practically unbearable.  His mind was already there, on vacation.  These days, it is quite different.  Instead of chomping at the bit to get there, Jordan is filled with anxiety, and dare I say...dread?  I will dare to say that.  I live with him.  I talk with him.  I see his moods change.  I hear him make plans about how he will spend his time there - and they are always accompanied by the remark - "So I don't go crazy with boredom because there is nothing else to do".  There is still junk food, but that lure worked on a small child.  There are still good times, but that lure pretty much revolves around getting to watch things on TV that he doesn't get to here, and he sees through that now.  And that is about it.  There is nothing else to look forward to on this upcoming visitation.  For a child with ADHD, the need for mental stimulation is crucial.  It has been a constant worry in the back of my mind that if he does not receive it, he will go looking for it.

Back to the difficult weekend.. So this is, of course, a visitation centered around a holiday - that is why he is going.  That is why we are all going.  Jordan spends his week with his mom, and we stay on the other side of OKC with Dean's folks.  On Thanksgiving Day, Dean's two sisters, their husbands and their married children with little ones will be coming for dinner.  His two step sisters and their families will be coming to the house too.  These are all people that - if he is lucky - Jordan gets to see once, maybe twice a year.  He forgets their names...he forgets who belongs with who, and so forth.  But he likes to see them - they are all fun people!  The problem is with Jordan's mom.  This is technically 'her time'.  In her mind, Jordan is there to see her, not everybody else.  Did anybody mention it was a holiday?  A holiday that typically involves every last little cousin gathering at one location to eat and visit?  It only happens once a year?  It helps families connect and bond?  In the end she will begrudgingly allow him to come and visit for a couple of hours, but it seems that as the years roll by, the fight becomes harder and harder.  Most important to share here - by 'fight' I don't mean our fight to get permission for Jordan to come spend time with his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.  I mean Jordan's fight.

Look, I get the whole "it's my time" thing.  I'm a child of divorce too.  Every year the holidays were worked out a little differently, but both of my parents made sure that we got to see extended family in an equitable way.  We were lucky because almost our entire family lived within a four hour radius at the time, so it was doable.  So my personal experience is shading my opinion here.  Sharing is hard, but hey - that is a hard, sad fact of divorce.  Get over it.  You will be sharing in every event of your child's life for the rest of your lives.  You have one child, and two families.  That is the reality.  It is also reality that as the child gets older, they will have an OPINION about where they would prefer to spend their time.  Don't get on the wrong side of that opinion, or you will wind up spending the holidays all by yourself.

So let's explore that 'opinion'.  It is Jordan's opinion (YES, Jordan's - not ours that is being pushed onto him), that he would like to see his dad's extended family for a couple of hours on Thanksgiving.  Let me mention here that this has been the routine since the divorce - every alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas, we bring Jordan to OKC (and get our visit in too), and during that time Jordan has visited his dad's family for a bit on said holiday.  Why should this year be different?  So, this past weekend, Jordan shared this with his mom that he would like to see his dad's family, and the preferable time for that visit.  He got a flat 'no'.  No?  Really?  Why?

"(Stepdad) took the day off"  - (that's great... He doesn't see him otherwise??)
"We are going to visit your (other) grandparents" - (They have never done this.  Year after year I have been blown away by the very sad fact that holidays aren't too special in this particular household.  No big (or small) family dinners with the other grandparents, no special cooking, no rituals or traditions...)
"Why do you want to go?" - (Jordan has to explain why he would like to visit his family???)
"Who is putting you up to this??" - (apparently Jordan is unable to form his own opinions)

I could go on and on about the insanity of this current state of affairs, so I'll spare you.. but I will sum it up with this: I don't know what life experience led up to this woman's view of 'family' and all that it entails, but it makes me very sad.  Jordan is growing increasingly frustrated with his mother's overwhelming negativity and unyielding nature.  And that frustration is tainting his feelings towards her and his desire to spend less time there.

After Jordan got off the phone (in tears), yes, I will admit he got a little coaching from us on how to handle it next time.  It sounded something like this...

"If you want to see your extended family, you need to state it - firmly"
"You need to be ready to give a list of several good reasons"
"Don't let her change the subject in an attempt to derail your request"
"It's your holiday too, so you need to express what you want to do"
"Stress the point that it is only a couple of hours - that is a reasonable amount of time"
"Tell her this is not you rejecting spending time with her" (of course, that is how she interprets this)

So, the next evening when she called again, he immediately brought up the subject of Thanksgiving.  We motioned for him to stay within earshot - we were there for him, and it always goes bad when she gets him alone...  It was unbelievable.  A 15 minute long conversation, with raised voices and lots of arguing.  Again and again Jordan requested that she stop changing the subject.  He kept a level head, and kept stating his reasons (in a non-confrontational way) for why he wanted just a couple of hours on Thanksgiving to see his dad's family.  She was constantly asking if we put him up to it, and if we were telling him what to say.  It is as if she can't believe that he could possibly be capable of this opinion on his own.  And you know how it ended?  She laughed it off and said that SHE WAS JUST TOYING WITH HIM and that she was planning on allowing him to go all along.

