The 'miscarriage' and the miracle...

At around 2 am Monday morning I was tossing and turning with the uncomfortable feeling that I had wet my pants or something... A persistent nagging voice to 'get up' entered my dreams but I could not rouse myself until about the 4th time I turned over and I thought my entire bladder emptied in just a seconds' time. I immediately sat upright with my feet on the floor and felt a gush of 'something' running down my legs. As I bolted for the bathroom I could feel more and more fluid run down my legs. I fumbled for the light switch and even without my glasses I could tell instantly that this was not good - all I could see was a red stain rapidly spreading across my nightgown.

"NOOOOOOO!!!! Oh please no!"

I screamed for Dean. I screamed for it to stop. I screamed for my glasses because I couldn't see. I couldn't see what was happening other than there was blood. And lots of it. I felt a sudden gush, as if my insides had suddenly left my body and I slipped and slid into the shower stall. Whatever it was, it was now in my underwear. I was shaking with fright - I did not want to look. Dean was with me now as I put on my glasses and looked...

"No....no....no...no...."

Up until this point I had experienced good fortune with my pregnancies. No major mishaps. Only minor bleeding with Rylan in the 13th week. Nothing like this. I don't know what happens during a miscarriage. I don't know what you see or don't see. My heart aches for every woman I have met that has shared their personal grief over an experience of miscarriage in their life. But I never pressed for details... I don't know exactly what they experienced. I can only imagine - and again I share my sorrow with them for their loss. But what I was looking at just horrified me. A mass the size of my hand. That can't be good. Nothing that large, in the thirteenth week of pregnancy can be a positive sign that everything is A-OK.

We hugged. We cried. We grieved. We were both of the same mind that the pregnancy had just come a horrible and definitive end. We gathered up what we could to show the ER personnel because I remembered reading somewhere that you should do that. I showered while Dean so kindly cleaned the floor and took care of the carpets and the nightgown.

Thankfully the kids remained asleep and mom arrived to lend a hand (and her shoulder). We drove off into the night. Numb. Stunned. In total disbelief. There had been no warning. No sign of impending doom. No pain, no more discomfort than what I felt on any other normal day of pregnancy. This came out of virtually nowhere. In fact, later that morning we were due to have our first ultrasound. We both relayed feelings of relief that we had not seen the baby yet or heard it's heartbeat. That would have made it all the more unbearable now.

We arrived at the ER, and the doctor examined me, and looked at what was in the bag.

"Hmmm. We'll know more when we see what the ultrasound shows".

??

We didn't want to see. We didn't want to see an empty black space of nothing (or worse...) I laid there imagining all sorts of awful things that I couldn't seem to get out of my head.

In the meantime, Dean went white as a sheet. He slumped over and warned the nurse that he was about to go down. Too much adrenaline... They moved him to another bed and gave him juice and a cold wash cloth. In the meantime I got an IV. I was feeling woozy myself. In the passing minutes Dean came around and they wheeled me to the ultrasound room.

We couldn't bear to watch. I began to hurt and feel even more nauseous myself. The tech kept up the small talk and didn't seem phased at all by what she was seeing. Again - surreal.

They wheeled me back into the ER and we waited. Just a few moments really - and then the nurse came back. She seemed a little too happy. She even grinned.

"Have you heard the results?"

uhhhh...

"The baby is just fine. Normal heart rate. Everything looks okay."

Say what? What baby? There can't possibly still be a baby. Not after what we saw as we sat on the shower floor. That is just not.... well... not what we expected to hear.

Then the tears of relief came. And then abject terror. Well if didn't happen, then it's STILL HAPPENING....right? This was only a sign that the process was just beginning. Everywhere I've read - once a miscarriage begins, there is nothing that can stop it. But the nurse was HAPPY. That counts for something right?

The doctor came in and said that I had passed a rather large (duh!?!) blood clot and that indeed, the baby was just fine. No idea where the bleeding was coming from, but the placenta was intact and just fine. Good news... except for the no idea where all the blood was coming from part.

We went home. Again in disbelief. We shared the good news with mom and went to bed. I didn't sleep very much. We got up, got the kids ready and went to our 9 am ultrasound appt. We were wanting answers. She brought up the image and here is what we saw...

He/she was even doing some flashy arm movements! Heart rate fine, measurements fine... everything just fine. Great! So, um, why all the bleeding? Well, from what the technician was able to tell, there is a large blood clot sitting just adjacent to the cervix. The placenta is sitting over the cervix as well. The cervix is securely closed, so the blood clot will remain. The placenta will move as the uterus grows, but to what degree remains to be seen. A placenta over or near the cervix is called Placenta Previa. It is not a good thing. We experienced the same thing with Rylan at 13 weeks and by the 20th week ultrasound, things had resolved themselves. I think this time around it is a little more serious. A placenta over the cervix when delivery time comes is actually a very dangerous thing. We'll know more in the coming weeks.

Well, as this week has progressed I am feeling better. I still feel like I've taken about 50 direct hits with a soccer ball to the gut. I don't know why that would be. Weird. I feel tired and I'm hobbling around like I feel 36 weeks pregnant. But each day it gets better. I've been blessed with very helpful family and friends this week. A nice dinner of bbq beef sandwiches one night, lasagna the next, cinnamon rolls for breakfast - and even help with the dishes!! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Tomorrow is my 38th birthday and the picture above is the best present I could have ever asked for.

Mommy's dissin' Santa Claus

Okay - this missive has been brewin' for awhile, and I don't care who I piss off by getting this off my chest. The last straw was added to the pile today, and my steam vents need to let off some pressure....

