The Nutcracker

 

Saturday night was Rylan's Nutcracker performance with the Loveland Dance Academy. She was one of the Reed Flutes (3rd from the left in above pic). Her class started learning their dance in October. There were about five extra evening practices (at a half hour each), a technical rehearsal, a dress rehearsal, and then the performance itself. So, not bad at all in the whole scheme of things. I'm sure the older the performer gets the longer the rehearsal time. For me though, I was a mess for the past six weeks. I was constantly checking my calendar for fear I was forgetting an extra rehearsal or something. I am very relieved it is now over.

 

The performance itself was absolutely wonderful. There are a ton of very talented dancers at this academy. I like that the classes are not too strict or rigorous, and that the instructors are dedicated but not snooty. I didn't really interact with too many of the moms up until the Nutcracker, but from what I can tell, there are only a small handful of 'dance moms'. They are the ones in yoga pants who constantly pick apart their daughter's appearance and loudly complain about the 'No Glitter' rule for stage make-up. The fact that their six year old can apply tube lipstick w/o help is scary to me.

 

When I first asked Rylan about the possibility of her dancing in the Nutcracker (there are no try outs - if you want to dance, you pay a small fee and you're in) she freaked out about the thought of dancing on a stage in front of people. But when it came time, she walked out on stage and did not look a whit nervous. I credit karate for that. Rylan has gained loads of confidence, and she felt that she could comfortably perform in front of a hundred people (after sizing up the auditorium). But if it was a 101, that was too many.

 

We were extremely lucky to get front row seats, so she knew exactly where we (Dean and I, my mom, and my dad and step mom) were sitting. She came out on stage, and just had a huge smile on her face. When they reached a part in their routine where they came up to stage front, she gave a little wave... hehe. I think she has caught the performance bug! It is intoxicating!

 

 

Afterwards, Dean presented her with flowers and a Nutcracker doll. She has wanted a Nutcracker ever since mom and I took her to see the Nutcracker last year. At the time, I was thinking in the back of my mind that this would be a fitting way to give her one. So I told her that she gets a Nutcracker for a Nutcracker (performance). Then Dean piped up that we should being labeling the year on the underside. Just how many of these is she going to rack up?

 

 

By the looks of it...a lot.

 

 

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Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... A semi-cloudy day, with chilly temperatures. The smoke that was so bad last weekend and then on and off again all week has cleared for the most part. There is a forest fire burning in RMNP, about 30 miles away. The fire has been burning for two months, but dry weather and strong winds have hampered efforts to put it out. Last Saturday it traveled 3 miles in 35 minutes. I can't even begin to tell you how strange it is to smell smoke from a fire... in DECEMBER. What a year!

I am thinking... My goodness... tons of stuff.
1. I'm sad, tired and desperately need more sleep.

2. I'm frustrated and angry with an inlaw that lives out of state that has been sending threatening emails to the entire family. He is delusional and we worry for the safety of his wife and children.

3. I am tired of spending every ounce of free time (?) catering to individuals who have no freakin' idea how to operate their email, answer SIMPLE questions, and locate their spam folders and so on and so on. I have logged countless hours of computer time in the past six weeks alone, attending to our homeschool group's Yahoo site and I'm so sick of it. If you are computer illiterate - DON'T join a web-based support group! Arrggh! On the other hand, we had a very nice parent social/meeting a couple nights ago, and we got an incredible amount of ideas generated for co-ops and team building - just by virtue of having spouses there too. I am also sure that the beer and yummy munchies helped... I am so thankful for the longtime friends that I have made in this group - it's been wonderful sharing the educational/parenting triumphs and challenges over the years. Now if we could just offload the 80+ members that do absolutely nothing but ignore emails or complain, things would be awesome.

4. My uncle's passing. It is still a shock. His burial was yesterday. My aunt has an amazing amount of strength and I hope these coming weeks aren't too difficult for her as she adjusts to her New Normal.

5. Trying to come up with a game plan for Christmas in OKC. It is coming together, but it is still hard to pack up Christmas and hold it in another location, when little ones are involved. It is also hard because I am as about far removed from the Christmas spirit as you can get...