What utter bullshit.  What a crappy way to treat your son.  What is even more sad - I don't believe that's the truth.  I think that she thought she could totally railroad him, was not expecting the fight, and lied to save face.  She absolutely resents anybody telling her what to do.  In this case, Jordan was telling her what he wanted to do - and since he is an extension of her, this was telling her what to do as well.

There is a silver lining here.  Recent events have revealed that Jordan is actually quite wise beyond his years.  There has been a complete role-reversal of parent vs. child.  He is the mature one, scolding and lecturing the badly-behaving immature mother.  He is all of 13, but we think that he has now surpassed her in emotional age.  She was acting like a child - all the way to the very end when she just blew the whole confrontation off as a joke on Jordan.  I am super proud of him and how he handled himself.  A big key to getting him through these next few years has been discovered - he sees his mother for who she is, and he knows how to deal with her.

So this brings me back to where I began.  I've just totally laid into another mom and criticized her ability to parent - do I have ground to do so?  Absolutely!  The day I said "I do", he became mine too.  I may be writing from the perspective of the stepmom - but does that make me count any less in this?  Guess who has to help pick up the pieces every time she behaves like this?   It hurts me so, so much, to witness what his mother's emotional instability does to him.  He never knows 'who' he will be speaking to on any given day.  The mom that is angry with everybody?  Will she be depressed or manic today?  This is not how to show your son love or security!!  And what's worse...he knows it and it has crippled his relationship with his mother.  He does not receive love in recognizable, acceptable forms.  They come in a twisted fashion, with strings attached.  He does not feel security.  Ever since the tornado incident this past summer, security in his mom's house does not exist.  A child cannot feel secure when they don't feel safe or know what type of parent they will be dealing with on any given day.  A child cannot feel loved when their parent purposely toys with their emotions and engages in deceit.

One last thought.  Teenagers often get a bad rap for being out of touch or surly or whatever.  I don't know about the younger three (but I have a bad feeling...), but in Jordan's case, we have a gem of a child.  He has a sixth sense about how to engage with somebody, and to what level he needs to relate to them.  I think, in part, that comes from dealing with his mom.  That conversation on the phone that he was having the other night - even though we could only hear his side - the things he was saying just left us speechless with pride.  He really does knows how to handle himself.  Damn... does that mean that I actually have to express gratitude to his mother for this?  Okay...I'll save it for the table at Thanksgiving, when I turn to Jordan and give thanks that he is such an awesome kid (and for the fact that he fought so hard for the right to be there in the first place).







Stepping out on date night with four left feet

 

 

It's not that I woke up one morning and decided that from now on I would look for every opportunity to step outside my comfort zone - let alone drag my husband with me.  However, on that day in August, when an email from my daughter's dance studio arrived with a request for adult volunteers to dance as party scene parents in the Nutcracker, my mind started racing.  Could I?  Should I?  We?  Would Dean be willing to do it with me?  Can he dance?  I don't know?!?!?  How is it that I have no idea if my husband can dance or not??

 

The sad fact is, since the moment we met, we have never danced.  Not once.  Not at our wedding, or at a club, or at someone else's wedding, not even in the living room.  We may have swayed to-and-fro a bit in the hospital room, but I was in active labor so I may have been hallucinating.  We made it official on the evening of November 1st, when Dean took my hand and we twirled on a bonafide dance floor for the very first time.  And then I started a count late, he stepped out with the wrong foot, and we fumbled for the other's hand as we each turned in the wrong direction.  We were dancing!

 

We had a great time.  It felt like a date night! We chatted, we laughed...  This plays directly into sage marriage advice - find and use opportunities to try new things together, as it will provide ways to learn and grow as a couple.  It is hard to put what I feel into words, but I feel so blessed - a thousand times over - that Dean was willing to step outside of his own comfort zone to do this with me.  Sure my stomach is in knots with anxiety over doing this, but this is such a rare opportunity that we get to dance together in the Nutcracker of all things...  It is exciting to be in rehearsal and to be a part of something bigger once again.  I also realize that this may be a long-time gig.  Willing and able adult volunteers are hard to find - and they know where we live.

 

 

 

Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

 

 

Outside my window... Frost on the grass and a clear blue sky. It will be a sunny day.

I am thinking... About our upcoming trip to OKC for Thanksgiving, about the logistics of the very busy weekend that we leave... and it makes my head hurt.

I am thankful... For the fact that maybe, *just* maybe, we might all finally be getting over our colds. I think three weeks is sufficient penance for whatever it is we did to offend the Gods of cleanliness and sterility.

