Wordless Wednesday



Magic Sky Ranch, CO  3-30-12

Renewal



Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... It is snowing!!!  After such a dry month of March, this is wonderful.  Except that all of the apple trees are currently in full bloom.  :(

I am thinking... I knew it was too soon to pack up the hats, gloves, boots, and coats.  They are only placed in the family closet upstairs, but still.... I should have waited.  I was just tired of Colin emptying everyone's winter gear bin on a daily basis. 

I am thankful... For the moisture.  I haven't watered yet, with the exception of my rhubarb that is coming up and my chives.


From the Learning Rooms... We did *almost* a full day yesterday.  Owen had a follow-up Dr. appt in the morning, so we had to skip math.  We just picked up where we were in the schedule when we got home.  I did AAS with Rylan - we are working on the consonant teams 'th', 'sh' and 'ch'.  It's not quite sticking yet.  Owen did his first official preschool work yesterday.  He completed two pages in his new workbook, Developing the Early Learner, and the first page in his Core Knowledge Activity Book 1.  We also spent some time doing Reading Eggs.  I LOVE Reading Eggs.  Owen can't quite manage the computer mouse yet, so he points to the screen, and I position the mouse and then he clicks.  We ran through our Geography index cards, and one of the words was "Bay".  I started to sing Down by the Bay, and could only get as far as the first line, so I looked for it on YouTube.  I love YouTube.  Every single time we come across a song that is referred to in Core Knowledge (and there are a lot), I can find a sample within seconds.  In the past month Jordan has listened to slave spirituals, Wayfaring Stranger (Johnny Cash's version - watch out for the nasty comments on the page), We Shall Overcome - an absolutely breathtaking rendition performed by the Morehouse College Glee Club, Mussorgsky's Pictures at an Exhibition - a nice version where you can see an orchestra perform up close, Git Along, Little Dogies - (The Kingston Trio version with beautiful artwork and the Arlo Guthrie & The Muppets version - and in typical Arlo fashion he talks, and talks, and talks...), and Peter, Paul and Mary's rendition of If I had a Hammer - I just love that song!  And now we added Raffi's rendition of a song about a watermelon in the sand.  We finished up the day with a lesson from MTM about American artist Mary Cassatt.


In the kitchen... Absolutely nothing because I need to go grocery shopping.

I am wearing... pj's.  Time to get going this morning.


I am creating... this post and not much else at the moment...

I am going...  grocery shopping of course, and to karate lessons this afternoon.  Tonight I am going to hang out with other homeschooling moms and supposedly knit.  I'll just drink coffee.


I am wondering... how this house gets so completely wrecked so fast.

I am reading... What Alice Forgot, by Liane Moriarty for bookclub next week. (my pick).  I'm also finishing up Quiet.  I breezed through books 2 and 3 of The Hunger Games last week.  Oh my, that was good.  The only weakness I can find is that the author, Suzanne Collins, seems to use the literary device of removing Katniss from a dangerous situation only to have her wake up in a hospital bed a little too much.  I don't know if you can actually call that a 'device' but it sort of seems to take a predictable path after awhile.  Katniss gets hurt, she escapes, she recovers in the hospital, she's weak and then gets stronger.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat....

I am hoping... to have some time this week to put out spring/Easter decorations.  I forget EVERY year.  At least I remembered to get some candy a couple of weeks ago - before all the good stuff disappeared from the store shelves.

I am looking forward to... Easter Dinner with family this weekend.

I am learning... about coal mining this week, as part of Rylan's FIAR book: The Rag Coat.


I am hearing... The boys in the shower. Alternate screaming, yelling and crying - due to an unjust distribution of water toys, I'm sure.  Jordan does a sort of decent job getting Owen and Colin through the shower each and every morning. He also gets them dressed. I am very grateful for that - it makes my job of getting breakfast underway much easier.

Around the house... Our new trampoline!  It arrived via UPS last Tuesday, and Dean put it together that evening.  The weather was very mild, so we could stay outside and work on it.  We put the kids to bed after dinner, and went back outside to finish the job.  We were done around midnight.  We had a few celebratory jumps and then went to bed.  Our neighbors *love* us.

I am pondering... How long it will take for a serious injury to happen because of the trampoline.


One of my favorite things... Apparently, this morning it is YouTube.  Although I could do without all of the nasty comments people leave or the inappropriate video suggestions on the sidebar.  I wish there was a safe version of YouTube for kids.

