Turning 43...

My sweet daughter made me a birthday card and a get well card today. Not only that, but Rylan's neighborhood friend, who spent the morning at our house, made me a card too, which was very sweet. I spent the entire morning making trips between bed and bathroom. Dizzy, nauseous and in pain isn't how I wanted to spend the day.

A man from a medical supply company came early in the afternoon to deliver yet another torture device for my knee. I have to wear a muscle stimulator cuff around my thigh twice a day for the next month or so. Twenty minutes of squeezing pins and needles, as electric currents stimulate my quadricep muscle. This was my surprise birthday gift, I suppose. (Yay....)

In the late afternoon we picked up my dad and drove to Culver's to have dinner and then take ice cream to the park. That was nice to see my dad and catch up with him. The kids were squirrley, the restaurant was loud, and my pain meds are still clearly not working well in the pain relief arena, but they were sure doing their job of making me dizzy and sick.

I went straight to bed when we got home, but got up around 10 pm when I heard Colin crying in bed. He just needed to be held. Dean lost his patience with him days ago. I feel bad that I have difficulty being the mom I need to be right now. I held Colin, propping him on my good leg, and he fell asleep after awhile. Holding a sleeping child is birthday gift enough for me.

No deep reflective thoughts about the past year at the moment, other than I hit the highest high and the lowest low in regards to my health and emotional well-being. Since I am in the midst of the lowest-low, the only way is up, so I hope this next year brings better health and happiness my way.

Posted with Blogsy

ACL Reconstuction: otherwise known as the second-most painful thing in the world

The first being, of course, natural childbirth. Been there, done that... Twice. But it is easy to resolve labor pain. Push hard, baby comes out, pain done.

 

No. This is worse. Much worse. Like, can I cut my leg off now????? Kind of worse.

 

I am having a rare moment of lucidity, that short 20-30 minute period where I'm between rounds of meds, so I'm in serious pain, but not loopy...yet, so I am writing this quickly while it will still make sense. It's been a vicious cycle these past couple of days. The meds make me nauseous, loopy, sad, anxious and drowsy all at the same time. I have two different nausea medications - one pill, one patch, pain meds, anti-inflammatory, baby aspirin and stool softeners. In comparison to my last two surgeries (shoulder and BR), this one is totally kicking my ass. I feel completely helpless. And the pain and discomfort is unbelievable. Right now I am in the emotional phase of 'I'll never walk again...'. Supposedly you really can heal from this surgery, but right now it just seems impossible.

The day of surgery was terrible. Mom took me down, but when it was over and we were in the recovery room, the nurse was getting short with me for not rousing fast enough (I suppose they needed the bed..) and was also irritated with mom because mom was feeling lightheaded and dizzy, and she was my ride home. Soon mom was sitting on the floor, bracing her head on a chair and looking greenish white, and so the nurse got very snippy and barked orders to other nurses to take mom's blood pressure and call my husband. Dean had to leave a movie with the three little kids - they had just sat down with their popcorn mere minutes before, and drive the 45 minute drive to come get me. They released me to Dean, who drove my mom's car with me in the back seat, and my mom - who had recovered for the most part from this strange episode, drove the kids home. Strange trade-off. You let the grandma who is faint, drive three small children... I puked twice on the way home, but luckily they sent me with sick bags. They had given me a round of Fentanyl in the recovery room for pain (I was completely unaware), which makes me really, really sick. I had it when I delivered Rylan - my only drugged delivery, and it was *horrible*.

 

The ride home was awful since it was my husband driving. That man has a knack for hitting each and every bump on the road he can find. He did it during each and every one of my pregnancies, too. I got sick again, and then it was a long, horrible haul, scooting backwards on my behind up the stairs and into the bedroom. I haven't left yet. I am afraid to.

 

Here was my knee yesterday morning. I had to change my dressing. I wear a long compression sock to hold the dressings in place, otherwise. My skin is numb to the right of the main incision. It will most likely remain numb. The swelling is pretty bad right now, and I switch out the ice packs every three hours.

 

That's about it. I *get* to wrap myself up in plastic wrap and take a shower today. I've washed my hair in the bathroom sink the past couple of days, but I am feeling pretty gross at this point. I get to load into the car to go to my post-surgery appointment tomorrow afternoon. I'm not sure how I am going to do that yet.

 

Posted with Blogsy

July

The calendar keeps churning away and July is almost gone!

Nine
Happy Anniversary today to my sweet husband. Nine years of crazy and fun. Emphasis on the crazy. Tonight we go out to celebrate by stuffing ourselves with various food items covered in cheese and chocolate. Just not at the same time. That would be gross.