I am thankful... That we are making good progress on the bathroom. The flooring is in, the drywall repair/texture/painting is done and the new light fixture is in. I am also thankful for the wonderful 'Second Thanksgiving' meal that we shared with my mom last Friday night. We all lamented about how we miss the traditional Thanksgiving leftovers, so we decided that we needed a do-over. I slow-cooked some turkey breasts in 2 different Crock pots (turned out awesome) and made mashed potatoes & gravy, candied yams, stuffing, roasted carrots, rolls, green beans and mint fudge. Mom brought her wonderful cranberry salad and a cranberry-apple pie. Oh it was a good meal. We had leftovers, and a big pot of turkey noodle soup. Now it's all gone... and it was sooo good.


From the Learning Rooms... It always feels like not enough time is spent here because it seems like we are NEVER home. Schooling can't be done in fits and spurts as far as I am concerned - we have absolutely no continuity. A change needs to be made here!! Owen is working on the alphabet. That poor boy is getting the shortest end of the stick, I'm afraid. He is getting most of his instruction time on the iPad, with a wonderful alphabet app from Reading Eggs. I just wish it was from me... Rylan is making awesome progress on the violin. She has learned all of the fingerings for Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and has good recall on some introductory music terminology. Jordan is reading The Hobbit.


In the kitchen... We just made a major change here. After months, if not years, of lamenting that whenever it is meal time and the kids sit at the kitchen table and Dean and I sit on the comfy living room chairs and we all watch tv - the horrible table manners that were developing were becoming a big issue. So. We finished clearing out the front room that was historically the playroom, then the office, then a pseudo playroom/empty room to trash with random toys and mismatched furniture, I cleared it out and cleaned the carpet. And then I moved the kitchen table into that room. At first there were massive protests from the kids. (And the adults lamented it too.) But it had to be done. And guess what? It's NICE! We have the Christmas tree sitting right by the table, (in front of the window), a small bookcase that is filled with all of our games so that family game night is once-again a possibility, a mirror for a little glitter and gleam, and the table and chairs. And THAT'S IT. Finally a room that is not over-stuffed with furniture! It's clean, streamlined, and simple. It's now my favorite room in the house. :) In the very near future we will rip out the horrendously stained carpet in that room and replace it with the same flooring that we have put in the bathroom.

 

 

 

I am wearing... Well, I'm sitting in the parent bleachers at karate, so I am sure as hell not in my pjs... Saturday morning attire: jeans, shirt, fleece jacket and bags under the eyes.


I am creating... Other than the bathroom, nothing at the moment.


I am going... Home as soon as karate is done. I have to come back to Loveland for the matinee performance of the Nutcracker this afternoon since I am a parent helper for a group of dancers. Then I come home, change, and load everybody up. We drop the boys off with a wonderful family friend who has offered to watch them for the evening, and then we head down to Loveland again to watch the evening performance of the Nutcracker, when Rylan will be dancing. She is a Reed Flute dancer. I sat through 5 hours of rehearsal yesterday (ugh) but I did get to see her dance from backstage, which was pretty cool. I will be sooo glad to be done with all of these extra rehearsals!!!

 

 

I am wondering... About my writing mojo. It's still missing. I'm really trying, but downtime does not exist anymore. The snippets of time between activities are spent shuffling laundry from one location to the other, gathering things for the next thing, and feeling depressed about it. I can't shut up my inner negative voice for anything. So writing when one is depressed and tired isn't fun. I don't want to write about it, and I doubt you want to hear it...

I am reading... Nothing for me..there is no time. For the kids we are managing a Christmas story here and there. I hate that. I so hate that. Reading is the most import thing we should be doing, and instead it comes last.


In the garden... Has now been relegated to the kids for the winter season. Dead plants have been removed, and toy trucks and shovels have taken their place.

 

 

I am hoping... To find some inner peace this season. Something's gotta give...

 

I am looking forward to... Tomorrow. Nothing on the calendar. I want to work on the trim for the bathroom.


I am learning... How to make a sock bun. It's nearly impossible to get Rylan's shorter hair into a bun. (WHY did I cut her hair in September!?!?!?). Lots of hairspray and about 50 billion bobby pins are involved.