A few plans for the rest of the week... the typical lineup of schoolwork, karate and archery.  Owen has an appointment with a pediatric cardiologist on Friday.  He had his four year old checkup last Monday, and because he was wheezy, he got a nebulizer treatment (with Albuterol).  After the treatment, when the doctor listened to his chest again, she detected a murmur.  So we are getting it checked out.  It is possible that it was never detected before because his heart/lungs weren't under stress at the time the doctor listened.  Albuterol excites the system for a short time, just after treatment.


Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

Colin is now officially in charge of silverware.

To read more entries and visit a variety of other blogs, go here...

I am not cut out for group camping

This is/was the weekend for our homeschooling Girl Scout troop's family campout.  I lasted approximately 20 hours.  There was no major kerfuffle and I managed to avoid committing any felonies...but I very easily could have.  When you are sleep deprived and noised out, committing any variety of felonies sounds like a pretty good way to spend your time, actually.

This is 'The Lodge', where we stayed, on Magic Sky Ranch, a Girl Scout property located a few miles east of Red Feather.  This is my favorite region in all of Colorado, so I was actually very happy to spend some time here.  I avoided packing up for the trip until about an hour before we were supposed to leave.  And I let the little boys take an extra-long nap as another avoidance measure. 

Why the reluctance?

1.  It was just me, Rylan, and the two little boys, Owen and Colin, joining the rest of the troop and their parents/families on this venture.  I don't like doing overnights - or any potentially high-risk (little boys getting lost in the woods?) activity without Dean (and Jordan) around for help.

2.  I don't like lots of noise or lots of people for an extended period of time.  (yes, coming from a mom of four).  At home I can safely escape to another portion of the house when the kids go savage.  Not so easy to do in a group setting.

3.  I don't like being around groups of older girls (say age 8 and up).  I know that sounds crazy coming from someone who was stupid enough to volunteer for a Daisy scout leader position.  Ages 5-6 are one thing.  Girls older than 8 is a completely different ball game.  They are loud (think screaming), catty, bossy, picky and overly concerned about the color of their nail polish.  Just because I was this age once, doesn't mean I have to be okay with it.

4.  This family camping trip meant that I would have to spend some time around other family groups that I have avoided ever since I first met them, years ago.

5.  This trip meant family-style cooking.  This means coming to consensus with vegans, vegetarians, gluten allergies, dairy allergies, and about a hundred other allergies and aversions thrown in the mix.  I just wanted to whip out a Twinkie and mash it into my mouth after cooking three different meals together with these people.  They did nothing to indicate judgement or otherwise, but it is just tear-your-hair-out kind of frustrating to have to negotiate four different types of pancake batter.

I agreed to do this campout for Rylan's sake.  This poor little girl, who has so few playdates and even fewer friends, needed to be with other girls.  This picture makes me happy and sad at the same time.  The big girls were kind to the little ones, and partnered with them when playing games.  Then, at the flick of a switch, things would change.  Rylan was the last girl to arrive (due to her mother's, ahem.. tardiness).  She wanted to sleep in the loft room where ALL of the other girls were sleeping, but they told her there was 'no more room'.  The older girls were painting nails, yet told the little girls they would have to pay to have theirs done.  Sending the little girls to bogus hiding spots when playing hide-and-seek.  Mixing ages is a warm and cozy idea in theory, but, as far as girls are concerned, I rarely see it happen successfully in practice.  Which frustrates me even further, when mixed ages is the cornerstone to homeschooling!  I don't like the girl Rylan becomes when she is around older girls.  Within just an hour's time she becomes sassy, haughty, and completely annoyed with me.  She is only five!!!  I am really, really struggling with how to best serve Rylan's social needs.  I need to keep encouraging those friendships that foster mutual respect and fun.  I will just have to really work at arranging playdates on a more continual basis.

Our trip up to camp was uneventful.  I kept repeating to myself "Have fun, no matter what".  We arrived.  There was one room left in the lodge, and that was set aside for us.  It had an adjoining wall to the great room, where everyone could gather on couches and play games and so forth.  That's trouble.  Directly above us?  The loft where all of the girls had set up to sleep.  Even more trouble.  After a dinner that just confirmed again and again for me WHY I hate group cooking, it was time to get to bed.