Jordan is my 9 year old stepson. He lives here, with us, but visits his mother three times a year - 6 weeks in summer, alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas, and 1 week for Spring Break. We are currently in the middle of his annual summer visit with mom. Mom lives in another state and we have differing ideas about what it means to be a responsible parent.

In the weeks leading up to each and every visit, she compiles a list of his favorite foods so that she can shop before he arrives. As sweet and endearing as this ritual is, this list is composed primarily of every kind of junk food there is and is her way to pull her child close to her by giving him all that he wants.

We have, over the years, gained the impression that Jordan does not have much to do when he visits his mom. There are a few visits here and there with other family members, but the vast majority of his time is spent watching TV or playing video games. He comes home in a very addicted state. It takes weeks to get him back to the point where he is not asking every 10 minutes - "Can I watch a movie? Can I play the Wii?"

Every visit (Summer is the worst), we go through a process of getting him back on track - sort of like cleaning up after a messy party. Well, this summer has gone unexpectedly south in a very short amount of time. About a week ago, during his daily phonecall, Jordan revealed (privately so that his mom wouldn't hear) that his mom had told him that Santa did not exist. Just came right out and told him - out of the blue. It is the middle of summer (!!) and for no apparent reason she brought it up. She effectively ended not only his belief in Santa, but also the Easter Bunny, the toothfairy and anything else that held a shred of childhood magic. Yes, Jordan is 9 - but a young nine. No, he was not without a little doubt, but he still believed, none the less. And we were happy to let him continue - knowing full well that pretty soon, in the next year or so, he would inadvertantly figure it out on his own. We did not expect his mom to come out of left field and just end it. And to make matters worse, she told him that he had better not tell his dad that it was she who told him 'the truth'. How unfair is that? Now that puts Jordan in a tough spot - if she finds out we know, she'll know he told us despite her warning and that will become a trust issue between them. Again - how unfair to put him in that position. How unfair to put us in that position! We should be able to express our disappointment and defend Jordan's right to a naturally progressing childhood - one that reveals the mysterious world of 'adulthood' at a more appropriate age. I am so upset that still - after a weeks time - I could spit. How unfair! She not only ruined it for him (for only personal gain, no less - it's our guess that she just doesn't want to have to keep up the charade anymore) but it ruins it for our kids as well. Jordan cannot keep a secret to save his life - I predict our kids will know years before they should.

But no - this was not the last straw. That came today. Jordan went to see a PG13 movie today, with his grandma. Jordan had requested this particular movie (and most likely knew full well what the rating was...) and asked his grandma to take him to see it. His grandma had the good sense to question the movie's rating, and called to check with his mom before she took him to the movie. His mom ok'ed it. His mom knows that we don't allow him to watch PG13 movies yet. For the very reason - HE IS ONLY NINE!!! Let a kid be a kid, for goodness sake! Why can't kids just be left alone to enjoy what little childhood they get? Why does the media have to push bad language and suggestive adult 'stuff'onto kids? Why can't his mother be more thoughtful and senstive to the nature of him still being a child? She all of a sudden wants him to bypass childhood and be a teenager. I believe that she does these things on purpose because she has issues with which parent has the control. We don't want this to be a control issue - we just try to parent rationally, and she wants to parent emotionally. (If she goes after Jordan's emotional needs by giving him what he wants - more freedom w/o direction - she wins, right?) It would be overstepping our bounds to expect that she and her husband parent as exactly as we do, but one would think that our expectation that Jordan be spared from witnessing things on screen that he doesn't really need to see or hear just yet would be respected.

I believe in the spirit of Santa! I believe that there is a time and a place to leave certain elements of childhood behind - and it must be childled, and in the child's best interest. Children have a way of knowing a parent's motive, even if the parent thinks they have concealed it. Jordan knows that (while with his mom) he is eating, watching, saying, and doing things that he should not. The fact that one parent lets him do it and the other doesn't is also apparent to him. One day he will come to realize this distinct difference. I hope he has the fortitude to ask - "Why didn't you care enough to set some limits?".

It is hard being the step parent. I am very caught in the middle as well. I am not his mother, yet I take up the parenting role every day. I set limits and I enforce them. I make sure that he is fed well, body and mind, and that each day is a new opportunity to take the reins and learn something new. I don't profess to be the very best mom, or step mom there is, but I try hard, each and every day, to let him (and my other children) know that I take parenting very seriously. You don't always get a second chance to learn some hard lessons. Lessons like looking both ways before crossing the street, falling in with the wrong group of friends, and using drugs and alcohol. If you don't set limits for the easy stuff, how can you expect them to listen and take you seriously when it comes to the hard stuff?

Drugs are not the answer

I ran across a story about the dangers of Adderall that ABC's Good Morning America ran earlier this Week. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/story?id=7829005&page=1 We gave Jordan Adderall XR every morning for about 18 months. The doseage went up and down, the least was 15 mg and the most was 30. We settled on 20 mg the last 6 mo. he was on it. When Jordan began kindergarten in public school, by October he was taking meds to "control" his ADHD. He began with Concerta (with minimal results) and then switched to Adderall XR. I never saw any significant results or changes in behavior. He did seem calmer at times but would become sad and weepy at the drop of a hat. We felt frustrated that even though Jordan was taking these meds, he would still get into trouble multiple times a day, on a daily basis. Because of his ADHD diagnosis, we were railroaded into agreeing to extended special ed testing to see if Jordan would benefit by moving into a moderate needs classroom during his first grade year. He scored very well on all of his intelligence tests, but it showed he would do better in a small classroom with minimal distraction. It definitely made him more accountable, but he learned very little in the way of academics. He missed out on most of the fun and special things that his class did because his teacher would often send him back to the moderate needs room because of his 'behavior'. By spring I was ready to pull my hair out - Jordan had missed so much but was gaining in other areas. Like all of the neat 'socializing' he was doing with the other kids in the moderate needs classroom. Kids that had some serious issues like oppositional/defiance and emotional/behavioral disorder. To all those naysayers out there that say that kids NEED socializing in public school, I say - REALLY? Does Jordan REALLY need to learn all of those 'neat' words? Does Jordan REALLY need to have classmates give him graphic pencil drawings of death and destruction? Does Jordan REALLY need to witness another student being openly defiant with a grown-up? REALLY? (Where is Seth and Amy when I need them...)