From the Learning Rooms... Last week Rylan and I finished reading Charlotte's Web - our first novel we've completed together. No - Rylan didn't read to me, but we read and discussed as we moved along. She's not quite at the reading level yet where she could tackle something like that, but she just may be ready for something like Magic Treehouse... I got the Charlotte's Web movie at the library last week and told her we could watch it as soon as we finished. We got to the end of the book (Rylan's reaction to the passing of Charlotte was rather blasé - not sure why...) but Rylan was reduced to tears when the stupid library DVD would. not. play. Luckily I could pull it up on Netflix, and so we watched it as a family on Sunday night. I was very impressed with the movie (the one with Dakota Fanning...) - one of the best movie adaptations ever! I stressed to Rylan the importance of reading the story BEFORE you watch the movie, because a lot of the thoughts and feelings that the author is expressing is lost when it is adapted for the screen. It was very satisfying to hear Rylan name each character as they initially appeared in the movie, and recall what their character traits were. "See that rat, Owen? That's Templeton, and he is very selfish...".

I'm working on number recognition with Owen, and the other day I gave him a set of cards, numbered 1-20 to place in order. He worked off of a number grid that was printed on another card and matched pattern and placement to get the job done. He is very, very particular about how he goes about this. I am confident that he recognizes #s 1-5, and #8 because he looks like a snowman. It is a work in progress. Very sloooow progress.

Dean stayed home on Monday so that he could attend a memorial service that afternoon. I had him work on Jordan's physics lesson with him while I did math with Rylan and Owen. I like when I have the opportunity to get Dean in on the lessons. He is more aware of what we do, and Jordan is more aware of teaching differences. There is dad's over-the-top-way-too-technical explanation, and my let's-consult-Google-because-I-have-no-idea explanation. :)


In the kitchen... we have been surviving on minimal cooking at home, and a lot, A LOT, of takeout. As my energy returns I am in better shape to get to the store and do some cooking. Pushing a grocery cart and carrying groceries is still a painful activity for me (because of the BR), so that plays a huge part in it. Last night I made PW's sour cream beef noodle bake, and it was meh... :/ I'd add more sour cream. I also added green beans and used leftover spaghetti sauce instead of tomato sauce. It still needs more 'oomph'.

I am wearing... comfy pjs. As soon as I finish this I'll change into walking gear and get outside.

I am creating... I'm making a mental packing list for OKC, and among the items is my yarn and circular knitting needles. It's been a couple of years since I knitted last, so it is time to learn to how to cast on again and do the basic knitting stitch. I am in need of a hat for running, as well as maybe a neck (cowel?) type thing, and a ear warmer/headband. Then I can pick and choose based on the weather of the day... I have no idea how to make a hat, but there is always Google and YouTube to show the way! This will be a good way to pass the time on our trip.

I am going... We have a girl scout outing this afternoon - a fire station visit to go hand-in-hand with our current badge - First Aid. Rylan has ballet later this afternoon and Jordan has Lego robotics.

I am wondering...How the kids manage to use 20 different cups in one day... sigh.

I am reading... currently I've been reading different articles about the Common Core. I've been holding this issue at arm's length, thinking that it wouldn't have much effect on us since we homeschool. Now I am not so sure, so I have been cramming on the issue. My gut reaction is 'This is bad. Very, very bad.' Many thanks to various friends for posting different editorials/videos about the issue. Any kind of blanket education policy is bad policy!!

In the garden... dead plants that really, really need to be removed. Anyone?

I am hoping... My gosh the destruction in the Philippines is just heartbreaking. I hope that relief comes soon for the people who are desperate for food and water.

I am looking forward to... the weekend. Not much is going on other than Saturday morning when Dean and Jordan complete Scouting for Food, but I am looking forward to the quiet before the crazy-assed stress of the following week - a busy week and packing for OKC.

I am learning... about Common Core, force, how to convert an Ikea table into a sewing table with a dropped machine placement, and this Ikea-inspired family locker unit! I wish we had a mud room - it is actually very high on my must-have list for whenever we make the move to a bigger house. God help our family budget if I ever set foot in the Ikea that is in Denver... one of these days...one of these days.

I am hearing... Ylvis - The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?). This is the kid's new favorite, and it is an absolute joy to sing and go a little crazy!

Around the house... Last weekend Dean finished tearing out the tile around the fireplace, and we went to the tile store to pick out new tile. I am also looking forward to this weekend because I hope we can finish up this stage of the project - especially since part of the wall is exposed to the studs. I am thankful that the weather is mild right now - otherwise this room would get very chilly!

I am pondering... paint colors for the downstairs. The time to choose is now!

One of my favorite things... changing the looks of things. This part of the house is looking so different, yet in a good way! I can't wait to post pictures when we get it all cleaned up.

A few plans for the rest of the week... Just activities and such. I also need to get the tires checked, oil changed and windshield replaced before we leave.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

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Step into my pharmacy...