** ADULTS ARE SUPPOSED TO KNOW BETTER **

After getting Rylan settled in upstairs with the girls (who were told to MAKE room), I gave Owen some time on the nebulizer while I chased down Colin about twenty times to change his diaper and get him into pj's.  It's now 9:30pm.  The other adults have sent the girls to bed, and have now convened in the great room - just on the other side of my wall.  Most of the adults are there, save one who went to bed with her little one.  The adults want to talk and laugh and swap stories.  And so they do so... for the next three hours.  Every time I would finally begin to fall asleep, a loud peal of laughter would wake me, Owen and Colin up again.  Now, lets add in TWO solid hours of pounding above your head on top of the noise coming from the great room.  Ten or so pairs of feet, alternately pounding with a few squeals of laughter and some screaming to spice it up.  So, we've got pounding over our heads, and several adults talking, laughing and having a good ol' time in the room next to us.  Both of those groups shush each other multiple times.  Owen pleaded with me to make the grown-ups stop talking.  To make the girls stop jumping.  I pleaded with myself to not commit a felony - there would be too many witnesses.  Finally, close to 1 am, it gets quiet.  But not inside my head.  Because, now, by this point, I am calculating how difficult it might be to pack up my children and belongings at that very moment.  Or else do the unthinkable and actually pinch my baby so that his crying can now keep the whole lodge awake for awhile as a form of payback.  It's horrible the things you contemplate at 1 a.m. when you are absolutely exhausted and as mad as ever.

So here was my conundrum:

1.  These adults all knew that I was just mere feet away, with small children, trying to get them (and myself) to sleep.  Yet, they all talked and laughed for hours anyway.

2.  The next morning, after multiple parents commented that Owen was really out of sorts, none of them made the brilliant connection that it was their fault (and the girls') to begin with.

3.  None of them apologized for the noise.

4.  I want to be a part of things, yet I am an introvert at heart.  But a small part of me wished that I could have been included - but not at the expense of my children.  It's just the feeling of being left out that gets to me.

5.  I don't like having zero control over my surroundings when it comes to my kids and their welfare.

6.  There weren't any scout activites that I had really planned on for the Daisies - all save practice making a fire.  We are under a fire ban in these parts due to high fire danger because it has been so dry, so we couldn't do that.  And I was not hiking with my little guys, so I kind of felt useless.  This trip was geared more towards the Juniors and Brownies anyway.

And here was my solution:

1.  Leave.  The next morning (Sat) we struggled through breakfast and tye-dyeing t-shirts.  The only pleasant thing was a mid-morning walk with my boys while the girls all played games. After hashing out lunch and ice cream sundaes for dessert, the girls go hiking and I try to put down the boys for a nap. Rylan stayed behind to play Barbies with another little girl.  The boys won't go to sleep.  I try for thirty minutes, but to no avail.  By this time they have reached a manic state of tiredness - they run around and pull things from shelves and tear their hair out.  (Oh, wait.. that's me).  I've come to the conclusion that I can't bear another night of noise, or the disapproving looks from parents because my boys are being so naughty. The answer is a mad dash to the car with our things and make a break for it.  So I did.  Thank you, Lanna, for helping me gather our stuff!

2.  I will not be talked into a group camping trip ever again - unless it is with my family only.  If they stay up late talking near our tent, I will disown them.

3.  I will bitch and bitch about the whole incident in my blog.  (Done!)

4.  I have come to the conclusion that, despite my longing for my daughter to be included in some type of group, Girl Scouts is not the answer.  We are done with that.  I will have to think of something else.  There will be more on this to come...

**THINGS I DID ENJOY ABOUT THE TRIP**

1.  Having some time with the group.  I know this sounds contrary to all that I have just said - but I don't dislike everybody..  It is nice to have camaraderie and know the people you are with.  I like spending time with other families that we don't get to see that often.  It will be especially hard next year, when a couple of the girls move on to public school - I will miss them and their parents very much.  It was especially nice to have time with friend Lanna, who understands exactly how I feel.

2.  Being outdoors.  With all the episodes of being sick in our household this winter and spring, being outside has not been happening as of late.  I love this part of Colorado (where the camp is located), and it was so nice to get out and smell the fresh air.  I could hear the shrieks of falcons as they circled near our camp.  I could smell the pines.  I could hear a creek running and splashing along the way.  Owen found a favorite stick and kept it by his side.  Colin wanted to hold my hand as we walked around the grounds.  I got to take a lot of pictures...