1. We still can't agree on how to properly fold a towel.
2. He forgets to put tools away.
3. I forget the laundry.
4. He brings me Starbucks.
5. I make his coffee in the morning.
6. He uses too much cleaning spray.
7. I use too much pepper.
8. He makes the regular thoughtful gesture.
9. I dream up a never-ending stream of projects that require tools and his time.
Love ya' Honey!

Girl Scout Day Camp
Last week Rylan attended her week-long Girl Scout Day Camp. Luckily it was nice and cool most of the week - totally out of character for July - but along with that came thundershowers every afternoon, which made me a nervous wreck. With minimal help from me, Rylan got herself packed up every morning and made her own lunch and snack. At camp she fished, canoed, shot some arrows, scaled a climbing wall, sang songs, made some swaps and did a lot of crafts. I have to say something about all the craft-in-a-bag kits and especially the 'plastic cup basket weaving' project. Here is the offending object:

Sigh. A plastic cup? Really? Cue the creak of the rocking chair: "When I went to camp..." we wove actual baskets. With real grass. We spent a couple of hours working on our baskets, not the hurried pace of a new activity every 35 minutes. Camp Amakulo, I miss you. We also finger-wove yarn baskets. I kept mine for several years, but I don't know what happened to it. Rylan started her cup/yarn project at camp, and then had to stuff it into her backpack to take home and finish later. So as soon as she arrived home, she settled herself on the couch, and in quiet content, she spent the next hour 'weaving'. She remarked that it was so much easier to concentrate when there weren't sixty other girls yakking away. I agree.

Christmas in July
Just this past Saturday, Rylan attended her first dance audition. Her dance studio was holding try-outs for different parts in the Nutcracker, as rehearsals start next month. Rylan wore a number pinned to her leotard, and joined a few other girls in her age group (6-8 yr olds) for their audition. She could be placed in any number of parts - a dancing present in the party scene, or a tumbling candy cane or gingerbread. I think her tumbling experience in last years' class will help. She has a part for sure, as her dance class this year will be performing as butterflies in the Waltz of the Flowers scene. Performing in the Nutcracker isn't mandatory, but practicing the dance (different parts dictated by class level) is a part of regular dance class leading up to the performance. Dean and I will dance in the party scene again this year, but it just dawned on me that I will only have about 4 months of rehab from my surgery before it is time. I hope the healing goes well! And that I can fit into my dress. No exercise and emotional eating in the past couple of months has really put me back to almost where I started from!

The Big Squeeze
I had my mammogram and annual a couple of days ago. I have been dreading this mammogram ever since my BR surgery 9 months ago. I am not completely healed yet. My scars are tender, my breasts are tender... just imagining them being squeezed by the scanning machine has made me cringe every single day leading up to this. I'm not going to lie - it hurt. That is still no excuse not to get a mammogram, so if you haven't yet - DO IT. The tech did a total of four scans. The first one was the worst. When they place your breast on the plate, they then fine tune the position of the plate by moving it up and away from you to stretch things just a bit more. Since it is your bare skin sitting on this plate thingy, it sort of sticks there, and is pulled along as the plate moves around, and this is where most of the God-awful pain comes from - it was even that way before surgery, but this time around it pulled right along where my incision line is, and that. hurt. So after that first scan, when I could barely squeak out an "I'm OK" (which I clearly wasn't, but wanted to get the damn thing over with), she took out a large adhesive pad (picture a giant-sized mouse pad) and laid it on top of that plate thingy. What. a. difference. She told me not to tell anyone about it, since the pads cost $5 apiece. WTF!? If there is a way to make a mammogram less painful for women, I will shout it from the roof tops to all who will hear. Ask for the pad! Your skin won't stick and it adds just enough cushion during the squeeze portion of the scan that it makes it bearable. This year there was less squeezing actually than in times past. Less dense breast tissue to work through, I guess. They used to have to flatten each breast out like a dinner plate. Embarrassing AND painful! It was interesting to compare the scan from last year to this year. My breasts are totally different in the inside, and there is visible scar tissue now. This scan will now be my new baseline. I am very, very happy about my BR, and I don't regret it a second. The recovery time is much longer than I ever thought, and it really did do a number on my entire system (pain, numbness, lethargy and so forth) but it was sooo worth it.