I am hearing... The fish tank gurgling because it needs more water, dog toenails dancing in the kitchen because the kids are gorging on doughnuts and Abby is begging, and Owen and Colin arguing over the toy pile we just excavated from the backseat of the van.

Around the house... We need to replace the floor trim in the bathroom, and sand and refinish the door trim. Then we need to reinstall the toilet and put in the new vanity/sink.

I am pondering... The meaning of life?? How to balance it all?

 

One of my favorite things... Poinsettias

A few plans for the rest of the week... The Nutcracker performance tonight, Christmas cookie baking time with friends on Tuesday and the usual line up of violin, karate, scouts and dance class.

 

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

 

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The hours in between...

clock

 

 

My uncle passed away early this morning.  Despite the tremendous efforts of a small team of surgeons to correct my uncle's serious heart ailments, after 16+ hours of surgical and recovery effort, his heart was just too weak and his body began to shut down.

 

 

My uncle and his family knew the risks.  The surgical plan had been debated over by his doctors for months.  He was not new to open-heart surgery - he had been through it before more than once.  His cardiologist thought it was too risky - too many intricate tasks had to been completed - the surgery would be a marathon - and it wasn't guaranteed to be successful.  Yet.  If he didn't have the surgery, his heart would give out..sooner rather than later.  So my cousins flew in and spent the weekend with their parents, enjoying their time together - all the while knowing that it could potentially be the last time.

 

 

And sadly, it was.  My aunt has managed to hold it together amazingly well, and there will be a Celebration of Life just a few days before Christmas - when the rest of the family was scheduled to arrive anyway. 

 

 

My dad is the oldest of seven kids, and my uncle (his only brother), was second oldest.  They were about two years apart and very close.  I imagine that they were a force to be reckoned with when they were young.  My grandma always kept their senior portraits on her dressing table, and - at that age, they were hard to tell apart!  I often look at my youngest two, Owen and Colin, and think of my dad and uncle Buzz - two little towheads that were often naughty.  My uncle was quiet and very kind.  He had the best-looking lawn around, and he would mow it often with his John Deere.  I can remember getting a ride or two around the yard when I was little.  He was also a bit of a prankster - along with my dad.  I can remember coming to visit my aunt and uncle one evening several years ago, as they were camping for a week at a nearby lake.  My dad was visiting too, and they surreptitiously slipped in a length of copper pipe with a cut piece of garden hose inside in amongst the logs.  Soon enough, green, purple and pink flames appeared.  I thought I was seeing things.  They told me I was - all they could see was a regular orangy/red campfire.  It took several minutes of arguing/laughing/grinning before they gave it up and shared their secret.  I can remember the smiles on both my dad's and uncle Buzz's faces - they were like teenage boys again.

 

It has been about 14 hours since I got the 2 am phone call that uncle Buzz was gone.  All morning and afternoon I've been thinking strange thoughts...

 

* It was only 'x' hours ago that he was still alive...

 

* I wonder what initially happens to their spirit when they leave?  I am of no firm belief in anything particular about the afterlife.. but I am curious.

 

* Was he aware at all of what was happening?

 

I had these same thoughts when both of my grandmas passed away last year.  Those first few hours in between when you hear the news and when you reach acceptance that the loved one is gone are a strange time indeed.  It feels insensitive, but I guess it is one's way of dealing with news they are unprepared to hear? 

 

 

Hug your loved ones tonight... and make all of your days count.

 

 





Demolition

I don't know exactly how old my house is. I am uncertain how many previous owners have lived here. But what I do know is that they had incredibly bad taste and did a sloppy job in any renovation work that they did.

 

Case in point: the main floor 1/2 bath (otherwise known as the guest bathroom)

 

I have never liked this room. In years' past some evil decorator had their way with this house and practically bathed this house in mauve. I hate mauve. You can take your mauve and ship it back to the southwest that existed two decades ago. This bathroom is painted in a light shade of mauve. It is a shade that just makes the walls look dirty to me. And they also used a super high gloss. It looks like it was applied with a spatula it is laid on so thick. In addition to the icky paint job, there is the U G L Y laminate floor and cabinets with white plastic knobs that scream 80's as well. But that doesn't make sense because I am *fairly* sure that the house was built in the early 90's. It's just a guess though, since the thoughtless owners of previousdom never bothered to pass down the house plans and so forth to the next owner.