The tide turned for us that summer after the decision was made to leave public school behind. I read a book, Please Don't Label My Child, by Scott M. Shannon, MD. He stressed that there are other methods to working with kids with behavioral issues than using drugs. He stressed addressing vitamin deficiencies and altering their diet. That led me to The Feingold Program, http://www.feingold.org/. We tweaked Jordan's diet a bit and there was some change. For it to really work, you need to go all or none - preferably as a family. I know that Jordan is sensitive to artificial colors and preservatives, and MSG is also a trigger. Which is frustrating because it is in practically everything... Another great read is Fed Up, by Sue Dengate. http://www.fedup.com.au/ She is an Australian mom who has really worked to figure out the dietary connection to kids and their behavior. I found it very informative, albeit a little overwhelming trying to keep all of the different dietary restrictions straight.

I think that by removing Jordan from school, controlling the amount of chaos in his life by keeping his days loosely scheduled and predictable, taking stock of his dietary needs and addressing them, we have come a long way in helping him cope with his behavioral issues. Drugs are not the only answer out there and the inherit dangers of mixing kids with psychostimulants makes it an easy decision to try other methods.

Life without TV

We recently (and very reluctantly) disconnected our digital cable box/DVR and returned it to Comcast. It was just taking too much from our budget to continue to pay for it. We miss it very much - especially the DVR. I got so used to programming the DVR to record every episode of Reading Rainbow, Mythbusters, Dirty Jobs, How it's Made, America's Test Kitchen, and a whole host of others. It was nice to have a wide selection to choose from, depending on your mood. There was a lot of good stuff out there, after you sorted through the riff-raff on network TV.

Now we are stuck with network TV and PBS. I am thankful for PBS because Rylan can still watch her favorite show: Super Why - as long as she is up at 7:30, which has been hit or miss in the last week or so. Reading Rainbow comes on at the ultra popular time of 2:30 am, so we never get to see it anymore. I wonder what programming genious thought that one up. Because you see, Dragontails is just so superior.... (I hate that show, I hate that show...)

We are of course getting a lot more done around here, just as I thought we would. I didn't have TV either, before I met Dean. I had cut the cord with cable company in the months before, and 'enjoyed' getting a lot of stuff accomplished. Like grading papers and making lesson plans. Ya' know, fun stuff like that... We listen to NPR all evening. Rylan and Owen like the music on the World Music Cafe. I am glad that I get to listen to that again - I've missed it.

Jordan will be in for a little shock to the system when he gets home in a month's time. We had turned in the DVR before he left, but they hadn't sent a guy out to turn off the cable yet. Right now he is in TV heaven, because that is about all he does while he is there. Sad. But that will help in the transition back because we can immerse ourselves in all that we do every day anyway. There won't be time for TV!

Whatever...

Last night, as soon as her daddy came home from work, Rylan wanted to go outside and throw a small red disc. We both told her she couldn't because some dark clouds were rolling in and it was beginning to thunder. She insisted that it wasn't, and I opened the front door to prove it to her. She turned away, said a few sentences under her breath, and then tossed over her shoulder this little gem:

"Whatever..."

Storm damage

Wouldn't you know? Just when you finish off a garden project, a storm has to swoop in and mess everything up. Rylan and I sat and watched as the clouds started to swirl and darken, and hail looked imminent, so she and I scrambled to cover the tomato bed with a tarp. I put a bowl over the rhubarb to protect it as well. Then we stepped inside just as the rain started to pick up. Then I saw the clouds continue to swirl, and I thought it would be best if we went to the basement. The news channel was brodcasting that a tornado had been sighted nearby. We listened to about 15 solid minutes of hail and hard rain. I noticed a small stream of water leaking in around one of the window frames as well. We're going to have to do something about that too. Add it to the list!

When we stepped outside, this is what we saw...

Garden Week 3

The previous weeks were all construction shots, so these photos are now documenting actual plant progress. On Saturday we filled in the remaining beds with enriched soil and tamped it down. On Sunday, Dean finished the top of the frame on the shortest bed. So we now have 3 completed beds. Bed #1 is the shortest bed, Bed #2 is of medium height and Bed #3 is the tallest. Beds 1 & 2 have rabbit fencing around them to keep out the dog and the kids. :)

Rabbit fencing doesn't always deter a determined toddler

While daddy was working on the top of the frame for Bed #1, Rylan, Owen and I planted the bed. Rylan helped make holes and dropped the bigger-sized seeds in. Owen busied himself by removing all of the plant markers I put in place. (Sigh). We planted 1 zucchini, 1 squash, 2 rows of peas, 4 rows of carrots, 4 rows of beets and 1 row of chives.