I can't bring myself to say - "Oh, I am SO glad that we went on this trip!!", but I am grateful that I could finally come to some conclusions with some internal emotional battles that have been raging inside my heart for months now - and be at total peace with my decisions.

Ahhh... clarity.  Isn't that what mountain air is good for anyway?



Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... A cooler day!  It was supposed to reach 80 degrees today, but luckily clouds and a breeze prevail.  I have had to water outside a couple of times now.  My rhubarb and chives are coming up, and there has been little or no moisture now for about three weeks.

I am thinking... Schedule, schedule, schedule.  I say it like it is a bad thing.  It's not.  It is the bane of my existence, but staying busy keeps me sane and keeps the blues at bay.  There is just a lot going on... Summer is already mapped out and I am stressing about how to fit it all in.

I am thankful... For the new set of headphones sitting over my ears right now.  Last night was our annual scout troop spaghetti dinner, which was accompanied by a silent and live auction.  Jordan did diddly-squat as far as setting up any donations or items to put in the auction.  Dean and I scrounged around to get some stuff in.  I think we may have netted close to $250 in bids to put towards Jordan's scout account.  But.  We also spent $300 on auction items ourselves.  We bought a couple of Waterpiks (so far I have refused to use Dean's Waterpik.  I'm weird like that.  Just like I don't like sharing drinks, cutlery and so forth....).  So I finally got my own, and the kids have their own.  yay!  But the big ticket item we were after was a pair of Beats headphones, by Dr. Dre.  We bid in the live auction to get them, and the price went all the way up to $205.  The bad news is that we did not open the box to look at them before we bid on them.  They are in (mostly) excellent shape, but are obviously used.  There is a little crack in the plastic.  There is also a question, upon closer inspection of the packaging, as to their authenticity.  There are some glaring discrepancies - the most obvious of which is that we are unable to register the serial number with Monster.  So all of this sounds like I am complaining, but really I'm not.  Because I slap these puppies on and I am IN A ZONE, BABY!  I put the little ones down this afternoon, (so I can be in blissful unawareness of what is going on around me), and I have hashed out a slew of emails that required thoughtful responses, and now I can write with abandon!!!  Well, for the next 20 minutes at least...

From the Learning Rooms... We actually did our first FULL week of school last week since I can't remember when.  It felt sooo good.  The week before I combed through all of the different components of everything that we use, and made about 30 different online requests for a variety of books at the library, and then just waited for them all to come in.  We even did math everyday - which is the hardest subject for me to get through because it requires one-on-one with both Jordan and Rylan - but at separate times.  Oftentimes I feel like I am managing a three-ring circus to keep it all going.   But last week, even though it felt crazy, it felt good.  I even found a couple of excellent blogs from moms who use FIAR exclusively, and I got tons of ideas for the two books that we are currently rowing: The Ragcoat for Rylan, and My Blue Boat for Owen.  We are going to make lapbooks for each - Rylan will do both books, Owen will just do BFIAR.    Both books are taking us in fascinating directions.  I will post about them when we are done. We will continue this next week, where we stopped off, but sadly schooling will not be as productive this week.  The upcoming weekend will be absolutely crazy, and I will need to take a couple of days to prepare.

In the kitchen... If I get my lazy butt off of the computer in the next few minutes, we will be having roasted vegetable minestrone, courtesy of Ree (aka Pioneer Woman).  It is oh, so good.  It also means that I have reached the unfortunate end of the groceries in the fridge, and if we are to eat at all this coming week, I have to go to the store.  Tonight.  uugh.

I am wearing... comfy cotton tee and skirt, and Crocs sandals.  I'm taking a break from the tennis shoes and the orthotics today - and I am already feeling it and it is only mid-afternoon.


I am creating... Well, before I was sick I was in the midst of a incredible bout of productivity as far as decluttering goes. I am working on reclaiming the rest of the floorspace in our bedroom, and getting rid of three bookcases. I managed to empty an entire bookcase's worth of stuff by either reallocating it to our classroom or the donation box. I sold a few to a local bookstore that does trades, so I have a credit I can use there in the future. I now have every last bit of educational 'stuff' in the office/classroom. I have whittled down an entire public school classroom's worth of teacher materials/books into just the four bookcases that are in our home classroom. This is monumental for me.  I will post about it soon. I just have a little bit more purging to do... but I am not feeling 100% yet, so it will have to wait. This is my decluttering project that I am working on for Simple Mom. The master bedroom, and our little hall-closet-of horrors by the garage door. Wouldn't you know, that Dean took it upon himself to tackle the bathroom closet? He informed me that we have enough different packages of cold/cough/flu medicine in our closet to stock a small pharmacy. And that I have enough deodorant and toothpaste to last me at least a year. oops.