 

Irritating.

 

So here is the bathroom. Don't get me wrong - I do love this house. I love the views from the windows, Iove the circular layout and the open rooms. I feel very fortunate that we have this house to call a home. But every time I visit this particular room, I get depressed.

 

 

Somebody did a lousy job leveling the floor and toilet because every time you sit down you felt like you are leaning sharply to the right. The stupid plastic thingamajig that is on the faucet handle that gets icky bathroom grossness under it and I can't clean it. The light bar that belongs above a backstage theatre makeup table..not in a bathroom. And the smell.. Don't get me started... Ever since Owen potty trained this past December, the bathroom has reeked of urine. I clean it. I scrub it. I bathe the base of the toilet in bleach water. Nothing seems to do the trick.

 

So, in a fit of depressed who-gives-a-shit-what-the-bank-balance-says, we have made three trips to Home Depot in the past three days to get new flooring, paint, cabinet/sink/mirror combo, spackle, lighting, faucet, and a various assortment of new tools. Yesterday was demolition day.

They used an unbelievable amount of glue for the tiles. Lots of drywall repair needed here... (You can't see the worst in this picture, but just imagine a large gouged-out section of drywall right by the doorway)

 

Aha! The source of the stink is revealed! See that U-shaped ring of crusty urine? The stupid silicone seal that is supposed to be around the base of the toilet was missing. We had to SCRAPE it off before we could rip up the flooring. Also - see the dark MAUVE paint on the wall where the toilet tank was?? OMG.

 

Dean will be making another trip to Home Depot this morning to get more spackle because we forgot about this... It sorta sucks to run out at 1 am... We just slapped some plastic wrap on it to keep it from drying out. You can't even find insert-into-the-wall type toilet paper holders anymore.

 

So today will be dedicated to getting the flooring in and at least cutting in with the paint. I have to wait for all the spackle and texture to dry, so I won't even be able to paint until tomorrow night. I am so excited to finally have a project to work on - it's been too long!

 

 

 

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Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

 

Outside my window... It is dark now. The Christmas lights are up and they look very pretty. We put them up last weekend since the weather was so nice. The weather has been decent this weekend too, but I didn't want to chance it last week in case it got cold, windy, or snowy...or all three.

I am thinking... Of how much work we need to do on this house. I moved into this house the summer of 2003, and I painted the interior in 2004. There have been a few projects here and there, but nothing major. It is still the same paint, flooring, carpet, tile, counters and so forth. And it all needs to go. Such a big job and it makes me feel so very tired just thinking about it. We begin with tearing out the flooring in the main bathroom tomorrow, and replacing it with new - a trial room so that we can see if we like it before committing to a whole house of it.

 

I am thankful... That yesterday was Thanksgiving! We enjoyed a nice meal with my side of the family at my brother and SIL's house. In addition there were other friends joining in as well so the group swelled to number close to 50 ppl. There was plenty of seating, turkey and pie to go around, but the event pushed me beyond my comfort zone - I like my personal space and so forth, and it was just a little too much after a few hours. The noise of multiple conversations, electronics, the tv and shrieking kids (mine) just got to be too much in the end. I will forever be sensitive to too much auditory input - I go into overload, and I just shut down and want nothing more than to leave. But I am thankful just the same that my SIL is such a master at handling such a crowd with relative ease. I am also thankful that my cousin and his partner of 18 (? I think ?) years surprised us with a visit - it was so nice to see them and give them a celebratory hug. They hail from Seattle, and they have much to be happy about - given the election results of late... :)

 

From the Learning Rooms... I have learned that I take on way too much, and cannot possibly do all of the schoolwork that we are supposed to be doing. And that, sadly, is the only significant learning that has taken place in recent weeks...

 

In the kitchen... I made a hot spinach and artichoke dip with toasted baguette bread and cranberry fluff salad to take yesterday.

