The R-rated Family Camping Trip...

Ahhh... Family camping.  You have visions of hot dogs and S'mores, cozy campfires, filthy kids, the smell of pine trees and warm sleeping bags. 

Meanwhile your campsite neighbors have visions of 2 a.m. expletive-laced drinking games, loud sex, breakfast at noon, beer runs and more. loud. sex. 

Awesome.

Let me back up...

Fall 2010
 

To me, Dowdy Lake, near Red Feather, CO. is the equivalent of Heaven on Earth.  It is my favorite place to camp.  There are gorgeous views all around the lake, you can camp just feet from the water, there are rocks to climb, fish to catch, trails to stroll and so on and so on.  I have made it up here just about every year for the past 15 years or so.  It is only an hour away from home, and there is a small mercantile close by in case you forget anything.

 

This proximity and undoubted popularity is also it's downfall.  Seniors in motorhomes as well as families flock here.  But so does another element of society.  College kids.  Or at least - 20 somethings.  Many of them, that I have observed in too-close-for-comfort-camping-proximity, I believe, have never camped before.  The call of the wild, where these kids can let it all hang out, is just too enticing for some.  So, without any regard for their neighbors or Leave No Trace, they come to the mountains and thoroughly enjoy themselves.

 

I have, with maybe two exceptions, the unfortunate luck of an unpleasant experience with such individuals on every visit to this beautiful place.  Some memories are striking - as a nanny, I brought up three young children for a campout three years in a row.  Each time I had a run-in.  Young guys drinking and swearing until 2 am, just FEET away from our tent.  The last visit we had, I met the campground host when we arrived and informed him I would come knocking if there was a problem.  And, yes, at 1:30 in the morning I came knocking, and true to his word, he kicked the offenders OUT.  It is a long story, but a good one!

 

But this most recent visit, last weekend, blows any previous negative experience out of the water.  We had blocked out the weekend of the 20th for camping.  I don't know why I chose the weekend.  The two GOOD experiences were on weekdays, and that is what makes the difference.  I guess I forgot that bit, because I set aside this particular September weekend back in July.  As per usual, we arrived late... like set up camp in the dark late.  We wound up in the RV section, and our site was a $50/night DOUBLE FEE electrical site.  Whoops.  But it was night, hard to see, and we couldn't find any other open sites.  A neighbor down the way was out playing his mandolin and it was so beautiful to listen to, so it wasn't all bad.  And everybody in that area went to bed at 10pm.  Perfect!  But the next day, as I went down to pay for our second night (we had decided to stay put, rather than move everything) I spied another open site, right on the lake, in our favorite loop.  So we moved.  Now I know why that site had vacated....

 

So here we are, at gorgeous site #20.

 

 

 

See what I mean?  It is right on the water.  You can sit by the campfire (behind the table), watch the kids play by the water, or climb rocks (just to the right of the picture).  The bathroom is 100 ft. away, as well as the parking area.  Totally ideal.  This is my favorite loop.  There are five sites around the perimeter, and then two interior sites.

 

Let me back up again....

 

When we arrived the previous night, we set up our tent in the dark, had a quick campfire and roasted marshmallows and then went to bed.  As we went about our business, a few late stragglers were arriving and looking for sites as well.  Two cars in particular were practically racing around the different loops, looking.  You could see them and hear them as they circled and circled.  At about this time I had the little kids relatively settled, and Dean and Jordan went to go fill out a payment envelope for our site.  When they got back, Dean reported to me that the two cars had showed up at the payment area, and seemed totally confused as to what to do.  They asked him, "So how does this work?  Do we just pick one?  Do you know of any *secluded* sites?"  It was one guy from one car, and one girl from the other car.  I joked it must be a late-night tryst sort of thing...