ACL Reconstruction
I saw my orthopedic surgeon last week so that he could confirm that I am ready for my surgery next week. I have decided to go the autograft route, where I donate a portion of my own patellar tendon to the cause. I am feeling pretty good at this point. I can go without my brace and walk mostly w/o a limp, I can walk more than a mile at a time now, I can do stairs, squats and ride my bike. I even got down on both knees to dig through a bin last night. This all sounds good, but it is all done with a degree of instability that I can 'feel' in my joint. I always feel like my knee will give way at any moment. Occasionally my knee does pop backward or to the medial side, and Holy Hannah does that hurt. I also 'hear' and 'feel' the sound of the 'pop' as it happened at the time of injury, as my mind replays it for me in an endless loop at inappropriate times - like when I am trying to go to sleep or reading a book. Evil.

This will make for 3 surgeries in 14 months. I was most worked up about the BR surgery of course, because it would change my appearance and it meant major scarring and chances of infection. My shoulder surgery would grant almost instant pain relief - and it did. :) My knee though.. this is the surgery I am dreading. Knee pain stays with you. Every shift of your body, no matter how subtle, hurts. Maybe not so much now, but it was that way for that first month after injury, and I imagine it will be that way again after surgery. I am dreading that pain again, and I am dreading my impending loss of mobility. I can't keep up with the kids, the house, the everything...

IKEA
I dragged my husband to IKEA last weekend. We went with the intent of getting some tables and chairs to use in our schoolroom. I had the hair-brained idea that even though I am just days away from major surgery, this is the perfect time to completely gut a room, repaint, redo the lighting and do some decorating. I blame it on the 'nesting' instinct - similar to what you do right before baby. The painting was done last weekend, and we purchased two tables, 8 table legs, 4 swivel chairs, a new lighting system and some other odds and ends. Everything has been put together and in place, and it works beautifully for us. I just have to wrap up painting an old bookshelf and the art work, and then I will show and tell!

The Alphabet
I am in the finishing stages of a huge art project that I have wanted to create for several years. You will see when it is all done. For now - I present the letter "W".

The roof over our heads
We've picked the shingle color, we've obtained permission from the HOA, we've cashed the insurance check and made the down-payment with the roofing contractor. Now I am just waiting for the call from the contractor with the date when the roofers will arrive and complete the job. The call was supposed to come this week, and it is already Thursday. He's got 'til noon, then I am calling him. Don't mess with an overly-stressed lady who is frantically trying to get her ducks in a row! And we still need to talk to the windows guy, the painter guy....

Posted with Blogsy

Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... Beautiful sunshine for now, but it will be a hot one today...

I am thinking... oh my head is full this week... I am thinking about my upcoming ACL surgery and I still can't decide if I want a donor tendon or do a patellar graft.  I am thinking about how the craziness of house repair will most likely start while I am recovering next month (joy).  I am thinking about house repair.  The insurance adjuster totalled our roof, gutters, shutters, screens, some of the windows, some of the trim work, the paint, and maybe the garage door?  Luckily the contractor we will be working with can do all of the work, but it will be a headache to coordinate it all, get the new stuff picked out, get approval from the HOA and so on and so on...  I feel an urgency to get it all done NOW, before our contractor gets booked elsewhere, and we will still be waiting as the snow falls.  Our car is scheduled to get it's body repair work done - in NOVEMBER.  It will be in the shop for 16 days!  I have never made claims before, so this is all new to me and I am just astounded at the damage estimates.  Dean, the OK native, seems nonplussed by it all.  As I walk around the neighborhood, I see more and more roofer signs every day in various yards.  This is going to be one very noisy neighborhood for the next several months.  That really bums me out because I love to have the windows open in the fall, but it will be impossible to get any schoolwork done, listening to hammering all day.  

I am thankful... That Jordan's cell phone was found.  He lost it as he was packing up at scout camp this past Saturday.  The phone wasn't even supposed to BE AT CAMP.  This is also his third phone, so he got lectured inside and out by both of us.  To top it all off, he got home on Saturday, and was leaving in less than 24 hours to fly to OK to stay for the next month.  Not an ideal situation.   Jordan called both boys he was tenting with and asked them to search through their stuff - and they did - to the extent that any 13/14 year old boy knows how to search.  It was finally found it a couple days later (AFTER Jordan had flown back to OK and AFTER Dean had driven 2+ hours back to camp to search the tent site) in, of all places, a baseball gear bag of one of the boys.  He found it while at practice.  I can imagine that his stuff in his room must be in layers, and the camping gear was thrown on top of the baseball gear and the phone slipped out of wherever it was in the camping stuff and fell into the baseball stuff.  Dean had noticed at camp that Jordan and his tent mates had the messiest tent of everybody - so it is no surprise it got lost.