 

Ummm.. The folks at Walgreens probably have my name on a watch list or two. I'm surprised they haven't called me this evening and asked, "What? NO prescription today?"

It started with my BR a month ago. (A month already??). Antibiotic, painkillers and suppositories. TMI. moving on... Refills for Jordan. Refills for Owen. A refill for me. Then we all get sick. Steroids for Owen, eye drops and antibiotics for me. My bathroom counter has become a revolving door of prescription bottles, plastic measuring cups and syringes and so forth. There is no end in sight as near as I can tell.

'Schoolbus Medicine' is what Colin calls the bottle of Children's Cough & Cold Sudafed. He wants it all the time. And why not? It's grape and it tastes delicious! So good in fact that Colin knows where it is kept, and will climb to get it, and will OPEN it. He laughs at the futile attempt of drug makers to design childproof caps - as he opens up the bottle and pours another round...

Owen has been a real trooper of late. He has spent a good amount of this week sitting in boring exam rooms getting breathing treatments and having his pulse ox checked constantly. We narrowly averted pneumonia, and he has to take an oral steroid to bolster his lungs. Nothing like an already overly emotional and sensitive five year old running around in 'roid rage.

We are all sick, sick, sick of being sick. I only have one nice thing to say - it has helped take my mind of the discomfort of the BR, but the fever and chills don't make that fun either. Caring for my incisions has become more of an afterthought. Oh yeah, add scar serum and arnica gel to the list of things that now populate the pharmacy bathroom.

 

Here is a cool picture I found. This is the kind of thing that you smack yourself on the forehead and say, "Why didn't I think of that!?!?!"

 

 

 

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Happy Halloween!

 

We aren't feeling too hot in these parts... The littles only made it about 20 minutes and then they were done. Tremendously evil head colds have taken root, plus pink eye. It was a good week to hunker down and not do a thing...except that we missed out on having fun with friends...

 

Hope you all enjoyed your day!

 

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The beauty of homeschooling when you are recovering from surgery

 

 

I love this meme. I've seen it from time to time on Facebook. The hilarious thing is that the photo in the upper left corner belongs to a homeschool mom I met once... Tish, over at FreeplayLife. I believe that the photo is of Naturalist and Golfer, taken several years ago.

 

I think that all of the pictures really do the whole societal opinion of the homeschool 'thing' justice. And, as painful as it is to admit, the "What I really do" is soooo true! I am a curriculum junkie!

 

SEE?

 

This is our work area as of this morning. A lot of these books, workbooks and so forth, have remained untouched these past three weeks. We've done just a bit, here and there. I went on a curriculum binge just before the surgery, and feel incredibly guilty that those new items sit with just the first couple of pages worked through... :( But. Then again, boredom has a way of getting the kids to explore in here just the same. Puzzles have been worked, tangrams played with, unifix cubes counted, art created (see Rylan's Day of the Dead 'skeleton'?), and words spelled. We haven't done much, but the kids continue to learn just the same. Colin explored new stuff I put on the iPad, and is playing with a geoboard app constantly.

 

This surgery has knocked me on my ass... I knew it was going to be intense, but you never really know how your body will respond until you live through it. My plastic surgeon is a miracle worker - and his handiwork has made this recovery just a little more difficult than average. With my blessing, he made things high and tight - with the emphasis on tight. There is a lot of stress on my incisions right now because of this, and each episode of swelling is gut-wrenchingly painful. Each day during these past three weeks has felt different... levels of pain, discomfort, energy, ability to move... I'm healing pretty well, but the swelling and massive discomfort continues. I am constantly holding myself in a guarded manner (so yeah, no freedom from back or shoulder pain as of yet...) as I have been fending off assaults from the kids - errant elbows or shoulders, hard hugs that I have no warning are coming... I can't begin to explain how bad it hurts to be nudged in the chest right now. I literally want to puke on the spot when it happens.

 

I went clothes shopping with my mom a couple nights ago, and got some long-sleeved running shirts and then a couple of normal shirts. Shopping is a lot more enjoyable, now that things fit a little more properly. Yet my spirits are down since I can not fathom I will ever make it past this stage of discomfort and pain. Running seems absolutely impossible at the moment. Walking fast does too. As does jumping, stair climbing, wall push ups, chest presses, reaching above my head, walking the dog, carrying a child... carrying anything... I feel pretty much useless right now.

 

But my boobs look great!

 

I can see my feet! I can zip my jacket! I can wrap a towel around me. And it STAYS!

 

I don't know how these wonders play into the fact that I've been blowing off schoolwork - other than I need to get better about giving myself the mental gift of grace, give myself the time to heal, and come back better and stronger than ever.

 

Then I can tackle Algebra, phonemes, Mesopotamia, derivatives of density, Fern & Wilbur, letter recognition and Rudyard Kipling like nobody's business. BTW... where are those safety goggles??

