Free ranging at an airport

I, for the most part, embrace the concept of free range parenting. There are some things, however, that I have not been able to let go. I don't let my kids play at the park alone. I don't let them play in the front yard alone, or bike up and down the street alone - except for Jordan. Our specific neighborhood plays a big role in that decision. We live on the corner of a busy 4-way stop. A lot of drivers just blow through the intersection. We have the unfortunate circumstance of having many budding teenage drivers for neighbors. They just speed past the stop sign and barrel on down the street to their house. It is just not safe to let the kids out.

I don't hover at the edge of playground equipment, or make a big fuss over banged-up appendages. I let the 13 year old babysit. He and a friend were dropped off at a FunPlex recently, to hang by themselves for a couple of hours. So we are pretty adamant about giving frequent doses of responsibility to the kids as they age. Rylan and Owen regularly practice knife skills in the kitchen. Colin practices knife skills on the furniture. Rylan is learning how to use the stove, and Jordan has been using the stove and oven for a long time now. He does frequently need to be reminded to turn things OFF, though.

But the true test of Free Range came a couple of weeks ago. Jordan has been making solo plane trips from Denver to Oklahoma City since he was about 8 years old. In all that time, there has never been a mishap. In the past year, we have been working on increasing his independence with regards to these trips to the airport. The last time he flew home, he navigated from the gate he arrived at to the concourse train, and then on to the arrivals area in the main concourse, all on his own. I met him there, at arrivals, with the aid of a cell phone call to guide us to a meeting spot. He was ecstatic about doing it on his own.

Jordan just left for his summer visitation with his mom in Oklahoma on May 22nd. We were already running 15 minutes behind when we arrived at the airport, and then we encountered long lines at check-in. I asked Jordan if he wanted to go to the gate by himself. He said he wanted company - that he likes it when we send him off. Fair enough, but getting passes for all three kids and myself was going to add to the wait. Then we had long security lines. We got on the concourse train, and we began making plans. Jordan had exactly nine minutes to get to the gate. He was going to make a mad dash for the gate the second the train arrived. I would follow with the kids. Of course his gate was at the FAR end of the concourse. The train stopped and Jordan bolted out the door and up the escalator faster than I have ever seen him move. (He's going to come to regret that I saw that...). He was nowhere to be seen by the time we got to the gate. I called his cell just to make sure he was actually on the plane. I asked him to ask the person sitting next to him if he was on the plane to Oklahoma. The adjacent gate was boarding as well, and they were going to Florida. Just making sure!

We stayed at the gate and watched all of the departure preparations. We watched the plane take off. Owen cried when the plane banked and flew beyond our view. Then my cell beeped with a text message. Dean was letting me know that large thunderstorms were approaching OKC, and tornadoes were predicted. Great. I had just put Jordan on a plane to send him straight into a huge storm. Over the course of the next hour the storm grew, and Jordan's plane was diverted. The storm spawned an EF-5 tornado, and it decimated the southern side of Moore (several miles south of Jordan's mom's house), claiming several victims.

Now, we knew that morning of his flight that storms were a possibility. There had been bad storms in the OKC area the night before. When we packed up his backpack, I made sure he had plenty of snacks and some extra money, 'just in case'. "In case of what?", Jordan asked me. The chances of his plane being diverted was pretty high, and who knows where he would end up? Jordan looked a little nervous at the thought. The plan had been to get to the airport and eat lunch on the concourse, just before he boarded his flight at 12:30 pm. The long lines dashed all hopes of eating. So, when I heard that his plane was diverted to Amarillo, I felt terrible, knowing he was hungry and stuck on a plane. A bag of mini-Oreos wasn't going to go far... Then we got word that he was flying on to Dallas, where he would have a two hour layover and then a board a different plane.