I am thankful that Jordan earned his Life scout rank while at camp.  His three merit badges that he earned while there which helped him over the hurdle.  I had no idea he was on the verge of that.  A long while ago I made the conscious decision to detach myself from his scout activities and badges and so forth.  It is his journey, his work that will get him where he wants to be, and he is in charge of getting there, at his pace.

I am also very, very thankful for insurance.  State Farm really came through with fair and accurate assessments of the damage.  I wish it hadn't taken so long, but I know now that it took time to get adjusters here from out of state, given the scope of the damage across the area.

From the Learning Rooms... I got a call from our principal at Calvert yesterday, and she went over the assessment tests and discussed placement with me.  It all went as I expected - Owen in K, Rylan in 2nd, and Jordan in 8th.  Jordan's math skills are coming in at a solid 7th.  I guess I was expecting that too, it's just hard to hear, and it's a huge hit on my personal pride - because it's my fault.  We have been too busy and too distracted these past couple of years and have fallen behind, and it is precisely why I have cleared the decks in our schedule, so to speak, for this coming year, and beyond.  The boy can run circles around me doing math in his head, but when it comes to the easy stuff - the stuff that always trips you up on a test, he stumbles every time.  I was hard-pressed NOT to look over his answers before I packaged everything up and sent it off last month.  We are ready for pre-algebra, and that is where she assured me he would start.  They use Singapore at Calvert.  I'm not a fan of Singapore, but I suppose it's not fair that I say that because we've never done it before, but in looking it over, it seems, well...a bit boring and very linear?  We love using MEP, and I think MEP does a fantastic job of stretching the concept all around in different ways to drive home how to approach an equation.   I refuse to drop MEP once we start Calvert.  It will be a supplement - I just can't let it go.  Anyway, the curriculum should be arriving just about the beginning of August.  That will give me the time I need to plug away at our schedule, and do a soft start with all of them.  It will be most brutal on Jordan, who will have done next to nothing all summer, with the exception of Minecraft. (the bane of my existance).

In the kitchen... I am making rhubarb crisp this morning for breakfast.  I wound up with a ton of rhubarb when the hail destroyed my plant.  I was able to salvage quite a bit, and the plant is already making a nice comeback.

I am wearing... pjs.

I am creating... A calendar and chore chart for the kids.  I am annoyed by them asking all the time what we are doing and when, so I got a large white board calendar and color-coded dry erase markers to fill it in each month.  The smaller-sized kitchen calendar is too pretty to muck it all up with scribbles all over the place.  Plus, I want the kids to begin the habit of adding their own stuff.   For the chore chart, I am going with a piece of sheet metal in a frame, magnetic chore cards and lots of tape, so we'll see what I come up with.  Pinterest has been a great inspiration.  I promise I will post when it is done.

I am going... Physical Therapy this afternoon for me, and Rylan to the orthodontist after that.  She may be getting her lower braces on today.

I am wondering... How to manage the stress... I can only walk so far for so long.  I miss running.

I am reading... Still working on The Happiness Project, and then I picked up three new reads from the library: Firefly Lane and Fly Away, both by Kristin Hannah, and Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives, by Richard Swenson.  I've seen that title referred to in the past couple of books I've read, so I am taking a look.  Dean also ordered a book from Amazon for me - Smart but Scattered Teens, by Guare, Dawson and Guare.  Jordan is really struggling with executive function, and I need this to help me ease up on him and get off his back.  His behavior has improved tons in past few years, but it still comes down to being able to focus - and as you can imagine, schoolwork, being able to finish a task and remembering to do things are the biggest issues.  I suppose it is timely because I also discussed this very issue with his psychiatrist at our last check-up.  I wanted some advice, routines, resources..whatever,  to help Jordan get some self-management skills in place.  First, he scoffed and said that even his patients in their early 20's still struggle with that.   And then you know what he recommended??  A sticker/reward chart.  Again.  Three years later, we are having THE SAME EFF'ING CONVERSATION.  I need this book, and we need a new doc.

In the garden... Nine, rather beaten-up tomato plants that have about a 50/50 chance of making it, chives that won't quit, and a really plucky rhubarb.  And a nice selection of weeds.  Still.  I know...

I am hoping... For patience.

I am looking forward to... therapy today (ready for some new exercises) and a summer movie tomorrow with the kids, followed by swimming.

I am learning... just for kicks, I looked up how to check your Google history to look up things I've been searching for.  And here is what I've found.  I spend waaaaay to much time on the computer.  I need to set a timer for myself!