In bed #2, we planted 1 rhubarb (from a nursery), 1 zucchini, 3 rows of peas, 1 row of jalapeno, 1 row of anaheim, and 8 cucumber.

In bed #3, (which was planted about 2 weeks ago) I put in 10 tomatoes, and multiple bush beans.

Bush bean seedling, approx. 12 days after planting

Kids in Motion

I've captured a lot of great pics lately of the kids when they are in motion.

Here is my photo essay...

The latest quiz...

Last week a quiz was running rampant on Facebook - being passed along to all that belonged to our homeschooling group. I didn't have the time to sit and write out my answers as we were getting prepared for our trip to OKC, but I did want to respond, in time. I didn't care for how the quiz was written, however. The questions were too vague and didn't really address how we homeschool. So I took the liberty of tossing some questions that I thought were pointless, and amended others so that they were a better fit to our situation.

1. What time do you get up?
The set time is always evolving, as the youngest is transitioning from infancy into toddlerhood. When we first began homeschooling, there was a general rebellion against having any kind of time table (from Jordan and myself). It was just so nice to no longer have to have any kind of morning rush-out-the-door routine that we rejoiced in getting up late. I was also pregnant, so it was twice as nice. As time has marched on, we have eased in our rebellious ways and gravitated toward a schedule again. There is order where there is predictability, and having a schedule helps all of us meet our goals as a family. By getting up earlier, we also help daddy get out the door earlier too. I tend to get up at 5:45 am, and the kids get up at 6:30 -7 am (on their own!). It has just become part of the routine to have breakfast with daddy before he leaves, and then we can get the kitchen cleaned up and the day underway by 8 am. It used to be much, much later (like 10 am), but that was really hampering other things that needed to happen - like errands. I am also a morning person, and I feel like the day is wasted if I haven't accomplished anything by mid-morning. I have found that several of the families in our local group do practice a later schedule, and it seems to really work for them. For our family, it was really dragging my husband down, since he has to keep the respectable hours of 9-5. So the change was made to help him stay on track, and it has just proven to help all of us get more done.

2. What do your children wear to school?
At first I wanted to toss this question because it's silly, but then I thought that it might be important to just address it and move on. It is a common misconception that homeschoolers just wear pjs all day. Not so in our house. We all shower every morning and dress in normal, casual clothes. We do up our hair and brush our teeth.. the whole 9 yards. I have always found that the days when I don't shower and stay in my pjs or wear grundgy sweats, my attitude is lousy and I hardly get anything done. Same with the kids. On the days I clean up and dress nice and put on makeup - I have an unstoppable urge to get my whole to-do list done by 10 am. It may be just a mental thing, but it works. Dress for Success!

3. What curriculum works for you?
What works best for Rylan is reading out loud. Reading, reading, reading. We get about 10-15 books per library trip, just for Rylan. They wind up being predominantly nonfiction, because that is where her interests currently lie. She loves to color, and create pictures using stickers. She also loves to cook and dig in the dirt. Rylan is a hands-on type of kid for sure. I don't know what direction this will take in the future, we will just have to wait and see.

What works best for Jordan is having a structure set forth by using a guided curriculum, with wiggle room for personal adjustment. Jordan loves to read as well, although he has yet actively start pulling books off the library shelf (other than Garfield comics). So here are our guided curriculum choices:

Language Arts:
Wordly Wise 3000 (Vocabulary)
The American Heritage Children's Dictionary
English from the Roots Up (Latin and Greek)
Write! Foundations and Models for Proficiency
Mountain Language (a daily exercise in grammar)
Comprehensive Handwriting Practice in Traditional Cursive
Steck-Vaughn Spelling: Linking Words to Meaning
BrainQuest Workbook: Grade 3 (various activities)
A variety of writing activities (letters, poems, descriptive stories, ect.)

Math:
Daily Math Practice: Grade 4 by EvanMoor (daily warmup exercises)
Mathematices Enhancement Programme: Year 3 www.cimt.plymouth.ac.uk/projects/mepres/primary/default.htm

Social Studies:
Books, books and more books from the library
The Story of the World (Ancient Times, The Middle Ages, Early Modern Times, The Modern Age)
A History of US
World Geography: grades 4-6, Carson-Dellosa
United States Geography: grades 4-6, Carson Dellosa
Spanish (Rosetta Stone)

Science:
R.E.A.L. Science Odyssey by Pandia Press:
Chemistry
Earth & Space Science
Life Science
Weekly experiements from Krampf's Science blog: http://www.thehappyscientist.com/

The Arts:
Piano lessons
Artistic Pursuits: An Introduction to the Visual Arts
P.E. - We don't have a curriculum here. We just run, bike, hike, swim, and play!

Plus a smattering of other things: computer programming with Lego Mindstorms, typing, technology skills, photography, gardening, cooking, health-related stuff... everyday life!

4. Who is your most inspirational homeschooling role model?
Well, I would have to say that I have taken my inspiration from a variety of places. When we started on this venture, I spent months trolling the internet looking for ideas and ways to go about it. Everyone has their own take on what homeschooling is, as they should. It is about each individual child and their needs - not someone else's. The author John Holt helped illuminate some of the basic tenets of what homeschooling should be for me. I draw a lot of inspiration from fellow homeschooling bloggers (visit some of the places I go...). I am only two years into this adventure, so I feel I still have a lot to learn and experience. Every homeschooling family I meet is an inspiration in its own right.