This was good news to me, since that meant he could get something to eat. Jordan told his dad he would walk around and find something good. We were satisfied that he was totally capable of handling himself and being safe. But the other parent in this picture, Jordan's mother, was not satisfied. She was completely freaked out. She told Jordan that he would NOT be wandering the airport to get something to eat. (Yeah, good luck with that..). She called him multiple times, just to see that he was alright. Dean texted him once. I texted him once, after one hour of the layover had passed, ("Everything good?"), and then I called him once, when I knew it was time for him to be at the gate. I called for two reasons. One, I knew that it was evening, and his meds would be wearing off. My concern was that he would be so involved with a game on his iPod, that he might lose track of time. Two, he has the tendency to rush when he is stressed, and I wanted to make sure he took his time and had the correct flight and gate. When he answered, he was totally aware of what time it was, AND he was at the correct gate. Awesome job, Jordan! He did sound harried, though, because of the endless calls and texts from his mom. I wish she could understand that he is a capable young man, and to trust him more.

Of course every child is different, but we strongly believe that it is age appropriate for a 13 year old to be able to successfully navigate an airport for a couple of hours, in an emergency situation. We have been working on independence skills just for this very scenario. He is not afraid to approach an adult with questions or to ask for help. He knows how to judge a person to know whether they are safe to approach in the first place. He had money, and he knows how to use it, sparingly. He had a phone, in case of emergency. He knows how to problem solve. He's experienced independence in smaller doses in an effort to bolster his self-confidence. That is what raising children is about. You want confident, good decision-makers that can handle themselves accordingly when things don't go as planned - because you won't always be there to hold their hand.

Was I worried? I suppose, a little. I was worried that he would waste his money on candy. That was my main worry. I wasn't worried about abductions, child predators, drug dealers, getting lost, getting mugged...nope. I totally put that stuff out of my mind. I was worried about candy, of all things! And I was worried that he might be tempted to turn off his phone, if his mom irritated him enough. It's happened before.

Jordan has had plenty of practice with decision-making in the past. Some were good, some were head-smackingly awful. (what-were-you-thinking!?!?!?). Luckily, most of the price tags for those mini-lessons in life were small. We want to keep it that way.

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Rehab...

The carefree days of summer are not quite so carefree yet - I have 8 weeks of physical therapy to get through first. I had my first session last Friday. My exercises include 1) sliding my arm forward on a table top (with the aid of a towel), 2) keeping my arm bent at a 90 degree angle (resting on a table) and bending forward, and 3) using a pulley system to stretch my arm upward. Since Friday, my mobility has improved by leaps and bounds. I can shampoo the hair above my right ear! I can drive with two hands! (Although not at 10-and-2). I can brush my teeth! And I can get dressed by myself. I still can't reach across my body or stretch out to the side to retrieve something - not without severe pain - but on the whole I am doing a lot better.

The problem is, when I do tend to feel better, I totally overdo it. Just like the first day after your fever breaks, and you go on a cleaning frenzy and then collapse. Yesterday consisted of swimming lessons from 9-10, a violin lesson at 11, followed by a trip to the grocery store and three other small errands. Dean and I had previously agreed that any grocery shopping would fall on him because that was just too difficult for me, but he was way to busy doing the final preparations for a scout Court of Honor last night, so it fell to me. Rylan and I traded off pushing the cart, but it was a kid cart at Target (the extra long one with two extra seats), which is practically impossible to maneuver in the first place. By the time I had filled the cart and we were checking out, it was all I could do to hold back the tears. It hurt so. damn. bad. I came home and sat with an ice pack for a long, long, time. Then I cooked a ton of pasta to make a salad for the potluck, and cut up a watermelon. Do you know how hard it is to cut up a watermelon basically one-handed? Ugh.

I stayed home with the kids last night. Jordan is in OKC, so there was no real reason to go to the scout ceremony. It was a big night for Dean though. He is currently working on earning his Woodbadge, and part of it is to create a formal send-off for the previous ScoutMaster. The last two weeks have been *super fun* as he was preparing for this. I wish I could have seen the ceremony, but with the three little hooligans, that would have been very difficult, and they would have spoiled it for everybody else. So I was only too glad to stay at home. My introverted self does not like large potlucks with people I don't know. I also did not have it in me to chase and shush small children for two straight hours. I was in bed by 9:30, and that was absolutely awesome.