I am hearing... Coldplay's Ghost Stories (I LOVE THIS ALBUM!), and the kids playing in the garage.  So far this morning Owen has shot himself in the eye with bug spray and had a shoving match with Colin.  I don't know why they like playing in the garage.  All they do is ride their bikes in circles, search for spiders and get into stuff they shouldn't.  

Around the house... lots of dust bunnies because Abby is shedding.  I will be contacting the contractor today to set up a time to look over shingle samples.  We aren't changing the color, but I suppose we need to pick something.  I really hope the HOA moves quickly on this.  I imagine their office is flooded with requests already.

I am pondering... how this will all come together, and when, and how much it will set us back, financially (the house, surgery, school)

One of my favorite things... Ice cold McAlister's Sweet Tea on a hot day

A few plans for the rest of the week... violin lesson, movie, swimming, a Luau party at our church and Rylan begins girl scout summer day camp next week.  I need to get her water shoes for the canoeing portion.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing... 

Two things: First is Jordan's first GoPro YouTube video that he edited and set to music.  He must have figured it out how to do it all on his own - now he needs to teach me!  He just uploaded it this week, within hours of arriving in OK, and after conferring with Dean over the phone about the finer details of music credit and so forth.  This is Dean and I on the Mind Eraser (if you have vertigo issues - DON'T WATCH), in May.  We got the front seat, and Dean is wearing the GoPro.  I loved the ride, but screamed the whole way - thank goodness there is awesome music for you to listen to instead.

And here is a picture Colin took of Rylan walking by the pool at swimming lessons last week:

I love the splash and the reflection...

To read more entries and visit a variety of other blogs, go here...

Swimming Lessons, Forgetfulness, Paper Overload

Swimming Lessons

Swimming lessons go either way for me.  At times they are the bane of my summer existence.  It means no lazy mornings, constant laundry and lost goggles on a weekly basis.  At other times I love the summer sounds of splashing and coaching and the relaxation of reading by the pool.  It has certainly gotten easier over the years.  When we started, Colin was a babe and the prep work was insane.  Suits, towels, diapers, multiple changes of clothes, snacks, juices, bug spray, sunscreen, toys... all for a measly hour at the pool.  Now, as the kids are reaching the age of self-sufficiency, they each have their own swim bag and they are responsible for packing a change of clothes, a towel and goggles.  The bags hang from the banister in front of the hallway laundry, and that is their permanent summer home.  The suits get hung up to dry, and the towels go directly from dryer to bag and as soon as the suits are dry, they go in as well.  The goggles are accounted for before we leave the pool, and again as each kids tosses their wet stuff in the washer upon arrival home.  I only wash the suits every other day, so wet suits go on the drying rack.  Rylan has taken over snack duty, and she actually does a great job.  Usually a yogurt, granola bar, banana and a juice box.  She even packs a snack for me!  Swimming lessons have actually become enjoyable, except for the fact that the youngest child has made a thorough nuisance of himself.  He refuses to get in the pool for his lessons now.  He lasted all of seven days - and they weren't even consecutive.  I want to rid myself of the ultimate motherhood fear that a child will drown (followed by run out into the street and get hit by a car), and Colin will have none of it.  This may take years. :(  Rylan and Owen are doing great though.  Rylan has reached the point that she is a competent swimmer - just not a strong one.  She missed out on the latest swim session because there were not enough other kids to make a class, so I opted to pay for a couple private lessons for her.  At $20 a pop, this is not sustainable.  And, as I was watching, I kept thinking..."I could teach her this... why am I paying for this??"  This is a similar thought pattern that we have all experienced - you know the scenario - you're standing in front of a painting worth millions, and you think to yourself, "Why, I could paint this!!"


Forgetfulness

In the midst of worrying about hail damage, my knee and stuff, I forgot to do something.  I had arranged with my friend/girl scout co-leader last weekend to do a playdate on this past Thursday.  A lunch playdate.  We would all eat lunch, the kids would chase chickens and play, play, play, and we would wrap up the paperwork and badge stuff for the year, and strategize for next year.  I thought about it a bit on Wednesday.  I was planning on bringing a fruit salad, so I made a mental note that I needed to go shopping.  Unfortunately it didn't stick.  Thursday came, we did our swim lessons and then headed home.  According to my calendar, we had a whole day ahead of us to do with as we wished!  We went to the river and the kids played for a good long while and then we came home.  I was standing before the fridge, wondering what miracle I could perform in coming up with something for lunch when the phone range.  I saw the name on the caller ID, and my heart exploded with self-loathing, stupidity and embarrassment all at once.  We were late.  Like an hour late.  They were hungry - I could hear the girls in the background fussing.  She had grilled chicken for us.  She was worried.  I'm an idiot.  Luckily for me she is the forgiving sort and knows that I am the most forgetful person on Earth.