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Being a part of something bigger

 

 

An interesting mental worm hole happened this past week, and I'm not sure where it has left me...

 

 

It all started with watching the video that the students of Lakewood High School put together for the lip dub video contest for Katy Perry's Roar.  I've been going on and on about this video to anyone who will listen to me.  I am just blown away by this video.  First of all, this school has a huge...HUGE student population - 2,000 - and 98% of the students and staff participated in the production/execution of the video.  That is just astounding to me.  It was the coming together of all of the different student groups that really touches me... over 80 different clubs are represented, and it wasn't just the 'cool kids' that got to be in it - at the expense of the tech-savvy kids that usually put these types of things together.

 

One of the lasting scars of my public school experience was the rampant exclusionary culture of my junior high and high school.  I may have been comfortably ensconced in the band program, made some terrific life-long friends and felt at home there, but there was no crossing the lines.  Not that I wanted to run with the cool kids...but there was always the feeling deep within me that somehow things had gone askew.  Some of the most popular girls in my graduating class had been my playmates in the early days of elementary school.  It was strange to me that as the years went by, and the differing tastes, talents and looks dictated the paths we followed, that not even a smile could be exchanged in the hallways by our senior year.  We had grown up together.. lived in the same neighborhood.. swam on the same swim team.. the play dates, birthday sleepovers..  I of course no longer feel that way now, but back then, in my teenage years, the feeling of being 'less than' was always present.

 

I think that it is this negative personal experience (not to mention high-stakes testing) that has turned me so against sending my own kids into that public arena of endless posturing and competition.  But that video did call back a feeling that had sustained me during that time in my life.  The feeling that I was a part of something bigger.  When I marched on the field, volunteered at the hospital, shelved books in the library, ran notes for the front office... I was a part of a bigger entity.  I wore my crimson and gold with pride, cheered on the football team and tried to impress the teachers...at least in the classes that I was interested in.  It meant something to be a part.. you were, or course, one of many, but you belonged, none the less.

 

Later this past week, on Saturday night, I had the pleasure of watching my nephew Connor march with his high school band in the state marching band competition.  He is a senior this year (so hard to believe...), and this was the FIRST time I had seen him march.  (I'm such a pathetic aunt...)  The competition was for 4A and 5A schools that had made the finals in the competition.  Connor is a part of a band that places somewhere in the top 3 every year - they are that good.  There were 8 bands in the finals for each division, so we got to watch 16 different bands perform.  Each school put on such an impressive show.  Each was unique, but what remained the same was the fierce dedication you could see in each young person's face as they marched about the field with their instruments or flags.  They were all a part of something bigger... much bigger.  They executed flawless routines with incredible artistic expression and skill - and all as one entity.  They are all so young, yet so talented!!  It did bring back some good memories for me, and sort or washed away some of the icky feelings that surfaced earlier in the week.

 

It also brought about that ridiculous circular argument I have in my head when I all of a sudden question whether homeschooling will continue to be the right thing for us.  I don't want to rob our kids of that wonderful feeling of being part of something bigger - that experience of being part of a team - whether it be sports, music or science Olympiad.  Dean and I both enjoyed that in our respective high school experiences.  I guess it all comes down to whether or not we can cultivate an interest in the first place, and then see about making it a reality.  For now, Jordan is satisfied in his first-ever team competition experience is with his homeschool Lego NXT team that is preparing to compete next month.  I don't quite see the level of passion or team spirit that I had hoped for, but it is early days.  The interest is there.. and we may pursue getting him a berth on a high school robotics team next year.  In Rylan's case, her current element is dance, and being a part of a dance performance is being a part of something bigger.

 

I don't know if writing this all out makes me feel any better... it isn't often that a day goes by where I don't question our decisions and think, "Am I being selfish and ruining them?", followed by a strong urge to count my lucky stars that we have our wonderful homeschooling life.  Some days it takes tremendous fortitude to walk this path...and stay there.

 

 

Blessed

I've spent this past week feeling a bit like a spectator in life around here, rather than a participant... It was a good week to be out of commission as not much out of the ordinary was going on, otherwise. My surgery last Thursday came and went. I've had episodes of energy, followed by periods of dazed confusion and grumpiness because of pain and then the intense need to take a nap. I often forget what has happened to my body, and then I get a jolt when I look in the mirror. It's hard to put into words...I'm feeling relief that the surgery is over, but there is still several more weeks of intense discomfort ahead, so the joy in the change of my body is tempered with that bit of reality. It's also knowing that it will take a full six months (maybe even a year!), before the dust settles, so to speak.