Today brings on swim lessons in the morning, and therapy just after lunch. We're skipping Park Day and karate. It is not in my or the kids' best interest to try and squeeze it all in, and therapy trumps all right now. It is cool out, with rain clouds in the foothills, which means the kids will be shivering during the lessons. I went through it when I was a kid, so it's kinda like a right of passage. I'm so compassionate. Maybe I'll bring along some hot chocolate. Maybe.

 

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Fifty Shades of Black and Blue...and Green, Yellow, Purple and...

 

So, springtime fashion means that color is in, right?

 

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5 things...

1. I am grateful for the rain that fell for a good part of the day. The drive home from dance this late afternoon was just beautiful. The foothills were so green and lush, I felt like I was back in New Zealand.

2. That, even though it was just barely, I made it to Rylan's dance class on time, with her costume. One of the other moms forgot it was picture day, and I know she felt like an idiot. I have been in her shoes so many times... I am grateful that this was not one of those days.

3. I am grateful for chocolate Teddy Grahams. Even though it wasn't the dose of chocolate I sorely needed, it worked in a pinch.

4. I am grateful that Owen was excited to write the letter 'f', and that Rylan remembered the verse we worked on yesterday:

"In fourteen hundred ninety-two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue."

5. Constant physical pain will most certainly lead me back to the slippery slope of depression. I'm well on my way into the pit of despair, (no thanks to forgetting to take my happy pills 4 days in a row), but I am thankful that a small voice in my head worked hard today to slow down this descent, and to take stock in what made me happy today.

 

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Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

 

 

 

Outside my window... It's 8:30 a.m. and the skies are a beautiful blue, the birds are almost done with their morning cacophony, and the sun is shining bright. It is supposed to be in the mid-80's today.

I am thinking... About three successive strange dreams last night. First I was involved in a guerrilla war in a rainforest, then I caught a special 'green jasmine' blossom falling from a tree, which meant that I won a very important Girl Scout Award. As I held it in my hand, about 20 minivans surrounded me and all of the moms hopped out, completely pissed that I had won the award, and they tried to take it from me. So I ran. I ran to this sports complex, and got caught up in the midst of a running club that was about to begin their run. Somehow I got drafted to join their club. They meet on Wednesday nights and on Saturday mornings. Their called 'Ron's Group Mix' if you are interested in joining this fictitious club that appeared in my dream. They also like eating Taco Bell, because that was how we ended the 'meeting' - we ate Taco Bell burritos. Don't think there was actually any running involved at all. The good news is that the angry mob of minivan moms never found me, and I seemed to have escaped certain death in some distant rainforest. So why am I going into such boring detail about my dreams? Because I almost never dream anymore...


I am thankful... On this Memorial Day, I am thankful for all of the sacrifices that all service members have made for our nation. The traveling version of the Vietnam Wall is in our city this week, and the name of my dad's cousin is on there. I've seen it before, on the real wall in D.C. If I feel up to it later today, maybe I will take the kids over there to see it again.

From the Learning Rooms... Even though Jordan is on official break since he is gone for the next six weeks (week 1 has already passed), Rylan and Owen are not. We are in the home stretch, and there is a lot to finish before our annual term ends in July. We usually take off the last week in the month, but we already took off last week because of my surgery. So even though I am not feeling 100%, we will carry on. I also did some bookshelf pruning, deep cleaning and switching stuff around, because I am going to try workboxes!! I have always wanted to try this, and I think this will help my highly-distractable kids.

In the kitchen... I have been very blessed this past week with tons of help. My mom made a batch of Gazpacho for me, a friend delivered dinner on Friday night, and another friend delivered dinner on Saturday night. Dean has covered breakfast and lunch, and I chip in when I can. I am so very thankful for the thoughtfulness - it was a huge boost during a rather tough week.

I am wearing... Pj's and a robe.