I have difficulty remembering things in times of stress.  I have to write everything down - sometimes in multiple places.  This is supposed to be second-nature for me ever since I had a head injury when I was 19, but sometimes I still forget - as I did this time after I forgot to put our plans on my calendar.  I remember thinking to myself, 'I won't forget!  This is a fun thing, so I will be looking forward to it and I won't forget!', aaaaand I forgot.  This really sucks because a.) she cooked and cleaned for us  b.) I have annoying financial paperwork for girl scouts to finish up and we need to do it together c.) I struggle so much with making solid friendships - somehow I always screw up by saying the wrong thing, doing something wrong, or...something.... I don't know.  I feel really bad that I screwed up yet again.  I just have to shake it off and move on, and try and act like a responsible adult next time.


Paper Overload

Mail, medical paperwork, scout paperwork, schoolwork, forms for everything under the sun, warranty stuff, 'art work', receipts, three different copies of the same bill (ahem)... There is a pile of some sort of paper on just about every flat surface in this house, which means I currently have to check about six different places in order to find something.  It is just how it has come to be - it is up to me to gather it all up, sort it all out, and deal with it.  Sometimes I begrudge that fact, other times I think that if were the both of us handling the influx of all things paper - us with two very different levels of pickyness, trying to handle something as volatile as FILING, emotional disaster would ensue.  I know it could all be easily managed if I had a system in place for every different piece of paper that comes into our possession - and indeed I do, just like I have a system for coats, shoes, library books and wet bathing suits.  It's just that nobody else seems to be aware of the system.  The memo must have got lost in all the paperwork...

Favoritism, Hail, Surgery and Flowers

 Favoritism

As per custom over the years, when Jordan arrives home from a stay with his mom in OK, he will eventually share some annoying and typically hurtful comment that his mom made in his presence - usually directed at either 'us' or 'me'.  This time it was about our switching to Calvert this coming school year.  We have enrolled in Colorado Calvert Academy, an online, virtual public school.  Calvert, for me, is all about the curriculum.  I have studied all of the grade levels (K-8) with a teacher's eye, lining up the scope and sequence with Colorado State Standards, and it makes me wish August were here already so we could start - that is how excited I am about it!  Calvert is not shy about letting parents know what the expectations are in the role they must play in this.  I am to expect that Jordan will have 5-6 hours of work per school day to slog through (count that as 7-8 for the distracted ADHD child), and I will need to be at his elbow for a significant part of it.  And not just Jordan, either.  There will also be Rylan and Owen to attend to.  Aaaaand to keep Colin from destroying the house in the process.  This also does not count the extras I fit in, like Nature Study, Lego League, chess club, swimming....   In Jordan's mom's eyes, this switch is because I have become lazy about homeschooling Jordan, and I want someone else to do it for me so I can spend more time with the other kids.  So I guess all of the children are getting the 'lazy treatment', because I don't show favoritism.  I. do. not. show. favoritism.  If you were a fly on the wall in our home, you would in fact think quite the opposite.  My time and attention is predominantly spent with Jordan, because he is the oldest.  When you spent your entire day, day after day, surrounded by little kids, you crave any type of adult conversation you can find.  Poor Jordan has been my guinea pig.  As soon as he could sustain a conversation, we were talking.  We talk about everything under the sun - history, science, math, literature, religion, technology, child rearing, gardening.... and I think he enjoys it as much as I do, because he will recall many a conversation with me (several of which were prompted by the Core Knowledge reading for the day) and relate back to it in some way.

His mother's comments are serious button pushers for me.  I understand where they are coming from - she is no longer the principal parent, she feels threatened, she probably has a lot of anger and resentment, and I seem like the easy target.  That doesn't mean that these comments don't bother me.  They bother me a great deal.  The comments hurt my feelings and question my integrity.  Parenting a child should be a partnership, not a game of one-up-manship.  A child is a human being with feelings - not a piece of property.