I am going... CrAzY?  oh... wait, that's my natural state.  I am taking Rylan, Owen and Colin on a Girl Scout campout this weekend.  We are staying at a lodge.  I have twice refused to do this campout (because I knew that I would not have Dean along with to help out with the boys), but somehow I got roped into it.  I'm not kicking and screaming yet, but I am very close.  I am really, really trying to keep positive about this trip, but I am having a hard, hard time.  It became my job to organize the food portion, but I am having difficulty in getting people to understand that we have about 20+ adults and children to feed.  Hardly anyone is really signing up for adequate amounts of food.  I am in a little state of panic right now, but that will grow as the week goes on.  I am tempted to just bring a private stash of food and say the hell with it.  I will be glad when this is over.  And that is a very, very loaded statement.


I am wondering...  How homeschooling families with lots of kids manage to school their kids with even minimal success. It felt good last week, but we didn't hit every mark either.  How on Earth do they do it??

I am reading... Oh geez.  I've got three in the works right now...
1.  Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, by Susan Cain.  I am LOVING this book. This is soooo me!  She even addresses how the evolution of blogs has helped the introverted share their lives, when they otherwise would not take the initiative too.  It is easier for me to write about the most personal aspects of my life to the countless (and faceless) people reading it (okay - the ten or so who are faithful readers - ha!), then to get in front of a group and have them look at me weirdly as I pass around my take on what an organized school day looks like.  I also like that I have another voice validating what I have always known about me: I would much rather stay home with a good book than go out.  Period.  A small group (3-4) is much better for me than a large group. There is exception to this though: if I know everyone, I am completely comfortable - otherwise, I hole up along the wall somewhere and try to disappear.

2. Catching Fire, by Suzanne Collins.  This is book two of the Hunger Games series.  I started this morning, and I am (according to my Kindle) 58% the way through it.  Very hard to put down.  I actually had to force myself - because of the pathetic, hungry looks my dear children were giving me.  Bless my husband, though, for making breakfast this morning (and even bringing me pancakes in bed!) so that I could stay in bed and read for a couple of hours.  He is desperate to discuss the book - so I really need to catch up.  We just saw the Hunger Games movie yesterday.  Wow.  I am very impressed - I have to say it is the best book adaptation I have ever seen.  Just about every aspect of the movie is exactly what I had pictured in my head.

3.  The Brightest Star in the Sky, by Marian Keyes.  This was my bookclub's pick several months ago, and I never finished it.  I'm waiting for this month's current pick (mine) to come in at the library where I reserved a copy, so while I am waiting I am reading this.  I got about 25% the way through it before, so I hope I don't have too much trouble picking up where I left off.


I am hoping... That this coming weekend turns out much better than I am thinking.  I am filled with dread.  A lot of it has to do with the introvert thing.  I would rather be in a quiet cabin alone with my kids than with a bunch of people - especially loud and gabby little girls.  I have to honor Rylan's needs to be with friends and have new experiences, but I am having a hard time not projecting any negative feelings here.


I am looking forward to... We are expecting a trampoline to arrive (in cartons) on our doorstep sometime this week.  This is a joint birthday present to all of the kids.  We held a family meeting and all agreed that this would be their birthday gift (and only gift from us) this year.  We, of course, agreed to this before we actually knew what a decent trampoline costs.  So this is now birthday, Easter, Christmas, Valentine's and next birthday.  And whatever other money event we can get out of. 

I am learning... Obviously I haven't learned to say 'no' yet.  Still working on that one.


I am hearing... Despite the marvels of noise-cancelling headphones, I can still hear the kids over Green Day.


Around the house... A boat load of laundry because I ignored that duty all last week.  It's either school or housework.  Never both.  H  O  W?

I am pondering... What other household duties I can ignore this evening so I can get back to my book.


One of my favorite things... The excitement of an auction.  Despite my preference for peace and quiet, an auction is exciting stuff.  Then again, you make silly financial decisions based on emotion, not the actual bank balance.  Still fun tho'.