5. What homeschooling method do you use?
When I first began my forays into the vast information vaccum that exists out there, I was astounded by all of the different methods of homeschooling there are. A lot of new terminology to learn! As much as I would love to completely embrace unschooling and all the wonders it can potentially hold, I do not have the personality to sustain that for my kids. I need schedule, order, and predictability in my life. We experimented for a time, just before and after Owen was born, with having no schedule or formal lessons. It just didn't work. Jordan has very strong right-brained tendancies, but he lacks the self-motivation or discipline to see anything through. He likes the visual presentation of what he needs to do, and he actually likes working in workbooks. He will do them independently, when he can. We have adopted an eclectic approach to most everything that we do. We have a daily list of subjects/lessons to work through (see my blog post Barometer Soup), and yet there is a great deal of flexibility as to how we do these lessons. History and Science lend themselves to be attended to while I am cooking. We discuss as we work, cook and eat. Math is about the only highly structured lesson format that we do - the rest are done as we go about the day. It is early yet to tell with Rylan, but I think she will not require as much structure as Jordan.

6. What about socialization?
Oh my. That really has become a dirty word. All you have to do is walk by a public school playground during lunch recess and the difference is clear. In our 2 years with our homeschool group - not one argument or minor disagreement, no hurt feelings... everybody plays with everybody. Every child can intelligently converse with any of the adults. We socialize with every adult we meet on every outing we go on. I don't want a pack of 3 year olds socializing my 3 year old. What magical social skills do they possess that she doesn't and therefore must learn from them? Are they the ones to teach her how to behave? They may teach her social skills all right - how to tease, taunt, scorn, bully and flaunt for that is how they get a leg up in a classroom setting. Um, no thank you?

7. Favorite field trip?
We recently attendend a WaterSHED class at a local watershed in an adjacent neighborhood. We used field microscopes and got a very good primer on water ecology, botany, insects and more. I think what made this class extra special was that it was just Jordan and me (without the little ones along). Just a small handful of other families from our group attended, so the low numbers were nice. I am still kicking myself for not bringing the camera along...

8. Best thing about homeschooling?
I wrote about it in my first blog post (the New Normal), and it still rings true for me. Each day holds a promise and a chance to learn something new and wonderful - on our terms. Always on our terms. I love that!

9. What is our priority?
Our priority is to see to it that the kids are always engaged in learning something new. In addressing the needs of the whole child, a child that can think and chose wisely after careful deliberation is of utmost importance. An empathetic attitude towards others and a healthy respect for our environment and all who must share it is also important. I (we) refuse to raise a brat, a princess, or a child that is lazy and refuses to pull his/her weight.

10. Best one stop shopping for school books?
The most popular answer seems to be the library, and I can concur with that. I also enjoy shopping at The Bookies, in Denver. I just wish the store was bigger!

11. What will you do when the homeschooling years end and the last child leaves for college (or whatever...)?
My degree is in elementary education, but I do not think I can ever return to public (or private for that matter) education. There has been just too much water under that bridge - especially now that I have seen the 'other side'. My best loved subject was social science/anthropology. I might do something in that direction - and see if there is a way to use my education degree. Right now though, my education degree is serving me just fine! :)

12. Better to start schooling late or early?
It all depends on the particular child. It is best not to push, but when the child seems ready, you go for it. Rylan started avidly 'reading' books when she was old enough to hold one on her own. She is now ready (and receptive) to working on her letters, numbers, colors, using tools - all in a very informal way and mostly on her own. Owen is almost 16 mo. and could care less about books unless there is something to grab a hold of (like a pop-up book). He watches everything like a hawk, and after a single demonstration, he can do it on his own. Kids are much more capable than we ever given them credit for.

My Mother's Day present

When asked what I wanted to recieve for Mother's Day, I told Dean that I really wanted a garden. I built a garden at my previous home, but it has been 6 long years since the move and I've missed it. I don't know exactly why I hadn't gone about starting up one when I moved into my new house. I discovered early on that the backyard is extremely difficult to do anything with. It gives the appearance of a nice, blank slate, but there is evil lurking beneath the surface. Like the worst soil ever known to man. Top that off with a steep slope on one side, a very rough and uneven surface with sloppy grading, and icky grass that is needle thin and lifeless. The backyard is the bane of my existance. I think that after all of the time and energy I put into creating a landscape from scratch at the old place, I just ran out of steam.

Well, after aquiring a very handy husband and taking a break from major landscape renovation, it was time. Not only to suit my needs, but the kids need to grow up knowing how to garden and how to take care of a landscape. Since the ground itself is either riddled with old tree roots or sprinkler system pipes, the only direction to go was above ground.

I looked at the options for materials, and settled on some pine beams that were for sale on Craig's List. The timber is from the city tree removal program (either condemned trees or beetle-kill) and a guy milled them into 4x6 beams. We purchased sixteen 4x6x12 beams and Dean constructed 3 different beds, each measuring 4x12. The beds are graduated in height, to accomodate different crops. We will have to amend and rotate the soil around at the beginning of each season since we won't rotate the crops. My dad helped us fill the beds with garden soil (about 4 cubic yards worth). The bulk of the work was accomplished just this past Saturday. Dean had completed most of the construction over the past 3 weeks (a little here, a little there), and we were finally ready to fill and plant last weekend.

Dean had to rent a beam saw in order to cut the beams to size

Dean lapped the corners for the frame and mitered the top level. We also decided to use 10" & 8" screws so that we would be able to disassemble them in the future, if we needed to.

The kids 'helping' unload one of many wheelbarrow loads

Grandpa took a break to give the kids a ride

It was a fun afternoon!

My Lil' Honey

Over the weekend Rylan and I got to go shopping (well, for groceries - how exciting is that?) on our own. As she and I were circling the aisles, she said something very sweet to another customer, and as we walked away I said to her...