I am creating... Workboxes! I have two wooden shelving units with twelve individual shelves (ideal for 8.5x11 papers) that I used during my teaching days for student mailboxes. I decided to reappropriate them for the use of workboxes. They are just big enough to be able to hold a textbook. Unfortunately I only have two. If it works well for the next couple of months, I'll invest in two more for Owen and Colin - that is if the local office supply store still carries a similar item.

I am going... To my mom's neighborhood pool to take the kids swimming. And maybe the memorial...

I am wondering... How long it will take for me to get my mobility back. Right now I'm like a one-armed T-Rex. My right arm is pinned to my side simply because I can't lift it more than 4-5 inches away from my body. I hope that this is normal for recovery, and that the surgeon didn't mess up. I fell on the garage steps the day before yesterday and by instinct I reached out my right hand to catch myself. It hurt so bad I cried. Hard. I'm sure that didn't help things.

I am reading... I still haven't picked up the Drums of Autumn again (yet), but I did get The Graveyard Book (the name of the author escapes me, but he also wrote Coraline) in the juvenile fiction section the other day at the library because my 'to read' list is growing ridiculously long. I have no idea where the recommendation came from. I should note that in my list for future 'must-reads'. I read it in a morning, and it was 'okay'. Sort of a page-turner, but it left quite a bit unexplained. It think it could have been developed a little bit more.

In the garden... My peas, turnips, carrots and lettuce are up. My spinach is ready to pick. I am still waiting on the parsnips, and I think the beets are a bust. I am debating about planting some tomatoes. They were a disaster last year. I also don't know if I will up for keeping up with too much this year. I do need to get a basil plant or two, yet.

I am hoping... For my shoulder to get a lot better this week. I am supposed to start physical therapy this coming Friday. At this point in time, when I can barely move my arm, I wonder how that is possible. Post-op appointment is on Thursday though, so I will get answers then.

I am looking forward to... Moving my shoulder again. Pain free. Is it normal to wince when I see people swinging their arms and do push-ups?
I am learning... This week I learned how to remove nail polish from couch cushions. Colin's latest 'painting project' involved an entire bottle of sparkly pink nail polish.

"Rylan!!!!!!!!!"

I am hearing... Ni Hao, Kai-lan. Second-most annoying show. Ever. (First place will always go to Dora)

 Around the house... Dean is spraying for ants - they are a horrendous problem every spring. We have three more boxes of flooring that need to go in - maybe sometime this week.
I am pondering... About the pace of early summer. I think I am pretty happy with what the kids will be doing, just, as always, wishing it were less.

One of my favorite things... The birds in the morning. Our neighborhood is a mature one, so we have quite the spectrum of bird calls in the morning. I don't think I could ever move to a neighborhood with new construction - I would miss the birds too much.
 
A few plans for the rest of the week... Signing the little kids up for swim lessons, this will be Colin's first year, and he is very excited. Owen is about to burst open with excitement as well - it will be hard for him to wait a whole week. Rylan has formal dance pictures on Wednesday, for her ballet class. They will be doing a jazz piece for their recital in a couple of weeks. I have to have her all decked out in costume and makeup for the pictures. Luckily, all that is required for her hair is a simple ponytail. Unfortunately, that involves two-handed dexterity that I just don't possess at the current moment. My mom said she would help. I have a post-op appointment on Thursday, and I begin physical therapy at the orthopedic center on Friday. 
 

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...
 

This picture was taken on 5/16/13, when we took a Daisy field trip to a local small family farm.

To read more entries and visit a variety of other blogs, go here...

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Fading into the background

On Tuesday night, the night before my surgery, I attended the last board meeting of the year for our homeschool group. My position was Membership. I processed new member applications, conducted an annual audit, and handled quite a few squabbles and issues during the year on our Yahoo group. Homeschoolers can be a passionate, feisty bunch, and on a few occasions, downright mean.