As I've been laying about this week, it's been Dean running the show...which has been amusing and annoying at times. I'm thoroughly annoyed at how the kids respond to him by doing what he asks them to do, about 90% of the time. If it were me doing the asking, they ignore me the first 4-5 times. Dean says I am pushover, so that is why they don't take me seriously. Whatever. He got the kitchen cleaned up, worked through the perpetual wash-by-hand pile that is always by the sink, and got the kids to do some of it as well. He also got them loading/ unloading the dishwasher several days in a row. I am blessed with a husband that knows what needs to be done and gets it done. I am also embarrassed that he can get it done and I can't.

But. He also stated more than once this week that he doesn't know how I manage day in and day out with the kids and all that we do. He understands my frustration at how it feels like I can never get anything done. It's not that he didn't before - it just drives home the point when you actually live 'it', several days in a row. He is more than ready to escape get back to work, just as I am ready to get back into the routine again a although it has been so nice to have been able to 'check out' this past week...

I am blessed that the kids were so helpful and relatively well-behaved...poor Colin is having a tough time understanding that I can't rock him right now. :(. They have been very good about lifting and carrying things, helping with laundry, dishes, groceries and so forth.

As I was brushing my teeth a little bit ago, in preparation for bed, I noticed that a newly-revamped part of my anatomy did not jiggle around as I moved my arm back and forth. Such a small thing, but it led to a fervent prayer of Thanksgiving...again, it's hard to put into words. There have been many instances this week where things felt different, moved different (or not at all), and a wide spectrum of emotions wash over me...it's all good - no remorse here - it's just still hard to believe that I'm finally on the other side of the hurdle!

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Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

 

Outside my window... It is a cool crisp morning on what promises to be a sunny day.  Our ash tree is absolutely gorgeous right now with red, orange, yellow and green leaves, all at the same time.  I love, love, love this time of year.

I am thinking... About my surgery tomorrow morning.  This time tomorrow my PS will be taking his marking pen and drawing his surgical road map all over my chest.  I've got to remember to remind him that I don't want my nipples looking off in different directions..

I am thankful... For good friends.  Thanks for the support, advice, meals and so forth!!!

From the Learning Rooms... I've found that elusive reading piece of the puzzle for Jordan!!  On a whim I checked Satori Smiles (see my blog roll) to see if she has updated.  It has been almost a year..  And lo' and behold she had!  I have had 100% success with the different curriculum that she has recommended.  It was how I learned about All About Spelling, Growing with Grammar and a host of others.  This time it was a reading series that she had ordered for Satori from Mosdos Press.  I was instantly smitten.  I have such a weakness for curriculum.  This is absolutely what I was looking for.  It is rich with a variety of genres, vocabulary, comprehension...  Happy Sigh.  I ordered 'Jade' for Jordan, as that seems like a good fit for where he is at right now.  Check out the table of contents - what a reading list!!!  I also took the bait and looked at Sadlier, aaaand came away with five more workbooks for Owen and Rylan.  I am such a sucker...

In the kitchen...  I am prepping a couple of meals with what we have here, but a shopping trip needs to be made before tomorrow.  I honestly don't know if I can fit it in, but I don't want to leave Dean in a lurch either.

I am wearing... Standard blogging attire (robe and pjs).  The rumor that homeschoolers hang all day in their pjs is so not true.  We usually get dressed by noon.  ;)

I am creating... Not much at the moment...

I am going... on a Brownie/Daisy field trip just after lunch.  We are riding the city bus today and then playing relay games in a park so that the Brownies can wrap up their Fair Play badge work.  Rylan has ballet later this afternoon, and Jordan meets with his Lego Robotics team.  Somewhere in there I need to get some groceries and a couple last-minute things to prepare for tomorrow.


I am wondering... Oh jeez... I just want to keep my mind from going into overdrive thinking about tomorrow and all the days beyond.  The time is finally here and I am just trying to keep from freaking out about all that could go wrong.

I am reading... I have my bedside table all loaded up with good reading material for the next several days.  Upon the recommendation by a friend, I have One Thousand White Women: The Journal of May Dodd, by Jim Fergus, and about three others that are halfway done... I am looking forward to the chance to rest and read!


In the garden...  Turnips that need to be picked.  I just purchased some sweet basil, oregano, rosemary and thyme to have some herbs indoors for the winter.  I also dug up a small patch of chives to bring indoors as well.  They are all at home on the kitchen table.  So far Colin has been sort of brutal with the chives, but I think they will make it.  There is a ton more outside...


I am hoping... That all goes well tomorrow and beyond.  I am pretty nervous, but doing my best to think only positive thoughts.

I am looking forward to... recovery.  I just want this over with.

I am learning...  hmm.  I've been reading about how to train for a 5K.  There is a lot of information out there!  Who knew it was such a science!?

I am hearing... Some silly show on Disney Junior... :(

Around the house... Finishing the laundry today and getting new pjs washed.  I need button-up clothes for the next several days.  I only have ONE actual shirt that buttons, but it is not ideal for surgery recovery.  I have avoided anything with buttons like the plague for years...  Then it dawned on me that I have a couple of pjs  - loose and baggy flannel ones that will be perfect.  I went to Kohl's last night to get one more pair.  I'll wear pajamas home from surgery tomorrow.  I also need to do some other cleaning and get the kids to help out too.