"You are my sweet little girl. My little honey."
"I'm not your honey, mommy. Daddy is your honey. I'm your little girl"

Of course this was stated so loudly that everyone within a 3 aisle radius could hear.

Barometer Soup

We have a cold weather front that is in the midst of moving through. I don't even have to look outside though, to confirm that. You can tell just by listening to the kids. I remember that during my public school teaching days, I hated days like this. The kids were always off kilter and it was a classroom management nightmare. So it is with homeschool. Here it is, four in the afternoon and I am done. Done, done, done. I don't care if the to-do list says I'm not, I'm saying I am. I sent Rylan to bed about 45 minutes ago, and Jordan is keeping Owen entertained in the playroom. Maybe my sanity will collect itself if I keep sitting here, writing. I even put on some soft, classical music (Bach) to smooth the edges. It's sorta working.

A major frustration of mine is that Jordan cannot stay on task to get his stuff done. In my ideal world I have scheduled for him about 4 hours worth of lessons/independent work each day (gotta make the education police happy...) and I swear we have not had a day yet (in 2 years!!), where we have completed EVERYTHING. Weirdly enough, science always gets the short shrift, even though that is Jordan's favorite subject. Each day, at about mid-afternoon, I reach my utter frustration point because there is still a mound of school work to slog through, and my own work load hasn't been attended to even in the slightest, save the load of laundry that was thrown in the wash before I came down to make breakfast. And there it sits, festering in the washing machine, long forgotten...

Well, I came up with an idea this afternoon, just after I escorted Rylan to her room for her nap (she wasn't exactly a willing party). I needed to spend some time in the kitchen to whip up some meringue for a pavlova tonight, and I thought to myself how nice it would be if the rest of the day were mine. I could get done what I needed to get done, without any guilt of what I should have been doing for/with Jordan. Several weeks ago, I made some changes to how we schedule our day. A fellow homeschooling mom gave me some advice (thanks Dalliss) about how she got her kids to do their daily chores. She posted a list for them to refer to so that they wouldn't be constantly in her hair. I took her advice to heart, and configured a list of my own. I had also been reading up on Rebecca Rupp's Home Learning Year by Year, to make a database for myself (to feed my quest for order in the midst of chaos) for what kinds of items we needed to address as far as Geography, World History, US History and Science goes. We have had such a spotty record for staying with a routine (having a baby in the midst of all of this did not help much) that I needed to get an idea of where exactly we were and where we needed to go. So, I came up with this.



We have had a good first run with this, but it needs some tweaking. "The List" seems to dominate the entire day. I added the 'Independent Work ' list for good reason: Jordan desperately needs to develop some self-management skills. He seems to do much better when he has the list to refer to and keep him on track. It also stresses the need for him to take some responsibility in his daily work. The months that passed between the final weeks of pregnancy and throughout Owen's infancy were left unstructured. Jordan (and Rylan for that matter) was pretty much left to his own devices about what he would learn and when. I guess you could say it was an experiment in unschooling. It did not go well, in Jordan's case. He would wander aimlessly about all day, and if he cracked open a book, it was a miracle. And it was not like interesting stuff wasn't dangled in front of him. We went to the library weekly. Yet all Jordan wanted to check out was Garfield comic books. He was not motivated to learn anything of consequence. All he wanted to do was to play video games, and I was not going to give in to that. Here we are about a year later, and Jordan has matured quite a bit. He will pick up his chapter book frequently (without being asked) and he will constantly rummage through the picture books (which is a complete library in it's own right...). We began to structure our days again around mid-January, and it has been better for all of us, ever since. Since the inception of this schedule, it has removed much of the burden from me of seeing to it that Jordan is on task and trying to remember what else it was that he should work on. It also meant that subjects like Earth Science wouldn't be shelved for weeks on end. We have a different version for each day of the week (so that all subject areas are addressed over the course of a week), and each day has it's own rhythm. Each day has been printed out and housed in a plastic sleeve. We use a wet-erase pen to mark things off as we go - it just washes off at the end of the day.

Well - back to the thought of the day. My complaint is that the burden of completion falls squarely on my shoulders, when it really should belong to Jordan. My portion of the work, the 'Lessons' part, is my only sole responsibility. It can involve any number of things - demonstrating a skill, reading out loud, handling materials for an experiment, ect. . It is this box that is continually left undone, when it is (IMHO) actually the most important box as far as keeping up with the knowledge base we should be continually building. It occurred to me today that I should enforce a time limit on this box in order to preserve a portion of the day for me that is 'lesson free'. If I say that it needs to be done by 3 pm, then I can ensure that my part is done, and I can go about my business for the rest of the day. It stands to reason that we should make good use of the portion of the day that Owen will take a reliable nap. Since Owen will typically nap from 11am - 2ish, that is the best time frame within to work in our lessons. Addressing the subject of History (World & U.S.) during lunch time works especially well, because we can read & discuss while I am making lunch. Our world map also makes for a nice 'tablecloth'. One fun game is toss a spoonful of peas across the map and see how many different countries you can land a pea on...

I admit it may sound like over-the-top authoritarianism, but structure is what holds the tears/frustration at bay in our home. Jordan's ADHD is very difficult to manage (at times). I have done my best to come up with solutions that we can all live with. We opted for homeschooling because of all of the problems that the ADHD behaviors presented in the classroom. The most frustrating of which is impulsivity and high-distractability. Having a schedule to refer to helps to suppress some of the impulse to get up and mess around. Some days though (like today) are absolutely impossible, no matter what tools are in place. Sigh.