 

So, come to find out, these same two cars arrived and parked in our area after we had set up in our second site, site #20.  I didn't see them when I had staked it out earlier.  If I had, I would have never moved.   It's not like I was totally focused on these people, but there were things you had no choice but to be exposed to.  When I had initially arrived, a bedraggled guy and girl were in their pjs, looking forlorn, stirring a smoking campfire at that site.  Then the others showed up.  Throughout the afternoon things just got weirder.  They all took a nap.  Then they got up.  They discussed their various drug escapades and juvenile delinquency for all to hear for the next few hours.  Two wandered over by the bathrooms and started madly making out.  What a romantic spot... just a couple feet away from stinky bathrooms.  It went on, and on, and on...  Later, Dean remarked that maybe they were high on Ecstasy.  A friend had told him (years ago) that the drug made you lose all inhibition like that..  Then they started a new campfire by using an entire roll of paper towels.  One guy made a big display of pulling off huge armfuls of towel and throwing it in the fire.  Idiots.

 

So - back to our family experience...

 

The kids fished and fished and fished.  Rylan caught her first fish ever, and so did Colin.  Jordan caught 10 in all.  I got to take a walk around the lake by myself AND read.  We had hot dogs, S'mores, cocoa and a nice fire to round out the evening.  How ever horrible this night was, I need to remember that we really did have a fantastic day.

 

 



 

So... nightfall comes, Colin falls asleep in his chair and the kids get cranky and tired.  Colin wakes up when Jordan pokes him, and fussed very loudly for a long, long time.  We struggle to get the kids in bed, clean up for the night, put the food in the car and tamp down the fire.  It is late, like 10:30 pm.  Another ridiculous display of paper towel flinging has begun as a spark-filled campfire grows 20 ft. away - it is time for more beer pong!!  Joy.  We crawl into bed, and the party is now revving up.  My head is on my pillow for barely 30 seconds before Colin wakes and begins to cry.  The neighbors are banging pots, digging through the coolers, shouting, laughing and carrying on.  Colin keeps crying.  Dean pulls him out of his bed and puts him between us, and he finally settles down.  The loud mayhem continues, but I drift off.  At 1 a.m., somebody hurts himself.. maybe a stubbed toe or something.  Every other word for the next half-hour is the F-word.  It is loud.  Beyond loud.  Now he's pissed about anything and everything.  He goes on and on...  I drift off again.  It is now 4 a.m.  I hear unmistakable grunting.  You've got to be kidding me.  Seriously?  It goes on for an HOUR.  Dean and I are awake the whole time, trying to decide what to do.  That's not all... as one pair is in the tent, grunting away.. the other pair and what I am sure is a third voice is still around the campfire, banging pots, digging in the cooler, and talking loudly.  I just can't wrap my head around this one.  Who in their right mind would do that?  Either party in this case?  I would be mortified!?!?  Then I smell the unmistakable smell of pot smoke.  I am itching for confrontation soooo bad at this point.  But these individuals are in a whole other class than previous parties I have delt with.  They are beyond approach.  Jordan stirs in his sleep with all the noise going on, and Rylan is talking in her sleep.  Dean has his iPhone on, and eventually gets a white noise app downloaded.  That really helped to drown out everything else.  But once you hear it, you can't not hear it.  At 6:25 the crows start up, I wake up and I immediately hear more grunting.  AGAIN??  wtf??

 

So - what is the best revenge for lost sleep?  Noise.  And lots of it!  I made about 10 trips back and forth to the water tap between 7:00 and 7:30.  That big boulder that was 10 feet away from their tents?  yeah, I may have accidently hit it with my pan, each and every time I walked past.   Dean and I had loud conversations.  Right by their tent.  We sent the kids to climb the rocks right by their camp site.  Our kids are not the quiet types.  Now don't worry about the other campers in the area - they were already up, so no - we weren't bothering anybody else.  They all looked as bleary-eyed as we did.  A lot of these campers are there to fish too, and early in the morning is the best time for that, so they are up anyway.

 

When these fine neighbors finally got up, the girls did the work of packing up and they left.  They never once acknowledged the entire time that anybody else was in earshot.  No eye contact, nothing...

 

We enjoyed our last hour of peace and quiet.  Almost every site had vacated.  That was when I had realized our sad mistake.  The other camping trips when it did go well?  Always in late September/Early October, and ALWAYS during weekdays.  We're homeschoolers, for goodness sake!!  We have the freedom to be flexible with our schedule!!