I am pondering... the quiet peacefulness of a sleeping dog.  Abby (husky) is curled up tight, her nose buried in her fluffy tail.  I feel a great sense of calm when I watch her.

One of my favorite things...  the Veggie Chili at McAlister's.  Yum. E.  And their new Peach Sweet Tea???  mmmmm.

A few plans for the rest of the week... surgery tomorrow.  Dean now takes over as chauffer for the next several days.  I'm afraid it will break him.  (lol).  Our schedule just keeps marching on...and on...and on...

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

Last month, after lunch out in downtown, we stopped by this plaza and the kids played in the fountains.  Jordan was trying to see how many times he could whip his hand back and forth through the water stream before it stopped.  Now if he would only concentrate on his schoolwork with this same amount of intensity...



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Walking wi' de kitteh

 

 

 

After passing the tennis courts on my walk yesterday morning, I continued on the walking path that circles the lake.  An older lady pushing a baby stroller was approaching.  Abby (my dog) seemed unusually interested in the stroller, even though it was still maybe 100 ft. away.  As we got closer, her interest only grew.  The lady seemed very wary of Abby.  As we passed each other, I thought to myself, "Geez, lady, my dog is not going to mess with your ba - by?  kitty?  Seriously?  You're WALKING with your kitty?"

 

 

Here.  Let me introduce you to some very nice ladies who like to play tennis...




The R-rated Family Camping Trip...

Ahhh... Family camping.  You have visions of hot dogs and S'mores, cozy campfires, filthy kids, the smell of pine trees and warm sleeping bags. 

Meanwhile your campsite neighbors have visions of 2 a.m. expletive-laced drinking games, loud sex, breakfast at noon, beer runs and more. loud. sex. 

Awesome.

Let me back up...

Fall 2010
 

To me, Dowdy Lake, near Red Feather, CO. is the equivalent of Heaven on Earth.  It is my favorite place to camp.  There are gorgeous views all around the lake, you can camp just feet from the water, there are rocks to climb, fish to catch, trails to stroll and so on and so on.  I have made it up here just about every year for the past 15 years or so.  It is only an hour away from home, and there is a small mercantile close by in case you forget anything.

 

This proximity and undoubted popularity is also it's downfall.  Seniors in motorhomes as well as families flock here.  But so does another element of society.  College kids.  Or at least - 20 somethings.  Many of them, that I have observed in too-close-for-comfort-camping-proximity, I believe, have never camped before.  The call of the wild, where these kids can let it all hang out, is just too enticing for some.  So, without any regard for their neighbors or Leave No Trace, they come to the mountains and thoroughly enjoy themselves.

 

I have, with maybe two exceptions, the unfortunate luck of an unpleasant experience with such individuals on every visit to this beautiful place.  Some memories are striking - as a nanny, I brought up three young children for a campout three years in a row.  Each time I had a run-in.  Young guys drinking and swearing until 2 am, just FEET away from our tent.  The last visit we had, I met the campground host when we arrived and informed him I would come knocking if there was a problem.  And, yes, at 1:30 in the morning I came knocking, and true to his word, he kicked the offenders OUT.  It is a long story, but a good one!

 

But this most recent visit, last weekend, blows any previous negative experience out of the water.  We had blocked out the weekend of the 20th for camping.  I don't know why I chose the weekend.  The two GOOD experiences were on weekdays, and that is what makes the difference.  I guess I forgot that bit, because I set aside this particular September weekend back in July.  As per usual, we arrived late... like set up camp in the dark late.  We wound up in the RV section, and our site was a $50/night DOUBLE FEE electrical site.  Whoops.  But it was night, hard to see, and we couldn't find any other open sites.  A neighbor down the way was out playing his mandolin and it was so beautiful to listen to, so it wasn't all bad.  And everybody in that area went to bed at 10pm.  Perfect!  But the next day, as I went down to pay for our second night (we had decided to stay put, rather than move everything) I spied another open site, right on the lake, in our favorite loop.  So we moved.  Now I know why that site had vacated....

 

So here we are, at gorgeous site #20.

 

 

 

See what I mean?  It is right on the water.  You can sit by the campfire (behind the table), watch the kids play by the water, or climb rocks (just to the right of the picture).  The bathroom is 100 ft. away, as well as the parking area.  Totally ideal.  This is my favorite loop.  There are five sites around the perimeter, and then two interior sites.

 

Let me back up again....