 

So, of course, in my charmed life - such as it is, my term ended on an incredibly negative note, given the breach that happened last week. Yep, I am all too happy to fade into the background, where I belong. My social life will consist of tea-parties with my daughter and Park Days with the kids, instead of attending meetings, reading and writing tons of email and being the 'polite police' that nobody likes. Maybe I'll teach myself to knit. Again. Maybe I'll start writing on the blog about my unrelenting need for organized perfection again, and not really care if I get made fun of this time. No.. I'll care. But I'll do it anyway, because that is who I am.

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Numb...

Yesterday was shoulder surgery day. My mom accompanied me while Dean stayed home with kids. I went into the surgery knowing that there would be a 25% chance that the surgeon would do a SLAP tear repair, which would mean 5-6 weeks in an immobilizer brace. Otherwise, it was just debriding my AC joint to relieve the arthritis pain, and removing the bone spur that has been digging into my rotator cuff, and initial recovery meant a couple days in a sling.

The nurses told my mom that there would be a monitor in the individual family waiting room and that she could watch the scope portion of my procedure. How cool is that?! After I changed into my gown and got my IV inserted, mom and I worked out how to get Skype on her iPhone so that she could share the video, live, with Dean and the kids. Then I had a nice video chat with Dean and the kids before the anesthesiologist came in to put in my nerve block. The nerve block meant injecting a strong local around the brachial nerve bundles, so that my entire arm would go numb. I got to watch on the small ultrasound monitor as he positioned the needle in a variety of locations. Shortly after that my arm grew very heavy. Then it tingled. My diaphragm on the right side grew heavy, making a deep breath impossible, and my right eyelid drooped. All normal, and all quite strange. Pretty soon he came back in and asked me to move the fingers on my right hand. Try as hard as I might, they would not move. That meant it was time for surgery.

They wheeled me from pre-op into the operating room. With quite a lot of assistance, I moved from the gurney to the operating table. A nurse asked me to hold my numb arm to my chest as she positioned me better. I looked down, and there was this limp, strange arm, flopped on top of my chest. That wasn't my arm!?!? My arm was still laying by my side ... I could still feel the heaviness of it touching my hip! I looked again. There was no arm resting by my side. I was so utterly confused... I grabbed this 'fake' arm that I would swear was not mine and held onto it. Apparently it was heavy, because it slipped from my left hand's grasp, and I had to make a quick grab before it flopped off the right side of the table. It felt like I was holding a dead hand. Not that I have any idea what that would feel like, but I wasn't thinking too clearly. The nurse took my arm back and strapped on the oxygen mask and then I felt the warm, blissful tingle of anesthesia in my IV. Five seconds later I was out.

I opened my eyes and it was over. It took barely an hour. The nurse helped me put my clothes on, followed by a sling and a humongous ice pack. I had to walk to the recovery area. I chatted with mom as I sipped some water and munched some crackers. There was no need to do the SLAP repair, so the surgery went quickly and I only had to wear a sling. Mom pulled up the car and we drove home.

The day went by quickly, but it was extremely weird to have this lifeless limb attached to me. I didn't do much, but every time I moved, my arm would slip in the sling. I would walk around the kitchen and look down and notice that my thumb, hooked in the thumb strap, was bent back at a 120 degree angle as my arm was falling forward out of the sling. At one point, when Rylan accompanied me to the bathroom, my whole arm slipped from the sling and just hung there. I just looked at it, not really processing that it was my arm, swaying back and forth.

The nerves started to wake up around midnight. I could twitch my fingertips, ever so slightly. By 5 a.m. the block had worn off completely and the pain was bad. It's been an on/off day. The Vicodin makes me a bit woozy the first half hour I take it. Then I'm a little fuzzy in the head. When it wears off, the pain is pretty awful. I hope that each day to come the pain decreases and the mobility gets better. Well, I should hope so - isn't that what this surgery was supposed to fix in the first place?

I'm just glad that by sheer providence I have six straight days of nothing to do. Dean ran Rylan to dance last night, and mom took her to karate today. I needed help showering and dressing today, but I hope for a little more independence tomorrow. We'll see...

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