 

I am wearing... My fleece snowflake pjs because I am freezing. We had the windows open all day today because Dean reseasoned all of our cast iron pans this morning, and I can't stand that smell of burning Crisco. I am thankful it is done - I just hate the smell.

 

I am creating... Nothing of late - my creative energy is absolutely fried.

I am going... To sleep, in about 8 minutes...or as soon as I am done typing here.

 

I am wondering... What surprises are laying beneath the laminate flooring in the bathroom. We demo tomorrow. Wait - I guess I am creating something..a new look to the bathroom!

I am reading... Nothing...I can't seem to get into a book at the moment.

In the garden... I just dug up the potatoes. One hill produced, and one hill did not. They are strange-looking, but they taste pretty good!

 

I am hoping... To get some sleep...

 

I am looking forward to... Getting rid of the icky flooring and correcting a toilet that is not currently level - you constantly sense that you are tipping over when you sit down...

I am learning... It's hard to type when you are sleepy.

 

I am hearing... Norah Jones playing on my iPad and the white noise machine playing through the baby monitor.

Around the house... The littles are asleep and Dean and Jordan are watching Lord of the Rings. They started it two weeks ago, and didn't find another night to watch the rest until tonight.

I am pondering... Getting some socks on because I am still cold. And whiny.

 

One of my favorite things... Mashed potatoes and gravy.

 

A few plans for the rest of the week... The bathroom and laundry. Exciting stuff around these parts...

 

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

To read more entries and visit a variety of other blogs, go here...

 

 

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Everybody needs someone to look down on...

So, I think I've come to a realization about my downcast mood of late...



This recent election cycle was...a doozy.

(Duh)



I think that the constant, daily bombardment of negative political ads, depressing NPR/MSNBC political analysis, and pull-your-hair-out-scream-at-the-tv-I-can't-believe-that-idiot-just-said-that-out-loud-in-front-of-cameras has taken it's toll. It has really, really messed with my psyche. I blame Fox News, a couple of crazy ladies from Alaska and Minnesota, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck, a windbag with the worst comb over in televised history who really needs to be FIRED from NBC, and Ted Nugent. Oh, and let's not forget Chuck Norris, who has shared that he and his trophy wife are really, really, really afraid for the future of this nation. Why don't you hop down into a bomb shelter, Chuck, and wait until after the end times, when it is safe to come out? I hear that Dec. 22nd is a good day to do that. Then you can have the mean streets of America all to your scared little self.



Facebook hasn't been a very friendly place to wander lately, either. It feels like a physical slap in the face whenever someone posts a thought that is contrary to your own.

" Wait a minute.... she actually LIKED the Mitt Romney page??"

" Paul Ryan is hot?" WTF???

It feels even worse when you post a picture of your own car's bumper sticker vandalism and the inlaws clog up your newsfeed for the rest of the evening with Romney "likes". Nice.

I need a break. I need a break from all things judgmental. I'm tired of the urge to judge others and of being judged myself. Social media is always quick to step in with some new group that you can look down upon. Right now I look down on men who proudly march around with a bayonet in one hand, and a binder in the other. That will be subject to change though, I'm sure. Um, no. No it won't. I think I will always look down on them. Men who walk around with a taser and an iPad are *much* cooler.



See, here's the thing. If the Republican party is to survive (which I certainly hope it does not, in it's current form), it needs to heed the message it received on election night that we are ALL citizens of this nation, regardless of our ethnicity, gender or spiritual beliefs - and we all count. If this nation does happen to fall from grace on the worldwide stage, it will be because half of our citizenry's refusal to adapt to a changing climate and culture, not because a rape victim gets an abortion, or two men get married, or because we invest in alternative energies. I am tired of the GOP's message to the voting public that immigrants, non-Christians, women, environmentalists, and gays will always be regarded as 'Other'. That is the message I received at least 30 times a day for the past three months. We all belong here, and I'm tired of being looked down upon because I supposedly do not embrace good, 'American' values.  I know that it is the upper echelons of the GOP that control the party's message - and the evangelical agenda pushers that are behind them.  I wonder if the average, moderately conservative Republican is as disgusted with their party as the rest of us are?