I thought I'd heard it all...

Jordan has been waiting impatiently for the second Book of Ember, The People of Sparks to become available at the library. After three looong days it was there today, waiting on the shelf. By the time we arrived home he was already on chapter 2. We walked into the house, and Jordan asked, "Can we not turn the television on? I want to read my book." Knock me over with a feather...

Graduations

It is graduation season once again. Within our circle of family and friends, three young women are drawing to a close one chapter of their lives and moving on to the next. They are bright, capable women, and I know that many good things are in store for them! Many congrats to Colleen, Angie and Amelia.

As I was sifting through the vast selection of graduation cards at the store the other day, I picked up one that played Pomp and Circumstance when you opened the card. I always tear up when I hear that piece. It sounds so majestic and victorious. "Look at me in my cap and gown!" As I was looking at this particular card, I instantly felt a pang of sadness that our children, by virtue of homeschooling, (most definitely likely) won't (endure?) that experience of entering a large arena filled with friends and family and 400 or so of their classmates and walking across a stage to receive their diploma. Looking back at my own graduation ceremony experiences, I'm not exactly sure what they will be missing though. Sure, the music and the speeches are all nice - if you remember it. For my highschool graduation, I walked into the arena with some guy - I had no idea who he was or that he was even in my class. So much for feeling like our class was some big 'family'! With four hundred students in our class - are you kidding me? When I graduated from college, our ceremony had to be moved indoors at the last minute due to an impromtu May blizzard. No pomp, no circumstance, and no dignity... we had to sit on the gymnasium floor because they couldn't gather enough folding chairs in time. At our Mom & Pop Academy for Higher Learning, we could do up a ceremony much better than that.

Speaking of, we have celebrated several of our own graduations are here lately... Jordan graduated in age from 8 to 9. He has earned a little more freedom, and a little more responsibility... Rylan graduated in age from 2 to 3. She moved on from diapers to 'big girl' pants. She's riding a 16" bicycle. She pours her own juice, gets her own snack, helps with the laundry and the dishes... She is quite an independent little girl. Owen has graduated from toddling to outright walking. He can now fall asleep on his own (which is a huge milestone IMHO...). Each little graduation feels good, but it also makes me sad. Every little change marks the passage of time to me - and time is going too fast.

One of the foremost reasons that we homeschool is to keep the kids at home and preserve the years of childhood for what they are - a time to play and be a kid. It may sound overprotective but it is what it is. Childhood goes by so fast and I don't want to miss any of it. I want to be there for every milestone and serve as counsel all along the way. The societal pressures to grow up before the time is right, the mass-marketing of products to children and all things Disney just drive me nuts. (Hannah Montana? Oh puh-leez...) I find that whenever Jordan gets together with the neighborhood kids (public school) or with friends he knows from his short stint in public school, these kids have moved into some dangerous social territory already... The young girls next door challenged poor Jordan to try and hug the older girl across the street. He is naive enough (due to nature, not nurture!) to think that they are just inviting him to play "fun" games with them. They are also working hard to expand his vocabulary. They could make a sailor blush, if they wanted too. All of these kids, when engaged in group play, are nasty, competitive and downright mean. We have had to cut playdates short due to arguments that breakout over the Wii. Now, look at the flip side. In the two years that we have been attending Park Days, I have yet to witness even a minor disagreement. We typically have around 15 or so kids on any given Park Day. On nice days, the number can swell to around 25. They range in age from infant to 12 or so. All of the kids play together - transitioning in and out of different activites with ease. The kids are polite, imaginative, supportive and kind. Now I ask you - which group has been properly socialized?

Graduation implies leaving something behind as you move on to something else (most likely bigger and better). Many high school students are eager to graduate from school and leave "it" behind. I don't blame them. The constant competition, peer pressure and phoniness of it all always bothered me. I don't feel like we are depriving our children of any important, life-changing experiences if they don't go to public school. I think they will be all the richer for having the positive experiences that they are having in our homeschool community.

Book Review: The Year of Pleasures

Sigh. I just love Elizabeth Berg's writing style. It's like pulling a warm, heavy blanket over you and snuggling down for a long nap. This latest read, The Year of Pleasures was sad and sweet. She talks about the ordinary day-to-day stuff, calls attention to it and makes it special. In this story, a newly-widowed middle-aged woman makes a new life for herself in a small town. She is feeling great loss as well as hope as she finds her way again. I love that she never loses sight of who she is or abandons what she wants for herself, in this next chapter of her life. One quote, in particular stands out to me. In the story, the widow, Betta, is trying to befriend the bitter, cotchety old woman from whom she purchased her 'new' house. The old woman refuses to play along...

"There is a story about a Navajo grandfather who once told his grandson, "Two wolves live inside me. One is the bad wolf, full of greed and laziness, full of anger and jealousy and regret. The other is the good wolf, full of joy and compassion and willingness and a great love for the world. All the time, these wolves are fighting inside me." "But grandfather," the boy said. "Which wolf will win?" The grandfather answered, "The one I feed."

http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0812970993/ref=sib_dp_pt#reader-link

Breakfast...

Most mornings it takes us awhile to get the mental motors running... We go through our morning routines of showers and dressing and a few chores before we even sit down at the table. Today we managed to begin eating around 10 am. Which is on the late side for us, but we all got up late this morning.