A few plans for the rest of the week... Owen has his 4 yr old Dr appt tomorrow.  We will no doubt be discussing his need for an inhaler - asthma is now a given at this point.  The usual karate lessons and then Jordan begins archery on Thursday.  He loves this class, and is looking forward to picking it up again.  Now that he has seen Hunger Games, he doubly excited.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

Thoughts...

1.  I don't ever let the cat out.  Yet she seems to escape on a daily basis, because kids hold the door open...

2.  The house really, really, needs to be painted.

3.  A little caulk might be nice too...

4.  Does the cat look fat to you?  I did just read that the extra skin folds around the tops of their legs can act as a parachute and save them when they drop 19 stories out of a high-rise building, like a cat did in Boston earlier this week.

5.  We live in a 2-story house, so the extra folds of skin on the cat are useless.

To read more entries and visit a variety of other blogs, go here...

The progression of a painting

Paper

Fingers

Arm

Tummy

Wash

Rinse

Repeat

On radio silent...

My husband, Dean, commented to me this morning that I haven't written much on the blog, lately.  Well, I have been sick, but a bad cough can't keep me away from the keyboard for long.  But bad thoughts might...

I am almost over the worst of the flu/bronchitis.  The cough has changed from wet to dry.  It's the annoying dry cough that sends me over the edge into choking fits and sometimes I have to throw up.  The kind of cough that prevents me from going anywhere because it is too embarrassing and risky.  I'm tired, but will have fits of energy followed by a bout of dizzy lightheadedness.  If a room is too hot and stuffy I want to lay down because it hurts to breathe.

My bad thoughts aren't about being sick, though (although I am still upset at how much an illness sets the entire family back).  It's the damn springtime.  Every year the same thing....  Springtime should be a great time.  The sunshine, the birdsong, the budding plants...blah, blah, blah.  For me it just brings about a sadness that is a monster to deal with.  Every season it gets better for sure, but it still rears it's ugly head.  This year it arrived in JANUARY.  February was actually decent - it was busy with birthdays and Valentine's Day... but March and April are by far the worst.  Every cell in my body associates this time of year with sad feelings - it is like it permeates me.

I no longer directly relate the springtime to thoughts about why I hate the month of April.  It's been eight years, now, so please don't think I am still harping on that.  But it is a general feeling of sadness that I just can't shake.  It's a deep-rooted disappointment in myself and the feeling that I have let everybody down.  It's a feeling like I haven't a friend in the world.  It's silly, I know, but it's there.  I am quick to cry, quick to anger and I yell.  A lot.  I hate myself and the way I behave this time of year.

I do try to mitigate the ups and downs.  I avoid the news as much as I can.  Sad stories and hardships send me over the edge.  The recent news story of the father in Afghanistan who just lost eleven members of his family because of the American serviceman who gunned them down - a father himself, on his fourth tour of duty?  That whole situation just stinks.  I'm sad for everyone.  I listen to a story like that and I am sad for days.  I just read on a friend's blog that she has stage 3 breast cancer.  I'm devastated for her - yet I can't even bring myself to write her just yet.  I'm too sad.  So I have to avoid the news (which is hard because I am an NPR junkie), I have to avoid reading blogs that are about personal stuff  - even good news for other friends affects me - then I am even more prone to think that something is wrong with me.

I've decided that I should avoid making any long-term decisions during the months of Jan-April - simply because I'm under too much self-imposed emotional strain.  I've been known to say "I quit!!"  More than once, during this time period.  Handling my emotions has been such a battle for the past eight years.  My husband is a saint for weathering it, year after year.  Awareness of the problem is, of course, the first step.  The next step is to do my best to spare the rest of the world of my sporadic bouts of manical behavior.  I've done a terrible job of that so far this year.  Terrible.  So, the best thing for me to do is closely monitor my emotions, and write only on the good days, and avoid the computer on the bad ones - hence, radio silence.

Silence can also mean that I am busy.  Or that Colin will not give me a moment's peace to sit and write.  Or (is it really possible??), that I have nothing interesting to say at the moment.

Nah....

Back in the land of the living

I have the flu.  No.  I never did manage to get my flu shot last fall - and it finally caught up with me.  I've been dodging my flu shot for the past several years.  I did get a shot during each pregnancy, but other than that I don't recall getting one, but I'm pretty sure I must have.  The last time I had the flu was November 1993.  I remember it well.  I made my housemates Carolyn and Michelle suffer right along with me as I dominated the couch in the living room for a week.  It was pretty awful.  The first day I was back on my feet also coincided with Thanksgiving, and my boyfriend hauled me over to his house to meet his parents for the first time.  Stellar.