I've had to stuff down a lot of my angry feelings towards this unfair rhetoric. I have lots of family and a few friends that support the conservative side of things. Some are more vocal than others. I'm sure my liberal rants bother them just as much as their negative posts about Obama's administrative policies bother me. I do my best to ignore them and not engage in political discourse. The last time I stepped up to say something, about 2 years ago, when I called down my cousin's teenage son for calling President Obama a Socialist on Facebook, it did not turn out well. A line had been crossed in my opinion. You do not disrespect the president by engaging in petty name calling. Period. My cousin lashed back in defense of his son, and said some pretty horrible things about my motives and my intellect in the process. We don't speak anymore. I don't like it when people parade their political views around and wave them in people's faces, like a taunt, baiting someone into an argument. Unfortunately I have a pretty big mouth and can't stand by and say nothing. The blatant disrespect that has been shown to president Obama drives me absolutely batshit crazy, and I am quick to anger when people spout brazenly stupid remarks that have no shred of truth, whatsoever.



An individual's political and religious beliefs can be so interwoven, they are impossible to separate. Our beliefs become us. So when you look down on a belief system that doesn't jive with your own, you can't help but inflict pain on that individual as well. I know I probably do that to quite a few of my friends and family when ever I go off on the utter stupidity and meanness that is Rush Limbaugh. I'm giving a pretty harsh value judgement there, and yes, it transfers on to the person who can actually sit there and listen to his outlandish rhetoric and LIKE what they hear - and yes, I think a little less of you because you do so. Just like you think a little less of me because I listen to NPR, don't go to church, and have an Obama sticker on my car.



So what's the point in all this? Maybe instead of always looking for someone to look down on, look for like-minded friends instead and channel your energies that way. Friends give us comfort. Hope. A sense of knowing. If you work to surround yourself with an emotional support network of those who feel as you do, then they will understand the depth to which you have searched your own soul for answers. There is safety in knowing you won't offend and that there is a reliable person to turn to when you need reassurance that it will all turn out okay, and that you don't really need to set up a perimeter trip wire to protect yourself against those 2nd amendment fans around the corner that got guns to protect themselves from you and your heathen, liberal ways. (For the record, the 2nd amendment is perfectly acceptable. Crazies like Ted Nugent are not.)



I've got a pretty good network. My husband, of course, and family and friends Pam, Deb, Amy, Shawn, Lyndy, Vickie, Gail and April have been phenomenal in the past four years in regularly posting political and social/cultural food-for-thought. You are my intellectual lifeline and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for keeping the important social issues continuously on the radar for all of us. I especially appreciated the item-by-item break down of the Affordable Care Act written in plain language (thanks, Pam!) and the regular doses of The Daily Show. (Thanks, Shawn!)



One more thing... I am so very thankful that my immediate family is my greatest emotional support network of all. I would like to give my brother a special shout out - your humor will always bring a smile to my face...even on voting day..

 

(I protest!!!   That's virtual vandalism!!!!!)

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Rylan's musings of late...

 

 

"What, exactly, do cows DO all day?" (said as we were driving along a pasture)

 

"Ummmm... eat grass, walk around and wait to be milked??"

 

"Well, that's boring.   I don't ever want to be a cow."

 

 

 

 

"Mom?  What's 20 plus 20?"

 

"40."

 

"40 plus 40?"

 

"80."

 

"80 plus 80?"

 

"160."

 

"HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?!?!?  HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THOSE NUMBERS?"

 

"I studied and practiced my numbers until I had them memorized.  I had to learn them."

 

"Mom, do you still do schoolwork like Jordan and I have to?"

 

"Rylan, there is still so much that I want to learn about... I work at learning new stuff every day."

 

(long, pondering silence....)

 

"Mom?  Can I be like that someday?"

 

 

 

 

"What do those people down there do all day?" (said as we drove past the cemetery)

 

"What???"  (said as I snorted lukewarm coffee up my nose...)

 

"Do they eat?"

 

 

 

"Did we win the Silver War?"

 

(this took a lot of thinking and gathering of context before I figured out she was talking about the Civil War.  Jordan and I had been discussing it in the car, earlier in the day).

 

 

 

"Having a boyfriend is hard work..."

 

(she's 6)