Hail

We had a wicked hail storm late Tuesday night.  It went on for a very long time, and the average size was somewhere between a quarter and a golf ball.  Dean and I traveled from window to window, getting more and more excited as the hailstones grew in size.  This was the big one we have been hoping for!  The next morning revealed that the roof had taken its last stand (yay!), the window screens were shredded (yay!), the shutters on the front windows were cracked and even broken in places (meh), there are pits and dents in the garage door and trim (yay!), there are dents in the hood of the minivan (meh), the passenger side mirror is cracked (meh), and there are pits all over the fence.  We are still waiting for adjusters to look at house and car (State Farm - I am NOT impressed...), but we did have a roofer come out on Wednesday to have a look and I am pretty excited about the findings... ;)  Can't say much more than that at this point, but the house will be getting a makeover very, very soon.

Surgery

Yesterday I met with the surgeon I had picked out to do my knee surgery.  He has done the knees and shoulders of three of my relatives and several of Dean's coworkers, and they all sang very high praises.  He concurred that surgery needs to be done if I want to return to my favorite physical activities.  I guess there are people out there who elect not to do this because they don't want to go through the rehab.  An ACL replacement is not for the faint of heart.  In fact, it makes me sweat with fear thinking about it.  It is tough-going in the rehab department.  Like - really tough.  I am 42, and my age is affecting my prognosis.  I have elected to go with an autograft of my patellar tendon to replace the ACL.  This is the more difficult one to rehab - it will take longer and will be more painful.  It may mean that I can't ever quite get down on my knees again.  (thank goodness I don't have babies anymore, and don't expect my floors to look clean ever again).  I am choosing an autograft over an allograft (donation from a cadaver) because the thought of tissue rejection and infection scares me.  Plus, and I know this is weird, but the thought of someone elses' tissue in my body gives me the heebie-jeebies.  I know I would feel quite differently if the case were that I needed a new liver or something and couldn't live without a transplant, but in this case I just feel weird about it.  BUT - the fact that I am 42 means that being my own donor brings about other concerns.  My tendons are older, may not be as robust (too bad tendons aren't fatty tissue!  No problem there...), and may not give the best results. I've studied the outcomes and the percentages are not in my favor.  This is where I get scared.  What if I go through all of this and find out that my knee will still never be stable enough for skiing, hiking or running?  This instantly brings tears to my eyes.  I would be crushed.  Damn...

The surgery has tentatively been scheduled for July 31st.  I am to work very hard on my PT for the next three weeks to see if I can really improve my range of motion and strength.  He'll reassess at that time and decide whether or not that surgery date will work.  If I am not where I should be recovery-wise, the surgery will have to be pushed back.  Talk about pressure!  If the surgery gets pushed back, life will get seriously difficult - beyond difficult - if I can't drive by September.  I already have the mindset that we are taking off the month of August from absolutely everything, so that rehab is the only focus.  Then after August, I have 2-3 months of PT, twice to three times a week to look forward too.  Damn. Damn. Damn.  It will be difficult enough to launch a whole new curriculum and homeschooling rhythm, without throwing constant therapy appointments into the mix.  AAAGGHHH!  I hate stress.  :(

Flowers

As frustrating as this week was - although the hail was actually a good thing in our eyes - it was an act of kindness that helped sooth out the worries.  After I had arrived home with my appointment with the surgeon, the kids and I grabbed our rakes and cleaned up the mess left behind from the storm.  I had left it as-is in the hopes that an insurance adjuster would be along shortly to look at all the damage, but by Friday morning it was looking trashy, so I decided it was time to clean up.  As we were doing so, a van from a local greenhouse pulled up in front of our house.  At first I thought they were asking for directions.  Then I thought that maybe they were jumping out to help (lol...).  Nope - a guy and a girl hopped out and announced that they had been instructed to drive around and give away hanging flower baskets to any takers they could find, since the greenhouse had too many.  I was dumbfounded and so, so touched.  I think this was the owner's way of reaching out to those who had storm damage and give a little bit of happiness.  I called the company right away to express my heartfelt thanks.  I've got to remember in these tough and scary weeks ahead that I need to look for the good, and be thankful for what I do have.

Posted with Blogsy

Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window... A slightly overcast, cool morning. Lovely!

I am thinking... About the dual weddings in our family yesterday. I attended my cousin's wedding with the three little kids yesterday afternoon. It was held at a country farm that has a wedding venue. The kids played on tractors, went on a hayride and played in a huge fort with their cousins and second cousins. A very nice afternoon/evening. Meanwhile, Dean drove to OKC on Friday, and attended his niece's wedding yesterday as well. It was also a country-themed wedding! Jordan was brought by his mom to the wedding, and both Dean and Jordan will be making the drive home on Monday. It was nice to spend some time visiting with family, and I even got up and danced the Hokey Pokey - which was the perfect song for my present condition. I've settled on a surgeon for ACL replacement, and lo and behold - come to find out he has also operated on my aunt, uncle and grandmother..multiple times!