This time around I was not even thinking 'flu'.  I thought maybe it was walking pneumonia or something.  On Saturday it was a bad cough, and the next morning I wanted to lay down and die.  Yep.  That sounds like the flu...

Tamiflu is a wonderful thing.  I don't know if it is working to it's full potential, but since this is day four (if you don't count the coughing day), the fact that I am up on my feet, taking care of my kids, and blogging in coherent sentences must count for something.  Yesterday was a great day too.  I did six loads of laundry, dishes, and cleaned up a bit from the chaos that ensued while I was sequestered to my bed.  For the best results, you are supposed to begin Tamiflu within the first 24 hours of onset of symptoms. (40 at the most)  When we came home from Urgent Care Sunday night, Dean made me some broth and dry toast, just so I could have a little something in my stomach when I took it - it can make you nauseous.  I found the pill on the floor late the next morning.  I don't know how that happened, but I never managed to take that first dose.  oops.  I was pretty out of it, though, so I am not surprised.  I had taken the second dose that morning before I found it, so I think I managed to just squeak inside that 40 hour window.  I do think the Tamiflu is messing with my sense of taste though.  Everything tastes 'off' to me.  Apples, juice, bananas, bread, salty/sweet... even my toothpaste! 

I'm also taking an antibiotic for Bronchitis.  There is evidence of some 'pooling' in my lower lungs that may have lead to pneumonia - but with the meds it ought to clear out.  The bronchi were full of schtuff...  Luckily, during the first two days, when my flu symptoms were at their worse, the coughing was at a bare minimum.  I was in agony with joint pain and a splitting headache, and I think the coughing would have done me in.  It hurt to open my eyes or listen to loud noises, and the hot flashes followed by shivering was annoying as hell.  I am still getting hot flashes and a little nauseous, so I have to position myself near open windows.  Luckily, the weather is just gorgeous out, and I can crack the windows and not freeze everybody out.

I am so, so very thankful that the meds are working.  Otherwise, I would have been in a lot of trouble.  Dean and Jordan left yesterday morning for a three-day long scout campout.  He hemmed and hawed about whether or not he should go or not.  He has a cough too, and Jordan was complaining of feeling tired and achey.  Nothing would suck more than to trek two miles on snowshoe to a yurt, and then come down with the flu.  Even though they have had their flu shot, the fact that they got them last October does not bode well for them.  I'm getting it very late in the season and they are at risk - most especially Dean, for obvious reasons.  Dean was also anxious to leave me to fend for myself with the little ones.  My mom has stepped in and has helped me out a tremendous amount.  She brought over some soup, cleaned up the kitchen and made dinner and fed the kids on Monday night, and helped me out Tuesday morning, after Dean left to get the kids lunch and take Rylan to karate.  I felt better and better as Tuesday (yesterday) went on, and bit by bit I got more done.  Right now I have the urge to wash every last little thing on extra hot to zap any lingering germs.  I am so tired of this well/sick/well/sick/well/sick cycle.  We had a great fall season and then we all fell apart.

I am not thankful, though, for all that we have missed because of this.

* A horse show in Denver called the Mane Event

* Girl Scout Sunday (Rylan would have earned a patch)  I may just take her this coming Sunday and call it good - but it's not the same.

* Our homeschool group's Science Fair, on Sunday afternoon.  We were already behind, and there was no way I could have made up for lost time to get them ready in time, and Dean was unable to help - he had too much to do for work and to prepare for the scout trip.

* 100th Anniversary of Girl Scouts, on Monday.  We couldn't get out to do anything, and it even made my head spin to try and focus on my phone to try and enter a post about it on Facebook.


I am a little bitter about being sick.  I try to be careful about germs, and as a rule, we stay home if we are sick (if it can be helped - sometimes we are on the road and have no idea of what's coming...).  I have my suspicions about where this might of come from, and I'm not happy.  It has made me even more leery of door handles, gas pumps, grocery carts and faucet handles.  I welcome the casual cold, here and there - we need to give our immune systems a little workout from time to time, but this spring has been ridiculous.

Is it just me, or is the computer screen starting to sway?  Okay - I think that is my cue to get a little something in my tummy and go lie down for a bit.  I certainly hope this entry made sense - I swear I reread it at least a couple of times.