 

When we arrived the previous night, we set up our tent in the dark, had a quick campfire and roasted marshmallows and then went to bed.  As we went about our business, a few late stragglers were arriving and looking for sites as well.  Two cars in particular were practically racing around the different loops, looking.  You could see them and hear them as they circled and circled.  At about this time I had the little kids relatively settled, and Dean and Jordan went to go fill out a payment envelope for our site.  When they got back, Dean reported to me that the two cars had showed up at the payment area, and seemed totally confused as to what to do.  They asked him, "So how does this work?  Do we just pick one?  Do you know of any *secluded* sites?"  It was one guy from one car, and one girl from the other car.  I joked it must be a late-night tryst sort of thing...

 

So, come to find out, these same two cars arrived and parked in our area after we had set up in our second site, site #20.  I didn't see them when I had staked it out earlier.  If I had, I would have never moved.   It's not like I was totally focused on these people, but there were things you had no choice but to be exposed to.  When I had initially arrived, a bedraggled guy and girl were in their pjs, looking forlorn, stirring a smoking campfire at that site.  Then the others showed up.  Throughout the afternoon things just got weirder.  They all took a nap.  Then they got up.  They discussed their various drug escapades and juvenile delinquency for all to hear for the next few hours.  Two wandered over by the bathrooms and started madly making out.  What a romantic spot... just a couple feet away from stinky bathrooms.  It went on, and on, and on...  Later, Dean remarked that maybe they were high on Ecstasy.  A friend had told him (years ago) that the drug made you lose all inhibition like that..  Then they started a new campfire by using an entire roll of paper towels.  One guy made a big display of pulling off huge armfuls of towel and throwing it in the fire.  Idiots.

 

So - back to our family experience...

 

The kids fished and fished and fished.  Rylan caught her first fish ever, and so did Colin.  Jordan caught 10 in all.  I got to take a walk around the lake by myself AND read.  We had hot dogs, S'mores, cocoa and a nice fire to round out the evening.  How ever horrible this night was, I need to remember that we really did have a fantastic day.

 

 



 

So... nightfall comes, Colin falls asleep in his chair and the kids get cranky and tired.  Colin wakes up when Jordan pokes him, and fussed very loudly for a long, long time.  We struggle to get the kids in bed, clean up for the night, put the food in the car and tamp down the fire.  It is late, like 10:30 pm.  Another ridiculous display of paper towel flinging has begun as a spark-filled campfire grows 20 ft. away - it is time for more beer pong!!  Joy.  We crawl into bed, and the party is now revving up.  My head is on my pillow for barely 30 seconds before Colin wakes and begins to cry.  The neighbors are banging pots, digging through the coolers, shouting, laughing and carrying on.  Colin keeps crying.  Dean pulls him out of his bed and puts him between us, and he finally settles down.  The loud mayhem continues, but I drift off.  At 1 a.m., somebody hurts himself.. maybe a stubbed toe or something.  Every other word for the next half-hour is the F-word.  It is loud.  Beyond loud.  Now he's pissed about anything and everything.  He goes on and on...  I drift off again.  It is now 4 a.m.  I hear unmistakable grunting.  You've got to be kidding me.  Seriously?  It goes on for an HOUR.  Dean and I are awake the whole time, trying to decide what to do.  That's not all... as one pair is in the tent, grunting away.. the other pair and what I am sure is a third voice is still around the campfire, banging pots, digging in the cooler, and talking loudly.  I just can't wrap my head around this one.  Who in their right mind would do that?  Either party in this case?  I would be mortified!?!?  Then I smell the unmistakable smell of pot smoke.  I am itching for confrontation soooo bad at this point.  But these individuals are in a whole other class than previous parties I have delt with.  They are beyond approach.  Jordan stirs in his sleep with all the noise going on, and Rylan is talking in her sleep.  Dean has his iPhone on, and eventually gets a white noise app downloaded.  That really helped to drown out everything else.  But once you hear it, you can't not hear it.  At 6:25 the crows start up, I wake up and I immediately hear more grunting.  AGAIN??  wtf??

 

So - what is the best revenge for lost sleep?  Noise.  And lots of it!  I made about 10 trips back and forth to the water tap between 7:00 and 7:30.  That big boulder that was 10 feet away from their tents?  yeah, I may have accidently hit it with my pan, each and every time I walked past.   Dean and I had loud conversations.  Right by their tent.  We sent the kids to climb the rocks right by their camp site.  Our kids are not the quiet types.  Now don't worry about the other campers in the area - they were already up, so no - we weren't bothering anybody else.  They all looked as bleary-eyed as we did.  A lot of these campers are there to fish too, and early in the morning is the best time for that, so they are up anyway.

 

When these fine neighbors finally got up, the girls did the work of packing up and they left.  They never once acknowledged the entire time that anybody else was in earshot.  No eye contact, nothing...

 

We enjoyed our last hour of peace and quiet.  Almost every site had vacated.  That was when I had realized our sad mistake.  The other camping trips when it did go well?  Always in late September/Early October, and ALWAYS during weekdays.  We're homeschoolers, for goodness sake!!  We have the freedom to be flexible with our schedule!!