I am thankful... That Shannon and Jamie, and Christie and Marcus each found the partner they were looking for. I am also thankful for my three nephews, who kept constant tabs on my kids and kept them out of trouble yesterday (with one minor exception when Colin almost made it up and over the fence into the goat pen before my brother spotted the little stinker...)

From the Learning Rooms... We are doing just a little bit here and there everyday since we are on summer schedule. I attended a parent orientation meeting for incoming Calvert parents last week. I met the principal and she seems like a very astute educator - I like her immensely. We looked at the online portal for parents, and the other one for students, and then at all of the extra features - like access to Discovery Education and Brain Pop (wahoo!). I submitted the placement tests for Jordan, Rylan and Owen last month, so I expect to hear any day now what level they will work at for math and reading. I can't wait to start - sometime in mid to late August.

In the kitchen... Well, we are getting by on frozen Eggo waffles and oatmeal packets this morning, so I would say the situation is pretty dire. We need to go grocery shopping badly - and that is my least favorite activity at the present moment. :(

I am wearing... pjs and a knee brace.

I am creating... A dress for Rylan! I saw a pattern for a pillowcase dress and I had to try it. It is downright shameful that I have sewed nothing for my kids save for a couple of Halloween costumes. Almost criminal...

I am going... shopping of course - but only because I have to. Otherwise I want to partake in a full day of going absolutely nowhere.

I am wondering... If the baby turtles will like frozen bloodworms. We're about to find out.

I am reading... The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin. (thanks Michelle!). The perfect book for a person who is feeling stuck. Now - sound the trumpets - I finally finished Drums of Autumn, by Diana Gabaldon. The first 1/3 of the book was a real slog for me (obviously because it took me several months), but once I got past that, I was putting in a few hours every day since it was so hard to put down. Loved it. I am afraid to pick up the next one in the Outlander series just yet, I want to whittle away at the pile of books that is on my bedside table. I read Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet, by Jamie Ford last week and I really liked it. It was a rough transition to go from 1770's North Carolina to 1940's Chinatown in Seattle and Japanese internment camp, but that actually helped pull me away from Jamie and Claire. I loved the story and the way the author bounced back and forth from past to present. It's horrible what both the Chinese and Japanese Americans went through, yet several families just met it with quiet acceptance because of the realities of being a nation at war. The descriptions of the occasion when the Japanese families were rounded up and put on trains sounded so alarmingly like the Jewish experience in Poland and Germany...so wrong in so many ways. The book presented the story without judgement of the actions of the United States Government -yet you could read past that and still get a real sense of the injustice of it all.

In the garden... Several tomato plants that need to go into the ground to-day!

I am hoping... this coolish weather holds for the entire day

I am looking forward to... tomorrow night when Dean and Jordan get home and to the week we have Jordan with us before they traipse off to summer camp.

I am learning... I wish I could say I'm learning to take it easy - but I'm not.

I am hearing... Shawn the Sheep Season 4, the kids making 'sandwiches' out of each other with the couch cushions, and the panicked announcement that there is a wasp on the living room window. 'Scuse me a sec...

Around the house... a recently-deceased wasp, a fruitless search for Rylan's pink swim goggles, and a dog water dish that just got dumped over. (great - clean floors, check!)

I am pondering... how much time I want to devote to sewing today (yay!) vs. bills and balancing accounts. (boo!)

One of my favorite things... a wedding... :)

A few plans for the rest of the week... Jordan has an orthodontist appointment this week. We are now 18 months over the original treatment time estimate, and I have yet to meet his orthodontist. I'm raisin' a little hell this week, I think. I see the physical therapist this week, and I will be making the appointment to see the surgeon. Colin and Owen will be starting their second session of swimming lessons this week. Rylan was signed up, but there are not enough kids to make the class a 'go'. We're both pretty bummed. She just got bumped up to Level 5, and was really excited. I think we may do a few private lessons in the meantime - I hate for the good momentum to stop. Owen's lessons went great last week - he has moved up to Level 3. Colin refused to get in the pool twice last week - once because we were seeing a summer movie afterwards, and he was afraid he would miss it if he did his lesson, and the other because I brought the 'wrong' swimsuit. %*#^%*&!

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

The cat has taken a recent interest in the comfy dog bed, and Abby isn't quite sure what to do about it...

To read more entries and visit a variety of other blogs, go here...

Posted with Blogsy