Jordan - Jordan is eating Rice Crispies (which he served himself, which is kind of a new thing...) scrambled eggs (which he cooked and served, also a new thing...), and a banana. He is not happy about the banana because there is just a slight green tinge on a portion of the peel. He will begin the whole dramatic scene of pretending to gag, shortly. He is reading his latest Garfield book (from the library) while he eats. He is also taking every opportunity to antagonize his sister, who is sitting next to him. (We really need to separate them at the table...

Rylan - is eating on the run. She has been busily cruising around the house, working on her banana. She does not care about the color of the peel, but does not like it when I forget and leave the sticker on. It must be removed before she will eat it. Her eggs are now ice cold... I mooched some of them to give to Owen, who scarfed his first helping down. Abby is circling the table, anxious to claim the rest of them.. which will be imminent. Rylan also just discovered that she can (by using the double step stool) reach the top cupboard of the pantry. That means that there are no longer any safe cupboards in the kitchen, save the one above the fridge. I guess we will have to find a new place for the candy stash... Currently Rylan is sitting in her chair, and is staring at me in challenge as I am requesting for about the 30th time that she eat a bite of her remaining scrambled egg.

Owen - Owen ate most of his banana, until the eggs were served. He promptly shoved most of the banana off of his tray and worked on the eggs. Then he drank some milk, and then flung his bottle a good 10 feet across the kitchen. Atta boy! He is always the first to finish, so to keep him entertained, I put little plastic animals on his tray. A brown and white pony is currently tromping through the remaining banana.

Me - I can't stand eggs, so I had a bagle with peanut butter and banana. It was the last bagle in the bag, so it is a little chewy... now on to my second cup of coffee. #1 was at 7:15 this morning, when I stole an unexpected half-hour (!!!) of quiet to visit my favorite blogs. Owen is usually up by then.

What we are listening to: We are listening to Keb' Mo' (self-titled album). Owen really likes Keb' Mo' He is bouncing in his chair to the beat. There isn't much that Owen doesn't like. Little Boots is also a favorite.

What we are doing today: As soon as breakfast is done, we are off to Target to get Owen some diapers. He is currently wearing his last one, so I hope it holds. His last package went very quickly and took me by surprise last night when I realized that we only had two left... oops.

Then it will be the usual Thursday school routine:
World Geography (Canada), World History (Sumerians), math (working with data in graphs and table to discern minimum, maximum, median, mode, and mean), life science (the circulatory system), handwriting (cursive - writing out the months), spelling (short 'e'), reading skills (will be covered when we read about the heart), writing (combining sentences), read for 30 minutes (he is reading Prince Caspian), Art (making May baskets), piano practice, and a walk to the park later today. Whew! Rylan will busy herself with sorting, coloring, cutting pasting, and putting together puzzles. Potty training is essentially done - we just work on the hygiene thing... Owen will practice his walking and digging out in the sand table. And me? My job is to look up different building plans for garden beds. We will be building them this weekend, come hell or highwater!

Now, what to do first? Oh yeah. My nose just told me the answer...

The slipper in the dishwasher

I found Owen's little brown slipper in the bottom of the dishwasher just a few moments ago. I had been searching for it earlier this evening. Never could I imagine I would find it there, as I was loading the dishwasher before heading to bed. Yet there it was. Small, soft and velvety, it fits in the palm of my hand. He grinned at me from his highchair (we keep odd hours, I know..) as he finished his late night snack. Now he is sleeping, as a snowstorm rages outside.

There is about 2 inches of snow on the ground outside. My two year old just came downstairs, sipping her apple juice, and threw up on me. Now I must put Rylan back to bed, with a towel and a pan. I'll get to rock her to sleep and listen to her soft breathing. I'll go to bed and snuggle up next to my husband to ward off the cold of the blizzard raging outside these walls.

We choose to hope

Our family is so excited by the change of leadership in Washington! It has been a long, long eight years and it now feels as though a dark cloud of fear, suspicion and deception has lifted. Never before have we (Dean and I) been so moved as to take part in the political process. I served as a delegate for my precinct at the Larimer County Democratic Convention. I had to bring little Owen with me, who was only 5 days old, because I was determined to be there. We donated money throughout the campaign, sported multiple bumper stickers on our cars, and spent several weekends during late fall canvassing in various neighborhoods. Since our house is situated on a busy neighborhood corner, we felt that 6 Obama signs were sufficient as well as one for Markey, Udall, Eubanks, Hoffman and Kefalas. I even painted a huge Obama symbol in our front window, just to get the point across in case there was any confusion. As we trick-or-treated our neighborhood, we could hear comments from passing families about the 'crazy Obama people' on the corner. We are loud and proud!! On election day we stood at a busy intersection and waved signs at passing motorists before Dean left for work. The excitement of the day was incredible! As the final election results were announced, I opened the front door and shared with the neighborhood how pleased I was. I have no shame.... :) What a journey for our family! It has been wonderful to be able to share this with our children, to let them take part in the political process and to experience it all first hand. We can only hope that someday in the next 4/8?? years that we might get the meet the man himself! Congratulations Mr. President!

Our collection of signs in the front yard. We had more on the corner and around the side of the house, as well as on the back of the house. We suffered a few losses but always had a spare sign to replace them.

The Obama rally on The Oval at Colorado State University. We waited in line for about 3 hours, but it was worth it!

Sign waving early in the morning on election day. Owen slept through it and Rylan started crying after grandma Judy drove by, honking and waving. Jordan was keeping count of the number of honks we got during the hour we spent there. I think we made it to 130....

The day after the election. One tired but happy family! I used Crayola washable paint to make the window design.

Morning of inauguration day. Much to our neighbor's delight we put our Obama yard signs back in use. All of them. :)

What a country!